flow15 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 My story is in the breaking up forum if anyone wants to look, I posted about a month ago. Which is when I finally decided to end everything with my ex, who kept coming back and forth, back and forth, and using me... When I ended it, I felt great that I had finally taken control and ended the horrible situation that I was in. That was exactly a month ago today... I haven't heard from him since, not a single peep!! and these past few days, I've been feeling so down, I'm missing him more than ever! I don't understand it. I've been reminiscing more and more, and random memories that I hadn't thought about in possibly a year just randomly crop up in my mind! I wish I could erase my memories!! Because all they do is just make me feel awful, I yearn for him so much, and I don't know why... possibly because I thought he would have contacted me by now? Maybe reality is finally hitting me? I've met a few guys in this past month, but all I do is compare them to him and NO ONE matches up. He was perfect aside from being an arsehole to me- we were perfect on paper, in 2 years I haven't been attracted to anyone else, haven't had the same connection, haven't had the same things in common.... I know the way my ex treated me lately was horrible... but all I seem to think about now are the good times, and when he was wonderful to me...I have him on a pedestal and I don't know why! I'm just ranting here, but it would help if anyone can relate or could tell me why I'm feeling this way.... Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 you probably are just lonely and would like to hear him wanting you rather than actually being with him again. like u said he was an ******* so i know the latter isn't what you want. just dont do anything dumb like calling him and just live ur life. feelings come and go. its just important u dont give in to them. Link to post Share on other sites
LostJustLost Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Personally, I blame it on the "silly season". I too am on the same emotional rollercoaster - one minute Im thinking "I got this.. I can do this" and the next he's the only thing I can think about. The worst is when the why's come screaming back and set everything off inside my head and out. I'm not one to give advice, my life is pretty screwed up and I don't think I could help anyone since I'm struggling to help myself but it sounds to me like y'all did the right thing for you, but even when you know that in your head, it's still hard. Your heart doesn't always listen. At least mine doesn't. Stay with NC. It's really the only way. Give yourself time to heal and hopefully y'all can see the whole picture of your relationship instead of keeping him on that pedestal. Best of luck ~L Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 >>>I've met a few guys in this past month, but all I do is compare them to him and NO ONE matches up. He was perfect aside from being an arsehole to me.. >> He was perfect aside from being an arsehole to me > an arsehole There's your answer! If he's an arsehole to you, he ain't worth it! NC isn't a magic cure that makes everything better. It puts you on a path that can still be challenging to climb. The fact that you have lasted a month however is a testament to your strength and resilience. Also, I don't know what capacity you've "met other guys", but if it was in a date form, then you're moving far too fast- in my opinion at least. You should be happy being single (which, if you look at my last few posts is hypocritical for me to say at the moment, but it's the best advice!) and most importantly, you should heal properly before even thinking about other guys. The fact you haven't heard from him is good. It's painful I know. But it is good. You're doing the right thing. Some days will still be **** but I promise you, this is going to make you. You'll look back in years time and praise yourself for the determination you showed. You'll be a better woman because of it. Trust me on that! Good luckk. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 The inital ending is a strong feeling, and you rode it for all it was worth. Everyone crashes but you get to decide how you let that effect you. I crashed and went insane, but after those couple days I got back on track. Focus on what you want to do and not on dating yet if you're not ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 Thanks everyone, I know it will just take time... and no I'm not ready to date, but it would be nice to know there is someone out there!! I guess I'm find NC hard, cos last time I did it- over the same guy- I did it for 6 months and here I am back to square one! But I guess last time I went NC was partly (or mostly) to try win him back... so now reality is kicking in.... Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 That is an important thing to realize. You need to do NC for yourself to heal and not with another agenda. The same thing happened to me when I started off trying to win her back, then I started taking care of myself and I'm much happier because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 (edited) Flow, trust me on this: he's doing you a favor by not reaching out. since i went NC in March of this year - - i haven't heard a peep out of my ex. well - - to be honest i did reach out to him a few weeks ago. but that's another story altogether. suffice it to say i more than survived and yes - -it hurt at first because it would've have meant so much to know that he had missed me or was thinking about me. but overtime i realized that the less i heard from him, the better off i was. i didn't have to worry about him bringing me false hope. i didn't have to worry about the endless speculation as to what did he mean when he said/did this or that? i didn't have to worry about listening to him talk about how hot other women were. and i certainly didn't have the grim anticipation of the inevitable "drop off" when he tired of me and went off in search of some other woman to chase. a month of NC is good. but in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't much. it may take several months before you're over him. but don't give up. you will get there, you just have to be patient with yourself. Edited December 12, 2011 by radiodarcy Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 Thanks radiodarcy! I know I have to be patient, I guess I am just impatient because this has gone on for too long now!! And you are definitely right about it better that they're not in contact- 2 months ago I felt awful when I was waiting for him to contact, reading so much into everything he did, him leading me on.... etc. I'm happy I've gone past that stage, but this period of NC is still tough! I guess its about finally accepting reality... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts