2sunny Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Stop giving her things... Even a place to live. IF she wants you and intends to be with you - she needs to repair the damage she caused. Don't apologize if you are doing the right thing. Tell her exActly what you expect from her... Either she will do it or she won't. Her actions show her intent - not get words. Don't have sex again until she shows her intentions long term. The sex will confuse your logical thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 TY TY 2Sunny your words mean a lot.. and you are right.. I was in the right mindset as far as moving forward and focusing on myself. Then after that weekend happened I fell back into it with her only to realize she still isn't as serious as I thought even though she had serious ideas... So I am back in the mindset of focusing on myself again... I realize she is just keeping me on a string for some reason... A couple of days ago I pushed her again, because I hate being in this gray area of what she wants... I told her I am tired of being her yo yo and that I do not walk to talk to her right now... She pleaded for me not to act like that.. So that night I emailed her telling her how I do not want to push her anymore and that I thought I would give it one more chance but since her heart isn't all the way in it then time is just running out for us... I told her I cared about her and everything but that time was running out. The next day I didn't want to seem like the old ass hole me so I agreed to pay half our daughters hospital bill. She then asks me that same night (last night) if I am okay. I told her I am hanging in there.. but I will be fine. She apologized if she upset me and I apologized as well. She then told me she is fat, I told her she was beautiful and that she is my wife and love her. She then replied with "whatever..." So I ignored it and so she calls me again that same night to say our daughter wanted to see me and she was crying. I agreed to see my daughter and did not give any attention to her. She then called me AGAIN that same night to tell me about the xmas plans. Over that last weekend she had told me how we would hang out with her parents friday night then have xmas together saturday and on Monday she would move back in on the couch. Well last night that changed cuz the only thing she mentioned was xmas.. and she changed her mind again saying the first time I could not take my daughter out of town for xmas but now I can, but first she wanted to spend xmas morning at her parents so we can all watch Kaylee open her presents. I told her we were leaving out of town at 11am with my parents so I am not sure it will work. She then said she would see if she could arrange something... then she mentioned she is wanting to go to a sorority xmas party with her friends and wanted me to watch our daughter next Tuesday (When xmas is already over..?). I told her I couldn't because I do not feel comfortable with her doing that when we are still married. She played the guilt trip on me about me seeing my daughter etc.. but I just stayed quiet until she frustratingly hung up. She then proceeded to text me 4 different times within the hour mentioning of how I am smothering her by not allowing her to go out and have her space, and that she doesn't see how we are supposed to move in together when I am not allowing her space? LOL! So I continued to ignore her.. she then told me NVM the plans for that party isn't actually this Tuesday it is NEXT WEEK! I have no idea why she told me this or how she got confused on the date.. but I still ignored her... so she ends up calling me.. which I ignored... and still up to this point have still not contacted her and I hope I do not have to talk to her unless it is about splitting things up... At this point I am just emotionally beat down from being drug around to different places.. That week I was focusing on myself and not thinking about her was the happiest I remember.. So that is what I am doing now again.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 She's caught herself in her own lies. I don't think moving her back in is a good move right now. She's likely to give you the same crappy behavior every day she's there-only you will be seeing it more often and no way to get away from all her drama. She's got an agenda - she just doesn't want you knowing what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Ummm.. sorry to say she's talking to another man. I hope I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 At this point I do not care if she is with someone else.. if she is then she is... there is nothing I can do about it.. I am just ready to move on and stop feeling like this.. I almost feel like it is better for me to just go file for the divorce and start moving on, I do not want to be married to somebody like this anymore... is this normal for me to feel like this? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) At this point I do not care if she is with someone else.. if she is then she is... there is nothing I can do about it.. I am just ready to move on and stop feeling like this.. I almost feel like it is better for me to just go file for the divorce and start moving on, I do not want to be married to somebody like this anymore... is this normal for me to feel like this? man, if thats the way you feel and you're serious about it.. then that is the optimal way to feel. there are numerous people on this forum (myself included) that after being totally f-ed over by their "spouses" they still have feelings for them, mainly because of their child/children and that they won't be in their childrens lives 100% of the time. Best case scenario for you is probably 50/50 if you can get that. If you can be "happy" with that and most likely being an every other weekend dad then you should file on her. Better think it through pretty good though, its going to affect you for a loooooong time. Edited December 22, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 Today I feel different than yesterday. Yesterday I knew for sure the best thing to do was to move on with the divorce since she is not showing any heart into it.. Today I still know that divorce is probably the best thing for me since she isn't going to come around anytime soon and I need to move on, but when she text'd me today telling me that basically they are having xmas without me and that I can have my own xmas with my daughter without her it made me feel sad. I thought I could handle it.. but whenever my wife shows she doesn't care it hurts me so bad... I told her that was fine and that I hope she finds what she is looking for.. and I really would have given her everything I had to give. She told me she hopes I find what I am looking for too.... So now I have to move forward with this divorce thing... it looks like it is going to be happening soon.. she told me yesterday she has something for me to sign? What could it be? Probably something to do with the divorce.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 The pain hurts soooo much right now... it feels like the first day she left me... all this pain is coming back hard right now.. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 The pain hurts soooo much right now... it feels like the first day she left me... all this pain is coming back hard right now.. Hi Mac,It's called the rollercoaster one day your fine the next day you feel like ****! I was in your shoes exactly one year ago.The onlg thinh that helps is time, be a good dad focus on yourself and you will live to fight another day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 So I found out tonight that my wife has been talking to another man whom she must have met at the bar. They have been texting back and forth for 3 months. I confronted my wife about it and at first she denied it, until finally after I gave details about the situation she soon realized I wasn't bluffing. She then proceeded to tell me they are just friends and she is allowed to just talk cuz she isn't doing anything with them. She told me they just talk about relationship issues.. She would not confess to anything but I know she had to have done something with this guy. The guy I spoke to sounded gangster on the phone and actually had another girl with him at the time I spoke with him. He proceeded to tell me I am "F in up his game with this girl he is with". Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 The reason I know she has been texting this guy is because I got text message records. She was texting him from the minute she woke up till she went to bed for days and days and days... she got in trouble at work for texting him too much.. and she tries to tell me they are just friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 So... All the presents I bought for my daughter were in my STBX trunk. Well my STBX decided she would let our daughter open all the presents including the ones I had gotten for her. She said I could come over now that all the presents and stuff are done, which is pointless. She has been ignoring me about the fact of my daughter coming over here and being able to open all the presents she has here as well. She is acting like she is not preventing me from seeing her by inviting me over.. but yet ignoring me and pretty much saying she aint coming over here.. I can't go over there to her parents cuz they hate me.. and I am afraid her dad would try to fight me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 So after all the drama and making each other feel bad, apparently she has had enough and told me she is going to be having her lawyer contact me.. whatever that means.. I told her she is just making it harder for everyone.. and it is a lose lose situation.. She is upset with me because I displayed my anger towards her betrayal. So now she feels the need to get back at me by threatening her lawyer on me. From the research I have done, texting another man and hiding it from your spouse, along with cheating in the beginning of the relationship, doesn't constitute much in court... or am I wrong? I would rather move on with my life and agree on something but she is so pissed right now she has it in her mind she is going to go hard on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 I was also reading how cheating wives will blame the other spouse for their actions. She is good at doing this.. I always still feel like I am the one who is wrong sometimes.. yes I was not the perfect husband, but I never cheated on her... and I am open to her and willing to do whatever I can to make it work while she refuses to admit or even care to try. She just cares about what money I owe her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 So... times are still rough.. My wife still wants a divorce.. I do not know what to do without her. I tried dating a girl and I was fine for a while.. but then once that girl and I did not work out I felt lonely again without my wife.. I have tried everything with her as far as trying to get back together. Tried showing I love her etc.. everything... nothing is working.. I feel hopeless.. At this point I have made a plan for myself for how I am going to proceed with everything. For some weird reason my wife had the urge to tell me how much fun she is going to have on New Years.. I never responded.. When she asks me things I just give a simple yes or no through texting. I figure the only way for her to love me again is for her to miss me.. So far so good.. it has been 3 days without me reaching out to her.. I am hoping she comes back to me if I leave her alone.. She did come back to me once already a few weeks ago when I left her alone.. but then changed her mind again after I rushed her into it.. Does anyone else think I still have a chance with her? Or is it over? I feel sick to my stomach and very lonely, depressed, low self esteem.. I been working out and stuff but I don't feel any better... You would think that she would be thinking she is teaching me a lesson and that for sure it will work... but then I keep forgetting that not everything is my fault and that she did choose to chat on me a couple times already... so why am I so attached to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted February 2, 2012 Author Share Posted February 2, 2012 So now my wife has moved out of her parents house and into her own apartment. She asked me to come over to talk about us being civil and friends and working through everything for our daughter together supporting each other. We ended up having sex, she let me kiss and hold and hug her for a long time as well.. she says she feels bad for doing what we did and it shouldn't have happened.. but she is glad we can atleast be friends because it will make this whole process easier for everyone... If she wants a divorce why does it feel so real when we are together? And why is she allowing all this to happen? I feel like she still loves me but is scared.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 So now my wife has moved out of her parents house and into her own apartment. She asked me to come over to talk about us being civil and friends and working through everything for our daughter together supporting each other. We ended up having sex, she let me kiss and hold and hug her for a long time as well.. she says she feels bad for doing what we did and it shouldn't have happened.. but she is glad we can atleast be friends because it will make this whole process easier for everyone... If she wants a divorce why does it feel so real when we are together? And why is she allowing all this to happen? I feel like she still loves me but is scared.. It's difficult when someone sends mixed signals. Best to be civil and no sex - that causes confusion and mixed emotions! If she wants back together - time will show you. It's not good that she may run back to you cuz she's scared or wants to use it to manipulate and control you. If she doesn't intend to completely reconcile - no sex - until you know she's committed to the marriage. Get tested for stds - pronto! Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Well, you may have "I'm sorry for you sex". Forget about the "Let's get divorced and still be friends" -Divorce is divorce. Contact only when necessary and keep it short. She needs to drop her fantasy life -her divorce allows her to screw around and keep you on the back burner. Give her a wake up call! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Why does she allow this to happen? Ahaha, because then she can manipulate you! The better question is - why are YOU allowing it? Open your wallet - that's what the sex means - you pay one way or another every time you have sex with her - it costs you something... Mainly your peace of mind! Why allow that? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Why does she allow this to happen? Ahaha, because then she can manipulate you! The better question is - why are YOU allowing it? Open your wallet - that's what the sex means - you pay one way or another every time you have sex with her - it costs you something... Mainly your peace of mind! Why allow that? for all intents and purposes she's a reasonably priced hooker that you've already slept with thousands of times. Is that what you really want? Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) for all intents and purposes she's a reasonably priced hooker that you've already slept with thousands of times. Is that what you really want? omg!!! or hear????? would you want someone saying that to YOU mm4??....about YOUR wife????? ppl posting on this site ( guys/girls) need HELP... not critisism mm4... you got so so much anger...dont take it out on others Edited February 3, 2012 by coopster clarification Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 omg!!! or hear????? would you want someone saying that to YOU mm4??....about YOUR wife????? ppl posting on this site ( guys/girls) need HELP... not critisism mm4... you got so so much anger...dont take it out on others um... I don't have a wife. I have an ex wife..and yea she's just as bad. Its not about anger, its about the truth. People who have sex for financial gain are what? You fill in the blank. And honestly man you seem to be pretty critical yourself.... Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 um... I don't have a wife. I have an ex wife..and yea she's just as bad. Its not about anger, its about the truth. People who have sex for financial gain are what? You fill in the blank. And honestly man you seem to be pretty critical yourself.... i see it as it is Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Why does she allow this to happen? Ahaha, because then she can manipulate you! Yep, there's even a word for it, Tagging. Google it!! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 She asked me to come over to talk about us being civil and friends and working through everything for our daughter together supporting each other Your best reply next time she rings, 'Wife, If you want to talk I'm all ears but I'm in the way out so call me back tomorrow . When she does call you back just let those calls go to voicemail. Maybe pick up after a few calls, and say the same thing again. It's not just playing silly games doing this, I promise. Right now she thinks your sitting at home waiting for her call and is loving it. I mean what an ego boost!! If you get all nasty with her and tell her to stop calling, she's gonna be thinking 'I hate that jerk' glad I left him. If you do what I say her first thought is going to be ' What's he doing, he's getting over me' The onus then switches to her' It's also a huge blow to her ego. This is just simple human nature, people want stuff they can't have. I mean you can't have your wife right now and you want her badly right? And really just start doing stuff even if it's joining a social group or a sports club. If you've got no one to go out with go to the cinema alone. There's always tonnes of stuff to be doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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