Randybrandt Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been dating for awhile now and lately it has hit some big,big road bumps and to be quite frank I do not even know why I still call her my girlfriend because I barely even see her anymore. When we first started dating it was magical:love: We saw each other all the time spent holidays together it was simply perfect. I know she wants to dump me and to be quite honest I feel like dumping her at this point because I barely even see her and she claims she is busy but come on who is so busy to see their boyfriend? I know the Holidays are busy but it takes two seconds to text someone. Why won't she dump me if she isn't feeling it anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Seneca Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Perhaps she wants to but is not quite skilled in going about it. Best thing to do is to sit down and talk about it. If you are ready to break up with her, then let her know. Do it in amicable way and always do it in person no matter how tough it may seem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Randybrandt Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 Either that or she wants to have so many boyfriends she just wants to keep me on the back-burner as they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Gah, I hate when people fade out like this instead of just dumping you outright. She probably lacks the nerve to dump you, and is taking the coward's way out by just slowly disappearing. She probably thinks you'll get the message eventually, or that you'll be so uninvolved by the time she actually dumps you that it'll be easier for her to dump you and it won't hurt you as much. What the people who do this kind of thing don't realize is that they're just confusing the other person, who's wondering why their partner is backing off and trying desperately to rationalize what's happening and cling to the relationship. It involves a whole lot of emotional anguish as the person tries to convince themselves that their gut feeling is wrong and their partner isn't actually disappearing, because if they wanted out of the relationship they'd just end it, right? It would be so much easier just to break up and start to heal, than to feel hurt and confused for weeks or months on end while the breakup is dragged out. Suffice to say, people who do this kind of thing are the lowest of the low, cowardly and selfish. You need to have a talk to her and say you feel like she's backing off from your relationship, and explain that you need to either make more time for each other or just break up. If she does want to break up, she'll probably welcome the opportunity to get it over with. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Sometimes it's just easier to get dumped than to do the dumping. Maybe she's waiting for you to dump her. The funny thing about this is that if you were to dump her she would be the one in agony posting here. Take control of you own life don't wait around wondering and hoping. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't have time for them like you said it takes two seconds to text. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I agree with Twinkles...100 percent. Link to post Share on other sites
TomJerry Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 It gets so confusing, you end up getting sucked more and more in the black hole. The lowest of the low, will never answer the questions straight and always has reason which you disagree was a reason at all. After a while, more than enjoying the relationship it becomes only about to end the relationship or to give another chance. I am one of those victims who got played for 4 years. Turns out they play very good, once in a way they make time and you think that it's all right and the reasons are perhaps genuine. Two or three days and it starts all over again. Emotionally unavailable and quoting reasons all the while. It not ended even now and the worst part is I really really love the person. Link to post Share on other sites
JFReyes Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) I've been there and know the feeling, so just dump her (in person) and move on. The last 2 years of my 8 year relationship were marred by my girlfriend's detachment despite my best efforts to keep the flame alive. I tried twice to have her dump me -- the first a couple of months after her transformation and the second one about a year ago -- but she insisted on maintaining the relationship. When a third opportunity came up a couple of months ago (and I was already fed up with the BS) I broke up with her. It's been tough ever since but I no longer feel like a puppet, and I regret wasting 2 years of my life when I should have known better. Even if I'm considered the "bad guy" I believe that I did her a favor by taking a huge weight off her shoulders because she was not happy. I don't necessarily agree with the posters that say this behavior is coward or low life as my ex isn't either of those types; I say it depends on the individual personality and the nature of the relationship. Edited December 9, 2011 by JFReyes Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Well my ex was your ex exactly and he DID dump me after he lined up his next relationship. Well actually he just faded away and I found out on FB he was in love with someone else. Soooo....she's probably in the process. I wish, wish, wish I had dumped him when I started seeing this distance, just for my own dignity. But we probably would have had a better chance of coming back together and working things out too. I really think you need to tell her it doesn't seem like you are both getting much- or what you need- out of the relationship right now so maybe you should split. Really, don't let it drag. It only gets worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been dating for awhile now and lately it has hit some big,big road bumps and to be quite frank I do not even know why I still call her my girlfriend because I barely even see her anymore. When we first started dating it was magical:love: We saw each other all the time spent holidays together it was simply perfect. I know she wants to dump me and to be quite honest I feel like dumping her at this point because I barely even see her and she claims she is busy but come on who is so busy to see their boyfriend? I know the Holidays are busy but it takes two seconds to text someone. Why won't she dump me if she isn't feeling it anymore? Sorry to tell you, but she's probably a "liner-upper" and is either dating someone else or looking around to replace you. She doesn't want to jump ship without a row boat, so to speak. What ever happened to simple communication? She has no time for you? You barely see her? She's busy all the time? Mmmmmmm. Why sit there as a lame duck boyfriend? Why be in limbo when you can get out of limbo? If you're tired of being treated like a doormat, then get up off the floor. Tell her you want to get together, make a date and see what happens. If she gives you the runaround, or cancels, you have your answer. No time to see you at all? Even on the weekend?? Then just come right out and ask her what's going on. Nicely, politely, and calmly. Then tell her if she wants to call it a day, to please do so. Ask for honesty. If she's wishy washy, tell her that doesn't feel right to you, and break it off yourself. Tell her you don't want crumbs, you want the whole cake. You deserve more. Have some self-respect. She's either in it to make it work, or she's not. And you should be, too. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I completely agree with and support what Graceful suggests. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Randybrandt Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 I agree with you graceful. Monday evening she texted me on my mobile asking to do something. She wanted to come over and she actually called:confused: Which is unusual! She said I am really looking forward to this etc,etc and she wanted to see me and get her cloak and hat back because she left it at my flat 2 weekends ago. She said I am so cold it will be nice to see you and get me cloak and hat back. No more than a hr she called back saying she couldn't make it once again here I am back to square one. There was excitement in her voice but since then she hasn't spoken to me. It is like she is playing some sort of game. I am actually getting ill dealing with her:sick: I guess sooner or later I need to set things straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hell, since you have her hat and coat, one of these times where she blows you off, just go to her place unannounced and return them to her, tell her that after the conversation the other day, you didn't want her walking around cold. If she freaks out that you're there, or if someone else is there...you pretty much got your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I agree with you graceful. Monday evening she texted me on my mobile asking to do something. She wanted to come over and she actually called:confused: Which is unusual! She said I am really looking forward to this etc,etc and she wanted to see me and get her cloak and hat back because she left it at my flat 2 weekends ago. She said I am so cold it will be nice to see you and get me cloak and hat back. No more than a hr she called back saying she couldn't make it once again here I am back to square one. There was excitement in her voice but since then she hasn't spoken to me. It is like she is playing some sort of game. I am actually getting ill dealing with her:sick: I guess sooner or later I need to set things straight. Randy, You can't go on like this, now can you? Of course you're feeling ill, you're dizzy from the runaround she's been giving you. Now listen. Who can go without a coat and hat at this time of year? How can she not make it a priority to get her cold weather clothing, let alone cancel out on seeing you? AGAIN. You're back burner guy now, you already know this. I'm sure there is a part of you that doesn't want to hear what she has to say ... but you either need to hear it, or you need to say it yourself. Why can't you (or don't you) call her and make a date so you can talk to her. This I do not understand, you see. If she refuses to see you, then follow what I said in my previous post. You need to get out of limbo, you're not being fair to yourself, and you already know she's not being fair to you by treating you like this --- which is why you need to put your foot down. You're holding a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, so wouldn't you rather take charge and throw it at her than have it go off in your face? Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Please make a move dude. Trust your instinct on this. I wish someone had told me this earlier. It will hurt like crap when she drops you out of nowhere or you find out she has moved on without you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Randybrandt Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 I know it will hurt because I kind of already have an inkling she is seeing someone else. I mean why else break dates at the last minute? The sad part is she told me how much she was looking forward to it. I was at department store today and I smelled her perfume and got nauseous:sick: It reminded me of her. I cannot explain how naueous I get everyday a pit in my stomach just thinking of her over and over and why she is doing this after we have been through so much together and she told me I was the " one". I know I have bailed on her numerous times but I have schooling and work so it isn't my fault she cannot figure out I am not her becking call 24/7 and then when I am ready to go she bails. I just wish this pit in my stomach and all around nervousness would go away. I cannot explain it but it is nerve racking for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
TomJerry Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I know how it feels Randy, been there done that & again been there and been done to Since I have been on both the sides I know what the state of mind of the other person is. When I was pushing her away, well the reason I was pushing her away was that she was engaged and the engagement lasted only for 6 months... During that 6 months, I started dating my college who was a very sweet person. I was not sure if it was rebound or I was looking for some company or that I was getting into a relationship... All I wanted was to kill time initially and I started going out with this new girl. I started enjoying her company and while my ex's life was going bad (engagement cancelled), My ex needed me at that time she wanted emotional support and for me to show her some love. I was busy figuring out what this new relationship is and was spending all day and week-ends with the new person getting to know her better. So I would give excuses, I was surprised sometimes how I could come up with such excuses myself... My ex at that time didn't know about this new girl. She didn't because I was not committed to this new girl and I didn't know myself if it was just friendship or more. I was just enjoying the new company that's all! All this while, I loved my ex to death, but I didn't know at the time. The point to take away from this is that the my state of mind during that time was, just have fun figure out what the new relationship was and that's all mattered. Which is the same with anyone who finds someone new in their life. Fast forward 4 years, My ex is getting married and from past 8 months I have been trying to get her "time" just 30 mins in a day, but she has reasons now every day she has reasons and once in a way there are crumbs. I know her state of mind.. She has someone new and she is spending all the time and energy there and I am the last person she will think about. While 4 years ago, she was holding the phone all night just to get a call from me, I was having fun with the new company. And now I hold the phone all night and sit in front of the comp to check mails all day and she is having fun with the new company. You have to give time for the dust to settle down, let the other person figure out what exactly it is that they want or doing. It feels sick to the gut, I know but see it this way. The other person doesn't even feel you, it doesn't matter if you are holding the phone all night or you party all night. You will get a call/mail only when they feel like. And when the relationship has reached this point it will always end.... For the fact that both the parties are not on the same page. One person is holding on to the phone and the other person is holding someone's hand Link to post Share on other sites
happypanda21 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Perhaps she wants to but is not quite skilled in going about it. Best thing to do is to sit down and talk about it. If you are ready to break up with her, then let her know. Do it in amicable way and always do it in person no matter how tough it may seem. Gut feelings are usually correct, but there could be other reasons as to why she is doing this. She may be very depressed, anxiety, etc.... It is totally obvious there is no communication going on in this relationship, and its your fault just as much as her fault. Both you ya'll seem very young in dealing with hard situations. Im not saying its a bad thing, but it is something that at least you can start working on. Sometimes it's just easier to get dumped than to do the dumping. Maybe she's waiting for you to dump her. The funny thing about this is that if you were to dump her she would be the one in agony posting here. Take control of you own life don't wait around wondering and hoping. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't have time for them like you said it takes two seconds to text. You deserve better. You must open communication with her. There is a reason for her actions. Once you find out this reason, you will have your decision. If she does not want to talk about it, then that makes the decision very easy. The longer that you wait around waiting for something to happen, the longer the pain will last. It could be that she truly is having a hard time with life or some other affliction, and doesn't know how to deal with it. But you wont KNOW till you talk. Don't wait around and let life happen to you, it is your life, your feelings, and you are in control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Randybrandt Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 She could be very well depressed and maybe that is why she has been acting very,very strange the last couple of weeks. She suffers from Anxiety and Depression but she takes medicine for that so that should be controlled. I do not know much about depression since I do not suffer from it but I do know about anxiety since I do suffer from panic attacks when I am under stress but as far as I know that doesn't make someone push someone away and make them act weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts