Ex girlfriend, mixed signals!

[petergriffin]

Okay, so long story short.. We dated for about a year and everything was awesome. We basically did everything together and spent 24/7 together. Sleepovers every night, she was close to my family, she was my best friend. I was on a trip in Costa Rica, I left in august and was set to return thanksgiving. we chose to make it work. After being with her 24/7, not seeing her at all made me very jealous and controlling. We broke up because of this a month ago. I regret all the dumb fights I picked more than anything.

 

I didn't talk to her from the day we broke up until I got home 3 weeks later. I knocked on her door and gave her a letter explaining how wrong I was and how I needed 3 weeks of NC to reflect on what I was doing wrong, but how I was home for good now and everything will be fine. She texted me the next day to meet up, but I wanted to play hard to get so I didn't.

 

I gave her the letter November 21. We talked here and there, but it was mostly me asking to hangout and shenwouldnt. Well, we met up a week ago and as soon as she saw me she started smiling uncontrollably. She tried to hide it from me but she couldn't. We have been hanging out everyday (she texts/calls me first) and things have been great like old times. The other day I felt it was reasonable to try and kiss her and she rejected it.

 

I played it off cool, but was so hurt/confused by this. I texted her asking her what is going on are we getting back or not, she can't keep me hanging. She told me she didn't know, that she liked the way she was now.

 

So what does everyone think? Is it over or do I keep hanging out with her like we used to and just be patient. She told me without asking she hasn't seen or been with anyone new. We still talk about our future and stuff, she just doesn't let me kiss her and it is messing with my head a little. I just don't want to get my hopes up for no reason.

[leoc1973]

when you guys hang out are you taking her out? paying for everything? Maybe she is bored maybe she misses you and just really thinks once you guys get back together you will smother her again. Still just a kiss doesn't mean you guys would be back together so I don't know why she would deny that. I think either way you better stop hanging with this girl before you get friendzoned then soon after that she will be telling you about guys she is interested in. Read every single thing online about hanging with your ex in a platonic way. They will all tell you that she is healing and moving on while you are suffering. Get away now. Blow her off go on dates she will wake up!

[petergriffin]

I paid for one of the dinners, but otherwise she pays for herself. We have been going to the gym together, jogging, she ate dinner over one night, we have been just hanging out like were dating with flirting and all. The other night we went to the candy shop and drove around listening to Christmas music looking at lights.. Maybe she is just bored. I might go no contact

Edited December 8, 2011 by petergriffin

[robf1971]

when you guys hang out are you taking her out? paying for everything? Maybe she is bored maybe she misses you and just really thinks once you guys get back together you will smother her again. Still just a kiss doesn't mean you guys would be back together so I don't know why she would deny that. I think either way you better stop hanging with this girl before you get friendzoned then soon after that she will be telling you about guys she is interested in. Read every single thing online about hanging with your ex in a platonic way. They will all tell you that she is healing and moving on while you are suffering. Get away now. Blow her off go on dates she will wake up!

 

Run forest run...

 

Drop her like a hot potato.

[petergriffin]

it's hard to just let her go especially when we only broke up because of an issue that's no longer an issue. no word from her today so maybe you guys are right and she was bored. I am going to not hangout with her the next few times she asks me to hangout and see where it leads to from there, good/bad idea?

[EgoJoe]

Agreed. Go NC. Starting ignoring her and work on yourself.

[chados]

they say, never try to understand a woman. im gonna talk from my own experience, you will always try to find excuses or reasons on why she did that or why she said this. she might be more confused then you'll ever know. she might wanna see you change without having to tell you. there might be some more explanations to the breakup,

 

maybe she doesn't know what it is herself. when a person who breaks up with you tells you "for example", i care about you, but i feel like youre to jealous. this could be a reason for someone to break up. but lets be honest, if there's no other explanations like youre attitude, not making her feel special or whatever, your jealousness most likely didnt make her to choose to break up with you.

 

it probably started a chain in her mind, your jealous and that makes her angry, your making excuses, she gets both mad irritated and maybe even a little sad because she starts thinking about how youve changed. and when she's feeling you've changed, well, this is the problem, when people realize the other person is changing. they most often become very insecure about the relationship, and when they do that. thats when you need to play your cards right. thank god there's some people who knows this and actually tries to work things out. but most people or "woman" i would say, is starting to think about if this will work out then years from now.

 

try to not think about it to much. if she wants you back, she knows that by now. especially since you tried to kiss her. and dont ever get your hopes up. people want what they cant have and they will miss the things they dont have anymore. this could be her right now, does that mean she will give it another chance? only she can tell. but there's a big chance that when she knows she can have you, she doesn't want you or it wont last more then a few weeks. so take it slow, i really wish you the best

[petergriffin]

thanks man, ya it sucks so much it ended and now there are these mixed signals, but nothing i can do i guess. almost wish i did not go away and things could have been the same, but I can't dwell in the past. I am going to not contact her first and if she asks me to hangout I will say I am busy. I am not going to sit around and let her string me along just to satisfy her while i am confused and miserable.

[chados]

thanks man, ya it sucks so much it ended and now there are these mixed signals, but nothing i can do i guess. almost wish i did not go away and things could have been the same, but I can't dwell in the past. I am going to not contact her first and if she asks me to hangout I will say I am busy. I am not going to sit around and let her string me along just to satisfy her while i am confused and miserable.

 

 

there will always be mixed signals, because people overanalyze when they get dumped. for example... look she is smiling now when we are talking.. but she dint last week. does she like me? even if you want to analyze her, just dont do it.

[ken_25]

Okay, so long story short.. We dated for about a year and everything was awesome. We basically did everything together and spent 24/7 together. Sleepovers every night, she was close to my family, she was my best friend. I was on a trip in Costa Rica, I left in august and was set to return thanksgiving. we chose to make it work. After being with her 24/7, not seeing her at all made me very jealous and controlling. We broke up because of this a month ago. I regret all the dumb fights I picked more than anything.

 

I didn't talk to her from the day we broke up until I got home 3 weeks later. I knocked on her door and gave her a letter explaining how wrong I was and how I needed 3 weeks of NC to reflect on what I was doing wrong, but how I was home for good now and everything will be fine. She texted me the next day to meet up, but I wanted to play hard to get so I didn't.

 

I gave her the letter November 21. We talked here and there, but it was mostly me asking to hangout and shenwouldnt. Well, we met up a week ago and as soon as she saw me she started smiling uncontrollably. She tried to hide it from me but she couldn't. We have been hanging out everyday (she texts/calls me first) and things have been great like old times. The other day I felt it was reasonable to try and kiss her and she rejected it.

 

I played it off cool, but was so hurt/confused by this. I texted her asking her what is going on are we getting back or not, she can't keep me hanging. She told me she didn't know, that she liked the way she was now.

 

So what does everyone think? Is it over or do I keep hanging out with her like we used to and just be patient. She told me without asking she hasn't seen or been with anyone new. We still talk about our future and stuff, she just doesn't let me kiss her and it is messing with my head a little. I just don't want to get my hopes up for no reason.

 

I don't know why you are so quick to jump ship really. Reading through your post I think it could be simple, like she just isn't ready to just jump right back in with you. Sounds like you can get her back you just have to put more time in. Don't be aggressive with her.. just take it slow. Focus on having fun with her, keep her smiling, put your arm around her when it feels right and for now keep it to where it's not real intimate, like kissing for example. Then see what happens, you never know man.

[petergriffin]

I don't know why you are so quick to jump ship really. Reading through your post I think it could be simple, like she just isn't ready to just jump right back in with you. Sounds like you can get her back you just have to put more time in. Don't be aggressive with her.. just take it slow. Focus on having fun with her, keep her smiling, put your arm around her when it feels right and for now keep it to where it's not real intimate, like kissing for example. Then see what happens, you never know man.

 

so we hungout again all weekend, ended up watching tv cuddling and we kissed a little bit, but when i went to kiss her goodbye she wouldn't. still confused, but i am not making any moves on her and just acting like it is not bothering me. we are having a lot of fun when we hangout. we have not hungout since sunday, so we'll see if she asks to sometime this week. any advice?

[chados]

so we hungout again all weekend, ended up watching tv cuddling and we kissed a little bit, but when i went to kiss her goodbye she wouldn't. still confused, but i am not making any moves on her and just acting like it is not bothering me. we are having a lot of fun when we hangout. we have not hungout since sunday, so we'll see if she asks to sometime this week. any advice?

 

yes chill... dont rush things, she might be testing you. or she's not sure what she wants. therefore you will push her away by acting like she's on your mind all the time

[petergriffin]

yes chill... dont rush things, she might be testing you. or she's not sure what she wants. therefore you will push her away by acting like she's on your mind all the time

 

yup will do, thanks for the help! ill keep everyone updated... i realized a lot of these threads have no closure so ill try to let everyone know what happenes

[ken_25]

When you're leaving, just go in for a hug and when u get close give her a little kiss on the cheek and then embrace for the full hug. Back away and tell her to have a good night or whatever you'd like. Eventually she'll warm up to kissing more which it sounds like she is starting to already, but don't keep initiating it. Gotta have self control, it's probably going to be tough.

[petergriffin]

so we worked out together today then got dinner and drove around listening to music... she seemed very happy to be with me! i mentioned something along the lines of sleeping with this model bc she had a nice body joking around. she got a little jealous and quickly replied "well i have a nice body"... also she kept talking about the things about me that she used to tell me she loved me for. i think if i keep playing it cool i will eventually get her back, my instincts tell me it will happen

[petergriffin]

also for people who may be reading this, make sure you understand why you and your ex brokeup and that you have fixed your own insecurities before you make contact again!

[petergriffin]

so idk what to do.. were still hangingout and today she even got naked in front of me while changing, but i cant tell what is going on in her head if she is stringing me along or not. i am thinking of going semi no contact for a week. ill keep all conversations short and i wont hangout with her

[ken_25]

Well I'm sure she is very comfortable with you and doesn't have an issue undressing in front of you. She might be tryin to tease as well. You said your instincts are saying things are going to work out. So I think your head is either messing with you, or you misread what you thought was your actual instinct. Everything you have said tells me things are on a good path for things to work at this point. Just don't get needy or clingy. Make sure she is initiating contact as well, and things are a two way street. Keep it cool. No need to text all day or keep calling, I think it's good to try and still focus on yourself when she isn't around. I know it'll be hard not to analyze what's going on, but try to shift focus back to YOU.

[petergriffin]

thank you! youve had the best advice soo far, i am goimg to continue to focus on myself and try to ignore my head. im just getting very impatient so it is stressing me out a bit i guess! ill keep you updated

[Eddie Edirol]

It does sound to me like she is trying to make you appreciate her more. The teasing, getting naked, no goodnight kisses after making out, thats what it sounds like to me. I would have said maybe she was turned off to you before the kissing started. So this is what you do. Dont go NC, dont blow her off too much while she is testing you.

 

She is trying to train you to not smother her. So you need to NOT need her body, and this relationship. You need to frame it as if she is hanging out in your world, and she is the guest. You arent anxious to have sex with her, or get back into a relationship with her, but you'll give her a chance. Thats how you treat it. She needs to see that you dont need to be physical with her, that youre not a horny dog.

 

Do your thing, be social, go out, dont pull back too much, but just a little bit. If she wants to hang tomorrow, say you have something going on but you will hang out sunday. let her come to kiss you now, instead of the other way around.

 

Dont make any expectations, assume she is just bieng a tease, and youre ready to walk away if she is. That way, if she doesnt want a relationship with you again, you can walk away thinking "i knew it!" and you wont be hurt. If she actually wants to start something again, then you will be pleasantly surprised.

[petergriffin]

definitely dont have expectations, we keep hanging out every single day, but nothing is happening. we laugh and have fun. i dont think she is stringing me along because she asks to hangout every single day and contacts me first. if nothing happens by christmas i am going to cut her out of my life for good, i think it sounds like a good plan or should i not rush to jump the gone

[ken_25]

Well do what you want, but just let it happen naturally man. You're obviously doing the right things, just keep it up.

[petergriffin]

merry christmas everybody! so just an update, we are still hanging out everyday and things have gotten much better. we are now a lot more intimate and things are going great. si for everyone, i do believe in second chances.