My boyfriend doesn't want to sleep with me anymore :-(

[lilian]

Hi

 

I have been with my boyfriend for two years and we love each other a lot. There have been issues of jealousy lately and we had a few quite rough fights (unfortunately, I can say that they were my fault as I was being a bitch). For the first time I was scared that my boyfriend would leave but luckily he started kissing and cuddling me again in the last few days, telling me that he loves me a lot.

 

There is just one problem I have. We do not make love anymore! I mean, maybe once a week or every two weeks. My boyfriend says that he cannot make love to me when we fight and don't get on. Come on!! This guy has had about 10 one-night-stands and loads of ex-girlfriends and obviously doesn't need to be in complete harmony with a woman to have sex!!

 

Maybe I'm a bit spoilt as my last boyfriend wanted to b*nk me every day, I was with him for five years and while I grew a bit tired of making love he would just do it wherever whenever, saying that he had never been with a girl that had turned him on so much. He loved my body, my skin, my everything! And I loved it and felt very attractive. My last boyfriend probably never loved me as much as my current boyfriend does (or at least didn't admit it) but as I said wanted to fu*k me all the time!

 

I miss that!!

 

I do not believe that my current boyfriend is getting it elsewhere!

 

I think that all his ex-girlfriend were extremely skinny whereas I'm slim but not boney, so maybe he doesn't find me attractive?!

 

Guys, can emotional stress in a relationship reduce your desire to make love? What are the reasons that after two years you don't want to make love to your girlfriend anymore?

 

Thanks for help!

[Matilda]

<<Guys, can emotional stress in a relationship reduce your desire to make love? What are the reasons that after two years you don't want to make love to your girlfriend anymore?>>

 

I'm not a guy, but the answer to that is YES. And that goes for both girls and guys.

[faux]

Originally posted by lilian

Hi

 

I have been with my boyfriend for two years and we love each other a lot. There have been issues of jealousy lately and we had a few quite rough fights (unfortunately, I can say that they were my fault as I was being a bitch). For the first time I was scared that my boyfriend would leave but luckily he started kissing and cuddling me again in the last few days, telling me that he loves me a lot.

 

It takes two people to fight. If you were "being a bitch" he could have just talked to you in a polite manner and tried to sort things out in a mature manner. Fighting is not a good thing, and blaming yourself entirely also is not a good thing. If there is no doubt in your mind you were the sole cause then I suppose it's fine to accept the blame.

 

There is just one problem I have. We do not make love anymore! I mean, maybe once a week or every two weeks. My boyfriend says that he cannot make love to me when we fight and don't get on. Come on!! This guy has had about 10 one-night-stands and loads of ex-girlfriends and obviously doesn't need to be in complete harmony with a woman to have sex!!

 

Why are you involved with someone who is not providing you with the intimacy that you need? I understand what he means: I would not want to get close to anyone I had been fighting with, either. As for him having "about 10 one-night stands", this really does not speak much for him.

 

Why, oh WHY would you want to be involved with someone who "does not need to be in complete harmony" with you to have sex?

 

Maybe I'm a bit spoilt as my last boyfriend wanted to b*nk me every day, I was with him for five years and while I grew a bit tired of making love he would just do it wherever whenever, saying that he had never been with a girl that had turned him on so much. He loved my body, my skin, my everything! And I loved it and felt very attractive. My last boyfriend probably never loved me as much as my current boyfriend does (or at least didn't admit it) but as I said wanted to fu*k me all the time!

 

I miss that!!

 

So choose: Do you want someone who cares about you and is going to try to be supportive, and will make love to you when the moment is right.... Or do you want someone who doesn't care about you, and just wants to use you for sex?

 

I do not believe that my current boyfriend is getting it elsewhere!

 

I think that all his ex-girlfriend were extremely skinny whereas I'm slim but not boney, so maybe he doesn't find me attractive?!

 

Insecurity is a big problem. Start working on that now. If you find that anything is bothering you in the relationship, be certain to discuss it with him at length and bring things to his attention. People are not mind readers. Additionally, if you were in a five-year relationship with someone who just wanted to use you for sex (as it sounds), you need to definitely start working on your communication skills with your present boyfriend, or the relationship may end sooner than you think.

 

Guys, can emotional stress in a relationship reduce your desire to make love? What are the reasons that after two years you don't want to make love to your girlfriend anymore?

 

Emotional stress definitely can reduce my desire for lovemaking. If I have been fighting with someone, or they have done something to make me unhappy, I would not want to climb into bed with them. In fact, I would probably begin to distance myself until I felt comfortable again. Long days at work, family problems, health problems, or simply a day where "everything seems to go wrong" can put a huge damper on love life.

 

Reasons for not wanting to make love as often, or at all, are all situational and individual elements. You need to talk to your boyfriend about your concerns, and do so in a way so as not to blame him or make him feel guilty. You need to keep the lines of communication open, as this is the only way you are going to understand what is not working in the relationship, and how and if you can change things.