Creepy Coworker And Harassment

[verhrzn]

I've been working at my company for about a year now. On the whole, I really enjoy it, and I think I'm pretty good at the work that I do. When I originally started, I worked on a small team of about 10 people, and I got along really well with all of them. About six months ago, our department got shuffled around, so that another team was merged into ours, and some of the people on my original team were moved elsewhere.

 

With the shuffling, desk seating was re-assigned based on seniority. We work in cubicles that hold three desks; a senior by the name of Stan choose a seat next to mine. No one else would sit next to him, so by the time it was my turn (being the newest person) the desk I was already at was my only pick.

 

I hadn't had a lot of interaction with Stan before, but I'd heard a lot of stories... he'd tried to get some coworkers fired for texting too much, or going to other web pages. He took another coworker to HR because the coworker's jeans had too many holes in them. He'd engaged in screaming matches with other coworkers. His car has a very offensive bumper sticker on it, and he once wore a T-shirt with racist comments about the President. He's that kind of guy.

 

However, I'm the kind of person who keeps to themselves, so I just kept to my own work and didn't bother about him, thinking we could just exist in a "he doesn't bother me, I don't bother him" kind of way.

 

Until about two months ago. I naturally have a loud voice that carries (I'm a natural at public speaking!) Throughout the years, I've done my best to control it, and had never heard any complaints. I also only talk when on the phone with customers (my average call is 5 minutes long and I have about 10 calls a day, according to reports.) So... even if I was loud, that's less than an hour of "loudness" to deal with.

 

But apparently it was too much for my coworker. He started complaining to my manager about how loud I was, and sending me AIMS while I was on the phone telling me to be quiet. I tried... but then customers couldn't hear me. And it's difficult to know you're speaking loudly, when it's your normal volume of voice. So when I didn't "quiet down," he would turn around in his chair and literally start shushing me. Or make loud comments (loud enough for me to hear, again while on the phone) about how loud I was.

 

Since I wasn't being quiet enough to his satisfaction, I suggested to my manager that Stan switch with another co-worker. The other coworker was willing, and said my "loudness" had never bothered him. My manager thought it was a great idea... until he told Stan. Stan FLIPPED. He threatened to take both of us to HR if we made him move.

 

So... my manager suggested I move instead.

 

At first I considered it. But... I'M not the one with the problem! Why should I move, when I'm not doing anything wrong? And, Stan is the type of person that if he sees weakness will use it to his advantage... By moving, it proves he can push me around even when he's the one complaining.

 

In the weeks since, the harassment has just gotten worse. I've caught him turning around in his chair looking at my computer screen, trying to catch me not doing work several times. I confronted him on one occasion ("Is there something I can help with, Stan, I notice you're looking in my direction") and he got very flustered and aggressive. However, there were no managers around, so the only person to witness this was another coworker.

 

Even worse, Stan has started being super friendly and chatty with everyone else in our group BUT me. People in our group claim he's better than he used to be... It feels like he's singling me out to harass.

 

I haven't talked to my manager since the desk-moving incident, because I feel like he wouldn't help me. He's buddy-buddy with Stan, and I don't technically have any proof of the harassment... It's been muttered comments and dirty looks. How do I talk about that without coming across as paranoid?

 

It's really starting to stress me out. I dread going into work. I've started taking more vacation time just to avoid the situation. How do I deal with all this?

[Wolf1969]

Having worked in a professional office for coming up on 20 years, I have found that there are people who are just not possible to get along with. If you like the job (and in this economy, finding another isn't easy), I would simply ask to be moved. Forget about saving face.

[tman666]

Just move... Your manager gave you an easy out of this situation. Stan will always, always, always be a whiny, power-tripping pecker-head. You can't change him. Yes, he's the one with the problem(s), but you have an EASY way to make it go away.

 

This is a no-brainer. Go to your supervisor and say that you want to move desks.

[verhrzn]

Just move... Your manager gave you an easy out of this situation. Stan will always, always, always be a whiny, power-tripping pecker-head. You can't change him. Yes, he's the one with the problem(s), but you have an EASY way to make it go away.

 

This is a no-brainer. Go to your supervisor and say that you want to move desks.

 

What if it makes the harassment worse? I can move desks, but I can't get that far away from him (the next cubicle over), and now he'll know all he has to do is harass me and I'll do what he wants.

[tman666]

What if it makes the harassment worse? I can move desks, but I can't get that far away from him (the next cubicle over), and now he'll know all he has to do is harass me and I'll do what he wants.

 

Send me a PM (I can make him disappear for the right price).

 

Seriously though, if you move, it will be showing HR/your manager that you've attempted to escape the problem without retaliation. Think of it like self defense (you're a martial artist, so you can relate, hopefully): if some douche is talking smack to you and physically threatening you, the best course of action is to try diffuse and LEAVE. However, if followed or denied an opportunity to bow out, you drop the ****er HARD.

 

Same thing applies here. Move as far away as your manager will let you, and if the problem persists, start making a log of his actions and dig in hard. If I were you, I'd start making a (private) record of his actions and your responses to said actions.

[Wolf1969]

What if it makes the harassment worse? I can move desks, but I can't get that far away from him (the next cubicle over), and now he'll know all he has to do is harass me and I'll do what he wants.

 

You can't live by what-if's. Make the move and see what happens. if he continues, start keeping a "diary" of run-ins with Stan and then go to your manager. If you do not get any satisfaction from the manager, go to HR. If you still feel you are being harassed and did not get satisfaction from HR, look into contacting the Dept. of Labor and Industry or whatever such state bureau handles harassment in your state. Or, you could try contacting your state or county Bar Association and ask for a referral to an attorney who handles harassment cases.

[Feelin Frisky]

I totally agree with those whom have said to make that move. Why even see it as an admission of fault? You need to get as far away from this toxic influence in your life as you can and, as others have pointed out, it would make you appear sensible. If you still can do that then do it. However, office work can bring people into your range of life that make things misery. When that happens it's time to set priorities on either moving elsewhere in the company or to another job--no matter what that takes. I dealt with it myself for a long time in NYC on Wall Street both as an over-worked employee that had to put up with toxic people and as a supervisor and manager who had to get involved in disputes. This guy is TOXIC to you and you need to remove yourself or him and killing is not allowed.