Author mike588 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 My gigs guy was the first person i truly opened up with and was 100% myself, she must feel the same to be willing to discuss, even batter her intentions off you. It a bond/relationship that is very true and doesnt happen often, if you want friendship with her it will be a good one, but you have to understand its all it will ever be. Gigs/rebounds are just at the wrong place at the wrong time, and i truly feel they dont get a second chance im sorry, something just happens that blocks that path forever, but you could have a very special friendship with her if you's both wanted it. I wouldn't mind being friends down the road alittle ways,, I'm not quite there at this time,,, 4 months,, I've given it thought but I don't expect her to want to be friends because of the way she dumped me,,, used me,, maybe due to the guilt she may be carrying within her. I've put myself in her shoes and I'd be embarrased ,, guilt ridden to even contact me. I was the rebound,,she dumped me after 1 year to go back to her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I wouldn't mind being friends down the road alittle ways,, I'm not quite there at this time,,, 4 months,, I've given it thought but I don't expect her to want to be friends because of the way she dumped me,,, used me,, maybe due to the guilt she may be carrying within her. I've put myself in her shoes and I'd be embarrased ,, guilt ridden to even contact me. I was the rebound,,she dumped me after 1 year to go back to her ex. Well if you want to be friends when your ready dont be shy about it reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Well if you want to be friends when your ready dont be shy about it reach out. In time,, when I'm ready. This is her 2nd, maybe 3rd time back to him and I'm wondering if they breakup again she'll contact me. If they do I may not be ready. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I left my LTR of 4.5 years for several reasons, it wasn't working, he had deal breaker personality issues AND I met my ex who gave me the final impetus to leave. Well, the rebound with my ex did not work out, surprise surprise and led to a LOT of heartache and a rough last 1.5 years. I still have to see him as we work together part time and it has been an incredible challenge. I do miss my ex-ex and we are in contact. We even spent a lot of the day together last Sunday. Whether or not we will reconcile I don't know. I do know that he hasn't changed all that much and the reasons I left are still there. I am quite certain the same issues would rear their ugly heads and I would not be happy. Although it may very likely may be a mistake for us to try again, I do miss a lot about the relationship, mainly the comfort and security of steady companionship. So a year and a half later, after two failed attempts with rebound guy, I find myself mourning the loss of my LTR, even though I left for valid reasons and it would probably be best for me to try to meet someone else. Sigh. That's how this dumper (and most recently, dumpee) feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Wow, you tried to attempt to get back with the rebound guy? Why didn't it work? Like most of us who have been dumped we all want our ex. back,, I did too but now that I have setteled down and the fog has cleared I can't see it working out between us if she ever tried to come back. I was/am one of those good guys who treated her soooo very well,no cheating/abuse etc. but I also wasn't a door mat. She knew I loved and cared for her deeply and did alot for her,,, I ignored the red flags that she wasn't over her ex. I too heard all the same stuff from her how I made her feel so special and appreciated,loved ,cared for and how happy she was with me. Little did I know at that time I was just her "emotional bandaid" during her time of pain from the b/u with the ex. and was just being used as a rebound,, maybe not intentionally though,,, until the last two weeks. Sorry I got off track,, we were discussing being friends later,, again I wouldn't mind but since I was a rebound guy,, she may have loved me but wasn't in love with me,, her heart was elsewhere I don't see her wanting or attempting to try another "relationship" with me due to the above reasons much less friends because of the pain and hurt she caused me. Damn,, sorry so long. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 That wasnt my post it was someone elses, i did consider going back to my gigs guy, but didnt. I dont know why but i honestly think the true feelings never form regardless of tries, its just something about rebounds. It sucks i know, the hardest relationship i ever got over i was a rebound, i loved him for 2.5 years after being together for 3 months. Its crazy, but just try to move on xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 That wasnt my post it was someone elses, i did consider going back to my gigs guy, but didnt. I dont know why but i honestly think the true feelings never form regardless of tries, its just something about rebounds. It sucks i know, the hardest relationship i ever got over i was a rebound, i loved him for 2.5 years after being together for 3 months. Its crazy, but just try to move on xxx It's my thread,ha. The point I was trying to make was that if you were used as a bandaid for someone fresh out of a relationship to take away their pain from the b/u the chances of ever getting back together for a meaningful,loving relationship are nill. Again they may have loved you and care/d for you but they were never in love with you. Anyone else going thru this don't get your hopes up,,, if they do come back your just being their bandaid again,, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 You posted in another thread that you never plead, beg or anything, you go strict nc from day one, this is probably why because you slam that door shut so hard by the time an ex has had a chance to cool down months later and consider it they would prob never approach it for fear of reject. Next time if you ever want a second chance, leave the door open You know why I did that? Coz they deserved it and they treated me like dirt. What was I supposed to do be a doormat? Maybe you should actually read my thread before you judge? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 There's only so many tines you can contact someone and never get any reply, before you get really sick and tired of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 My ex dumped me by text after a year. He is a spineless, complete coward. Being betrayed isn't bloody easy. Like Homebrew said the dumper should be working to get us back, nit tfe other way around. I had to dump someone eariler this year. But I didn't dump them by text and verbally abuse them. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 If our dumpers have remorse/guilt why do they treat us like shyte and make out as if w are nasty to them? Why is it mine said when I asked him if he was guilty, he said no because I am happy. Is the remorse/ guilt something they are just hiding for fear of looking weak or is it something they dont realise at all and these feelings are locked away somewhere. Does chance of the GIGS ex coming to his senses just rely on how selfish he is? ie: If he is selfish, can he block out the guilt and stay with the new partner? I guess they have to miiss us and realise they love us to come back, so it wouldnt necessarily matter if they were guilty if they didnt miss/love you more than the OW/OM. Link to post Share on other sites
foolishlover Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 i always sit and try to think if my ex is remorseful over his actions. But like someone said before, we cant apply logic and think what they are thinking. They are illogical creatures! id like to think that my ex regrets the decision and sits there pining for me, but the fact is i know he is happy now. He is free. He can do what he wants. He can explore the exciting world out there. He couldnt care less. And thats what crushes me and at the same time makes me think i would never want to be with someone so cold and heartless. They broke up with us for a reason. Now they can live that life they so desperately wanted. ugh, i feel so bitter atm!!! Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 You know why I did that? Coz they deserved it and they treated me like dirt. What was I supposed to do be a doormat? Maybe you should actually read my thread before you judge? It wasnt an attack on you, it wasnt judgement either, you asked why you have never heard from any ex, i simply said this is probably why Link to post Share on other sites
stunned8165 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 It wasnt an attack on you, it wasnt judgement either, you asked why you have never heard from any ex, i simply said this is probably why Hey smokey, can you private message me? Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Hey smokey, can you private message me? No i dont have the option to private message x Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Why are they always cold and heartless?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Why are they always cold and heartless?? Guilt?,, they don't want to see you or talk to you or deal with it because it may hurt them too? Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Why are they always cold and heartless?? I have asked myself that question more than once. Apparently, the only compassion they have is for themselves. Everything is about them, with no cares or concerns about anything or anyone else. oh yeah, they may be in love with the next one now, but when they aren't getting whatever it is they want from that one, the same thing will happen to them too. Link to post Share on other sites
YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Why are they always cold and heartless?? It really is amazing. My ex seemed like the sweetest girl and then suddenly became this evil witch after she broke up with me. She said things like "you know what I am a b!t**," "I don' want you being nice to me anymore," etc. She would be aloof and cut conversations short. I really do believe it is one of 2 things. 1). guilt: they feel bad for hurting you and realize the more they talk to you the more it upsets them.......I guess they need to move on too. 2). To help you: They know the more they talk to you it will only delay your healing process.....This is probably a small part of it because I do believe many dumpers are selfish with their actions. Both times I was the dumper I never did this crap, I always was there for my ex's if they needed me. No contact was never stated, it just happened on its own. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Exactly, They are not even respectful and dont even treat you like a friend anymore. They literally treat you like sh*t on their shoe. I dont understand this guilt or no guilt. When before they were respectful and kind. You are now worthless and mean nothing at all. Well they are all doing it, at least we know it is not just our ex so it is not personally us that has a problem. It is them with a dumpers kind of syndrome?? Their morals go out of the window as they are on an all time high and having fun. I am seeing this like a drug taker. When the high is over they will get a low and when they hit the low they will hopefully realise what they are doing. Anyway not our problem anymore Let them get on with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Exactly, They are not even respectful and dont even treat you like a friend anymore. They literally treat you like sh*t on their shoe. I dont understand this guilt or no guilt. When before they were respectful and kind. You are now worthless and mean nothing at all. Well they are all doing it, at least we know it is not just our ex so it is not personally us that has a problem. It is them with a dumpers kind of syndrome?? Their morals go out of the window as they are on an all time high and having fun. I am seeing this like a drug taker. When the high is over they will get a low and when they hit the low they will hopefully realise what they are doing. Anyway not our problem anymore Let them get on with it. I just don't get it and I would never do this to someone else I was in a relationship with. That is why I am probably so upset by it because I just don't understand it. It really is crazy that so many dumpers do this though. Is there a correlation with dumpers that do this if there is another person in the picture (they are interested in)? Or do they do this without someone else in the picture too? I just have to believe it is all an act towards us. I won't ever forget my one ex who dumped me and she too acted like a totally different person, same exact BS. A year later calls me and than shows up on my doorstep and acts like the sweet girl I knew when I dated her. This was 6 years ago so I forgot if I asked the question: "why did you act the way you did right after the breakup?" I think I did but I don't remember the answer.........I think it was a long the lines like, "I was only protecting myself and my feelings." So it all has to be an act but yes at some point they will fall and the first person they will think of is those who they screwed over. I actually reached out to a few girls I dated back in the day (never was in a relationship) that I kind of screwed over. I was feeling awful and it really woke me up to the fact that I did do this to others (the circumstances were different though because those girls knew I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time). Still I think if you are a good person you will reach out to those you have hurt. The same goes to our ex's, they will one day reach out to us if they really are good people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I really don't think they care at all, until someone dies something similar to them. I really don't think these people have a conscience at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I feel pity for the people they date next. They don't know what these people are like. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Smokey- I don't understand why we should keep the door open for these dumpers, when they were comLete Aholes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 YouNeverKnow- how did you feel when the ex showed up? Angry? I hope you treated the ex like ****e. What goes around, comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
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