why doesn't he marry me?

[lilian]

Hi

 

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I am 28 and he is 32. He asked me to move in with him after about 3 months of being with me but I waited for another year 'till I took the step. He had never wanted a girlfriend living with him and I sort of felt flattered that he wanted to share that with me. Also, he does all the right things: is honest, faithful, tells me that he loves me, I got to know his best friends and family right at the beginning despite the fact that it involved flying to another country to meet them all!

 

He really is a good guy and I love him with all my heart! We do have our fights but always seem to work things out!

 

There is one problem: marriage hasn't really come up yet (I mean it has in a wishy washy way, but not definite) and the thought that it hasn't come up hurts me. I mean whenever he talks about "his" future he involves me. He says "i'm his future, etc" and every now and then one of his friends says something about us getting married. But it never comes from him and he hasn't proposed yet.

 

I don't know whether I should bring up the subject. He is financially and socially very successful, just bought a beautiful house whereas I have always been more focused on the academic side, just did my PhD in Economics and really only starting now to make some proper money. Alas, no savings at all! Could that be the reason he doesn't consider me "wife-material". my family isn't rich either!

 

What do you think?

[CurlyIam]

No way!!! How could you even suspect that and stay with the guy? lilian, it is very wrong to suspect him of such things... I mean if it's easier for you to think he doesn't propose because of you financial situation, whatever makes you happy!

 

Still... I would better take my stuff and live with momand dad till the death of me than marry a guy who thinks any less of me because of my parents or my financial situation! Like not good enough!

 

Bevery sure when you're making assumptions like that. On the other hand, I've never been on the point of marrying a guy. But if were 28, we'd been together for 2 years and live together for one, I'd ask him plain and simple what his intentions are.

 

Time isn't kind to anybody, I'd really want to know. Really would, not second guess, not ask other people! He's 32, you can't scare him away. Ask him in the mot natural and normal way. Worst thing that can happen is for him to answer you. Or best

[pitprincess]

A few things comes to mind..

 

Has he been in a long term relationship where he has been hurt?

He may just not be ready for marriage or he wants to make it the right time to ask.

If he is telling you your part of his future then it shouldn't hurt to talk to him about your feelings. :)

[CynthiaD]

Lilian

 

I'm in a similar, yet obviously different, situation. I logged onto this site for the first time the other day so that I could talk about this and it is comforting to hear that others are in similar situations.

 

I'm 25 and have been dating my 28-yr-old boyfriend for 5 years this July. He lives with a roommate, and I live with my parents (for financial reasons). Our relationship had a nice steady upward movement for about the first 1-2 years, then it has had big plateaus with small moves forward. The last of our ups was going on a big vacation together a year ago.

 

I've been thinking about marriage alot lately. He and I have talked about it for years, but he has never given me a timeline. We are not engaged, and lately I wonder if we ever will be.

 

I have a BA and plan to go back for my MA. He said we'd get married 1/2 way through my program. Unfortunately, I was waitlisted for the MA and wonder if this now means my marriage is pushed back another year as well.

 

I've resolved to seriously talk to him about it tonight. I think I want to take time apart for the first half of June so that he can really think about what I mean to him.

 

I suggest the same to you. You sound very bright (working on a PhD at 28 is impressive). Maybe like me, this is one of the first people you dated. Or maybe not. Either way, talk to him. It's the only way to know for sure.