After sex, when should he text or call?

[Carm]

That's sad. Don't they realize putting out won't get you love? The way I see it, if a guy really cares about me, he'll wait. If he doesn't care about me, why would I want to have sex with him?

 

 

 

Define "high value." A guy who tries to manipulate women for sex is not high value. He's just pathetic.

 

 

 

I wait until we've been in a committed relationship for at least several months. I don't do casual sex. This ensures that no one ever takes advantage of me and no one uses me for sex. Rushing into sex too soon is just asking to get hurt, especially for women.

 

Way to go Cypress, I'm on the same page as you in terms of this. If a man places a high value on you he will wait and yes I don't rush into sex, it has taken me months to get there too.

 

Once we go there, I know for sure we are in a relationship and he will call me. There is never a guessing game about how he feels about me.

 

Too many woman jump into bed so soon and they are left asking this type of question on forums.

[njruns]

Regardless of what you are looking for with this woman, it's respectful to call/contact her soon after you had sex. I would not assume the guy wants a relationship just because he contacted me a day after sex. But it's just a respect thing. A few months ago, I went on a few dates with someone, had sex and he waited a WEEEK to contact me! That pissed me off. Before that, he would contact more . But yeah it's a respect thing. call within 2 days!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Actually, common courtesy demands that communications be answered within 24 hours. If a guy "banged" a woman and didn't call for much longer than that, I think it sent the correct message to the woman - that she was used.

[OliveOyl]

Skywriting is particularly impressive after sex. Much classier than texting or calling.

[OliveOyl]

Apparently I am the first woman to give him multiple orgasms on a first-encounter... And I am quite insatiable which is not something he was used to in a woman.

 

He's taking me to Paris in February. :love:

 

Woooottttt!!!!! :bunny:

[Mme. Chaucer]

Anyway, this thread is duplicated on the ever classy and culturally pertinent site, sosuave, where I'm sure the OP is getting the kind of advice he is looking for. Delivered in his chosen lingo.

 

"High Value Guys." Hmph.

[spinaroonie]

I haven't made up my mind yet.

 

One girl I waited 4 days before calling her again, and she ended up with buyer's remorse.

 

Another girl I tried calling back the next day, and she blew me off!

 

One girl I texted the next day, and ended up meeting her again for a great time.

 

Another girl I called up two days after the bang, and she was excited to meet up with me again.

 

I haven't noticed any patterns, nor do I have an effective gameplan on this. I suppose the best answer is that for you to hope she calls you up again, but given that today's woman never shows affection this isn't going to happen.

 

My best guess right now is to wait one day, call/text on the second.

[spinaroonie]

Actually, common courtesy demands that communications be answered within 24 hours. If a guy "banged" a woman and didn't call for much longer than that, I think it sent the correct message to the woman - that she was used.

 

After sex a man has the power he didn't have before, he has her thinking and worrying, that's the point, you want her to think, that's how you build attraction with girls, and by calling her up the next day and I quote 'make her feel good' you're killing the illusion. Girls like you most when they feel insecure, that's the point.

[Janesays]

After sex a man has the power he didn't have before, he has her thinking and worrying, that's the point, you want her to think, that's how you build attraction with girls, and by calling her up the next day and I quote 'make her feel good' you're killing the illusion. Girls like you most when they feel insecure, that's the point.

 

If you're worried about who has the 'power' in a relationship, you've already lost it. Two people becoming intimate with each other shouldn't be a war. On the contrary, that person should be the one who makes you feel the safest.

[Cypress25]

What is it with this 'having sex but not sleeping over' thing. Is that an american custom?

 

It's definitely not an American custom. Not spending the night together after sex is considered bad manners, and a clear signal that it was just no-strings-attached sex.

 

After sex a man has the power he didn't have before, he has her thinking and worrying, that's the point, you want her to think, that's how you build attraction with girls, and by calling her up the next day and I quote 'make her feel good' you're killing the illusion. Girls like you most when they feel insecure, that's the point.

 

If the only way you can build attraction with a girl is to make her feel insecure, you're pathetic. A truly "high value" guy builds attraction by being likeable and attractive. He doesn't need to resort to playing childish mind games because he has positive qualities that women are drawn to. Women keep coming back to him because they genuinely like him, not because he makes them feel insecure. A high value guy doesn't need to create an illusion.

 

I suppose for guys like you, the only way to keep a girl interested is to mess with her head.

[Mme. Chaucer]

After sex a man has the power he didn't have before, he has her thinking and worrying, that's the point, you want her to think, that's how you build attraction with girls, and by calling her up the next day and I quote 'make her feel good' you're killing the illusion. Girls like you most when they feel insecure, that's the point.

 

All I can say is, I feel sorry for you. If you need to put on a big fake act and play on the insecurities of unstable girls to have anything going on with them … well, it sounds like you don't have much of anything going for you.

 

I guess it's nice for you that there are websites full of other socially disabled fellows so you can high-five amongst yourselves. But hanging with the bottom feeders is not going to help you become a grown up man some day.

 

Seriously. I think the PUA thing makes the boys who buy into it look pathetic, but if it helps an insecure one build up confidence so that he begins to function well socially with girls and to be able to enjoy their company, I'd see that as an okay thing. But to just "live" there and pride oneself on successfully using others - gross.

 

Would you mind answering the question I asked a while back: WHY do you repost all your threads on sosuave and usually several other sites? And why do you cut and paste "PUA" drek from other sites and post it here? What's the point?

Edited December 8, 2011 by Mme. Chaucer

[spinaroonie]

All I can say is, I feel sorry for you. If you need to put on a big fake act and play on the insecurities of unstable girls to have anything going on with them … well, it sounds like you don't have much of anything going for you.

 

One common problem with dating as a man is you can go out and have a great date with a girl, only to have all the attraction evaporate in a few days as you exchange text messages, trying to plan another date.

 

The fact that you aren't someone that she sees regularly in her daily life means that it will be VERY difficult for her to feel any type of connection to you until you sleep with her. However, if you attempt to "forge" a connection by texting her continually, you will likely be punished for showing too much eagerness. It's a catch 22; this is why most traditional "dating" models don't lead to relationships.

 

The best strategy is to mimic the communication strategies of high valued men and prey on her need for validation. This is what it means to be a "challenge." Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days, the only way to get her interest level up is going to be to plant the seed that you aren't sure about her yet and have other prospects. Her need for validation is going to be the key to getting her out with you again, so you need to make her feel that tension and uncertainty.

 

I hate game playing, and it's a shame that two people that like each other can't just go out and be transparent with one another. Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her - in the early stages, anyway.

 

There are plenty of examples on this forum of guys who've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards. It's because they failed to leave room for doubt.

 

Waiting to set up a date maintains intrigue; setting another date right away kills intrigue. A girl will NOT put you on the back burner for being mysterious; she WILL, however, if she knows you're already angling for a relationship with her after one date.

 

Think about it honestly: if you had a great date with a guy and he ignored your texts afterwards, would you forget about it after a week? Probably not - you'd be confused and wonder why he won't talk to you. THAT'S how you build "momentum" between dates. Sending daily reminders of how witty you are will make you look needy, guaranteed.

[Cypress25]

The fact that you aren't someone that she sees regularly in her daily life means that it will be VERY difficult for her to feel any type of connection to you until you sleep with her.

 

That's not true. Women don't need sex before they can feel a connection. Many women prefer to build an emotional connection before they have sex with the guy. It makes sex more meaningful and satisfying for her.

 

Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days, the only way to get her interest level up is going to be to plant the seed that you aren't sure about her yet and have other prospects.

 

If there really was chemistry during your first date, it will not be forgotten in a few days. Women are not that forgetful. Generally, if a woman has a wonderful date with a new guy, she won't be able to stop thinking about it for weeks. If she forgets about it in a few days, that means there wasn't actually any chemistry during the date. The guy only thought there was.

 

Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her - in the early stages, anyway.

 

You don't need that if there is a real connection between you. Making her feel insecure is what guys do when they have to force an artificial connection to compensate for the lack of a genuine connection.

 

There are plenty of examples on this forum of guys who've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards. It's because they failed to leave room for doubt.

 

No, it's because the girl didn't like him enough. He thought it was a great first date, but she obviously didn't.

 

Think about it honestly: if you had a great date with a guy and he ignored your texts afterwards, would you forget about it after a week? Probably not - you'd be confused and wonder why he won't talk to you.

 

No, I would assume he's not interested and I would write him off. It definitely wouldn't make me more interested in him. Ignoring me is a clear signal that he doesn't like me, so I would forget about him and move on.

 

THAT'S how you build "momentum" between dates. Sending daily reminders of how witty you are will make you look needy, guaranteed.

 

That's not how you build momentum between dates. That's how you make a girl write you off as "not interested." I'm not saying you should send daily reminders of how witty you are. There's no need to text back and forth continuously between dates, but you don't need to ignore the girl either. The happy medium (which is what normal people do) is to call or text the girl 1-2 days after the date and ask her out for a second date. That's it. If you had sex, you should do this the very next day.

 

You're so misguided. For some reason, you think making a girl feel insecure is the only way to keep her interested in you. That's simply not true. I've never dated a guy who made me feel that way. I would never date a guy who deliberately kept me waiting, just to make me worry. There's nothing attractive about that. It's an instant turnoff.

[Pizzaman81]

I usually call.

[snowflakes88]

Cypress, you're wasting your keystrokes. These "PUA" techniques are designed for men who can't get women by being themselves.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

The fact that you aren't someone that she sees regularly in her daily life means that it will be VERY difficult for her to feel any type of connection to you until you sleep with her.

 

That is completely false. I know it is part of the "Rules" of your club to never listen to anything women tell you about women, but I assure you that these boards are filled with posts from women who DO feel a big connection to guys they don't see in everyday life, and who they haven't slept with.

 

 

It's a catch 22; this is why most traditional "dating" models don't lead to relationships.

Guess what? "Traditional 'dating' models" led to most of the relationships and marriages that exist. Even though you PUA guys seem to never stop posting crap all over the Internets (instead of hanging out with girls like the cool guys do ), the world is full of people having relationships who've never heard of it.

 

The best strategy is to mimic the communication strategies of high valued men and prey on her need for validation.

 

Do you realize how absolutely creepy and horrible that kind of thing makes you sound?

 

This is what it means to be a "challenge." Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days, the only way to get her interest level up is going to be to plant the seed that you aren't sure about her yet and have other prospects. Her need for validation is going to be the key to getting her out with you again, so you need to make her feel that tension and uncertainty.

 

Again - so very disgusting.

 

Whether it's coming from men or from women, a stance of "making" someone feel a certain way so you can get what you want out of them is just low. Especially when you are a "low value" individual who is "preying" on the low self esteem of a person even more insecure than yourself.

 

I hate game playing, and it's a shame that two people that like each other can't just go out and be transparent with one another. Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her - in the early stages, anyway.

 

I guess so, if you are a lowlife pimp trying to pick up teenaged runaways at bus stops so you can "turn them out."

 

There are plenty of examples on this forum of guys who've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards. It's because they failed to leave room for doubt.

 

I'll admit that an overeager, smothering, pushy guy is not attractive to most, but how about the idea that these girls just weren't very into the guys?

 

A girl will NOT put you on the back burner for being mysterious; she WILL, however, if she knows you're already angling for a relationship with her after one date.

 

Not if she really likes YOU (I mean the actual "you," not all this laughable behavior you are mimicking to try to be a Don Juan).

 

And again, even though you are trained by "Mystery" () to not believe anything women tell you about women, I PROMISE you that any self respecting woman WILL NOT respond positively to being ignored or being put on the back burner herself. Of course, you aren't interested in self respecting women, right?

 

Think about it honestly: if you had a great date with a guy and he ignored your texts afterwards, would you forget about it after a week? Probably not - you'd be confused and wonder why he won't talk to you.

 

Maybe I'd be confused, but I would heed the blazing red flags telling me that either the guy was not interested enough in me for me to bother with, or he was a game player. I would not see a guy again who ignored me after a "great date."

 

Honestly, lots of women have fallen for a player, been hurt by it, and have learned the signs. Not many will go back for more.

[SoleMate]

...Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days...

Actual chemistry will linger in the mind for years. I think you're doing something wrong. Try being more sincere.

[oaks]

After sex a man has the power he didn't have before, he has her thinking and worrying, that's the point, you want her to think, that's how you build attraction with girls, and by calling her up the next day and I quote 'make her feel good' you're killing the illusion. Girls like you most when they feel insecure, that's the point.

 

That's really sad. I wonder if you've been reading too much of the guff produced by the 'seduction industry' and spending too much time over on PUA fora.

[Andy_K]

After sex a man has the power he didn't have before, he has her thinking and worrying, that's the point, you want her to think, that's how you build attraction with girls, and by calling her up the next day and I quote 'make her feel good' you're killing the illusion. Girls like you most when they feel insecure, that's the point.

 

Even if you're looking at this from a PUA perspective, you're wrong. After sex, the deal is done. The game is won. The power balance is switched permanently. You'll no longer get better results by preying on insecurities, being unavailable, or any of that rubbish. If you were any good in bed, she will want to see you again.

[oaks]

And why do you cut and paste "PUA" drek from other sites and post it here?

 

Ooo. I've learned a new word! I may have cause to use that in a moment...

[oaks]

I hate game playing,

 

Well, don't do it, then!

 

Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her - in the early stages, anyway.

 

That's utter drek, and deliberately engendering a feeling of insecurity in someone else is a really base thing to do.

[betterdeal]

After sex, when should he text or call?

 

Preferably after he's left the bedroom. Anything else seems a bit needy.

[spinaroonie]

Well, don't do it, then!

 

 

 

That's utter drek, and deliberately engendering a feeling of insecurity in someone else is a really base thing to do.

 

You need to start getting her to chase YOU. One way to do this: don't text or call her after your next date. She's expecting you to do so, and this will throw her for a loop.

 

Be entirely too predictable and she's already won. You want her to believe that she has competition, and that you're not sold on her. If you were truly spinning plates, she would be able to tell from the erratic pattern of communications from you. Texting consistently is boring her because it presents a lack of challenge.

[oaks]

You need to start getting her to chase YOU. One way to do this: don't text or call her after your next date. She's expecting you to do so, and this will throw her for a loop.

 

Be entirely too predictable and she's already won. You want her to believe that she has competition, and that you're not sold on her. If you were truly spinning plates, she would be able to tell from the erratic pattern of communications from you. Texting consistently is boring her because it presents a lack of challenge.

 

I'm not surprised that you struggle with questions about when to call after having sex if this is an example of how you think dating should be.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP, you seem to have embraced all the tenets of PUA doctrine with the fervid zealotry of a religious fundamentalist. I'm happy that your masters don't require suicide bombings, or you'd be first in line to sign up.