TnMan1961 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 First of all, I want to make this clear, I have been married for over 19 years. June 2012 would be 20 years. In August 2010, my wife called me at work, 40 minutes before I got off of a 12 hour night shift. She told me she had moved out during the night. I had no idea that was going to happen, and I was floored. It has now been over 16 months, and she still won't tell me anything. I can't go on, I can't do anything...I love my wife and gave her everything I ever could, including my heart and soul. We never argued. I bought her everything she told me she wanted. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I was always true to her, and not a second passes that I am not thinking of her after all this time, even. I am at the end of my rope, I give up. My hear won't let me go on, and my soul refuses to stop loving her. My mind tells me I need to get it over with, but I am so confused. I just want it all to end...I need her, but I guess she don't need me at all. I feel as if I am finished...and maybe I really want to be finished. How can someone that you love with all your heart do you like this? I give up. If anyone knows what I should do, please tell me. I am ready to get this over...I don't need to exist anymore, I have nothing without her it seems. But she doesn't want me..Oh well...I guess I am asking, who really cares? I give up. I am so tired of caring anymore...... Link to post Share on other sites
socialgirl73 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 First of all, I want to make this clear, I have been married for over 19 years. June 2012 would be 20 years. In August 2010, my wife called me at work, 40 minutes before I got off of a 12 hour night shift. She told me she had moved out during the night. I had no idea that was going to happen, and I was floored. It has now been over 16 months, and she still won't tell me anything. I can't go on, I can't do anything...I love my wife and gave her everything I ever could, including my heart and soul. We never argued. I bought her everything she told me she wanted. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I was always true to her, and not a second passes that I am not thinking of her after all this time, even. I am at the end of my rope, I give up. My hear won't let me go on, and my soul refuses to stop loving her. My mind tells me I need to get it over with, but I am so confused. I just want it all to end...I need her, but I guess she don't need me at all. I feel as if I am finished...and maybe I really want to be finished. How can someone that you love with all your heart do you like this? I give up. If anyone knows what I should do, please tell me. I am ready to get this over...I don't need to exist anymore, I have nothing without her it seems. But she doesn't want me..Oh well...I guess I am asking, who really cares? I give up. I am so tired of caring anymore...... Don't give up.....Have you tried to talk to her......Is she cheating on you with someone else? Are there children involved? If so, you need to be strong for them..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TnMan1961 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 I have tried talking, texting, calling...all she ever says is simply "I love you, I am so messed up right now"....I get the same thing for the past 16 months. She don't answer texts or calls. I know she is seeing someone else, one of my cousins saw them together, and she saw them too. When I ask her about it face to face, she would say nothing at all. I am at my end here. I love her, but am so, so so tired. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm guessing she met some other guy and that is why she left. That's the only thing that makes any sense as to why she left. People don't normally leave someone they love unless there is someone else in the picture. There's nothing you can really do about this, except focus on pursuing your own dreams, and perhaps get counseling to have a sympathetic ear to help you get through this. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TnMan1961 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 But all I want to know is how can you love some one, give them your all, and have them leave and not be able to tell you why, give you a reason, or give you any type of closure....I give up. Sometimes I think it would be better just to forget and try to move on, but how can you do that after loving someone with all your heart and soul for almost 20 years? That's the part I haven't figured out yet. And how do I ever get her to talk to me and tell me what she truly feels? All I want is am answer....and after all this time, I honestly feel as if I deserve an honest answer. Why can't she just tell me? So I can do whatever I need to do to continue with my dismal and awful life? I just don't understand...I bought things, I cooked her supper, dinner, breakfasts, I worked every day, I always took her places...Hawaii, Jamaica, beaches...and I have no answers at all. I want her to tell me, face to face what happened, and I don't understand why she won't. I am just confused 24/7. I guess I am searching for something that's never coming. But how can I EVER trust anyone again? I trusted her with my heart, soul...everything. Now that is all gone. I am empty, and can't make myself believe in anything at all. It's Christmastime, and I got through Thanksgiving.....but I have nothing to be thankful for anymore. It's awful, and all I want to do is give up on everything and everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 But all I want to know is how can you love some one, give them your all, and have them leave and not be able to tell you why, give you a reason, or give you any type of closure....I give up. Sometimes I think it would be better just to forget and try to move on, but how can you do that after loving someone with all your heart and soul for almost 20 years? That's the part I haven't figured out yet. And how do I ever get her to talk to me and tell me what she truly feels? All I want is am answer....and after all this time, I honestly feel as if I deserve an honest answer. Why can't she just tell me? So I can do whatever I need to do to continue with my dismal and awful life? I just don't understand...I bought things, I cooked her supper, dinner, breakfasts, I worked every day, I always took her places...Hawaii, Jamaica, beaches...and I have no answers at all. I want her to tell me, face to face what happened, and I don't understand why she won't. I am just confused 24/7. I guess I am searching for something that's never coming. But how can I EVER trust anyone again? I trusted her with my heart, soul...everything. Now that is all gone. I am empty, and can't make myself believe in anything at all. It's Christmastime, and I got through Thanksgiving.....but I have nothing to be thankful for anymore. It's awful, and all I want to do is give up on everything and everyone. I know you want closure and some type of explanation, but it doesn't look like you're going to get that from her. If the reason she left is for some other man, then I'm not surprised she doesn't want to face you and explain that to you. You do deserve an answer, but she is probably too ashamed and embarrassed to give you one, because she knows she hurt you and she believes telling you the real reason she left would only hurt you more. The thing is, not knowing is worse than being told the truth. Either she thinks she's sparing your feelings by not telling you the real reason she left, or she's just a coward and doesn't have the guts to face you after hurting you so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 My fist marriage lasted nearly 25 years. My wife now, was married to her ex for as long. If this does not work out between the two of you, you need to know that after the pain & confusion & all the rest you are going through & will go through; life goes on & so will you, it will get better. It's a process. You should not be going through this alone however & although LS is a good place to vent it doesn't replace friends or family or a hand on your shoulder. I might also encourage you to seek a counselor about your feelings at this point. And make it clear to him or her that your seeking help with what "your" going through, not your marriage. Things do get better, sometimes even better than before, hang in there & best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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