NC doesnt seem right!

[KS11]

I know i posted the other day, but its getting worse, id really appreciate some help, just anything!

 

I decided that the situation i had going on with this girl wasnt working. I love her more than anything, its tearing me apart that she doesnt want the same thing. So, it was agreed that we should take a break. She said that i need to try and get over her. But that we would talk again soon.

 

I know that i'll never be strong enough to be just friends with her and the idea of her with someone else just kills me. Im so hurt that i thought we had this amazing connection, the way we acted with one another was not how friends act, and now i just feel so used. Like i was just something that occupied her when she needed it, until something better came along. That all the times we had together, that i thought mattered, really didnt mean anything to her at all.

 

The worse part is, i still dont want to get over her. I cant make sense of not having the person you love in your life. Even though its causing me so much pain, the only thing that im clinging to is when we speak again. I keep thinking that she might have changed, because thats better than facing the reality that i know, she wont have changed and that will mean that she definitely wont be in my life.

 

Theres so many things i wish i had said, or questions i want to ask. I just cant take it. I know she is the one for me and its breaking my heart. I dont want to carry on anymore. i really dont.

[Philosoraptor]

I was with my ex for 5 years and had the same thoughts. Owned a house together and slept in bed every night together for the majority of the last 3+ years.

 

The thing is making as little contact as possible is what is best for you. Don't contact her, take care of yourself first. I had to learn the same lesson and I am much better off taking care of myself and working on my own happiness.

[davesterr]

I stayed ''friends'' with my ex for half a year.

When you realise the only reason you live for is to talk to her.

The only reason you get out of bed is so you can wait till you see her.

That's what you realise she was , and still is your life.

When that happens you will never heal. Ever.

 

No one wants to let go of their ex when they love them.

I want my ex with me everyday.

But i know better.

 

In the end you can do 2 things.

Stay her ''friend'' cuz you know you can't be real friends when you still love her.

And you will prevent yourself from moving on untill you find out what guy she is dating and how amazing the sex with him is , which at that point you will go insane. Literally you will lose it completely and you can't even imagen right now how much that would hurt cuz it wil be a million times more painful.

 

Or you can do what you know is best.

Not be her friend again untill you are over her.

Even if this means you can't talk to her or think of her for the next 2 years.

 

Every choice in life comes with sacrifices man.

You just gotta decide what's best for you and what you want most.

Only you can make this decission.

 

Ps: If you have questions left about the past or things you want to say , then say it.

1 last time , let everything out.

Give yourself closure if you insist.

Don't expect her to come back to you.

But simply tell her everything so you can forgive yourself and not regret having not said it in the future.

Just know closure won't make the pain go away though.

You need to find a new reason to live for.

Edited December 7, 2011 by davesterr

[silly_panda]

KS11, I read your story but I don't know if I get it rite... You like this girl but were never in a relationship with her... Am I getting it rite..?

 

Cause I think there is a difference between staying friend after a relationship has ended with staying friend after being rejected...

[KS11]

Yeah, we were never together. There was a point where it was talked about like it could happen, but that never materialised.

 

Which i cant help thinking makes it worse. She said that there was something there, and its the not knowing, the what could have been which i cant get out of my head. Theres so many things i wished we had done and as stupid as it is, i still believe something might happen. I know everyone on here says that you dont do NC to make them miss you, but i cant help but cling to that tiny bit of hope that it might.

 

I know whats going to happen, we will speak again probably in the new year, which i will keep me going, knowing that we will speak. And then i'll tell her that im in exactly the same place and all the hurt and the proper realization will start for real. I just someone to tell me theres still hope somewhere. I know im deluded. but im also a wreck.

[davesterr]

Wanting someone to tell you a fairy tale isn't gonna do much.

But if that's what it takes for you to keep ur sanity then so be it.

I mean it works that way with religion so why not right? (no offense to people)

 

Anyway i know what it's like to go back and think of all the stuff you could've done more.

The things you could've done better or shouldn't have done.

But like i said: The past is the past and nothing is gonna change that.

Just work on what your actions will be from right now.

 

It's kind of weird how you never were together though.

So im not sure whether you asked her out and got rejected.

Either way everything comes with a risk.

If you still have hope and you still want to try then by all means go for it.

Just know you can get hurt in the end again.

Listen to your inner voice and do what you feel is right.

No one on here can tell you what you should do.

[esteem-jam]

If she wanted to be with you, she would so let you know, believe me. You would be the first, or one of the first people to know. And she isnt the single person on the planet, there are others, who will welcome you in her arms, cherish you, support you and keep you company. At least thats what Im looking for. Im sobbing for someone like you, I havent been with her. But I dont even like of the idea of meeting that girl and explaining why I am so good and right for her, I dont even like myself when I picture that. The other party should already know Im a golden catch... or a diamond, ... or a diamond that needs to be polished, but definitely to be kept.

[KS11]

Davesterr: Thanks for the advice. Im sorry for being unclear. But yer i did tell her everything. However, i only worked up the courage to do so after she told me she had been on a few dates but felt guilty (this was ages ago now)..and once she told me that i knew i had to say...so told her everything, and have done so countless times since, much to my mistake no doubt. She uses the excuse that she never knew, and that i only told her as a reaction. Which makes me so upset. The only reason i didnt say anything was because i was scared sh**less*.

 

Im sorry for carrying on. I know i should just accept whats happened. But i just cant. As selfish as it sounds i want to know that shes suffering. That i did matter. but i know its pointless. I just feel like she liked me at my best, and has now left me at my worst. When i need her most. And all i want to do is pick up the phone and hear her voice. It breaks my heart some of things she said, like 'shes never met anyone like me' and that im so special and all that sh*t...if that was the case, why would you be ok with letting someone so important slip away. How can someone you thought you knew be so heartless!

 

Im sorry.

[davesterr]

My ex gf told me i was the most amazing guy in the world and that she would never leave me.

Guess what?

She did.

 

What im trying to say is , it doesn't matter what a girl once told you.

Maybe she ment it at the time , maybe she didn't.

Mine told me she loved me but then again what changed?

I know i sure haven't

All i know now is that she no longer loves me even when i gave up my entire life for her.

 

I know you want to hear she is suffering and how much you mean to her.

But the only thing i can guarantee you is that she is not suffering as much as you.

Infact im sure she is pretty ok living her life otherwise she wouldn't be so cold towards you.

 

In the end the only thing you really wanna hear is that she loves you and wants to be with you.

Because even if she called you right now and said her life is falling apart , but somehow can't be with you.

Then what?

What good will that do?

Nothing at all , because if it was true then why wouldn't she be with you?

 

How can someone be so heartless?

I don't know dude.

People mostly only care about themselves.

Maybe she ment what she said , maybe she just changed.

Maybe she never truely ment it otherwise she would've been with you.

Or maybe she just said it to make you feel better.

Heck no one knows.

All i know is , it doesn't matter because even knowing it won't change anything.

So don't spend all your energy thinking about it or trying to find out.

 

Like i said man: She may have said the sweetest things to you.

And maybe she ment them at the time , who knows.

But whatever she thinks or feels , she still rather not be with you.

So all of it doesn't matter.

Yes it does feel good knowing we still matter.

And yes it does feel good knowing and hearing we're not worthless even if that's how we feel right now.

But in the long run that's not gonna solve anything.

You need to pick urself up from the ground and regain your own self worth.

This is something only you can do.

Not the girl you like can get you this , not any advice or peptalk from us , no one but you.

And the only way you can feel comfident about yourself is by completing goals.

Doing what you love , enjoying your life and eventually maybe finding someone new who really does love you.

And wants to be with you.

 

At some point if you truely love her.

Then you have to let her be free.

If she doesn't want to be with you , then you can't be selfish.

True love is putting someone else before you.

Even if it kills you.

And even if it's only 1 sided love.

All you can do is accept it.

Yes it seems impossible especially when we feel at our worst.

But that's why we do stuff like nc.

Not because we like it.

But because we force ourselves not to talk to our ex , not to think about her or wait for her.

So we can use whatever strength we have left to focus on ourselves.

Unless you do the same and try to heal , you will never feel like you are able to live.

Right know you are hurt and your wound is bleeding.

Stop cutting it open further yourself.

Put a bandage on it , step away from whatever causes the pain.

And try to let it heal.

No matter how long it takes.

Yes a scar will be formed and it will never go away.

But atleast you ain't bleeding to death.

And yes in some extreme cases where the person refuses to heal , that has happened.

 

Best advice as always is just let the past be the past.

I've been where you are.

I got the perfect closure.

I got to talk to my ex.

I got to hear that it wasn't my fault and that i didn't do anything wrong.

And i got told that she would never forget me.

Maybe she means it.

Im sure she will never truely forget me since we remember people we hardly met.

But i know i will never be the number 1 memory in her life.

I will never be the guy she will truely love forever and who she will think of all her heart.

But you know what?

All of what i got , that you right now think you want to hear.

It didn't make the sadness go away.

Sure it made me accept it easier and maybe give me a bit more inner peace.

But really , the bottom line is , im still here alone heartbroken.

And nothing will change that unless my ex somehow comes back in my life and tells me she loves me.

I knw this won't happen , so all i can say is:

Don't pay toomuch attention of the past.

Don't focus toomuch on what she said.

Past is the past , words are just words.

The now (your life at this moment) is what matters and as hard as it is , she's not in it and you will have to find a way to live it on your own.

 

Anyways don't be sorry for posting man.

Just do whatever you need to feel better.

We're all in the same place here and we all just try to help eachother trying to feel better.

Edited December 7, 2011 by davesterr

[TheJiltedGeneration]

NC never really "feels right" as in essence you are essentially rejecting your natural feelings of desired unity with someone in order to make peace with yourself. You are so used to the dependancy and comfort of being with someone or having them in your life that anyother option does not seem like a tangible way to live. There will be a eternal struggle with your feelings believe me, but luckily ( and in some ways unluckily) your feelings fluctuate and are not permanent ( for the most part) and if you were able to find happiness before she entered your life then you are definitely capable of the same after.

 

you will go in and out of feelings of rejection and misery but also while your away from her this give you opportunities to cut your losses and do constructive things with your time. It's trite and people say this over and over, but when you start engaging in activies you wont have time to think about her and eventually the feeling will go away. you might dip in and out of horrid feelings while your doing this but so long as you don't alow your mind to consider her partnership as the be all end all of life, then these feelings will fade in time and you can get right back on with doing what you need to do.

 

not great advice I know, but trust me NC is definitely the right way to go it just the fact that your feelings are rejecting change and wish to slum it with the sacrosanct, but once your happier away from her these feelings will adjust to the change as well..

[silly_panda]

KS11, it's simple actually... if you like her and you wanna go after her... Go for it... You just need to pick up the courage... Be confident... Don't bother about the outcome... Never try never know... No pain, no gain...

 

Some of my ex said "no" to me at first but I still end up getting them... The key here is know what/who you wan, be yourself, be confident, be caring, and listen... That's all... The 'nice guy' thing doesn't work if you are going after a girl... Like going out of your ways to do something for her... No no... The point is, make it clear to her that "I am currently going after you and wanna be your boyfriend..." When girl knows a guy who is currently going after her, they will pay attention to that guy and see if they could start something with him...

 

If you go down the friend road from the beginning and she see you as a friend, then she will only see you as a friend... That's how things work...

Go all out... You got nothing to lose... And if she still says "no" then it's time to move on... What you are feeling for her now is affection and infatuation... Not love yet (sorry to say this but it's true)... It's easier to move on when you don't have love involved...

[KS11]

Hi Silly Panda

 

I have told her exactly how i feel. Ive been fighting for months to try and make something happen, but have be told by so many you cant make someone feel something no matter how hard you try. It just upsets me thinking that a while back when we were talking about how it could work, she said shes worried that if it was to go wrong she'd lose someone so special. And now, she didnt even give it a go, but has also lost me.

 

What makes you think its just an infatuation? It certainly doesnt feel like that. I wish it was.

 

Im really worried that im not dealing with this right. Its been nearly a week of NC, and i know thats not alot, but i dont think im accepting the fact that its over. How do you do that? Im still convincned in my mind theres a chance, and i know its absurdly delusional but its keeping me going. That and the fact that i know she will contact me again. How do i get out of denial?

[davesterr]

You either seek failure by contacting her and maybe this time hearing no will do.

Or you wait a looooooong time untill she is dating someone else and you are still alone crying for months.

Aventually at some point your common sense will prevail over your hope.

When that happens something dies inside of you.

But then you will finally accept it.

 

And about her messaging you , well that might happen.

But it will be the kind of small talk friends do.

It won't be her asking you to date her.

So if that's what you're waiting for or if that is what gives you hope.

Well all i can say is don't wait for it cuz even when she does say hi.

Just hi is all it will be.

Edited December 8, 2011 by davesterr

[silly_panda]

You are still holding to the words she said last time... davesterr, gave a very good point in not to bother what she had said and not letting it cloud your thoughts...

 

Yes, she said you are special to her... But in what way..? Romantic way..? Friendly way..? Everytime when you told her about your feelings... What was her respond and what did she said..? If most of the time her answer is "I don't know...", then I will say this girl is not a person to keep... Cause she doesn't know what she wants or she is just stringing you...

 

Honestly, if a girl is interested in you, you will be able to feel that... Do you feel that she is interested in you in a romantic way..?

 

Like davesterr said, go talk to her one last time and ask her to give you a straight answer... There is no "not sure..." or "i don't know..." It's either "yes" or "no"... Whatever the answer is, you will feel much better afterwards...

[davesterr]

silly_panda is right. If you do want to talk to her let her be straight.

I learned that women like to avoid the truth by giving vague answers.

''I don't know'' means no.

There's a bunch of girls who told me: I don't know and it always ended as nothing.

Because there is no such thing as not knowing when it comes to your own feelings. Everyone knows what they feel inside.

There's only a thing called not being straight forward to avoid any awkward moment or by avoiding to hurt the other person directly.

Though ironically the vague answers hurt more indirectly in the long run.

Edited December 8, 2011 by davesterr

[TheJiltedGeneration]

silly_panda is right. If you do want to talk to her let her be straight.

I learned that women like to avoid the truth by giving vague answers.

''I don't know'' means no.

There's a bunch of girls who told me: I don't know and it always ended as nothing.

Because there is no such thing as not knowing when it comes to your own feelings. Everyone knows what they feel inside.

There's only a thing called not being straight forward to avoid any awkward moment or by avoiding to hurt the other person directly.

Though ironically the vague answers hurt more indirectly in the long run.

 

pretty much have to vouch for both davestarr and sillypanda too. for over two years the girl I really loved always concluded with this as a means to avoid walking on egg shells. It's because it removes them from responsibility, as well as biding more time away from the issue. when she had a safe range from me (unless she wanted to hang out during class) she could make any excuse she wanted about not responding to my emails, phone calls , ect ( she can use photoshop and other drawing utilities on a computer and yet she says she cant even use her own phone.. HEH) as she wasn't directly put in a awkward situation. "I don't know" is pretty much synonymous with "I don't want to answer", which means "if I answer I know you wont like it". if they had feelings for ya they would'nt try to divert themselves away from a direct response and just tell you outright. sometimes a persons actions speak volumes and if they are being evasive of an issue then it pretty much means they just dont want to deal with the fallout from the "REAL" answer.

 

sorry to spell it out man but unfortunately it is what it is and you need to recognize these signals in the early stages before you do yourself a lot of harm.. TRUST ME if I took my own advice and recognized this early november of 2009 I think I could have done so much better coping with the travails of university and life..

[KS11]

TheJiltedGeneration: This really hit home, im thankful for your honesty but f*** it hurts so much

 

I know youre so right. Some of the stuff you describe is exactly how it was, with not being able to reply to a message but could do something etc. I think this is something ive known has been happening for a while now but tried so hard to ignore it. Its trying to forget the way things were that i need to do.

 

Ive read loads of posts on here, and it never ceases to amaze me the same thing comes up. You think you know someone and they turn out to be different. Im trying so hard to keep saying to myself 'she doesnt care', but i cant escape that overriding feeling of who she was, or who i know is. Its like a pain ive never felt. I truly believe that i will never meet someone as beautiful as this girl and it scares me to death. Everyone i see i immediately compare to her, and no one comes close. Ive read a lot of stories on here of people who say 'they no longer think about the person etc'...but i genuinely cant see there being a time where thats the case. I know im not going to find better, everyone minute i spent with or talked to her, i felt privileged to do so.

 

I recently met another girl a few weeks back, and she has even expressed feelings towards me. But they mean nothing. Shes lovely, but i feel nothing for her. Other than this selfish need to want to enjoy her affection. Which i know is terrible. I have told her my situation, but still i feel guilty about talking to her.

 

Theres a big part of me that wants to ring her up and say how could you do this etc etc...but i never will, because i know that might make her hate me. How ridiculous is that?!! ahh im soo messed up. THis is consuming me, and has done for months. Im so close to failing my studies, nothing matters to me anymore.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

well again I've said this time and time before ( should be a personal motto) that as allot of the people we've all dated on this site are young they still dont know what the hell they want and therefore are very fickle. They are so used to choice and availability in what men/women are on offer that they tend to overlook what really matters. Thus they don't appreciate anyone for being decent or genuinely caring because they can leave for someone else anytime they want( they think some one else will give them more but tbh there desires are very unrealistic) this archetype of ex-lover pops up over and over in these forums which just goes to shows not only how shallow and weak-minded these ex's are but how they are after the same thing.. unrealistic satifiation from someone w/o having to give any affection or exert any effort back in return...

 

 

but yea I know the temptation of being with a another girl as a temporary way station of comfort but think about it...do you REALLY want to hurt this girl the same way that other girl has hurt you??? have to show a bit of empathy with how this new girl will be in the same spot as your in now if you choose to be in item for the wrong reasons...

 

 

I nearly failed my first year of university ( did better second but not by much) and I could potentially be heading down the same road this time too.. funny enough a very fresh thread from... Futuredentist.. I think... was in the same position with her grades also in which I pretty much said the same thing...

 

you have to be realistic... if you suffer tunnel vision from this currect object of affection elements of your life are going to take a nose dive also, as they have been put on a backburner so you can focus on her. think about it... once your schooling has ended because of your struggle to obtain her you will realise that you education was the only thing really worth placing your time in, as it was "INSURED" that you would obtain. whereas this girl was always a risk.

 

not only that but (like I said in the other thread) but say you and her get together... you see how indecisive she was from that "I don't know comment... do you really want that plaguing your mind while your with her?. that she could leave again as she "might not know" if the relationship would work any further than it might have?. do you want the anxiety of trying to be the alpha male all the time to keep her interest on you all the time?. that would be exhausting.... ( heh I would know I did this and believe me it aint worth it)... and when she then decides "I am bored now I think I'll just high tail it and leave". all you will be left with is how you feel inadequate that your best was never good enough. even though it wasn't because you weren't a great boyfriend it was just she just doesn't know what she should really appreciate...

 

 

it's hard as we can all add a dash of logic on a situation but can never exactly tell you how to tinker with your feelings as thats kind of what we're struggling through too.. Just keep in mind that these feelings are fleeting and if you feel down in certain spaces of time it is also possible to feel up. just keep your head in the now and do things that will keep you happy at this moment and right now rather than reflecting or predicting..

 

your not messed up about how you feel, just your emotions need to adapt to her absence.. we all do...

[Popehappycat]

Step 1: Take her off that pedestal.

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit!

[KS11]

TheJilted: Unsurprisingly i have thought about what i would do if she were to say lets give it a shot. And as you say...ive imagined how i would always be feeling like i was never enough. That said, im pretty sure if she did say that, it would make me so happy. Even if only for a short period. I know none of this matters however, as its never going to happen. It would be nice to know if there are any stories of something like that happening. Do you think these people will ever realise or regret the decisions the make?

 

Todays been another low point. Although we're doing NC, i have a big urge to say something i should of. The last thing she said to me was that i need to 'work on some things' and that i need to 'get over her' . At the time i didnt say anything, except that i hope the rest of her course goes well. To which she said why do you say sh*t like that, we'll speak before then!'. I really want to break the NC and say, you do realise that by asking me to get over you, it means that will be it. I know deep down this wont change anything, i just wish there was a combination of words that would shock her into saying what i want to hear. I keep telling myself that i dont want to contact her because its just going to hurt more. I wonder whether shes thought about me at all. I doubt it.

[davesterr]

Listen dude , i've been reading your posts and i hate to say this but you're not getting it.

This advice will sound hard and remember it is only my opinion.

So this doesn't mean it's true , and it doesn't mean im right.

The future is never set so no one knows what's going to happen.

Not me , not you , not even her.

But i really feel like i should give you my honest thoughts because you're not getting smarter.

So let me break it down to you.

 

1. This girl does not want you.

She does not want to date you because if she did that she would've already.

She does not care if you get over her , infact this is what she wants you to do.

I would say this girl is completely over you , but i would be lieing because she has never felt anything for you in the first place.

So doing nc to make her miss you , playing hard to get or contacting her and tell her: If i get over you then this is really it , is a joke.

Seriously , she does not care.

Im sorry to say this dude but really.

There is nothing you say to shock her or make her realise what she can have with you because she is just not interested.

 

2. Do girls ever realise or regret the decissions that they've made?

Well the answer to that is yes.

However , Only a very few.

Why? Because girls are stupid.

They never learn.

They date a douchebag , get hurt and then date another one.

The cycle repeats because they never learn.

So unless this girl happens to be smart relationship wise , i would say: chances are pretty small that she will.

All of this is ofcourse , talking about someone who has dated eachother.

Your case is different so let me tell you a story.

 

7 years ago i met this girl in spain.

She was at the time , the most gorgeous girl in the world that i ever saw.

I thought she was way out of my league.

Either way one day i saw her and she saw me in the hotel we were staying.

And to my suprise she smiled at me , all the way while walking past me.

For me it was love on first sight. (i was still young back then)

I never got to see her again but then after i got home.

A few months after i added her on facebook and exchanged some flirtful messages.

However i found out she had this no life boyfriend who she was dating.

She was 15 , he was 22!

Add to that that he was a no life , had no job , looked aweful and was posessive of her.

Even went online to threaten me if i talked to his girlfriend lol.

So he made her delete her facebook and cut all contact with me.

I was devastated because i still loved this girl i never even dated before.

So i hacked this guys email , found that girls email , and added her on skype.

We talked a bit but she got mad when i told her how i found her email.

She said: Do you think its acceptable that you hacked my bfs email?

I said: Well i did it for you. (in a way i still think it was really romantic how i did the impossible just to talk to her again)

Anyways she was pissed off and i gave her her bfs email back and we never talked again.

 

Now you probably wonder why i told you this story.

See just like you , at the time , i wondered:

Will she ever regret not trying to be my friend or date me?

Knowing that im actually an amazing guy while her bf who wasn't only an adult when he was dating that girl who was 15 , but also had no life and no future?

This thought stayed in my mind for a while.

I always wanted her to message me and say:

I'm so sorry , you were right , i made a mistake , let's be together.

 

Anyways 3 weeks ago i received an email message.

This girl i met 7 years ago somehow remembered my email and messaged me.

She said that she is coming to my town to study and wondered if i still used this email.

I replied with: Yeah i still live here and i still use this email. How's it going?

Then she sent me this huge ass email.

She said that she and her bf stayed together for 7 more years.

And that she just found out that he has been cheating on her all along.

That he used a seperate email address and contacted girls he would date.

She said that she remembered that i once hacked that guys email , and wonders if i could do it again so she could find out who he has been dating.

She said that that was the only reason she thought of me

So 7 years later , after everything i would've done for her at the time.

The stuff i did to try and contact her by going as far as hacking her bfs email.

And then when i finally do all that stuff she gets pissed off at me and never talks to me again.

Now 7 years later when i was right , with her douchebag bf cheating on her all this time , with her wasting 7 years of her youth by staying loyal to this scumbag , she finally messages me only for me to clean up her dirty work by wanting me to hack her bfs email again , even though 7 years ago she got pissed at me for doing just that.

Despite of how it was the only way i could ever talk to her which i thought was really sweet.

So in the end , she never thoughts of me in a good way , or about how amazing i was or could've been.

She never cared about me.

And she definitely never regret ever not being with me.

All she wanted me to do now was to do her dirty work like a doormat.

She even admitted this in the email she sent me when she stated that the only reason i popped up was cuz i hacked her bfs email all that time ago and nothing more.

 

Long story short , girls usually just don't regret making a decission.

And if they do it's because they been with the other person and just didn't know what they wanted at the time.

But girls almost NEVER regret making a decission of not dating someone.

Because how can she regret it , if she doesn't know what to regret?

She never dated you , she will never know how it would feel to be with you.

Why would she regret the mere thought of not dating you when she is too busy meeting and dating others?

 

I know this is a long post and i know my story in it is pretty useless.

But i just thougt i let you know how stupid things can go you know.

7 years later the girl i once loved who i never dated , finally contacted me and i was in the position to tell her: I told you so.

I could've rubbed it in her face.

I could've tried to make her meet me in reallife so we could hang out.

But you know what?

7 years later , i do not want anything to do with her.

She changed , i changed , there's no feelings left.

Mostly because there weren't any real feelings to begin with.

Despite my thoughts of how amazing things could've been.

So i just ignored her email and didn't hear back since.

Most likely never will and definitely will never care.

 

So all i can do is just give you the same advice over and over.

There's nothing you can say that will shock her.

And playing hard to get never works unless a girl is already interested in you.

And im pretty sure she will never regret not dating you since girls are stupid and since regretting something you never had is pretty impossible.

I know you won't be the guy who will be her last thought of her life.

As hard as this is , it's the truth.

And untill you realise it , you will keep making yourself hurt.

 

As previously stated.

If you want this girl then you gotta swoop her off her feet.

No amount of argueing or convincing by talking or any of that will make her fall for you.

Heck girls hate drama and so does everyone else.

Yeah i know when we are so hurt , we beg , we become spineless , we do anything we can just to talk to the one we love.

But that's not how you can get a girl back.

Even if everything you say to her is right , it still won't matter because girls are too dumb to realise it.

I never feel that begging is a good thing to do , but for some they have gotten back together even after they did among everything else.

The girl might realise how hurt the guy is and how much he loves her and did for her and maybe 1 in a million they get back together.

And 1 in a billion that they actually last.

But that is all for broken couples you know.

 

You have never dated this girl.

She's simply someone your crazy about.

As much as u think it's love , i hate to tell you that it isn't.

Whether you want to believe me or not.

Then again you should be thankful because a real broken heart , instead of the broken heart of what could've been hurts so much more.

I know this isn't helping you tho so il just break down the advice.

 

You got a few options.

First: realise that you were never a couple.

So forget the whole: If i call her and tell her il get over her then this is it.

She wont care.

Second: forget the thought of her regretting her decission.

It won't happen.

And if by some miracle it does , big chance is when the day finally does happen , you couldn't care less.

Just look at my story.

 

So what you can do is:

Swoop her off her feet.

This girl is like any other girl in school or wherever you meet them.

The only way you can make her like you is by making her like you.

You do this by being funny , hanging out , flirting and aventually going on dates.

I don't know how well you know her though.

But the bad thing is that you already asked her out numerous times and she always said no.

 

This leaves you to 2 options:

Either keep trying , or accept it and move on.

By keep trying i dont mean harassing her.

I mean , do whatever you can.

Give yourself a make over , go to the gym , learn to dance , dress differently.

Become whatever you need to become to impress her more.

Stay her friend as hard as it is , and slowly but progessively grow in her eyes.

Aventually it's a gamble cuz no one knows what will happen , but really that's the only way.

Telling a girl how wonderful you are even if it's true , doesn't work.

Ever.

 

Second option: As you already know.

Let it go.

Only you know what you feel.

Or only you know what you think you feel.

Because what you feel right now isn't neccessarily what you will always feel.

Again just look at my story.

If you choose this one well then i don't have to give u any more advice than what is already given on this topic or this forum in general.

It's a long hard road but it leads to different places and maybe different girls.

Even if this girl you never dated before in your mind seems the most amazing ever , she might not be.

I learned there is always more amazing girls in this world.

The question is , whether you will find them.

I know you will never find anyone if you only stay in your room crying over this one girl who doesn't like you back.

So if you wanna have any chance of happiness i would suggest you get out and start living your life to your fullest potential.

 

Ps: I don't know how old you and this girl are.

But you seem pretty young.

Im sure you haven't been in a real relationship before based on the vibe i get from reading.

So let me just give you some personal quick advice on the dating game.

 

Teenagers 14-17

If you are in this category which it feels like you are.

Then don't bother explaining anything to her.

Girls like these are incredibly stupid and don't know what they want.

Simply dress black , act swag , dance hiphop and look like a douchebag.

Get a sixpack and act cool.

Doesn't matter if ur stupid or a complete tool.

This is what girls like.

 

18-20.

These girls have had their fair share of dicks and douchebags.

Their personalities and brains can now be seperated from the mass.

Look at what they like.

Girls like these aren't really into dating and holding hands alot often anymore.

They most likely just wanna have a good time.

Smoke pot , watch a movie and before u know it your getting laid.

Yeah as lame as it sounds that's how it goes.

Then again some do like to date and if you are lucky , this girl will have a better chance at seeing what you are worth.

So definitely stay true to yourself.

However look at who you are dating.

Slutty girls and college party chicks just wanna have fun and won't stay loyal.

The more quiet girl you meet online , might be lonely and want a more intimite relationship.

So know who you are chasing.

 

21-30

Don't even bother lol.

These women are sick of working their jobs and want a rich man to get settled.

Forget all that you learned.

Where alpha male in school was popularity.

Alpha male status right now is success , a career and money.

Want a girl who stays with you and get married?

Get rich.

As shallow as it is , no adult woman wants to date a guy who's broke , has no car , no job and lives with his parents.

No matter how sweet you are.

It just doesn't work like that.

 

Like i said: There's always individuals that are different.

But due to my personal knowledge , these are the main categories we can place most women in.

Im sure alot of women will get mad at me on this forum.

But i don't care.

Im here to help you , and not to say that women are amazing people.

Cuz when you get older you realise , men and women both suck.

Everyone is shallow and no one can be trusted.

You are all you got on this world man , and you gotta learn how to live with it.

 

Then again i don't say love is impossible to find.

Im just saying , make smart decissions and know what you are after.

And maybe with this new insight info , you might realise different things.

Then again it is just my personal opinion.

So don't take any of this as facts.

What works for me may not work for you.

Ps: This is based on american girls so if your in the uk or somewhere else , i may be way off lol.

Edited December 9, 2011 by davesterr

[silly_panda]

davesterr, nice post and nice story... Guess I should learn from the guy on how to make my girlfriend stay with me for 7years..? Hahaha!

[Popehappycat]

Holy f*ck sh*t, while I don't always agree with you, dave, and your tendency to use "u" and "ur" drives me crazy sometimes, this has to be one of the most epic replies ever. I find your advice helpful and your story very relevant to this situation. Well done, sir.

[davesterr]

Thanks popehappy cat. I appreciate it alot.

I'll try to use less u and ur.

Never knew it actually bothered people lol.

It's just how i type when i'm too lazy for proper grammar and prefer a quick reply.

[KS11]

Hi Davesterr,

 

i cant tell you how much i appreciate the time youve taken to give me some advice. And honestly i am all to aware im 'not getting it'. I apologise if it sounded like I wasnt taking any notice, i think its just me trying to hide myself from what i dont want to hear, even though its the truth.

 

A lot of what you said really hit home, particularly about her not being able to regret something shes never had. I never thought about it like that before. It makes a lot of sense..and even though i would argue that we do all have regrets about things we have never done or experienced, you're right in as much as what does it matter anyway??

 

The more i re-read what youve said the more it makes more sense. I know i must sound like i have my head in the sand, but its just trying to reclaim some sense of worth for what i thought we shared i guess. As far as my options go now, i don't think its possible to stay friends, and as much as i would do anything to be enough, like you say theres no guarantee it would work. Its funny you think im in the 14-17 category, im actually 23, but i guess this experience has reduced to me a whimpering 17 year old!! Im really curious at to why you think im not in love with her? purely because we've never dated?? again im not having a go..just interesting...

 

Once again, i cant tell you how much i appreciate your advice, whenever im feeling really tempted to break NC i come and read what youve said, and it makes me angry enough to not do it. I guess i just have to keep telling myself 'she doesn't care'.

 

I only wish i could be guaranteed to meet someone better.