Help! I'm falling for someone, and he has a girlfriend!

[carlogiovanni]

I have a problem I was hoping somebody here could help me with.

 

I've just turned 19 and I would say that I am a fairly stable gay man. I have accepted my sexuality, and although I'm aware that I have issues I still need to work through, day to day gay life is something I'm happy with.

 

In the past I have gotten intimate with men who were not comfortable with their sexuality, and it has always ended badly, with guys who had never done anything homosexual before to men who hate themselves if they do anything with a guy. I'm making it sound like I've had loads of men; Let me assure you I haven't heh.

 

The reason I am posting is because I have recently had my eye on a guy, Luke, for a while now. I met him through a good friend's brother, and when I first met him we ended up on the same sofa for the night. I got adventurous and we messed around a little bit. He didn't reciprocate but he was definately awake and he was definately aroused by it. It was nothing major, just stroking etc. The next morning it wasn't mentioned. I told my good friend what had happened and she was very excited for me, lol. A few days later I texted Luke and asked if we could chat. No reply. The next day Luke told my friend's brother that in the night I had put my hand on his arm and he had moved it off. He didn't say it in a bad way. I figure he was trying to cover himself in case I made an issue out of what had happened.

 

Over the last week or so I have seen Luke a lot. It was awkward at first but we talk now. He keeps looking at me, and then looking away. I catch him staring and then we hold the gaze for a long time. I can tell there is an attraction, I'm not imagining it.

 

There is only one problem.... He has a girlfriend.

 

I'm about to go to my friend's house to a party and he will be there with his girlfriend, and I don't think I can take it. I've really fallen for Luke, he's gorgeous!

 

What shall I do? Shall I talk to him about it? My friend says that he always has the same sort of girlfriend, really boring girls, and whenever I spend time with him it makes me happy.

 

He is just so attractive!

 

Can anyone give some advice?

 

Carl.x

[Pyrannaste]

I suggest you be patient and wait...... until he finds out more about himself, whether he is bisexual or not, whether he wants to explore his bisexuality or not.

*And* until he breaks up with his girlfriend.

 

Meanwhile please be very careful not fuelling your feelings for him.

If possible, try to think about him as little as possible, and not to do anything to delude yourself about his feeling for you. If he is attracted by you, great.

But he might be not. Or he might just be thrilled/excited at the idea of having seduced someone of his same sex. Be very careful in case he is just enjoying your attention. Be careful he is not playing you along.

 

I'm writing this because a couple of gay friends of mine were in your same situation and ended up with an heartbreak. I hope it won't happen to you.

[bluechocolate]

He has a girlfriend AND you don't know that he is gay.

 

Unless you really like the challenge I would advise you to try & forget about him & don't fool yourself into thinking that you have a chance.

 

Life is too short & at times too difficult to be wasting time & energy & emotions on something like this. I'm sure you're attracted to him & I'm sure he's a great guy. And you know what? I've heard this story many, many times. I cannot recall a single instance where straight boy has decided that he is gay after all & left his girlfriend to have a happy relationship with his new boyfriend.

 

No doubt he's flattered by the attention & maybe even a bit curious. Chances are he'll satisfy his curiosity & go right back to his girlfriend.

 

Wouldn't you rather have a relationship with someone who is as sure & centered in their sexuality as you are? Conversion projects rarely have a happy ending.