juniorczar Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 This is complicated and long winded so plz bear with me on this - I got really emotionally close to a woman who was in a committed relationship. I was going through a messy breakup of a 7 yr old relnship then - I switched jobs and moved to a new town- A few months later, she asked me if I could help her switch . I recommended her in my new firm and she moved here - She continued with her relnship (now long distance) while I was single and available now - I eventually told her that I really like her but since she is committed, I don't expect anything back but wanted you to know in any case - Before I told her this, and post this as well, we used to and continued to fool around a bit physically (no sex, but cuddling up and petting) - We continued to be great friends even after that but somehow, the tiffs became more intense and I got a feeling that she at times tries to avoid me - Each time I got a sense she is avoiding me, I would start keeping my distance and then she would be come back each time either asking me to help her out with some trouble or asking for advice - This entire vicious cycle played out for a year and somehow I knew that need to cut her out of my life but wan't able to - a few weeks ago, she told me that she is trying to breakup with her boyfriend.. I asked her why and she said that he is a really great friend but there is no chemistry between them and they haven't practically gotten physical despite being together for 2+ years.. And that it's time for her to get married (family pressure etc) and she isn't sure that only love (and no chemistry) will work for a marriage Now here is what is troubling me She has been leaning on strongly on a guy within her team during the last few months... She is practically with him all day long and he also stays over at her place at times.. And there has been a lot of office gossip about them which made me really concerned about her.. Now the seemingly obvious conclusion here would be that she is breaking up with the boyfriend because of this guy but here's the catch.. The guy is at least 10 leagues out of this girl.. She is smart & suave, he is what would be the Indian equivalent of a redneck.. She is very well educated (The Indian equivalent of an Ivy league passout), he is far from it.. is effeminate, less educated than her, is at a designation/payscale much lower than hers, and the cincher is that he is not even physically attractive.. He does care for her a lot (but she knows that I care a lot too) Also, since this is India, there is absolutely no way her parents would agree to her marrying him since he is less educated than her (and one of the reasons for her ongoing brkup with the current bf is her need to settle down and get married) Anyway, last week, we were out on an office party (the guy wasn't invited) and I got a lil tipsy and I told her about the office gossip that's been going on and that she should be careful about what she is doing.. I think I shouldn't have said that because she got really upset and later asked me to leave her alone for a while I am presently avoiding any contact with her and Instinct tells me to move on and leave this mess behind.. But I really love her and if she is using this other guy is just a rebound comfort, i wouldn't want to lose out at this stage.. Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 It sounds like you're jealous, bro. She's not into, so you're trying to sabotage her relationship with this guy. She on the other hand seems to enjoy this guy's company and relies on him for emotional support, or otherwise. If I'm not mistaken, India still practices the caste system, right? That's why you say her family would never accept him as viable mate. She is conflicted by this. Love knows no barriers. You'd think with all the intelligent people that come from India, they'd realize this. Your best bet is to take a step back and give her the space she requires. Or else, you're going to seem too pushy- that's a TOTAL turn-off. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Sorry OP, but this girl wasn't really into you. Sure she made out with you a few times, but you said it yourself, when you get distant with her, she comes to you, but its usually to ask you to do something for her. Not because she missed you and couldn't be without you as partner material. I don't like the sounds of this girl too much... But also, you definitely are jealous of this new guy. You're talking about how she's leaving her bf for HIM, but if she was leaving the boyfriend for you - it obviously would be an issue. I'm really sorry, I don't mean to be hurtful, but I think you should let it go and not try to sabotage her relationship and not try to interfere, because if you do, she will likely avoid you for good. Let her do what she needs to do, and you go find someone else. I know you care for her, but pressing the issue and obsessing about the guy she's with and how he's so uncool in your eyes, aint gonna help anything. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Juniorczar, Just because a woman may fool around with you once in a while doesn't mean she loves you. This woman is player, she is playing you every-time she needs any favor. If she was honest she would tell you upfront, she is not interested. The other guy might as well be a piece of crap, but she likes him and you need to accept it and move on instead of being jealous about him. Third, you are behaving like you were her father telling her what she has to do. She is a big girl buddy, don't waste your time. There are a half billion women in India, there must be someone better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 It sounds like you're jealous, bro. She's not into, so you're trying to sabotage her relationship with this guy. She on the other hand seems to enjoy this guy's company and relies on him for emotional support, or otherwise. If I'm not mistaken, India still practices the caste system, right? That's why you say her family would never accept him as viable mate. She is conflicted by this. Love knows no barriers. You'd think with all the intelligent people that come from India, they'd realize this. Your best bet is to take a step back and give her the space she requires. Or else, you're going to seem too pushy- that's a TOTAL turn-off. i agree with this though i really dont see how it is relevant to this forum Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 The guy is at least 10 leagues out of this girl.. She is smart & suave, he is what would be the Indian equivalent of a redneck.. She is very well educated (The Indian equivalent of an Ivy league passout), he is far from it.. is effeminate, less educated than her, is at a designation/payscale much lower than hers, and the cincher is that he is not even physically attractive.. He does care for her a lot (but she knows that I care a lot too) And you are superior to him in every way:rolleyes: Glad to know you think attraction and love should be based on which "league" someone should be in Link to post Share on other sites
Author juniorczar Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 It sounds like you're jealous, bro. She's not into, so you're trying to sabotage her relationship with this guy. She on the other hand seems to enjoy this guy's company and relies on him for emotional support, or otherwise. If I'm not mistaken, India still practices the caste system, right? That's why you say her family would never accept him as viable mate. She is conflicted by this. Love knows no barriers. You'd think with all the intelligent people that come from India, they'd realize this. This has nothing to do with the caste system.. For what it's worth, the girl, the guy she is breaking up with, this guy and I are all from different castes.. I'll give you an american equivalent if it helps.. How would an American family react if there girl who has an engineering undergrad from a Caltech and a MBA from Stanford wants to marry someone with community college credentials (Not that I have anything against community colleges, but just wanted to give a clearer picture) And I may be jealous but that hasn't made me lose my ability to assess a situation objectively.. And just to add, this girl has in the past stopped dating a greek god of a guy simply because she did not find him intellectually stimulating Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 The assumptions you are making about this girl and her relationship with this other fellow are baseless and colored by your own involvement in this triangle. Maybe she's just not into you. Maybe he's got a big c@ck and really knows how to use it. She may just be lusting after his loins. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I'll give you an american equivalent if it helps.. How would an American family react if there girl who has an engineering undergrad from a Caltech and a MBA from Stanford wants to marry someone with community college credentials I'd say good for her for not being a snot-a-bag tart. (Not that I have anything against community colleges) Oh please. If that were the case you wouldn't have made the comparison. Its clear by your other posts that you are an elitist who thinks people should date based on levels of prestige. You aren't fooling anyone. You remind me of Billy Zane's pompous character in the movie Titanic. What woman really would want someone like that who looks down their nose at other people? No woman worth a darn, that I can guarantee. And I may be jealous but that hasn't made me lose my ability to assess a situation objectively.. Objectively? How about intelligently? Your only reason for trashing this guy is that he isn't of the same class status as you. Maybe he is a great guy and wouldn't hurt her for the world. Oh, but in your world, that wouldn't mean anything. Being prestigious and a pompous cow's rear end trumps someone of limited means and a kind heart. And just to add, this girl has in the past stopped dating a greek god of a guy simply because she did not find him intellectually stimulating That simply meant she didn't enjoy his company. It happens REGARDLESS of social status. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 The assumptions you are making about this girl and her relationship with this other fellow are baseless and colored by your own involvement in this triangle. Maybe she's just not into you. Don't say that!! She HAS to be into him because he is obviously the creme de la creme:rolleyes: He is Mr. Prestige Extraordinaire!! How dare she date a commoner Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Don't say that!! She HAS to be into him because he is obviously the creme de la creme:rolleyes: He is Mr. Prestige Extraordinaire!! How dare she date a commoner Oh, yes, Madame! Pardonnez-moi. Link to post Share on other sites
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