Add to it.. My Ex was WRONG for me because....

[Million.to.1]

I thought I'd start this thread.. There maybe more like it out there, but what the hell.

 

I really need to start focusing on the the things that weren't right about the relationship, that weren't right about him. The things that annoyed me and would break me down over time.

I know what my mistakes were and I can work on those alone and with the next lucky guy.

My Ex is becoming something in my mind which he was not. Perfect. He was far from perfect and I need to focus on those things rather than all the hopes I had for us.

 

So..... MY EX WAS WRONG FOR ME BECAUSE...

 

* He drank WAY too much. (wine every night and 2-3 BIG nights out every week 20+ standard drinks.)

* He was selfish. He said things like "i do what I want" and would rarely consider me.

* He was very judgmental and things were always very black and white. I see the gray in everything.

* He was more interested in 'appearing' to be the perfect couple to his friends than actually having a real relationship.

* He room was filthy. Just very dusty and unorganised.

* He was an average kisser.

* He wasn't very sexually adventurous, and his arousal was mainly ego based. (ie: turning me on would turn him on so i would pretend to get the ball rolling)

* He was 31 but acted like a rebellious teenager.

* He was commitment phobic.

* He was a Christian. ( I'm agnostic )

* He is materialistic and wants new gadgets and the best of everything.

* He earns heaps, but spends and spends and spends.. on ****e.

* He plays pokies. (gambles)

* He is obsessed with looking buff, does weights, but thinks yoga is "Gay"

* He talks loudly in social situations and sounds like a cock.

* He plays the victim ALL THE TIME. He always blames others and never takes responsibility for his part in relationship problems, with friends/ colleagues and now ME. (he is not the vitctim! he broke it off!)

* He is very arrogant.. or even narcissistic.

* He eats too much meat and cheese and not enough fresh stuff.

* He saw me as an accessory, a trophy.

 

and the main one.

 

*HE DIDN'T LOVE ME.

 

 

 

Go on... give it a go. I feel better already.

[Kamila]

That's so weird, cos I was driving today and was thinking the exact same things. 'In what ways was my ex not good for me'

 

* He drank not that much, but when he did, he acted really stupid and one time he drove while he was drunk. Immature man ... And I didn't feel at ease when he was driving, he drove too fast and too brusk. One time he even yelled at some cyclers because they were blocking his road.

* He was self-centered and mocking others. Me didn't like that.

* He was very condescending in public spaces to waitresses. He got mad when he didn't got served soon enough. Basically, he wasn't a patient man.

* He was sometimes not polite. He used big words and called me two times a b***. I never called him names.

* He's indecisive and never wants to take responsibility. And when he does, he changes his opinion afterwards. Sometimes I didn't know what he really wanted or was thinking.

* In the course of our relationship he got hot-tempered, he even yelled at me for little things. One time he even pushed me because I got in the way of someone else. Errr... that was weird.

* He didn't want me in the kitchen when he was cooking something.

* He criticized my mother and father.

* He said he didn't get along with my family whereas my family didn't have any problems with him.

* He didn't want to compromise the place where we would live together.

* He didn't want to compromise on the fact that I wanted children. Beware that when we first dated he wanted badly to have children. He just 'changed his mind'.

* He checked out other girls while we were together. A week after we broke up, he had a date.

* He told me he wanted a more younger and more sexy looking girl (as a joke of course).

* He bragged about how girls sometimes check him out while we're out.

* He didn't want to drive his car (but mine) because mine had free fuel. You could say he's trying to save money, but I found it disrespectful and golddiggerish.

* He wanted to live on his own and maintaining his freedom.

* He had trashy buddies that would sometimes mock me, but he didn't stand up for me and let them go on.

* He made me broke up with him. So in the end I felt bad for leaving him.

 

[Million.to.1]

They add up don't they Kamila! He sounds like a douche bag. You are much better off without him I reckon.

 

That's so weird, cos I was driving today and was thinking the exact same things. 'In what ways was my ex not good for me'

 

* He drank not that much, but when he did, he acted really stupid and one time he drove while he was drunk. Immature man ...

 

I forgot to add one to mine.

 

* He had LOST his license for drink driving and speeding with people in his car.

[SelfCentered]

That's so weird, cos I was driving today and was thinking the exact same things. 'In what ways was my ex not good for me'

 

 

What is weird is that I was driving this morning too thinking the exact same thing!

 

 

• It was all me giving, one-way relationship
  
• She never had her own cash. Okay, she was going into college and was struggling to get a job. There comes a point where you draw the line, I'm not an ATM
  
• We were not sexual compatible at all. She was so inexperienced and I gave her the time and space to grow but it got tedious for me.
  
• I managed her life. I sorted out her loan problems, I typed her CV, I got her her first job, I practically wrote her essays for her. All the expense of things I wanted to do
  
• She took time off from me seeing my friends
  
• She thought that dick living down her corridor that used to throw bottles at random people, make racist jokes and beat up random people at night was just "a character"
  
• She NEVER consoled me when I had major problems. I told her my company was making cuts and all she said was "get some rest, you'll be fine".
  

What a BITCH.

 

 

 

 

God damn it, this has made me irate but to hell with being the noble guy "this is for the best" attitude. I need to think about her bad qualities more, realise I've escaped from that hell.

[Million.to.1]

 

 

 

 

God damn it, this has made me irate but to hell with being the noble guy "this is for the best" attitude. I need to think about her bad qualities more, realise I've escaped from that hell.

 

 

I'm assuming you were the dumper with this one then Selfcentered?

[Kamila]

Million.to.1, our exes are douchebags, I'm so glad for this post, it's making me think.

 

I forgot some major ones:

 

* He sometimes made racist jokes and I'm mixed race, so yeah, it's a bit unsensitive on his part to make me feel inferior.

* He was proud that he didn't give in to me while we were together. Come on, how are you supposed to make a relationship work if you're not giving anything ?

Maybe that was part of his suspiciousness and 'not trusting anyone'-nature.

* He also never consoled me selfcentered. When I was frustrated and crying he just stood there and didn't say anything to cheer me up. It was like dating a brick wall.

[SelfCentered]

I'm assuming you were the dumper with this one then Selfcentered?

 

Not at all. It was her decision. She became distant over a few weeks, it was making me upset an anxious cus I knew what was coming. I went up to see her, we had "the talk" and it happened.

 

She would have let it dragged out over weeks before making a decision. I may have instigated it by forcing us to talk on that day, but if I had my way I'd have continued with the relationship. So no, she broke it off.

 

It's just my attitude has been from day 1: "She's young...she needs time to grow...I respect her decision...I can't fault her". They always say anger is part of the grieving process, but I've just bottled all of mine up and tried to act noble and mature because....well, that's what I think people expect of me.

 

I figure I'm entitled to a little bit of venting. I'm only human. If I get angry why fight it?

[Million.to.1]

I figure I'm entitled to a little bit of venting. I'm only human. If I get angry why fight it?

 

Of course you are!

 

I'm here to vent too. I think we all are.

[SelfCentered]

Of course you are!

 

I'm here to vent too. I think we all are.

 

Cheers!

 

Yeah, today is particularly angry one for me.

[solobeary]

Yeah, I am still so. fricken. in love with him, so I think making lists like this helps.

 

* He was a follower, desperately seeking others' approval rather than just being happy in himself. Sometimes it was really obvious and pathetic.

* He didn't have any close friends. He'd hang around with my friends quite often, which was fine sometimes, but when I wanted to be alone with them I sometimes would just let him join to avoid him sulking. I'd love to have more close friends too, I expanded his social circle and he did nothing for mine.

* He didn't know how to stand up for himself, let along me or our relationship.

* I hated seeing him around his family. They treat him like he's about 10. I have a mature relationship with my mum, she's kind of like a bossy friend now, and I love that. I'd feel so icky watching how immature he was around his parents.

* On top of that, his mum is crazy. She is really close-minded and unfriendly and talks about herself non-stop. I generally get on well with people's parents, but not his.

* I'm not sure he knows how to be happy.

* He was selfish.

* He's not a particularly good listener, he'd often look distracted.

* He's good at maths, but terrible at writing, so I think in his profession he's going to get stuck in a job without many promotions/changes. Another crisis is probably on the cards, I've dodged that bullet.

* He's not a very positive person. I'm not saying I want little-mr-sunshine, I'm very cynical too, but I'm not sure he sees much beauty or mystery in the world around him.

[solobeary]

Yeah, I am still so. fricken. in love with him, so I think making lists like this helps.

 

* He was a follower, desperately seeking others' approval rather than just being happy in himself. Sometimes it was really obvious and pathetic.

* He didn't have any close friends. He'd hang around with my friends quite often, which was fine sometimes, but when I wanted to be alone with them I sometimes would just let him join to avoid him sulking. I'd love to have more close friends too, I expanded his social circle and he did nothing for mine.

* He didn't know how to stand up for himself, let along me or our relationship.

* I hated seeing him around his family. They treat him like he's about 10. I have a mature relationship with my mum, she's kind of like a bossy friend now, and I love that. I'd feel so icky watching how immature he was around his parents.

* On top of that, his mum is crazy. She is really close-minded and unfriendly and talks about herself non-stop. I generally get on well with people's parents, but not his.

* I'm not sure he knows how to be happy.

* He was selfish.

* He's not a particularly good listener, he'd often look distracted.

* He's not a very positive person. I'm not saying I want little-mr-sunshine, I'm very cynical too, but I'm not sure he sees much beauty or mystery in the world around him.

* He took many of his problems out on me. That personality flaw is probably too pervasive for it to ever change.

[sandybeaches]

I need this so much! Thanks for starting it ..

 

* Never apologizes. Ever.

 

* A coward. Runs and hides rather than owns his actions.

 

* Never went downtown and didn't care if I was enjoying sex or not.

 

* Too much hair gel.

 

* Always the victim. Never took responsibility for why his relationships didn't work out. It was always the woman's fault: she was crazy, obsessive, needy, lazy, etc.

 

* Told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but never did anything to make it happen. There was always an excuse.

 

* Called me his girlfriend yet was still trolling for dates online. Too stupid to realize you don't friend ALL the woman you are playing on Facebook.

 

* Compulsive liar.

 

* When caught in a lie, made up another lie to cover. The lies were so preposterous they would offend anyone with half a brain.

 

* Would walk away from something rather than fight for it.

[jormungand]

I think these types of lists are extremely helpful in letting ourselves see the other side of our relationship while we are concentrating on what attracted us in the first place. Let's see.

 

* She openly flirted with other people around me, and while we were in social interactions

* She would constantly be texting while we were having a conversation, or snuggling in bed.

* When in group settings, she would often 'shush' me, when i had a contribution to make to a discussion

* She never showed any gratitude or appreciation for having me in her life. No small gestures, nothing.

* She would constantly ignore me when she was out with friends for drinks. I know she is completely attached to her phone, so a simple "i'm busy" would have sufficed.

* The only time she really seemed INTO me was when she's had a few beers.

* She forgot my birthday, and our 6 month anniversary

* She would often tell me "i'm not feeling affectionate today" when just giving a simple hug or kiss.

* She had said "I do what I want" and thought there was nothing dangerous about going out with 'new male friends she's made' for drinks alone.

* She would always talk about her being excited for me to meet her parents, or her friends, but I never got to meet them.

 

Yet she would always say "I love you beyond words", would talk about marriage, etc.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

kind of did something similar to this on a personal journal but yea anything to re-establish why I am so better off w/o her and help train my emotions for happiness towards independency is welcome with open arms..

 

1) she only made perfunctory effort for self-serving moments of fancy when she wanted some attention from me (i.e asking about interests, focusing on putting her in the spotlight)

2) when I asked she couldn't think of anything she liked about me, limited only to how I seemed so interested in her

3) everything we did was fit in to her convenience

4) I kept on try to move on but kept buckling to her stubbornness because I was so obsessed with being with her

5) I failed to see from the outset that it would never work mainly because of my and her dysfunctions in equal measure

6) she is stubborn

7) she get easily irritated by the way I am inaudible sometimes due to just how I am with lack of self confidence.

8) she's never considered how I feel most of the time

9) she's never and will never apologize for anything she has done

10) she has little empathy for anything besides her own activities, and would never compromise

11) I was never on her mind (I.E no showing affection with even the simple tokens for feelings such as emailing me once in a while, seeing how I am , or simple gestures such as remembering my birthday eluded her)

12) she is fixed in her convictions that her actions was 100% infallible

13) she would always eschew any accusations by scapegoating the blame onto me or pleading ignorance "well its just how I am I sometimes do things without realizing what I am doing" or " its both our faults that we didn't communicate over the summer " (even though I did email her prior to the summer and held open the door ajar for her to engage with me but got no responses)

14) in relation to the aforementioned pleading ignorance, she would never take responsibility and use that pleading ignorance as the only thing to absolve her acerbic attitude

15) she would actively ignore me because it was to "inconvenient " to talk to me

16) she would get angry at the fact that I ignored her as a response of me ignoring her ( as delusion of grandeur would not permit her thinking about it perhaps being a response to her ignoring me)

17) she would never talk to me unless I was the one who initiated the conversation

18) Only if I was discussing something of her interest (I.E, games or drawings) would she talk to me or show interest

19) she would never stick her neck out for me or do something she didnt want to do ( which I've done for her, I.e, watching stupid kitsch movie crap like 9) even though I've done it for her, not because of the content but because I liked the company enough to put up with anything...

20) only seem to talk to me also when she had nothing else to do ( I.e, waiting for class to start or waiting for her train)

22) the only way she could deal with problems with us was to walk away, and ignore it ( I.E , yes my dear you were and ARE A COWARD!!!)

 

23) AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL OF COURSE she only acknowledged my existence because of the attention I would give her and adoration for her little world ( play the game she likes, watch the shows/films she likes to try and get close to her) meaning she loved the attention only and which by extension means....

 

 

SHE DID NOT LOVE ME FOR ME!!!!!

Edited December 6, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration

[motive2002]

I need so badly to add to this, but it will be hard because my missing her has the hindsight peeking through rose colored glasses

 

As far as I can tell, she is a narcissist to some degree.

 

* Lack of guilt or empathy.

* Didn't do nice little thoughtful things... ever.

* Had no regard for my feelings. As if her actions didn't create any sort of waves. Totally oblivious.

* Didn't understand that people think differently than she does.

* Was horrible with money decisions, at least as far as I could tell. She would spend money on ridiculous things. Not very practical.

* On that last note, she would make snap decisions, and not feel remorse for the outcome.

 

More serious stuff:

 

* She dumped me out of nowhere, and didn't allow me to understand why or what went wrong. LOUSY at communicating. Like I was supposed to just understand what her needs were via osmosis.

 

* She used me as a back-burner guy when she was dating someone she liked better. I should have never agreed to date her when they split up. I was totally a rebound, even though she vehemently argued otherwise.

 

* She was never attentive at all. Even when I was ill and needed a little TLC. Never behaved like a girlfriend, even though she wanted to reap the benefits of being one.

 

 

This is all I can think of for now. I don't know why I miss her like I do. She made me feel so wanted, but only when she wanted me... and that wasn't as often as I liked... and ultimately then not at all

 

This sucks :(

[Chi townD]

LOL!!! Wow...you've inspired me to do one!

 

My Ex was wrong for me because:

 

-she was a cheating whore.

 

Done!

[Million.to.1]

 

-she was a cheating whore.

 

Done!

 

One reason is sometimes enough.

 

 

I have some more...

 

* He lives in fight or flight mode and never examines himself.

* He has had everything easy and has never had to work for anything in his life.

* He only wants to travel to places where he can SURF. (no desire to branch out and understand different people/ cultures etc )

* He spends all his time on his ****in iphone. It's so rude. Sitting and txting/surfing instead of having real interactions with people.

* He is still hung up on his EX who was immature, stupid and cheated but he wouldn't admit it. (i'm thinking now I was a rebound) He never had time to really get over her before we met.

* He is a serial monogamist.

 

I'll be back with more. It's kinda helping with the whole pedestal thing I'm in right now.

[OnyxSnowfall]

• 
   
  
• I never felt good enough for him.
   
  
• I never felt beautiful with him - he blatantly put me down too many times and exalted other females (EVEN ANIME AND GAME CHARACTERS AND CO-WORKERS WHO WERE UNDERAGE) way too much in the first two years we were getting to know one another AND when we were together... and his rare attempts at "complimenting" me always included some kind of subtle put down: "You look really good right now........ in the moon-light, when it's really dark" LOL or "You're probably the prettiest girl *I* can get..." in a monotone voice haha, almost dismal...
   
  
• He told me I wasn't his type! That his TYPE IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT NATIONALITY (but he was a celibate for a little over a decade when we met, haha)... and Gawd, the joy I derived from listening to him go on and on about how lovely his type is (including specific females of it). THEN HE recanted it later on, when I was withdrawing from him and suggesting he go instead pursue his type then. And he actually expected me to believe that he didn't mean anything he had said to me in regards to it (and so muchhhhh else) nor to believe anything he had shown me as examples, etc.
   
  
• He didn't value the parts of me that I valued, and I don't think I valued the parts of him that he valued.
   
  
• In fact, most of our collective values were too disparate anyway... as were too many of our beliefs.
   
  
• And our life passions were not in sync either. His were / are video games and movies --- although he "toned down" the movies to just about nil in order to appease me, he probably resented me for it (I don't watch TV nor many movies and then when I got all crazy in my insecurities, he eventually just followed that heh). My passions in life are ART, CREATING, WRITING, DANCING, NATURE, HIKING, COOKING, READING, LEARNING, and at one point I did enjoy video gaming (but being compared to game model chicks really wounded that joy; I didn't even realize "men" close to 30 could be obsessed with such pixels until I met him ), etc.
   
  
• On sex....... he didn't want it even close to as much as I did. I swear he'd freaking use it against me --- rarely did I reject him, and I frequently initiated just going down on him (because *I* enjoyed it!).... but sooooo many times he rejected me (unless I wanted to service him orally of course), ugh. And having other men proposition me left and right just made the rejections from him so much worse.
   
  
• He wasn't physically affectionate enough with me either.
   
  
• He initially had no concept of what an exclusive relationship meant, so I guess I can't really blame him for having been unable to "respect" it in the beginning... but he did some really stupid **** and has blamed me for primarily being unable to trust him (OHHH I do indeed have responsibility to take there... but I really should have cut him off way early on, because I have allowed wayyyyy more damage to take place).
   
  
• Often I felt like he expected way too much of me and didn't really appreciate anything I did. The most he's shown appreciation for is me cooking for him (which was nice)... but it wasn't consistent either, and really was.... the most.... he........ did..... at least express being pleased with me over.
   
  

Edited December 7, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[betterdeal]

- we bang heads too easily

- we both had previous relationships to resolve

- we both have huge issues with sex

- we both are very anxious

- we were both huge flirts

- we both had very few boundaries

- her boobs are too big for my liking

- my cock is too small for her liking

- we met at the wrong time

Edited December 7, 2011 by betterdeal

[cerridwen]

Being faithful for the long haul is too challenging for him.

[SelfCentered]

Got another to add:

 

 

• She would never get up in time on weekends when we had stuff planned. It'd take me a good hour and a half from when I got up to get her to finally get out of bed, then she would say later on "whenever you stay with me I never get anything done cus I sleep in late..."
  

 

 

Man, Axl Rose put it best: Face of an angel with the love of a witch.

[Philosoraptor]

There were many reasons but the main thing is that I have a soft heart and I just couldn't trust her to take care of it. I was hurt many times and my heart broke many times, but I had to deal with myself because she just didn't know how to support me. I explained to her many times what I needed but it just didn't come natural to her. I don't fault her for it, we are different people and react in different ways. Just not a great match. But that was the main reason under everything else.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

 

I have some more...

* He has had everything easy and has never had to work for anything in his life.

Oh oh thanks million.to.1 that one sentence just reminded me of a few more to tally up =D ( would have replied this morning but loveshack was lagging for some reason)

24) She also had things easy due to her parent’s giving her £120 pocket money a week meaning she rarely appreciated anything anyone would do for her

25) She hated it when I hugged her

26) she hated it when I kissed her ( though for the record her kissing pretty much amounted to circiling her tongue rapidly like the blades in a blender; yep your kissing was very VERY BAD hell even a bonobo could probably kiss better than you)

27) when she saw a cat while watching a streamed video in a class of our first year , she would make weird giggling noises when it was moving about (teehhehehee ohh hehehe,, ohh WOOOO ohh WOOHH HO WOO HO hahah neeeehhehhehe)

29) she’s got the mental age and maturity of a foetus

30) she never remembered my birthday EVER!!! Even when I invited her to dinner for the event she even (with a lot of chirpiness ) would admit that she nearly forgot that we were having dinner to celebrate my birthday.

 

you know I think I might add some more when I feel down or doing the pedestal thing also as really she's may be exceedingly intelligent but damn was she emotionally stunted...

 

More to follow when it hits me.. oh I am really liking this page >=)

[RonChalant]

She NEVER flushed the toilet

She always played the victim even when she knew she was wrong

She put the dogs needs and comfort over my own

She was extremely selfish

She had absolutely no sense of logic

She could NEVER be proved wrong, even with stacks of evidence against her

She would bitch is the sky was the wrong shade of blue

She smoked cigarettes regardless of how I felt about it

Everything had to be her way

She didn't know how to relax and have a good time

She always told me how I needed to grow up, but she was just as bad as I was

She couldn't deal with being an adult

She never wanted to resolve issues

If she said an argument was over it had to be over, but if I wanted the same it wouldn't happen

She wasn't a good friend to her friends unless they played by her rules

She hated more things than she liked

I always had to tip toe around to keep from pissing her off

I had think a second and third time before I said things because she took offense to everything

She had a your either with me or your against me attitude

She "cheated" on me with someone who she said she like because she knew he would never cheat on her, but "cheated" on him with me ( the def of irony lol)

Her actions contradicted 70% of what she said

Being so spoiled by her parents, she didnt know how to be an adult

She had major emotional issues

She called me an ******* on a daily basis for doing the same things she was doing

If she did something it was completely fine, but if someone else did the same thing to her she instantly had an issue with it

She called me an ******* everyday, forcing me to believe I was an ******* and in turn in strived to be an ******* at times

She talked **** about EVERYONE but the second the slightest small thing was said about her she was ready to start crying

She couldnt take constructive criticism

She had complete control over the radio

[ScienceGal]

Because he has the emotional spectrum of a twelve year old.