sally12adams Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Do you now hate your xMM or xMW? I do not think I hate my xMM (the one I had an EA with). I only sometimes feel mild anger to some of the things he put me through. Recently, I even contemplated being friends with him since I no longer feel that way toward him. I guess I mostly feel nothing much toward him anymore. Anyway, am I supposed to hate him? I realized that with all my past relationships (with single men), I never really hated them. I only swung between sadness and anger. Is what I'm feeling normal? Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I think what you're feeling is totally normal. Many here will state you should "despise them for what they did, spit on them, (figuratively - not literally) hate the ground they walk on.......etc, etc" Going thru the chain of emotions, as with many other things in life, is pretty normal. However, I never hated my X. Still don't. Can't understand how someone who was sleeping with another person, possibly loved them at the time can just turn their emotions off & on like a water faucet. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I don't hate him at all - he's a nice guy but circumstances were against us that's all but I've lost that 'feeling' that I had towards him Link to post Share on other sites
flutterbykiss Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 It sounds like your reaction is pretty normal for you and, IMO, detaching is a healthy thing - your head and heart are free to move on into your future. I'd be more concerned if you were so consumed by negative emotions that you weren't coping. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Define "normal". Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'm at 9 months of NC and I'd say early on the first 3 or 4 months I was very mad had feelings of hate. Reason why was the longest she went was about 3 months total NC....Once we got past 5 months I knew she was going to finally leave me alone. My only guess is that she probably has found another OM out there. Now I feel nothing no hate....just recognizing it for what it was. I've come to grips with it. I don't think however I would say anything to her if we were to run into each other...I see no point in it. As for the hate and anger....I think its part of the grieving of the relationship. I've finally moved on from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally12adams Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'm at 9 months of NC and I'd say early on the first 3 or 4 months I was very mad had feelings of hate. Reason why was the longest she went was about 3 months total NC....Once we got past 5 months I knew she was going to finally leave me alone. My only guess is that she probably has found another OM out there. Now I feel nothing no hate....just recognizing it for what it was. I've come to grips with it. I don't think however I would say anything to her if we were to run into each other...I see no point in it. As for the hate and anger....I think its part of the grieving of the relationship. I've finally moved on from it. Good for you! I do not know whether I would say anything to him if we were to run into each other. I would probably smile but not sure about saying anything, not because I do not want to but there does not seem to be anything left for us to talk about. The weather, perhaps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally12adams Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 I don't hate him at all - he's a nice guy but circumstances were against us that's all but I've lost that 'feeling' that I had towards him I am not sure I would define my xMM as "nice." He used psychology to get what he wanted. Even though I helped by becoming involved in a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 So why would you want to stay friends with him? It would be better and healthier for you to cut him out of your life forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally12adams Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 So why would you want to stay friends with him? It would be better and healthier for you to cut him out of your life forever. I did not provide an update. My eventual decision was not to. Therefore the NC. Hopefully he does not contact me and get mad. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Do you now hate your xMM or xMW? I do not think I hate my xMM (the one I had an EA with). I only sometimes feel mild anger to some of the things he put me through. Recently, I even contemplated being friends with him since I no longer feel that way toward him. I guess I mostly feel nothing much toward him anymore. Anyway, am I supposed to hate him? I realized that with all my past relationships (with single men), I never really hated them. I only swung between sadness and anger. Is what I'm feeling normal? I think it's normal. I don't hate mine. Sure, there was an anger phase where I wanted to wring his neck at times, but I was able to get past it and detach in a healthy way. I sincerely hope he is happy and enjoying his family. Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I was always apathetic. Seems to be healthier than feeling hatred. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 The stage of anger is very normal. I have hated my xMW so much, hated for her betrayal, for how her words didn't match her actions. At the end of the A, I felt betrayed, lead on, humiliated to being her 2nd best..ect. I had a big list for hating her. I don't think I would have hated her if we were two single people and she stopped loving me and walked. I hated her for keeping telling me how much she loved me, even after A ended and she was trying to make it work with her H ! Anyway, I don't hate her anymore now, the feeling of betrayal has been replaced by indifference. I absolutely have no interest in knowing what is going on in her life or what she is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderbolt Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I think you're lucky in not going through a stage of hate. Although, it's supposed to be a part of the healing process. I guess it depends on how serious your A became. If it was quite serious and lengthy, then I think it could be healthy to feel that emotion, but not necessarily essential. During one of mine and xMM breakups (at the beginning of the year), we had been in NC for 3 months. It took that long for the hatred to set in. I felt indifference for 3 months and then it all came out. I hated him so much and wrote him the ugliest email. The hatred caused me to break NC. He ended up responding and we resumed the A for a short period of time. As painful and it was to feel that emotion, I'm glad I did because I am now close to 7 months NC. East, like you, I think I hated xMM because even when we weren't together he would still tell me how much he loved me. Even at the bitter end, he was still claiming to love me. That hurt and confused more than if he had just made a clean break with no "I love you's," Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderbolt Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I'm now finally feeling indifference and have no hatred towards him. I see things a lot differently now. For the first time ever, I truly wish him the best in life and hope he's happy. I can only hope he wishes the same for me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally12adams Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 I am not sure I go that far (at least for me) to wish him well. I do not wish anything bad upon him but I am just neutral. Sometimes I even think thinking about him one way or another is wasting my time. Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 What I feel now is apathy. Complete and utter apathy. After so many years of wondering where he was and what he was doing, it feels really good. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts