My boyfriends female friends seem to be crossing a personal boundaries line

[CynSin313]

I want to sit down with my fiance and have a talk with him about how close he and his friends are.

 

The other day he was in class and a girl who is his friend (Karina) braided a braid in his hair.

I wasn't happy at all about this and I told him that that is too much contact. Playing with a guys hair is body language for either "I like your hair" or "I want my hands in your hair/I wanna run my hands through your hair".

He told me i'm overreacting and I tell him I don't want her messing with his hair he assures me it wont happen again.

 

Then this happened.

 

His finals are this week and after school him and his friends have been studying.

He's the kind of guy that gets along better with girls he's always had female friends and it's never been a problem at his other schools.

He's studying and I don't know why but he and his friend (Vann) laid across a couch and laid with her head on his shoulder and his head on hers. (she had a pillow on her chest so he wasnt laying on her boob)

 

I know of these occurrences because Vann had posted pictures of BOTH occasions (his braid and 2 pics of them laying on eachothers shoulder one with another friend sitting by the couch and another the two of them by themselves. I made him tell her to delete it and she did.

 

Am I being over protective or are they over stepping boundaries (both these girls have boyfriends)?

 

I say the picture of them laying on each others shoulders would be like me laying on one of my guy friends laps taking a pic and saying "hey facebook i'm slutty and cheating on my fiance".

 

What are some boundaries that should be set because I hate hearing him tell me i'm over reacting?

I'm thinking one should be arms length away is always a safe distance inside that distance and it's too intimate. Does that sound too demanding or am I being way too protective.

[Oxy Moronovich]

You're not overreacting. You should speak to him about this immediately. Tell him you're uncomfortable with the way they get so close to him.

[BeyondtheClouds]

I remember in my college days I had few boundaries as well. But then no serious guy on the horizon either. Then when I got married in my early thirties, I realised tht I had to develop boundaries or else all these other women are going to look like my husband's wife and but I won't.

 

I don't think that you can teach other people boundaries. They have to learn these things on their own. Usually what happens is that they are faced with 2 choices (ie you and their ability to as they damned well please). They may be so in love with you that they choose you. then again, maybe not.

 

While dogs can learn new tricks, don't assume that it will always be on your watch.

 

Tell your guy what you saw/know and that it bothers you. If he wants to discuss it, discuss it with him. If he doesn't understand, then you will need to move on.

[make me believe]

Yes these girls and your fiance are totally overstepping boundaries. I would think long & hard before I married somebody who didn't enforce proper boundaries with members of the opposite sex. I think the fact that he "gets along better with girls" and has always had lots of female friends is a red flag too, but I'm always wary of people who claim to get along better with the opposite sex than their same sex. Most, if not all, of the people I've ever met who were like that were attention whores and wanted constant validation from the opposite sex.

 

It also concerns me that he just keeps telling you you're overreacting. That's not a loving response to your totally reasonable concerns. Why doesn't he care that HIS actions are upsetting you? Why is it on you to change your reaction rather than for him to change his inappropriate behavior? I would worry that no matter what boundaries you try to set he's not going to accept them and is going to keep being all lovey-dovey and physically/emotionally close to other girls. You have to decide if you're willing to accept that from your partner.

[cdm369]

I would be upset if I were you. Physical contact and private alone time with opposit sex friends. Asking for trouble. Also agree when people claim to get along better with the opposite sex....its problematic at best. You have to decide what you can tolerate and talk about it.

[nofool4u]

My boyfriends female friends seem to be crossing a personal boundaries line

 

 

Thats because your bf is allowing them to cross the boundaries. They are getting a vibe from him that its ok to push the envelope.

 

Otherwise if he was making it clear its unacceptable, they'd back off, unless they are the biggest airheads in the world.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I don't know how It is for other guys, but If I'm laying on a girls chest...even with a pillow...something is going to happen, something always does...has happened.

 

I have to keep women at an arms length, to ensure that I don't get myself in trouble...and that's just with being single, things happen real quick once you cross that line.

 

However I hear about these guys who are able to keep friendships with women and get all close and claim it's innocent...I don't know about that but for me I kinda call bull**** and If I have a gf, or especially a fiance I realize that all contact is pretty much off limits.

 

I guess if you're kinda of a guy that is more of the passive, emasculated type, maybe these women don't find you attractive or appealing? maybe they friendzone you? I have no idea, either way when I get with a girl I get rid of all those little weasels that stick around her and try to play cooshy coosh...that game of "hopefully you'll like me in case you have problems in your relationship"...douchebag kinda guys, I don't tolerate it at all...If you want to hug up all on your friends then get another man because I'm not that stupid.

 

But that's just how I've always been, so I have zero tolerance not because I'm the jealous type at all...if you want your silly little friend as your man go right ahead!, but because you have to respect the relationship above all else and I don't trust men worth a ****.