solong123 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 So its been about three weeks since it officially ended even though he never actually told me he just stopped talking to me... I havent contacted him once because theres no point and he was emotionally abusive and brought me down all ths time.. Hes with someone else now and for the most part ife been good but today it just hit me. It makes me depressed thinking about everything he said to me acting like he wanted to work things out then the next day just completely abandoning me. I will never give his the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt me. Any advice with dealing with these emotions and is itnormal for me to get down on myself thinking i did something wrong? Any advice please i really need some pick me ups today... Link to post Share on other sites
Maoky Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Be glad you're out of an abusive relationship. It's a good opportunity to focus on yourself again, and start anew. It will hurt, but learn your lesson, accept that there have been mistakes, and move on. Start by not second-guessing yourself. Trust in your own judgement. Whether or not you've done something wrong is superfluous now. Chin up, and look forward to new possibilities =) Sorry I'm so corny haha. Link to post Share on other sites
LostJustLost Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I didn't know it was over for "us" either for several weeks. The last I heard from him he said something along the lines of I love you, think about you all the time babe, be back in a couple days. It was a month and a half later I saw a post on his wall and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've second guessed myself half to death since then. Wondering what I did, what I said, replaying the last months over and over in my mind trying to find a hint of an answer. According to my shrink that's human nature. We need to know the "why" of everything, and tend to question ourselves when we can't find any other explanation. As for dealing with all of the emotions that are spiraling inside you, the only thing I know is one day at a time, one hour at a time, and sometimes one breath at a time. Whenever he pops into my head I repeat "If someone walks out of your life, Let Them Go" which is from a video I found on this thread: road to healing (this forum) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t308214/ Maybe give that a look. It's worth checking out. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 What things did he do to be emotionally abusive? Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 My ex left me by ceasing contact as well. I don't really have any advice, but I agree it is so painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Sometimes you don't even know you're in an abusive relationship till you leave it. It only sinks in the moment you leave and taste your freedom again. Part of being an abusive partner is to make the other feel guilty for the break-up. Mine said he was having doubts for about a year. Maybe he tried to hurt me on purpose by saying that. I remember him wanting to break-up with me a year before, but taking me back the second I agreed on the break-up. Wah the insecurity levels . The second time we broke up I was gone for good. And he let me walk away. Since then he tried to contact me again, but no, the harm was already done. How can you trust someone that can hurt you again ? That's why I'm not reopening the contact lines between us. The moment you do engage in contact, you give a part of your power back. If he can't even pick up the phone to see how you're doing, what's the point in contacting him ? And I know my ex is an extraverted person. He's always calling people up. He just ain't got the balls to contact me, because he knows I consider him a jerk now. People will always try to test your personal boundaries. Don't let them fool you. Show them you mean business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solong123 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 first off, thank you to everyone that has responded to this. it helps to know that I am not alone and to just hear different perspectives so thank you! and to fucpcg- he did things such as trying to isolate me from friends and when i finally did go out with them there was hell to pay and he would argue with me all night, so eventually i tried to avoid it at all costs...also would play hold and cold with me while we were together. sometimes he would just ignore me for no apparent reason and the thing is he knew i had anxiety issues. also he would call me a b **** among various other names and tell me he hated me just when he was having a bad day and I was someone to take it out on. there is more than that but those were pretty much daily occurences by that point... At the end of the day, I know I deserve better. But being a coward and never speaking to me again with an explanaton is a real blow. And I know getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship causes one to overthink everything and I just need to stop doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Thank you very much for the response. My ex dumped me, and since for the last several months she is telling EVERYONE that I emotionally abused her. To save a long story let's just say within 8 months of each other she told me she loved me and I was most amazing man she ever met, to what I just described. I'm 41, friends with every ex but her, never been accused of such things before, and im totally lost as to what happened with this woman who I proposed to and we had discussions of at least a child together. So i've been asking around to hear stories from abused women to see if I sound like the guy they were abused by. So thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solong123 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 No problem. I dont know your whole back story or if you did any of that type of behavior. But i dont see why all of your exes would still be friends with you if you were abusive, and like you said that behavior was never brought up before. I know for a fact my ex had treated his ex the same crappy way so he clearly haa the issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Solong my ex who brought me here was exactly the Same. We deserve better without this crap in our lives. Life is hard enough without a partner that has to constantly bring you down aswell. these people have serious problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solong123 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Sugarkane i completely agree. Im sorry youre going through this as well because i know how much it sucks but its nice to know youre not alone! We need to see this as a blessing that they are now out of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
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