This separation is killing me....

[macmillerpwnz]

just a quick update, I went to file my taxes to find out my wife may have filed hers already without putting down the house that we bought together. She is trying to leave the burden on me. I won't go into details how it is a burden but it is. I will be hiring a lawyer to represent me and go after the rent she left me with in our apt and make her liable for the house as well..

 

I can't believe somebody that you love so much and would do anything for would all of a sudden not care about your feelings or your living situation. She only cares about herself and any blame card she can play on me she will..

 

On top of it all I just got laid off and will not be able to pay my upcoming rent for our apt and the tenants living in our house will be leaving soon and I won't be able to pay for that either and still haven't found a new tenant to take over...

 

RIght now my life doesn't look too good... I am hoping things will turn around...

[macmillerpwnz]

btw, I realize she is using me finally.. I read all the previous posts and am wow'd at how I was n this emotional cloud and not thinking straight... I finally realize she has been using me and we don't really have anything to talk about except for picking and dropping off my daughter.

 

So I decided to block her from my phone and when it comes time to pick up my daughter I have my mom do it for me so I do not have to contact or see her... Call me a bitch but this way allows me to get her out of my head and move on. It has been about 4 days since the blocking and she called my whole family trying to get a hold of me. After no luck on her end I continue to keep NC and the next time I get my daughter is 2 weeks from now so I will be using this time to get my **** together and sticking with the NC... I have said this before.. but before I still had hope unlike now I realize the hope is gone..

[macmillerpwnz]

It has been a week and a half since I blocked my wife from my phone. She can still contact me through e-mail. I am starting to regret my decision doing this because it makes me look bad. Should I unblock her? It does make me feel better because I feel like I am in control and can block her out of my mind.. ??

[coopster]

It has been a week and a half since I blocked my wife from my phone. She can still contact me through e-mail. I am starting to regret my decision doing this because it makes me look bad. Should I unblock her? It does make me feel better because I feel like I am in control and can block her out of my mind.. ??

 

 

Errrrr How does blocking her make YOU look bad?? If anything its makes you look good !! Well done > You`re getting on with your life without her .

 

She can contact you via email if she really has too have contact with you. Then you either delete it, or reply if its to do with your daughter.

 

Good on you for getting your mum to pick up your daughter.. pure genius .

 

You seem in a far better place then when you 1st started posting, title says it all.

Well done mate, i`m really pleased for you

[macmillerpwnz]

Hey everyone,

 

haven't posted in a while figured I would update..

 

In reality I would like to be back with my wife and for her to WANT to be back with me. I did end up unblocking her and we started being nice to each other. Which later turned sour and I don't even remember all the details honestly but this past month it has just been pretty much the same stuff just ups and downs good and bad.

 

I understand the importance of NC or LC... The last thing that happened before I went to NC was 2 weeks ago and I basically expressed my frustration towards the way she has been acting and who she is and what not. I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks after expressing these negative things..

 

I started to feel bad for beginning the NC or LC phase after such a negative reaction.. so these past few days I have decided to reach out to her and try to get her to see the good side of me again.. which I have successfully done for only 2-3 days now. I have literally been playing it cool, confident and willing to move on.

 

Now this is where I want to begin the NC/LC phase again after leaving a positive reaction unlike before. I don't want to talk to her I honestly have to get over her by committing to the NC/LC. Now that I have successfully let her know I am moving on and I CAN be friends with her for the past few days.. I plan on slowly but surely getting to the point where I do not reach out anymore.

 

She doesn't make effort to reach out to me at this point like she used to when she wanted to be friends.. WHY? I dunno.. doesn't matter I guess.. all I know is that I am going to slowly decline this reaching out until finally it comes to a halt.. that way it will show I tried being her friend and being a good guy.. but I can't keep reaching out and kissing her azz.

 

I have expressed my love to her, cried over her, yelled at her, called her names, begged her back, tried being friends with her, and tried being cool. I have tried it all.. she expects me to go back to the same person of doing all these random things.. I am not really in the emotional rollercoaster anymore so I feel confident I can be this new calm and collected person she hasn't seen yet. This is why I figured I would leave a last impression of being cool and friendly and not do it so fast where she thinks it is fake.. do it over time that way she knows it is real and then once I get tired of reaching out to her (because really there is no point anyways.. I am just doing it to leave a better impression) I am going to cease reaching out and do my thing like usual.

 

Does this sound like an OK plan? I know it has been 4 months and I haven't been consistent.. but for the first time I feel like I can be. Small note.. I am awaiting her response to my proposal for our divorce. She acts like she wants the divorce so bad but is taking awhile to do it.. and it isn't complicated either. Eventually my end goal will be leaving that positive last impression while eventually weeding myself out of her life so she doesn't feel like I am always there. Even doing things like having my mother pick up our child and dropping off etc. will still be in my plans.. I just fee like I have to "reach" out for now so she doesn't think I am an *******.. but eventually I won't be reaching out.. eh??

[macmillerpwnz]

On a second note, 2 days ago when this new attitude of mine started she sent me pics of herself looking cute and a pic of her kissing another girl on the lips. Since I acted cool with it and didn't even ask about the pics she has been acting neutral. She hasn't contacted me unless I tell her good morning etc. Then she will simply respond "Thanks. You as well." It is weird how she sends me these pics and acts friendly but then when I don't get into the low state and remain cool she is now acting like we are business friends or something. This morning I told her good morning and since she isn't making any effort to truly be my friend like she says she wants to be.. I am not going to reach out to her anymore.. it just seems pointless.. I feel like I did my part already practically even though I have only remained cool for a few days and friendly. But what is the point of reaching out to her when she doesn't reach out to me friend wise... and when I get a response from her she doesn't seem to really care about being my friend more just like being civil..

 

another thing is that as long as I am giving her way and doing what she asks or wants then she will be nicer to me.. but if I try to do things that I think is fair for me then she will become my enemy.. so it just seems like there is no winning with her anyways and the only thing I can do is be me.. and be nice to her but don't kiss her ass at same time.. while remaining cool and confident?

[2sunny]

The one who cares the most - has the least amount of power...

[Jstub]

The one who cares the most - has the least amount of power...

 

This is so true...

[macmillerpwnz]

yeah.. I was feeling better when I initiated the NC.. 2 weeks I didn't talk to her really... but then I started to wonder if I should feel better about NC AFTER leaving good impression instead of bad. So here I am doing just that.. then I will go to NC again and I will be fine..I just don't want to be an azzhole by blocking her or being mean even though she might deserve it.. because one day she may change and be a different person.. even though by the time she does I will prolly be over her.. she accidentally calls me babe here and there.. I still feel like she loves me but has this excuse or pride to not get back with me.. I am sure she has complained to her parents and friends and thinks she would look dumb to get back with me..

 

but it is all good.. like I said I don't want to be the azzhole.. I am going to try and show her I care but at same time slowly leave her and be out of her life..

[macmillerpwnz]

SO... She called me after work but I couldn't answer. So I texted her before I walked into my boxing training class and she told me it was about our daughter and to call her. So I call her after boxing and all it was about was seeing if I could watch her on Friday..

 

SO I made a decision at this point to end this. I told her I don't hate her, and that I just think it is impossible for us to be friends right now cuz I still have feelings for her and that I need to be able to move on. So if she could do me favor and stick to business only and either text, e-mail, or leave voicemail for me. She thought I was being immature, so I explained how it is hard for me to move on unless we do this. I told her I am stronger than before and I begin to move on when we have limited contact. I told her I was willing to do everything and be there for her cuz I love her but she is throwing something special away and that I know I have value in myself and others will see that if she don't and that it is sad that she is throwing that away.

 

She kept bringing up the past of how I used to make her feel about her body and that she doesn't want to feel like that again. I told her I understood and that the only way for her to see that I am different is to have dinner with me. I can tell her in words all I want of how I have changed but without her giving me a chance to show in actions it means nothing.

 

She informed me she would let me know tonight whether or not this will be a good idea for us.

 

If she gives me a chance to prove myself and sees the changes within me and wants to give the relationship another shot, I am going to make sure she has changed as well.. I do not want to bring up her changing first or same time as me changing cuz she will just run away..I do not want to make these changes and then she ends up cheating on me again or not caring still... because I do have girls who care about me right now and I would hate to risk that for no reason..

[Owl]

Tell her that it doesn't matter if she thinks this is a good idea or not...it's what you're going to do...PERIOD!

 

Take back the power and control in this situation...stop letting her dictate the terms and how it's going to be. That's what got you to this point to begin with.

 

Don't try...do. And don't let her tell you what you're going to do, nor how. Just do it.

[macmillerpwnz]

Understandable, I made it clear to her that our communication would be business and that would be it. Also there would be no need to call me. I would like her to love me again and be all about the family. This is why I stressed upon her how I feel and what she needs to do to make it work. Basically letting her know this is the end of the line no more games. Either you do this to make it work or I will need to LC with you to move on.

 

She is supposed to let me know if she will be trying to make it work or not tonight... Only thing I am afraid of happening is she will try to make it work for selfish reasons and not really to actually make it work or love me.. this is what I will need to be weary of.. I do not want to throw away everything I have built since our separation away because of her selfishness or mind games she plays in order to get her way..

 

At this point I feel confident of being able to move on.. but my ideal situation is to be with my original family and NOT build another one.. but if I have to I will...

[Jstub]

Understandable, I made it clear to her that our communication would be business and that would be it. Also there would be no need to call me. I would like her to love me again and be all about the family. This is why I stressed upon her how I feel and what she needs to do to make it work. Basically letting her know this is the end of the line no more games. Either you do this to make it work or I will need to LC with you to move on.

 

She is supposed to let me know if she will be trying to make it work or not tonight... Only thing I am afraid of happening is she will try to make it work for selfish reasons and not really to actually make it work or love me.. this is what I will need to be weary of.. I do not want to throw away everything I have built since our separation away because of her selfishness or mind games she plays in order to get her way..

 

At this point I feel confident of being able to move on.. but my ideal situation is to be with my original family and NOT build another one.. but if I have to I will...

 

I don't get how at this stage you can even think about having another family. This is wrong. That should be the last thing on your mind. We do not need someone to be okay, we should be okay by ourselves for ourselves. I am in the same boat, my wife doesn't love me anymore, have kids etc. (obviously different circumstances but still) and all I am trying to do is to be happy for myself, for myself and for my kids. I am not saying I am there, and I don't expect anyone to get there easily, but that should be your goal and NOT finding another woman to have a family again. I hope that makes sense.

[macmillerpwnz]

Yeah that definitely makes sense.. I DO NOT want a family that fast.. I am just saying my future goal when I meet the right person and been with them long enough then I will eventually have another family... but yes you are right.. immediately trying to get a family is not what I intend doing.. I am happy with myself and I completely understand what you are saying.. I do not need another woman to feel complete at all..but I do not want to be single forever obviously.

[BETTERFLIRT]

So here it goes, My wife (22) and I (25) have been married for 3 years and together for 6 years. We have a 4 year old daughter as well. In the beginning of our relationship I was definitely interested in other women. I did not respect her much and did not give her the attention she needed, but never actually physically cheated on her. She had told me at this point in our lives when our daughter was first born... that she had cheated on me and had sex with another guy "because he was so nice and I was not." Anyways, throughout our relationship I am completely oblivious to this and our marriage goes on.... We have had bad times and we have had good times as well... there were times where I did not feel like she was into me and others where I did.. As I got older she became more beautiful to me and I started to just appreciate her more and more. At the same time though, she was beginning to resent me more and more and lose her feelings for me.

 

So about a month ago is where things get weird. She decided to go out to the bar one night with some of her single college sorority girls. She wore one of those shirts that hang down where you can see the bra and shoulder. I was worried but tried to give her space and not crowd her or seem worried. After this point is where she started to act weird in regards to not showing me she cared as much... and what is weird is that once I started to realize she was doing this is when I wanted to make everything work again and tried my hardest to keep her happy and started to realize I am not giving her enough attention. It seemed too late though because she would bring up the fact of us not working out randomly out of no where and anything could stir up frustration between us.

 

Well one day she was just showing me she didn't care at all and I got sick of it so I left and told her that I loved her but I could not handle it with someone else not caring about me. So I left and the next morning she calls me to come back. So I do and we all go out to lego land that same day with our daughter. BEST DAY EVER! We had such a great time together. We even talked about how we are going to improve things! At night when we got home she said she wanted to have another kid.. so I came inside of her in order to do so... because I wanted our old relationship back! The next morning everything was normal... until the end of the day came along and she informed me she had a meeting with her boss who had told her that she had been noticing her behavior differently lately and that if she wants the promotion she needs to step it back into gear. After she told me this she pretty much started heading down the path of splitting up for good and getting a divorce "because it is now getting in the way of her career."

 

so for a little over a week now she has been living with her mom while leaving me at our apartment... she doesn't want to talk to me unless it is about our daughter. She doesn't even want to talk about how we are going to split things up. I begged her not to get a divorce and to give it time... so she agreed for us to separate and live our different lives and we should each go out and party and relax while taking a break. She also mentioned how she doesn't want to give me hope this will work either. I agreed to it as long as she wore her ring still... she told me she would wear it to make me happy but that is all and not for herself. I am still not sure at this point if she has actually filed for divorce or not yet because she still threatens me she is going to do it.. because at first she will tell me she will wait to do it because I want her to wait.. but then she will just threaten it to me later..the last time she threatened me was yesterday saying that I am dirty to be charging up her Credit card... but I did not charge it up.. I just ate some food on it because since we split our account up I have no debit card right now to access my new accounts.

 

Ever since that point it has just been feeling like divorce.. I do not want to sound needy and desperate anymore to her and want to try to move on... but at the same time I feel like we are just sooo young and didn't know how to handle a marriage and I want it to work out between us if she would just try like I am right now. So I am stuck between giving her the 180 rule and risk losing her because I stopped trying to explain how I care and understand now. Or keep on trying and giving her space as well until she comes around...

 

After reading a lot of other stories on here I do not want this separation thing to go on forever... I want to either try again or move on... but she has me stuck between both and I am not sure if she is really going to divorce or not or if she is just cheating on me again or what....WHAT DO I DO?

 

I do not know but for me life always means hope. Your family first. We must understand that any action brings with itself one or more reactions. You have to accept that her behaivor may be the result of your umpayed attention to her in the pass that now you being the looser need to assume the concequences. Here I am not to gudge but to give you advices according to the way I understand and interpret the current situation. One of the things that must be cleared to you is she may really love you but wants to give you be a lesson for being incomprehensive to or as many of your friends are asking to react due to the way she is rolling she may also pay attention to hers as so as I do not avoid the posibility that she can find someone else being more attractive. In all of those prepositions you have to make a choice making sure you really get control of what is happening. In case she loves you still forget of her atittude, regain her heart promising you will act differently. Be confident. Do not sound like she is the last one on earth without her you do not exist. Girls do not like things to be like that. The age does not always matter. Prove you are a man. I know it is difficult anyway close your eyes on what hapened, this is the only way you can regain the courage to forgive her and take back her in your arms. If there is evidence of wanting to know how to discover if she is still in love with you let me know by a signal.

[Owl]

You could at least hope that the spammers learn English before posting on a forum, you know?

[macmillerpwnz]

lol, I really don't want to jump into something new really fast.. maybe a relationship yes.. but not have kids or anything like that.. that is crazy talk.

[2sunny]

Understandable, I made it clear to her that our communication would be business and that would be it. Also there would be no need to call me. I would like her to love me again and be all about the family. This is why I stressed upon her how I feel and what she needs to do to make it work. Basically letting her know this is the end of the line no more games. Either you do this to make it work or I will need to LC with you to move on.

 

She is supposed to let me know if she will be trying to make it work or not tonight... Only thing I am afraid of happening is she will try to make it work for selfish reasons and not really to actually make it work or love me.. this is what I will need to be weary of.. I do not want to throw away everything I have built since our separation away because of her selfishness or mind games she plays in order to get her way..

 

At this point I feel confident of being able to move on.. but my ideal situation is to be with my original family and NOT build another one.. but if I have to I will...

 

 

Realize this - the only times she corresponds with you is to get YOU to do something she wants/needs YOU to do!

 

So stop doing that! Only use one word if you EVER communicate wi her = NO!

 

Notice when she called it was under the promise that it was ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER? That was HER lie! The call was about HER getting YOU to babysit so SHE could go DO what she wants!

 

There isn't any reason to be the babysitter while she goes out to screw some guy! SHE can fund THAT sitter on her own ass!

 

Stop making it so easy for her to cheat and use YOU further in doing so! Just stop that!!!

[2sunny]

Follow her on Friday - I guarantee she'll have a date.

 

There's NO WAY you should be trying to make the so called marriage work when she's out screwing around - NO WAY!

 

Sop chasing and making it easy for her to manipulate and control you.

 

She's only paying attention to you when she's planning to use you for HER benefit.

[Owl]

you usually give relly good advice owl. that was just wrong thou

 

Howso? Read the post I was referring to again. If you can make sense out of it, I'll be darned impressed...and I speak/write Spanish, English, and German.

 

Take a look at the other 12 posts by the same poster, and you'll see that they are indeed just spamming that link in their signature...which I reported per this site's guidelines.

 

Don't know what was wrong with what I said. If you want to post on an English speaking forum...learn to spam in coherent English. Same applies if you opt to post on one in Spanish, German, French, or whatever...

[macmillerpwnz]

lol she is going to do what she wants to do.. I have already expressed everything pretty thoroughly. No point in beating a dead horse.. even if I did catch her red handed I don't think it would change much.. maybe make her feel a little worse? Won't help her see what she is missing right here with me anyways. At this point I need to move on.. she still hasn't called me today to let me know if she wanted to try to make this work or not. I am just going to assume she doesn't. I am moving on and I expect her to only contact me through text voicemail or e-mail and only regarding my daughter or business. If she doesn't do what I tell her to do then I will remind her what I expect in this "business partnership". I am sure she is cheating on me.. that is fine.. she is the one missing out.. I know I am valuable.

[macmillerpwnz]

well if you want to talk about facts.. I have proof of her texting the same guy for 3 months straight day and night. From the moment she wakes up till she goes to bed. That is enough for me honestly...

[marqueemoon4]

well if you want to talk about facts.. I have proof of her texting the same guy for 3 months straight day and night. From the moment she wakes up till she goes to bed. That is enough for me honestly...

 

Definitely EA if not EA & PA

 

sorry buddy it sucks.

[2sunny]

well if you want to talk about facts.. I have proof of her texting the same guy for 3 months straight day and night. From the moment she wakes up till she goes to bed. That is enough for me honestly...

 

And there it is.

[Owl]

Whaddya know, Coop. We were right?