Gentlegirl Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hello again after a long time. I came back to offer you all the greetings of the silly season and have a little look around. I have learned how easy it is to make dreadful choices when faced with a couple of life crises and just how disastrous it can be. It is easy to lose awareness of reality and be oblivious to the consequences. it is easy to seek comfort from the wrong person. It's a quick fix to ease the pain of the present. MM broke contact once. He admitted to being a serial cheater. He admitted to seeing how vulnerable I had been at the time and how I was in need of company. He said he played every trick in his rather large repertoire to win my heart. He said he always sets out to, and knows how to go for the woman's heart. Such a charmer!!!! It made me feel " really special" when he said I would get over him but it would take me a long time. Yes guys, there are those who DO coldly set out to find an A and he was one of them. He said he had been doing it since early in his marriage because the sex wasn't enough for him.... God knows what that meant. One thing that I noticed .... he never once asked if he had hurt me, asked how I have been or said "sorry" if I hurt you. I didn't respond to that email and never will. It was just the final nail in the casket. Not sure why he sent it at all. It did wake me up in a big way because it wiped out all the tender, happy memories that I treasured. I was the only one who treasured them, for him they were a means to getting sex. It is now11 months and 3 weeks NC. I was hurt more than ever in my life before but I have learned self awareness and hopefully how to pick a cheater in two seconds. Before this I was cocooned in a happy marriage and family life for 30 years. Such a Babe in the Woods I was. The immediate future for me involves packing a bag of glam clothes and getting on a luxury cruise ship until 3rd January. Such a hard life!!!!! To everyone who is struggling with NC... keep fighting because it's going to be worth it in a few months time. Again, have a wonderful festive season...I can never thank the lovely people on LS enough for the support and tough love they gave me when I needed it the most. Gentlegirl X Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hello again after a long time. I came back to offer you all the greetings of the silly season and have a little look around. I have learned how easy it is to make dreadful choices when faced with a couple of life crises and just how disastrous it can be. It is easy to lose awareness of reality and be oblivious to the consequences. it is easy to seek comfort from the wrong person. It's a quick fix to ease the pain of the present. MM broke contact once. He admitted to being a serial cheater. He admitted to seeing how vulnerable I had been at the time and how I was in need of company. He said he played every trick in his rather large repertoire to win my heart. He said he always sets out to, and knows how to go for the woman's heart. Such a charmer!!!! It made me feel " really special" when he said I would get over him but it would take me a long time. Yes guys, there are those who DO coldly set out to find an A and he was one of them. He said he had been doing it since early in his marriage because the sex wasn't enough for him.... God knows what that meant. One thing that I noticed .... he never once asked if he had hurt me, asked how I have been or said "sorry" if I hurt you. I didn't respond to that email and never will. It was just the final nail in the casket. Not sure why he sent it at all. It did wake me up in a big way because it wiped out all the tender, happy memories that I treasured. I was the only one who treasured them, for him they were a means to getting sex. It is now11 months and 3 weeks NC. I was hurt more than ever in my life before but I have learned self awareness and hopefully how to pick a cheater in two seconds. Before this I was cocooned in a happy marriage and family life for 30 years. Such a Babe in the Woods I was. The immediate future for me involves packing a bag of glam clothes and getting on a luxury cruise ship until 3rd January. Such a hard life!!!!! To everyone who is struggling with NC... keep fighting because it's going to be worth it in a few months time. Again, have a wonderful festive season...I can never thank the lovely people on LS enough for the support and tough love they gave me when I needed it the most. Gentlegirl X So happy to see you GG and so happy that you're going to be having a glorious trip and you're also well into your healing What you said about you being the only one treasuring the moments hit a spot. I know that feeling. I think so often in As, as well as other relationships, it is so hard to move forward and let go as sometimes we are in fantasy and sometimes we're imagining that the feelings that consume us, what we enjoyed, remembered, thought was special is the same for that person....but sometimes that simply isn't true. It hurts to find that out but it is also freeing as you realize there is nothing to hold on to! I think it does do a number on you and the worst part is that you begin to doubt your own sanity and judgment and wonder how you could be so wrong and it can make you fearful of putting yourself out there again....but there are always signs and the goal as you've said, is to become more self aware and conscious and to be able to spot and avoid these things in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hi gentlegirl. Enjoy your luxary cruise...I'm sooo jealous! Regarding your xMM, sometimes finding out the cold harsh reality of who they really are is what we need to truly let go and move on. It's a bittersweet gift in a sense. Embrace it and use it as catalyst to live your life for YOU. Best wishes and have a wonderful holiday season! ((Hugs))! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Glad to see that you're healing and having a great life, GG. That's the best thing to hear! Have some happy holidays! Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hi GG...so nice to hear from you after your LS timeout Hope you have a very blessed holiday season...you deserve it!!!... Enjoy your cruise...hope it's a SINGLES cruise Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hi GG...so nice to hear from you after your LS timeout Hope you have a very blessed holiday season...you deserve it!!!... Enjoy your cruise...hope it's a SINGLES cruise ...and you meet someone who is looking for an AWESOME lady!!!... Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hey GG Its funny - you say that after hearing all the xMM's crap, that helped wipe away all those happy memories and ya know fuzzy feelings. I, on the other hand, didn't even hear it - I just told myself all that your xMM told you. I did it to harden myself against my xMM, and because I'm sure that on some level it applies to him as well. I'm very glad that you're doing so much better and finding your happiness - oooh a cruise - man your life is tough Have a fantastic time and a wonderful Holiday Season Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Hi GG, happy to hear from you again. Clarity is a wonderful thing when it comes to see people for who they really are. Even if MM was ALL yours, he wouldn't have been a reliable partner for you. Sometimes I feel such a fool for having gone after a MW, WTF was I thinking..such a waste of feelings and energy. Happy Holiday Season to you ! Link to post Share on other sites
Fabian Montenegro Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I knew that you'd be back. LS is like a black hole. No escape. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Great to hear from you! Thank you for all the support you gave me. I'm now over my xMM. What helped me get over him was that i got involved with a support group that focuses on the Law of Attraction and the methods used in the book the Secret. This group was not about recovering from a break up, although many in the group had joined up due to a break up or job loss or some other type of loss. All of us were seeking hope for a brighter future. Through this group I was able to have a deep moment of meditation and prayer where I mentally gave him up. Im at month 3 of NC) THE NEXT DAY I get an email from him!! Isnt if funny how The Universe works like that? In the email he expressed frusteration at not having heard from me in a while and accused me of sleeping with my co worker. He added some warm sexual comments that I guess I was supposed to comment on but I did nothing. I didnt even respond to the email. Knowing that he noticed me doing NC has given me an extra boost of gratification and is helping me move on even more. I'll be fine and one day soon, I'll be so involved with my life that I wont even realize how long I've been doing NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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