futuredentist Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 (edited) I haven't let him go, I've been holding on to the person who is the love of my life. I cried piles of tears and have almost ruined my future over this loss. I'm a fulltime A, B, student and almost didn't pass this semester at all. With him, I was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, happiest out of all my exes, happiest all together. We were going to get married. Yesterday, it was the end for me. Realizing how long it's been, how depressed I've been (Dr. put me on anti depressants 3 wks ago, maybe they are starting to work finally), I decided I can't do this anymore. I have to let him go and just move on. I had so much hope. I had even went to the first place we met in hope that maybe fate would bring us back together on our Anniversary date a month ago. He never showed up. Anyways, We faught through stupid text for like 10 hours yesterday and I finally decided after waking up in the middle of the night (my jaw was throbbing so bad from how much I had clenched my teeth together) I decided to just spill my heart out to him. I woke up this morning and blocked his emails and phone number and put a block on any unknown numbers that could possibly call me. I realized 4 months of sadness is not worth it. I didn't care what he may of replied with because all he is, is negative. I need to find myself and my happiness again. I have felt nothing but relief today, as if a brick has been lifted off my chest. At one point today while talking to my girlfriend, I felt happiness for the fist time in 4 months. It was so amazing, even though it lasted for only 30 minutes it was a miracle that I could feel that way again. But then here I am writing this with tears going down my face. I pray to God all the time to erase this heartless piece of **** from my mind. Erase the memories, erase him from my everyday thoughts. I hope and pray to God that I can make progress and get through this. I hope to find my happiness again without having a man in my life. If anyone knows how to bring that happiness back, have any pointers, please let me know. I thank you for reading this and wish you the best of luck in your path as well. Edited December 7, 2011 by futuredentist Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuredentist Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 (edited) This quote is very true.. “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.” Edited December 7, 2011 by futuredentist Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'll be praying for you too. It's hard. I'm going through something very similar... but we'll get through it. It's only day 2 of NC for me............... unfortunately I don't have any pointers, but I'm writhing along with you nonetheless And hey, I always have time to pray for someone else. Hope time and circumstances bring you joy and better days SOON. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 It took you awhile but you finally got the strength to take care of yourself first. I hope you continue to do so and really do whatever you can to make your life happy. A single person does not make anyone happy, they are just someone who can help increase your happiness. When you find the right person you will find out how much more this new person brings to you in comparison to your past. Link to post Share on other sites
LostJustLost Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 My heart breaks for you. I'm fighting a different version of the same battle, many here are. I pray you find your way. Losing what we see as the "one", the love of our lives hurts in a way that words don't exist to describe. I don't have any advice, just understanding. Being on the rocky road to healing .. it's so hard but you must do it for you. Stay strong, the rollercoaster ride is an emotional hell all in itself but people here will help if you let them. ~L Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 when you forgive, your love. and when you love, gods light shines on you Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuredentist Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 Thank you everyone for you kindness, advice, and words of wisdom. I appreciate it. It's been 3 days, and I already notice that I feel a little better with each day. My obsessive thoughts of him have reduced a little bit. I try to visualize a stop sign or a wonderful memory that I've had in the past with just myself in it. It helps. I just started reading a book called "How to Fall Out of Love". It's not bad. It's based on a psychological level of how to mentally get back to the person you were before the life change of love happened. I hope for a successful come back. Thank you all again. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 similar situation in education as well in which my grades nearly foot the bill because of my unbridled infatuation. that should really speaks for itself really. a unhealthy obsession will leave it's mark on the outlying areas of your life beyond your desire for the person, and in turn will dictate the slow decline in other areas of your life because of how you have developed tunnel vision for focusing on said person as a result. even if you finally have them, is it healthy that you will continually fret in the back of your mind the ways in which the shoe may eventually drop if they can see your desperation a mile off?. (on the principle that the one with the less amount of love has the most control over the direction of a relationship)... think about it.. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 This is just great. Now can you please change your avatar to reflect how you are now feeling ...I don't want to see you cry anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuredentist Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 Still no contact, but for some reason I went on facebook and decided to look at his page as well as his new ugly girlfriends page. I can't see anything but their facebook photo but I went on to see if they had changed their pictures to maybe one of them together. I was going to close my computer when the thought crossed my mind to go on facebook, but decided to go through with my thought. I still havent's thought of any of the memories we shared but when I picture his face is still makes me feel sad inside. It makes me want to cry. I tell myself NO, nomore tears over him. I feel like today is going to be a bad day for me, but I will try and make the best of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Im so sorry you are going through so much pain. Sadly there will be more days like this one in the days ahead. Dont get down on yourself to hard if you do have more. Use your pain to better yourself in every possible facet you can. I promise it will get better. Please stay strong... Link to post Share on other sites
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