Do you hate your sibling's spouse?

[RiverRunning]

I do. Oh Lord, do I ever!

 

My brother and his wife are turning 30 next year. They have been married for nearly 8 years and together for about 12.5 years. I was 11 or 12 when they started dating, so I have known his life for a very long time.

 

She was presented to us as being 'shy.' But after 12 years, she still cannot say 'please' or 'thank-you.' I have taken this woman out to dinner along with my brother several times, and I'd be pleased just to get an 'f you, it was horrible.'

 

She's incredibly lazy. I grew up in a matriarchal home where my mom handled a lot of responsibility, including manual labor. I was expected to do chores and run errands as I got older. My brother's wife did not even put gas in her own car or get it taken care of until after she married at 22. Her dad would take her car, her sister's car, his wife's car, and his own car for refueling/oil changes/etc. Like a true princess.

 

I have helped my brother move into and out of apartments/houses a few times in the last 8 years. I have watched Princess move one half-filled bag with clothes on each of these occasions, and that's it. She just stands outside and complains about how 'weak' and how 'helpless' she is. Then she sits down or - get this - she will pull out her camera and start taking pictures to DOCUMENT it. This is incredibly aggravating when I'm out hauling tables, display cases and heavy boxes. And Princess is just standing there looking pretty.

 

This excuse was almost plausible when she was younger, 5'5" and 120 pounds. It's not so much when she's 200 pounds. If she's that weak, she could stand to start turning some of that mush into muscle. But...I guess that would involve moving every then and again.

 

She and my brother both work, but only my brother works full-time. She works a relatively comfortable job at a school cafeteria where she gets ample opportunity to sit down. My brother works in a factory. He is expected to do all of the housework and all of the errands. On Thanksgiving, he came home from work and got an hour of sleep.

 

If my husband came home at 8 A.M. on Thanksgiving morning, and we were expecting everyone over in the early afternoon, you can bet I would be doing the cooking. If I had any doubt about how to roast a turkey, I'd be researching online and doing it. I wouldn't toddle into the bedroom after an hour, urging him to get up and start making the Thanksgiving dinner.

 

She also blames my brother for their financial situation. Before they married, about ten years ago, she earned a certificate in business administration. She went on to work for the city in which we lived, pulling in a $40k salary. My brother, meanwhile, dropped out of college before they married and has worked in grocery stores and factories since.

 

My sister-in-law apparently had a 'crazy spell,' as they both called it, shortly after they married, and quit her job. Less than a year earlier, they had bought a house. They were doomed without a salary. My brother was only making $9 an hour. I chalk it up to 22-year-old immaturity, but soon my brother quit his job too. They ended up losing their house and moved in with my parents and I for more than a year.

 

My sister-in-law had a job while they lived with us. My dad was the only one in the house working (I was a teenager) when they first moved in, and his hours at work had been cut. My parents strained to feed/clothe/help out my brother and sister-in-law. They didn't give my parents a dime while they lived with us, despite the fact that my sister-in-law was working full-time. Despite the fact that she knew my parents were under great financial strain. She would actually buy food and hide it because she didn't want to share anything.

 

Since then, she's retconned the story and claims she bought "all kinds of groceries" and "gave us all kinds of money." Toward the end of their stay, I got a job and ended up buying a lot of groceries/dinners for all of us.

 

She tried to have me kicked out of my upstairs bedroom and was furious that my parents offered her and my brother the basement, which was the only other room in the house.

 

She never misses the opportunity to complain about how she wants to be a stay-at-home wife and mother (i.e., based on past history, she just wants to lay around and do absolutely nothing, as besides work, she does nothing). She has openly blamed my brother for losing their house and is angry at him for not earning more money.

 

She also runs to her daddy every time they have marital problems or whenever she gets it in her head that she wants a house. My brother has been reluctant to get a house because of the variable cost of replacing things, etc. He likes that with an apartment, their bills are predictable. Collectively, they earn $20 an hour or so, so they're not exactly wealthy people and they have just enough left over every month to go out to dinner once or twice.

 

She has convinced her dad several times to start pressuring my brother into looking at and buying houses. This is what happened when they bought the original house, when clearly they both lacked the maturity to make a go of their marriage and their bills. And now, instead of approaching her husband herself, she enlists daddy to solve all of her problems for her.

 

I have lost a lot of respect for my sister-in-law over the years. I keep my mouth shut and I am cordial to her, but I think she's really an entitled, spoiled brat. I earned my bachelor's degree and could only find jobs that wanted to offer workers less than $10 an hour. They never did actually offer me the job. So, I made a go of work-from-home opportunities and I make better money than a lot of people I went to school with. When a classmate asked for advice, I mentioned how tired I was of dead-end, low-paying interviews and mentioned what I'm doing.

 

My sister-in-law butted in, touting her "success story" of a sister (who still only earns $10 - $11 an hour. That's decent money, but not really when you've been working somewhere for a few years and you have a degree related to the field), before going on to rip apart my decision to work from home. She mentioned that I need to "start somewhere." I politely informed her that I HAVE started somewhere. She is apparently SO sensitive about her income that it makes her mad to see anyone refer to $10 an hour as 'low.' But it IS low. That's not being arrogant, and I certainly didn't address that comment to her, but it is not much money.

 

I really get the impression that she thinks she's been shafted in the job market and in marriage based on comments she has made. She is exactly where she is because of her own bad decisions. She knew who my brother was and what he did when she married him, and that hasn't changed.

 

I feel for my brother, as a few times he has let his disdain for her rip. He's tired of doing everything and he has even mentioned to me that he doesn't think she would be a good mother. She's very "me" oriented, shows no interest in children at all, complains about other peoples' children, and otherwise has a very cold and distant personality. My brother has a weight problem and she is the only girl he ever dated, so I think his self-esteem is very low and he's unwilling to leave his marriage.

 

I just needed a place to vent. My brother has been VERY forgiving of the things she's done. And instead of accepting that grace, she turns it around and blames him for all of their problems. Sometimes I wish the Princess would file for divorce and leave, as ultimately I think my brother would be better off, but I also know it would crush him. I just think he could do so much better than a woman who, as far as I have seen, offers him absolutely nothing other than another paycheck.

 

It's a hard situation to be in, to watch your sibling be in a bad relationship. And I'm not saying, "They're just not a good match," but, "She/he takes advantage of my sibling."

[sLiPpeTh]

hmm... I used to despise my brother-in-law. Until, many years went by...and a I recognized they were a perfect match. I don't like my siblings new boyfriend much either, but I like my sibling even less.

 

So..."all's well, that ends well."

[setsenia]

My husband didn't really realize the issues with his family until I came into the picture. Sometimes it takes an outsider to help someone really see the issues going on. I have issues with both in-laws.

 

One sister in law is a drama queen and the other is a stuck up snob. The first one is a perpetual liar who never appreciates anything. Tried really hard to get to know her and she just never liked me for whatever reason. She also makes up stories, so you cannot believe a lot of the things she says. Second, the other and my brother-in-law act like stuck up snobs. She spends 3 hours getting ready each morning, doing her hair and make-up. One time, we were going to the lake all day, and she still spent 3 hours on her hair and makeup that morning. So when we got to the lake, she whined to her brother that "she didn't want to get her hair wet". God, what did you think you were going to do at the lake all day?! Look pretty? Pretty much. We spent about 2 weeks staying with them and I had never once seen her without makeup on! Guess she must be secretly self conscious and she likes to say everyone else has lack of self esteem. Another thing she does is pretend to be the "nice girl" to her grandparents-in-law" and they totally believe the act. But she totally goes and talks crap about people behind their backs.