Is my boyfriend an alchoholic?

[dharris27]

So, I've been dating a guy for 8 months. Recently his drinking habits have become bothersome and I'm starting to realize he may have a problem.

 

I love to drink. I love going out. BUT I hardly ever get wasted and have only thrown up once in my life from doing so. I have certainly never blacked out. I have had a drink every day for a week before or coped using alchohol but never has it been very often or long. This is only so you know who I am in regards to my perspective.

 

This guy I'm dating is AMAZING. So smart and so good to me. The only problem is the drinking, for me, and now I'm worried for him. On our second date he told me his mom was an alchoholic and it almost ruined their family. They went to counseling and the therapist told him and his brother that one of them would probably inherit the gene. His brother doesn't drink. Jon does a lot.

 

Here are his habits quickly:

 

He often says "I don't trust people who don't drink or smoke or have some substance that works as a vice for them. Life is stressful."

 

He has a HUGE tolerance. Like 2 bottles of wine and two shots without throwing up. Oh, and yes, he has actually drank that much two times in a row even though the hangover was awful.

 

He has been blacked out drunk A LOT in his life. He went to a huge rednecky party school were being blacked out was cool and has apparently kept this up from time to time in adulthood.

 

His reactions to super drukedness are "It's insane." (with a sly smile as if he secretly loves it)

 

He drinks every night at least two-three beers.

 

He plans ahead of time for drinking events, being sure to plan cabs so he doesn't have to drive.

 

Once he was so drunk he PEED in the bed. I woke up wet. He had no idea it'd every happened till morning. He was super embarassed.

 

His friends from college wake up drink, pass out, and do it again all weekend every weekend. They are certainly functional alchoholics.

 

His other group of friends who are not make tiny jabs at him about loving alchohol.

 

I'm pretty sure he chose where we ate at Thanksgiving because there were bottomless mimosas. His college friends came and they were almost drunk before we got there. Everyone got wasted there and one guy heckled the waitress till she was clearly uncomfortable (he was convinced she liked it) and Jon admitted even though I was super embarassed that he loved it.

 

He has a job that requires great attention and creativity. He's high up in his field. He does great at it even though he has these habits.

 

He does not actually get wasted every single night. More like twice a week on average. Blacking out maybe every two months. Probably more before we started dating.

 

He makes it seem so innocent and fun and says "I'm gonna live it up while I'm young." a lot.

 

He never works out. He has NO energy ever. I think all of this is part of it.

 

He also smokes, claims he's hardly a smoker, even though he goes through 7-10 a day. DENIAL.

 

Obviously I think he has a problem but I doubt myself because he makes it seem like it isn't. Our sex has diminished because when he crawls in bed sometimes his pores are just wreeking with the smell (and ciggs). Even the next morning.

 

Is this just someone living out their early years? I know a lot of young people party hard. He is 28.

 

Thanks,

Danielle

[Million.to.1]

My Ex used to say "you are not an alcoholic unless you go to a meeting"

 

He is 31 and still drinking like your boyfriend.

He won't change. Always hung-over. Ewwwww.

 

You need to decide if its something you are willing to tolerate. He will not stop drinking for you. He doesn't see how excessive it is, and to him it's not a problem. If it's a problem for you, then leave.

 

I personally think that that amount and frequency is a problem. But you can't convince someone of that. They need to hit a wall or something drastic needs to happen before they will face it themselves.

 

This is entirely up to you. Personally, I would leave. This will only get worse.

[oldguy]

A substance abuse problem is first noticed when it begins to effect people around the abuser. The bf/gf who suspects it or the victim in the car they crash into.

 

There are many forms of substance abusers. Not all drink to excess all the time but they all drink to excess every time. Have you heard of Al-Anon? it's a no nonsense support group for victims of substance abusers. That would be most people in any sort of relationship with one; family, friends, coworkers...

[JFReyes]

Yes he is. Get out.

Edited December 7, 2011 by JFReyes

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

He often says "I don't trust people who don't drink or smoke or have some substance that works as a vice for them. Life is stressful."

 

 

 

This guy is a nut case, and he is at best repeating the environment he has known since childhood. It is a foregone conclusion that he is going to implode at some point. The only variable is how close you'll be when he does and just how much of your life is hard-wired to his when it happens.

[freestyle]

So, what are your intentions with this relationship?

Are you looking to get married, eventually, start a family?

 

Will this guy make good husband/father material with these habits?

 

Do you like the idea of having to become a babysitter/rescuer/fixer for a grown man, as the addiction progresses?

[startrekfan]

So, I've been dating a guy for 8 months. Recently his drinking habits have become bothersome and I'm starting to realize he may have a problem.

 

I think you should tell him you're annoyed by it.

 

Is this just someone living out their early years? I know a lot of young people party hard. He is 28.

 

Thanks,

Danielle

 

Maybe, but he's an adult. When someone keeps drinking too much more and more health problems happen. He would probably have to decide that he didn't like what drinking is doing to him to drink less.