I trust my boyfriend, but sometimes it's just so hard...

[Merry]

This is question that has to do with something that happened with my boyfriend and I not too long ago.

 

We're both still in high school. We have four classes a day. The first class consists of barely any girls and most of the people are good friends. Second period we do not have together. Third period is a class with not many so-called "popular" girls, unlike fourth block, which is where I noticed 'something going on.'

 

I would catch my boyfriend watching/staring at other girls.

 

I have a big morale on the 'types' of watching/looking/staring.

 

If someone is talking TO HIM or to the class, performing (not sexually - like reading from a book in front of the class), or anything nonsexual or a woman halfnaked is fine. Why wouldn't it be?

 

If a woman is talking off her clothes, bending over to where you can see down her shirt (accidently, of course - it happens), showing off her breasts, bra, g-string, thong, or whatever the heck she's wearing, talking to someone OTHER than my boyfriend, or walking across the room to do something, then I don't think he should be looking.

 

So, I caught him quite a few times. But I didn't say anything because our relationship was going good, and I didn't want to assume right away.

 

But then when I noticed him looking just about everyday, I got fed up. I kept note of who it was, when it was, etc., and realized it was the same people (so-called "popular" people) and they were all doing nearly the same thing - getting up to sharpen their pencil, at someone's desk talking, etc.

 

I asked him, "Why are you looking at other girls?" and he denied it.

 

A few days later he's still doing it and I still catch him. I ask, "Why are you looking at other girls? I know you are, I've seen you, ..." yada yada. He still denied it, but I put some morals into like, "When you do things, ask yourself: Would I want MY girlfriend doing this to me?"

 

So, he finally confessed.

 

But he said he was not looking at them sexually, comparing their body parts to mine, etc.

 

For an example: this one girl named Jenna, whom he liked waay back in the day (which does not bother me at all), has extremely curly, poofy hair. She's not that attractive to me (at least her face), but she doesn't have a bad body. But he told me he would look at her and ask himself, "Why is her hair like that? Would my girlfriend curl her hair like that? If my girlfriend was friends with Jenna, would my girlfriend like Jenna's best friend, Josh?"

 

Even though every question he asked about these girls always referred to me in a 'positive' way, I still can't really believe he never thought one sexual thought about them.

 

I would love to hear comments from both females and males on this subject.

 

Do men always think sexually when looking at an attractive woman for a long period of time (and, yes, he watched them from the time they got up from their seat 'til they sat back down)? I forgive my boyfriend for this, but I'm still insecure that he will do it again. I am scared he will do it behind my back (I was really nervous about that since we didn't have second period together) or start finding it 'okay' to look at porn again.

 

I also get really upset when I see a sexual music video, or a show on TV (mainly MTV shows). I watched the Dropbox's new video and it has women stripping (not totally) and shaking the camera to make it look like you're riding her. When I see videos like this, it makes me angry to think my boyfriend may see them. Sometimes I tell him to stay away from watching that video. Is what I'm doing wrong?

[tegteg]

1 he wouldnt be with you if he was not into you 2 Guys do look at other women accept it 3 If you keep on him bout these things may not get better but worse for you....

 

Just relax, if soemthng happens it happens... Then kick him to the curb..... I say try and keep it to yourself and deal with it the best way U know how....

 

sounds like theres more to it then just this?? Is there?

 

DG

[Merry]

I'm fine with him GLANCING at other women (which is common instinct - but staring?!) but I don't want him staring at them and questioning them all the time. He's already told me, "I don't care about anyone else", but then he turns around and does this to me. I know when I look at a guy I don't stare at him continuously and think silly questions like, "Does my boyfriend have those pants? Does my boyfriend want that kind of haircut?" Why don't I? Because I don't care!

 

I've already talked to him about it and he said he'll try his best to stop. I haven't caught him staring at other women, but he does look in the wrong places at the wrong time sometimes. And what makes it worse is that he keeps looking. Example: some girl is trying to pull her jacket away from some guy. He thinks it's okay to stare because a guy is there. But of COURSE I'm going to assume that he's looking at the girl. And when I ask, he says, "I wasn't even looking over there, I was looking at the board." I don't deny him, so I believe him. I don't like when he does stupid stuff like that, but I'm not going to deny everything he says unless I see it myself because that wouldn't be fair.

 

I still believe he thought sexual things about those girls (and who knows what other girls...). So, I really want to know from a majority of both male and females, do guys always think a sexual thought when looking at a girl?

 

I remember one time my boyfriend told me that a lapdance would turn him on the most.

 

MANY MANY months later I asked him, "Would you go to a strip bar?" (I totally and honestly DO NOT agree with a married or a guy with a girlfriend going to a strip bar - don't try to change my mind, it won't work.) He said, "Only if I was single." Of course I got enraged at this because I guess you can say I'm anti-stripbar. Then he tried to make it up by saying, "I would only go to play pool or something..." and I countered with, "Didn't you say a lapdance would turn you on the most?"

 

I think that argument really made me believe my boyfriend learned nothing about respect for me or women, or that looking at someone almost or completely naked you're not with (porn is an exception if you're not married or going out with someone - my opinion) is okay. I have high morals. Very high. I try teaching my boyfriend some of them, and he enjoys that, but a lot of times I don't really think he learned anything...

 

So maybe this is why I have a hard time believing my boyfriend...

 

I hope everyone understands that.

[FolderWife]

It's hard for me not to say "don't worry about it....it's just high school." but I understand how important junk like this is in school. Your boyfriend is an immature teenager. Don't expect him to not be horny 24-7. Once he's older, he'll straighten out a little bit.

 

Once you're older, you'll realize that glancing at other women is not a big deal. I stand behind you 100% on the strip bar/porn thing. No man should look at that, because he then starts taking his real woman for granted, because she doesn't have all the airbrushed, fake body parts that these fantasy women have.

 

I don't want my guy fantasizing about other girls either!

 

You may want to reconsider your relationship with him. If someone makes you feel badly about yourself, you need to get out. Also, don't stick with someone who changes you for the worse.

[PlentyLV007]

This is going to be kind of different but it might work....Why don't you talk to him about it in a calm but open way...To see what he likes and why? Try to be open with him and be like his best friend so he can feel good around you and not feel up-tight. Guys do look at girls...I'm not going to lie...but he is with you...so be happy he's just looking. Asking with a smile...."What is he looking at?" Look at the girl and say...."oh I like her skirt...it looks cute on her" Then...he will feel good and be proud that your not going to be scowling at him for something that guys do everyday....24/7!!!! If it gets to the point where it really bothers you....let him know only once....if he still does it...then he really doesn't care what you think and he doesn't care about you. Hope I can be of some help.

Good luck!