whatcha gonna do?

[brokenpiece18]

hey, i know that there is already existing threads in here about this issue. But then I want to start my own thread to make it more personalized. Hope it is ok with you guys.

 

Anyway, I am in a relationship with him for almost one year now. He is my long time boyfriend. We were together for almost 6 years when we broke up out of small fights (constant small fights). Then one morning I just woke up that he cut our communication. It was a long distance relationship that is why communication is very important to me. I did everything to build any sort of connection to him. After almost three months, we saw each other again and then there he told me that he is already into a new relationship. It was really damn painful. I tried to move on for the rest of the days. But, he keep on sending me messages asking if I am alright then he will end the communication without telling me beforehand.

 

So, I was tired of the situation he is putting me into so i decided to take him back. He and his girlfriend are on their 9 months of relationshipwhen i asked him to be with me again. He said YES so that's the start of being the other woman. The journey till present was really damn painful and hard.

 

We have more time with each other than the two of them actually we see each other almost everyday. But, now it's almost a year of sufferings and also happiness. The problem here is that he can't make a choice between the two of us. He is saying that he love us both and he is asking me more time cause he don't have any reason to break up with the girl. I am finding it hard to understand his words cause I am totally confuse.

Edited December 6, 2011 by brokenpiece18
typographical errors

[2sure]

It sounds like you want him because he makes you happy. At the same time you want an exclusive relationship with him because you are unhappy.

 

You have to come to terms with:

 

You know about his girlfriend. The one he dates, the woman he brings to his family gatherings, the woman he shares his friendships with.

 

She doesnt know about you. You are hidden.

 

He is not making you happy. He is making himself happy. He is not interested in making you happy.

[MissBee]

It sounds like you want him because he makes you happy. At the same time you want an exclusive relationship with him because you are unhappy.

 

You have to come to terms with:

 

You know about his girlfriend. The one he dates, the woman he brings to his family gatherings, the woman he shares his friendships with.

 

She doesnt know about you. You are hidden.

 

He is not making you happy. He is making himself happy. He is not interested in making you happy.

 

I agree.

 

I personally will not stand around while a man makes a choice between me and another woman. I could not! If you don't automatically feel like I'm your choice....if it is going to take you years and years or months and months to figure out...needless to say, this relationship is not "it" and I'd do just as well to find someone else. But isn't that the problem brokenpiece...you probably do not want to be single and wait for someone else during this time, so you'd rather ANY kind of "relationship" with your ex than no relationship at all?

 

It seems like things ended before for a reason....it doesn't seem like anything changed. It is bad taste and ridiculous on both of your parts to be doing this and that would be a red flag to me....if a man I dated before is with a new woman and instead of leaving her to be with me, he is going to just date us both secretly then my response would be WTF?! And I would be immediately turned off. The fact that you're not turned off but ready and available for this situation and "took him back" says a lot about where you are.

 

This situation is obviously hurting you....it makes sense why. I think you should check out a site called Baggage Reclaim and see if any of the articles resonate with you. They may help you to think through and sort out your confusing emotions and help you figure out how to proceed.

[whichwayisup]

This situation isn't healthy for you and it's doing damage. As time goes on being the OW in his life is going to change who you are and also ruin any chances of you meeting or getting close to another guy (potential relationship with someone else).

 

Why settle for table scraps? This guy has a girlfriend and is being really selfish by contacting you, wanting you in his life. I'm sure you want more though he is unable to give you more..

 

Think about why you're hanging onto someone who is unavailable, and also a guy who is your ex, who's treated you like crap and also someone whom you had problems with (arguing etc that led to the break up years ago)..

[darkmoon]

well, i think you should see other guys, i think that you are kind of locking him into the position with his girlfreind while this undoubtably sad three-way situation is on-going. he might even like all the attention deep down.

 

a sad heart needs a new dress, eyeshadow, a night out clubbing and dancing.

 

i have a similar situation, not identical but similar, but i told mine if he and his girl break up he can get back in touch. he knows i'm footloose and fancy free now

 

he wasn't expecting my refusal and am a challenge/a bit of a worry to him - instead of me worrying about him like you worry about your one.

 

less agony for you i hope xx

Edited December 6, 2011 by darkmoon

[Capris]

Hi brokenpiece, sorry you are in this situation :/

 

I just have to say: Run.

 

 

The problem here is that he can't make a choice between the two of us. He is saying that he love us both and he is asking me more time cause he don't have any reason to break up with the girl.

 

 

Ask yourself this: Do you consider yourself so unimportant that you are not even a tiny little reason for him to break up with her?

 

Think about this: Ever thought the reason that she doesnt know about you? Maybe if she did, she would break up with him.I mean, he takes you for granted.

 

If this guy is having a hard time to pick between girlfriends, imagine if he had a wife and kids.

 

Im sure you love him and have feeling for him, if we were real life friends, we'd be talking non stop about the why's and why not's, but as just another poster of this forum, im giving you the conclusion we all came to at some point. It really comes down to "Its me or her". Once you are ready to realise that, it will become easier to decide. Dont wait for his decision, no matter what he says, you are actually part of this triangle. Not considering you a reason to break up with the other one, is well, so ...underestimating.

 

Cheers and take care, its a hard ride and it is only with yourself.

[nofool4u]

We have more time with each other than the two of them actually we see each other almost everyday. But, now it's almost a year of sufferings and also happiness. The problem here is that he can't make a choice between the two of us. He is saying that he love us both and he is asking me more time cause he don't have any reason to break up with the girl. I am finding it hard to understand his words cause I am totally confuse.

 

There are guys like him that act the way they do because there are women out there that will tolerate their behavior(but then again, since you aren't above being in a relationship with a guy who is suppose to be committed, can't say your behavior is any better)

 

So here you go, does the other girl know about you? If not, then she deserves to know. And she may make the decision for him, then this gem of a cheater will be all yours.

 

If she does know, and both of you are allowing him to be a player jackass, then more power to him. Hope he always get to have his cake and eat it too.