Help me! Dating or Not?

[JustSoRight]

OK here goes.

 

I met this man one night about a month ago. I was with a friend, he was with a friend. All four of us started talking. I initiated the conversation by the way. We got along great and there was definitely chemistry. We all made plans to go out again the next night as a group.

 

I'm going to call this guy *J.

 

Well anyhow, we went and picked them up and had a great time. J always had me within arms reach, a hand on the small of my back, or holding me against him. Holding my hand as we walked, etc. By the end of the night he kissed me and it was awesome. We couldn't stop kissing after that. We had great conversations, getting to know one another.

 

He made sure to make plans to see me again. BTW I have two young children from a previous marriage. He also is divorced with an older child. And we called each other every day.

 

He came over after the kids went to bed and we watched a movie and talked some more. That was nice. We cuddled and he was really sweet. One thing lead to another and we went to bed together. It felt absolutely right, I have no regrets.

 

Afterwards we talked and he held me. We made plans for the weekend.

 

Again we called each other until we could see each other again. We went out and had a great night. My kids were sleeping over with friends. At the end of the night he said he wanted to stay over. I said OK.

 

That night lots of laughing, talking. No sex. We slept together in the same bed and he held me all night. He wouldn't even let me move away. He'd wake up right away and pull me close again. That was nice. The next morning I got up, showered and let him sleep. When I came back in he was up and he and I had sex. He stayed at my house until I had to leave to pick up the kids.

 

Same again. Phone calls, hanging out at my house one night during the week after kids went to bed. Sex.

 

He got sick and that weekend he still came over because he was going on vacation to see his son back home. I told him he didn't have to but he said there was no way he wasn't coming over when he wouldn't see me for a whole month. He came over and again same thing.

 

Now when I say we talk I mean we talk. About our kids, past relationships, likes dislikes. We can agree to disagree without getting pissy. It's really nice and I feel very special when I am with him. Either out on a night on the town, or hanging out at my house, he's very affectionate and gentle. When we have sex he always makes sure to please me first, and it is great. He's the first man to give me an orgasm BTW.

 

We've even had the talk about the future where he said he really likes me and feels connected to me and if we continue to see each other he'd like to me to meet his kid and vice versa. ( We both agree that only if it is a serious long term relationship that a person can meet our children).

 

Well that last night I told him my friend was wondering if we were dating or not. I told him that I didn't know what to say, since this was the first time I really got involved with a man in 18 months. He hadn't been with anyone for 2 years before me also, just so you know. He told me just to tell her. I then said well what would you call this? He paused for a while and then he shrugged and said just tell her were hanging out. Now I have to say he looked really confused when I asked him that last question. Like I should have known. We had only known each other for 3 weeks by then, and not being in the dating scene I don't know if this is dating or not. I wasn't trying to trap or trick him into a commitment.

 

Wait I am wrong. This was the weekend before he left, when he stayed over. So we saw each other 2 more times after this conversation.

 

So he went on vacation the next day and he made sure to call me about 3 days later. We talked for about an hour before his son came home from being with J's parents. I told him that I wouldn't call him while he was gone so I wouldn't interrupt the time he had with his son. He said that was nice of me. I really don't want to take away time from him and his son. He just got back from Iraq a couple months ago, and his son lives with his parents right now. The mother hasn't been around for years.

 

He said he'd call me. That was a week ago. Not worried about that. I am sure he really does like me, and when I made a past comment about calling him he said there were no rules to calling him. I could call anytime I wanted. He always answers the phone and if he can't talk he calls me back within an hour or two.

 

My issue is am I right? Am I reading him correctly. Is he interested in me, and is this dating? He said before he left that he couldn't wait to see me again when he got home. He is talking future plans here, because he has made comments about this summer and meeting each others kids in the future, etc.

 

The hanging out answer is really the only thing that has got me confused. Did I put him on the spot? Is he now unsure of my feelings because I had told him I didn't know what to say? He is so sweet and we have both been very hurt in the past. I really, really like him.

 

Please help me! Any advice for me, or comments would be great.

[pitprincess]

It seems to be from your posting that things between you and him are starting out great

I think he may of wanted you to fill in the question... lol

 

He may have been scared to say we are dateing and think it may offend you.

 

I don't know buts that is what came across my mind in reading.

 

Men are funny creatures.. lol

 

He still has contact with you am I right?

[JustSoRight]

We haven't talked since that last time, but he said that he planned on going to the beach with his parents and son. So I am not really too worried about it.

 

I know that I told him I wouldn't call, but I have some exciting news and wanted to share it with him. Do you think I should call him or just wait until he can call me?

 

Maybe you are right. Not sure though. This dating stuff is so confusing. We both haven't dated in a really long time either.

[stephysthebest]

You are dating, but i really think that maybe you should be a little more aggresive, seems like he isn't. And btw if a man tells you something, they mean it. They are not like us, to footnote or drop hints in conversations. Quit being so courteous, call him. He talked to you about that already. If he says that he wants to meet your children, then that is dating. Granted you have to take time before that can happen, but if it feels right, then it does.

 

Another thing, let go of the anxiety. Do not try to fail. Let go and let this take it's natural course. Do not throw questions in on it. Things are not going to happen to you like before. From one divorced woman with two kids to another, please focus on today and don't look over your shoulder, it is in the past. The furture is there, take advantage of it.

 

You are dating, but 3 weeks does not make it a relationship. Sex is usually a deal maker if you have been dating for a while like a couple of months and then have sex, that is your deal. Having sex before a period of really getting to know eachother it is well...just sex. Women at that point think it is a deal, but for men, there is no emotion until they really get to know the person so the sex is just something set apart from the activity of getting to know you. If this doesn't work out, please reconsider going in so fast the next time. If you really want a lasting relationship you have to wait for it. Too many of my girlfriends get their hearts broken over 1 month relationships that I like to call mini relationships. I personally want somthing that is going to last so I take my time. Good things are worth waiting for.

[JustSoRight]

Thanks for the reply Stephy. I will take your advice and stop questioning everything he does. You're right I was burned and now I am questioning myself. I hate that. I will look to the future not back at the past. Thanks again.

[stephysthebest]

You are very welcome. Don't sell yourself short. You can have everything you want, need and more if you focus on today. Live and love more than yesterday and less than tommorow.

[JustSoRight]

This was my friend that posted this and she asked me to let you all know that she and him are doing well, and going at a nice easy pace.

 

She has to post under my name cause her ex husband uses her computer when he's there to pick up the girls. He searches her histories. He's really good with the computer, and she doesn't want him to have anything to use against her for custody. It's a big drama. Not enough time to tell everyone here about it. I have my own drama I post about.

 

Anyways she said you all really made her feel better about this. I guess I wasn't good enough. JK. And that is going along nicely.