Cheating aftermath

[shalsays]

Okay so Thanksgiving I found out my boyfriend pretty much cheated. He cybered with a few girls two days before Thanksgiving. They were just random girls from a chat room app on his phone. I'm glad it wasn't anything worse, but it still hurts. I feel totally devastated, I thought he would never do something like this to me. We decided to work things out, but I'm seeing alot of effects from this. I just don't know how to work through anything, I'm pretty much lost.

Here is some background on the situation. My boyfriend doesn't have a very high sex drive. He works hard everyday, usually stressed over it and tired. Therefore he generally doesn't want sex as much as me. But I was fed up of always being the one to initiate things. So I decided to wait for him to start a sex session. It was at 10 days without sex, and he decides to do this. He says he didn't think I was in the mood, and he thought chatting with these girls was the same thing as porn. Uh no. On Thanksgiving, he was taking a nap for us to go out at 5am for black friday. His phone was next to me, I had the urge to look through it. I did and found all these chats. I went into the room, he woke up and followed. At first I just told him to get out, he was asking what he did wrong. I told him what I saw, and told him I wanted him to leave, that I was done. I started crying, he started crying. We talked the rest of the night until 5am. Then we cried and talked all the next morning. I decided to give him another chance, because I do feel he is truly sorry. I just don't know what to do with the things I'm feeling.

 

 

First, I am so much more insecure after this. I feel like I wasn't good enough, that having sex with me isn't great and he needed to look for attention else where. He swears this isn't true, that he just thought I wasn't in the mood and found the app and decided it was like porn.

 

Second, I want to know why. The reasons he gives me arn't good enough. He said he did it because he was horny and bored. Found the chat app in his market on his phone and figured it was the same as porn. He thought I wasn't in the mood, so he didn't try to have sex with me. He knows I am usually always willing to have sex. I can always be in the mood, but he didn't even try. It sucks. The first night he started doing this, I sent him a dirty picture earlier on in the day. Still believes I wasn't in the mood.

 

Thirdly, sex. I just don't even know on this topic. Most things that I enjoyed in the sexual sense, I find odd now. I don't think I will be able to receive or give any oral anytime soon. Especially after seeing things that he was saying to these girls. We have had sex twice since then. The first time, I felt like crying. I don't know why. I'm not sure if it was because I was overwhelmed with the sex we had. (He actually made love to me, we usually just bang. Yes, it is passionate. But this time I could feel how much he loved me and how much he sorry. Kinda stupid, I know but true lol) Or if it was because I wasn't ready. Last night, we tried sex again. It wasn't bad, not as good as the other time. But wasn't bad at all, he still made love to me. But after I was feeling weird, I don't know why. I'm thinking I'm not ready to have sex yet, but I have been so extremely attracted to him lately. It is the most frustrating thing. I don't have the urge to go back to the way we used to have sex, and I just think he is going to get bored and maybe do something like this again.

 

Lastly, I'm just hurt. I feel like he had no thought for me at all and it just totally sucks. I am so devoted to him. I have been sexually deprived lately but I wasn't running to other guys to dirty chat with him. I just can't believe he would do this. It is insane, I just don't know where to go from here. I want to be with him. I just don't know how to fix things. I don't know what to feel, I don't even know how I feel anymore. I feel like we are moving to fast back to everything being normal, I'm not ready for things to be normal yet.

 

And sorry, this is insanely long

[nofool4u]

First, I am so much more insecure after this. I feel like I wasn't good enough, that having sex with me isn't great and he needed to look for attention else where.

 

If sex with you wasn't that great, then he should be with someone who he thinks the sex is good. And what would you have said/done if he said it was because sex with you isn't good?

 

 

Second, I want to know why.

 

Why? What difference does it make? What you should be doing is dumping his sorry ass flat.

 

 

The reasons he gives me arn't good enough. He said he did it because he was horny and bored.

 

Well guess what, that is in his character and isn't about to change. So if you stay with him, hopefully he doesn't get horny again when you aren't around.

 

And alot of times it is just that simple. Someone is horny and just wants to screw someone new and has nothing to do with an inadequacy in their partner.

 

Lastly, I'm just hurt. I feel like he had no thought for me at all and it just totally sucks. I am so devoted to him.

 

And that kind of devotion is what another man out there deserving of your affections should get.

 

Don't waste your devoting nature on a cheating little boy.

 

There are good men out there that will appreciate a woman with your character. Your bf doesn't deserve such a woman. He deserves someone that will treat him like dirt.