is it really weird??

[superchic]

my boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years, and lived together for almost a year I am 22 and he is 28. We have been intimate together since we met and recently I have just felt like I want to wait until I marry him... which he thinks is insane because he is all for us being together and living together common law, but seems scared of the 'm' word. And I love him more than anything, am ready for the next step and willing to wait to be intimate again until then. Am I just being a nut? Or does this seem like a fair request?

[sportsloving]

When you moved in together, did you have a timeline saying that if we live together for X amount of months/years, then we will get married? Is he just recently scared of the "m" word or has it been that way since you met him?

 

Some guys (and gals too) are just not willing/able to take the plunge to marriage. But if marriage is something that you definitely need and he just can't do, are you willing to end the relationship?

 

I don't know if you are being fair to him. If you have never discussed your views on marriage and recently decided that it is best to wait for marriage to be intimiate, did he have any warning about it? Are you hoping by "withholding" intimacy, that he will propose to you?

[superchic]

We used to always talk about eventually getting married and having a little family, and now that we are living together and things are getting more serious every day, he has had a change of heart about it?? Even his parents say he is being selfish because they see we are happy and think that if we can make big purchases like a home and a car together what is the problem with getting married?

 

I'm not sure if I would be willing to end things with him if he didn't marry me, but I feel like I deserve that solid ever lasting commitment from him. I feel like if we were married then I would know he loves me forever... maybe I am living in a Disney cartoon where love lasts forever when you are married ??

 

And about the waiting for marriage to be intimate, I just don't feel like I'm attractive in his eyes anymore, and don't really have the passion and desire there anymore. Again, maybe I am living in a Disney cartoon where passion lasts forever when you are married ??

[moimeme]

maybe I am living in a Disney cartoon where love lasts forever when you are married ??

 

Again, maybe I am living in a Disney cartoon where passion lasts forever when you are married ??

 

You absolutely are. Being married doesn't confer some sort of magic charm on a couple that transforms them and the feelings they have for each other. Anybody who thinks otherwise is in for a huge disappointment.

 

Have you noticed the numerous news stories - and LS posts - citing the 50% divorce rate. Surely that alone should by now have burst your Disney bubble.

[PUHLEEEEZE...]

I hate to use it, but, once again, the old "why buy the cow" adage seems to fit...

 

If marriage is really what you want, make plans to move out. Tell him you made a mistake moving in with him - that you can understand why, because you've made it so "convenient", he wouldn't feel the need to take the next step; but that you and your future children deserve to have a definite commitment. DO NOT move back in with him until at least the ring is on the finger and the date has been set. He'll either come around or he won't - but at least you'll know.

[sportsloving]

Even his parents say he is being selfish because they see we are happy and think that if we can make big purchases like a home and a car together what is the problem with getting married?

 

Buying a home and car together is a pretty major commitment. But are you sure you want to really "push" this marriage issue? If he isn't ready, he simply isn't ready. Pushing him or trying to force his hand, I think is going to backfire and you just might end up with a home, a car and no guy.

 

I feel like if we were married then I would know he loves me forever

 

It doesn't quite work that way. When did it become the point where you feel "if he loves me he will do this"?

 

And about the waiting for marriage to be intimate, I just don't feel like I'm attractive in his eyes anymore, and don't really have the passion and desire there anymore

 

I am sorry, if you don't feel attractive and don't have the passion or desire now, a marriage ceremony won't be the key to bringing it back. Perhaps you should spend some time talking to your guy to find out what is behind that. It kind of sounds like you want marriage to fix all the current problems you may be having. Marriage isn't a magical band~aid.

 

Have you considered some couple counseling?

 

Good luck to you.

[oscaroc]

Well it usually works the other way around, You get married then you cut off the intimacy . That s a joke don't anybody kill me.

 

Seriously though i think the choice of obstaining from sex should have been made before the relationship took place kind of like a morality issue.

 

Also there is a post on here about a woman that was forced or talked into marriage and is unhappy. I think forcing your man to make a decision is flirting with a potentially explosive relationship. If you force marriage chances are a man is going to quickly run the other way. and if you force and he amazingly does it i think that could hang over your head forever (did he marry me only because i wouldn't give him sex) do you understand what i am saying.

 

It took me two years of being with my mate before i proposed. But we are having a rough go of it right now so maybe you don't want to listen to me i don't know. good luck

[Kristine]

I really think you need to make it clear that you want to be married and not a common law wife. He's perfectly happy with this arrangement because what does he have to lose? You're there, he's got what he wants. He has the upper hand now. You need to make it clear in word and action that you are not going to be happy as a live in lover.