Can he do this??

[soserious1]

If it were me I'd pay the entire house note but list the place immediately, you need to get out from under this burden as quickly as possible. Your attorney can help to make sure that your ex pays his half of this once the place sells & it's time to split the proceeds.

 

We only get so many do over's in life & I'm guessing you're in mid life? Having your credit ruined for a decade is something to avoid at all costs at this stage of the game. Plus, if you have a decent income on your own, you won't be allowed to just walk away scott free on the house, the bank could very well auction the place and come after you for the difference between the selling price and what's owed. Your ex-husband in collecting social security as his only income is basically judgement proof, creditors will nail YOU and nail you hard.

 

Move out, couch surf with a friend or family member if you must but pay the full house note, taxes, insurance and utilities till you can unload the place. Your lawyer sounds decent he/she will make sure you recoup the amount your husband should have been paying once the place sells.

 

The discomfort of a few months of having to stay with family or friends will be more than outweighed by the relief you'll feel being away from this toxic man & you'll come out of this with your credit history intact, you'll be a free woman and able to buy a new place or do whatever you like without ongoing legal hassles over loan defaults.

[Steen719]

Yeah, Andy, I feel lucky. My brother has been very good to me and I sure do appreciate it. You are right; thank goodness for those people who care about us. BTW, is your XW still 1000 miles away?

 

Soserious, I would love to be able to leave and stay somewhere else. I can see why you say it, but I have a few issues. I have no family here and my family is over 1000 miles away from me. I have a son who lives in this state going to college and I am not willing to move home until he is through with undergraduate school. I also have a temporary part-time job with a University here, so I can't leave anyway and I am hoping it turns in to something more. I have 2 dogs and I retained custody of them, so staying with a friend is out of the question. My biggest issue is that if I left and paid the mortgages, XH would stay here just as long as he could. He already thinks he has it made and I can just imagine what being able to stay here for free would be for him. I am trying to set up a meeting to see an attorney to see what I can do if I leave and rent somewhere while still paying half of the mortgages and half of the medical bills he accrued while we were still married. I have to see what is a reasonable amount of time for him to agree to put the house on the market. Last night, he said I could not put the house on the market without his permission. I think if I find out I can do this (leave and still pay), he will have more incentive to agree as if he can't afford it, it will ruin his credit as well. The best solution is to put the house on the market now and if a good offer comes along, take it. It would not hurt either of our credit and we can go our own ways. BUT, you are right. I need to be careful and take care of this is a legal way and one that will not hurt me.

 

This date with the 34 year old is not coming to fruition. He wants it, she puts it off. I am hoping it happens soon because I think if something happens there, he will want privacy for their dates. She has children and they might need some down time. The time to strike will be in the beginning before she realizes (or even knows it) that a 57 year old man who has had a liver transplant and has no money is not really a prize.

 

Thanks for your answers. I read each one and think about the suggestions.

[andyg99]

Yeah, Andy, I feel lucky. My brother has been very good to me and I sure do appreciate it. You are right; thank goodness for those people who care about us. BTW, is your XW still 1000 miles away?

 

 

yes she is - I haven't seen or heard from her since August, life couldn't be better! my kids are doing well, my daughter still talks to her but my youngest son hasn't spoken to her since she left... the 12 year old she abandoned is still with me and doing well also...

[Steen719]

yes she is - I haven't seen or heard from her since August, life couldn't be better! my kids are doing well, my daughter still talks to her but my youngest son hasn't spoken to her since she left... the 12 year old she abandoned is still with me and doing well also...

 

My God..how old is the youngest son? I only remember that her daughter was 12 and your oldest daughter was 21 or so? There is another son, too...18??

I have an old memory..ha ha..it matches my advancing age!!

 

My son is a junior in college and I can't see leaving until he is firmly in graduate school (and the selfish part of me wants him to go north for it, but that is his choice, not mine). XH does not call him and complains that son does not call him. How hard is it to just text and say hi...call me when you can! Anyway....I'm glad you are doing good and also that her daughter is doing well. Lucky little girl. BTW, I had a friend who offered to keep his XW's son and the boy did stay with him for a while, but he had so many issues with my friend's rules that he ended up leaving to go with his mother. He ended up in trouble,but one time before a ball game I made he and my son a grilled cheese sandwich and chips and the boy thanked me and told me that he wasn't used to home cooking...a grilled cheese sandwich is home cooking???? He wanted to live with us..no relation, made me so sad, but anyway, I had a lot of respect for the step-dad. What a nice guy, like you. Hope you find someone worthy.

[andyg99]

My God..how old is the youngest son? I only remember that her daughter was 12 and your oldest daughter was 21 or so? There is another son, too...18??

I have an old memory..ha ha..it matches my advancing age!!

 

I have a two sons 18,20 and the 21 year old daughter - and of course there's the 12 year old... I know my youngest boy has had zero contact with his mom, my 20 year old has minimal contact at best, when he was in the emergency room a couple of weeks ago (stitches on his arm) he didn't hear from his mom for days and then it was only a text (their mom gets her news from my former mother-in-law)... it's a shame there is no relationship with the boys but that is what she created and ultimately chose

 

My son is a junior in college and I can't see leaving until he is firmly in graduate school (and the selfish part of me wants him to go north for it, but that is his choice, not mine). XH does not call him and complains that son does not call him. How hard is it to just text and say hi...call me when you can! Anyway....I'm glad you are doing good and also that her daughter is doing well. Lucky little girl. BTW, I had a friend who offered to keep his XW's son and the boy did stay with him for a while, but he had so many issues with my friend's rules that he ended up leaving to go with his mother. He ended up in trouble,but one time before a ball game I made he and my son a grilled cheese sandwich and chips and the boy thanked me and told me that he wasn't used to home cooking...a grilled cheese sandwich is home cooking???? He wanted to live with us..no relation, made me so sad, but anyway, I had a lot of respect for the step-dad. What a nice guy, like you. Hope you find someone worthy.

 

 

 

Thanks! I know that someday I'll settle down with someone - maybe sooner, maybe later but I know for sure that I now have someone who needs me and I'm sure this a permanent situation now - , I still can't believe that a parent would leave a child...

[Steen719]

**Update** (for anyone who might want to know)

So, we went round and round about the money and finally, I told XH that he will either pay me half the payments or he will not be honoring our agreement and I will leave. He paid me some (minus what we owed for his medical from before the transplant) and he has said he will pay me every month. We will see. He has started working on the house. He was particularly nasty to me a couple of nights ago and it was the last straw. I let him know the next day (which happened to correlate with the first attorney visit) that I would no longer accept that kind of behavior and that if he did that even one more time, I was gone and he could rot here.

 

I did go to a local attorney yesterday and a local bankruptcy attorney today. Basically, if the house won't sell for what XH wants, but covers all of the mortgages, I have some things that I can use to negotiate with him, but basically if anything is a real problem for me because he won't be cooperative, I can, at any time, leave and not pay my half and file for bankruptcy when they foreclose and put that in the foreclosure. I don't want to, but I am not staying here forever with him. Also, if he does not declare bankruptcy after foreclosure and they come after the difference between auction price and what we owe, he can come back at me and try to recover half. He would have to go through the courts and he lied on his financials for the divorce by not claiming business income despite my telling him not to lie on the form. I have emails to prove that I asked the attorney about it and the attorney telling me that he was performing perjury by signing it...so he probably could not get anything from me anyway.

 

If something extreme happens and I have to leave, I can go live with family in NY, but I am not sure whether I will be staying here or going there. Some will depend on my son in college and the house situation.

 

He cannot touch my retirement, cannot get any support from me and the attorney said he signed free and clear and there is less than 1% chance that he could ever change anything in the divorce decree.

 

They told me that I am now in the driver's seat (nice for a damn change) and both told me that it is time for me to live again and be happy for a change.

 

XH is going away for the weekend, thank goodness. I believe he has a date and may have a future date to go skiing. If that happens and he uses his money for that while I am scraping by paying the utilities and helping my son pay rent in college, I will leave while he is gone. I am over it. If you ever want to lose your feelings for an X, just live with him (or her) and let him sponge off you while you work 2 jobs and they date. Jeesh

 

XH knows something is up...where you going, where have you been, what is going on...you don't love me anymore, what has changed? Get a clue, really. He can't be nice enough. Sick.

 

Anyway, I thought I would share what happened since you all were kind enough to answer me; thank you.