Ultragsm Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 I have always wished i have more female friends, i know a few ( no more than 3 ) and only one of them is pretty close to me, she told me the reason i don't have female friends but instead of heaps of male friends is because im pretty. I see on tv lots girls have male friends they can trust/talk about their relationship problem to, my male friends do...but most of them constantly flirt with me, tell me how sexy i am ( which reminds me more they want to **** me ), i mean ~! i would never ever **** my friends i believe in love at first sight and that will ruin our friendship. I once read on a mag. says don't believe guys would actually sit down and listen to your relationship problem, they just want to have sex with you. Even worse, many of those guys walked away after they realised they never get the chance getting in bed with me, it makes me feel like i'm not good for absolutly nothing but sex...i consider myself a very honest/cool person, i have lost lots confidence and started not trusting guys after few relationship...and my male friends just made it worse... Is this my problem i'm not good enough or those guy's problem? Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 in a world where more people have no standards than do, individuals need to raise themselves up and value themselves first, regardless if their "friends" don't. as a guy who doesn't make friends with girls for sex, I know I'm a freak. From that perspective I also know guys like me are ultra rare...I don't call us unique or special just rare. Let's say I know 500 guys, not including myself...out of those 500 I might only see 1 other who is like me...maybe. I've had girls talk to me about them having more guy friends than females, for obvious reasons, but I notice those guy friends are the epitome of the "jerk" and if she calls them friends, that's her business. But if you make friends with jerks, you'll only be treated as such by them. Don't give people the time who don't value you as a person, they are insignificant. People come and go and jerks are as common as the grains of sand on a beach...but keep looking and you might find something that isn't sand. Because you seem to be aware of this, it would suggest you are beautiful inside...so if you are beautiful outside and inside...just keep holding onto what's inside of you and use that as the test for those worthy enough to be your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 i hear you, gal! it's very difficult to make friends, for an attractive girl. very few girls will actually be your friend and not compete with you or else use you to get to the guys, but they do exist! just a matter of looking hard similarly, with guys, many will pretend to be a friend while trying to get closer to you with other goals in mind - again, just a matter of many attempts, eventually you'll find guys who really do want to be friends (i did!... and it doesn't mean they don't find you attractive, but they see you as a friend, anyway). good friends are hard to come by ... which makes them all the more precious! good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Jack Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Don't worry about it--it's those guys' problems and not yours. My advice would be to just stop wasting your time with these guys (meaning stop talking or hanging out with them) and find some people that appreciate you instead of just want to have sex with you. One of my best friends is a girl (I'm a guy) so obviously it can happen. Although I find her attractive, I appreciate her more for how she understands me and how we get along as friends and I wouldn't risk ruining our friendship just to sleep with her (even if I knew she'd go through with it). I'll have to admit that our friendship is probably pretty rare though. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ockey53 Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Hey, I am a guy. I am friends with this lingerie model I've known for 4 years. I can sit there and listen to her talk about having sex with her guy. This is tough on me, cause she is really beautiful and sometimes I play it in my head.... but I don't say anything or show anything that would make her stop the conversation. This is what a good friend would do. I am completely content just being friends with her. Honestly, I'm this big fat guy (5'9" - 220lbs) and what makes her so special is that she can look beyond that, and see who I truely am. This is what I have written about in my thread called "Can long-time friends be lovers?" If a guy wants to get in your pants and you don't want him to... tell him! straight out. And if you can't find any guys that will respect that.... then go to gay guys... that's what all the other girls do. (I have a pet pieve about that... but let's not go there) Link to post Share on other sites
Hypatia Posted May 31, 2004 Share Posted May 31, 2004 These guys are not like every guy, and whatever magazine you read saying guys don't ever want to be just friends, that they only want sex from you, it's wrong. I'm close - even best - friends with four guys. Well, we're all heterosexual, and at some points, there has been tension between us. But now, after five years of knowing each other, while we may flirt and be attracted to each other, we truly listen to each other's problems, stories, everything and we are great, great platonic friends. I still think they're cute, and hey, I'm even a little jealous that one of them is engaged now. But more than the jealousy, he's so happy, and that makes me happy. Don't corral all guys into one category. They're not all dogs. Some of them are downright puppies. :-) If your "friends" distance themselves once they realize they won't be having sex with you, you deserve much better friends. But I know how extremely difficult it is to feel like you need to ditch an entire group of people without anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen_Angel Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 I know exactly how you feel! I'd say I have an equal amount of male/female friends but I am MUCH closer with my guy friends. One of them is just like the guy friends the magazines warn you about, but the others are definitely more genuine. I don't know why I have trouble finding female friends; I'm really down to earth and I know for a fact that it isn't because I'm pretty. (I'm not bashing myself, but I know I'm not gorgeous or anything.) After high school a lot of my female friends stopped keeping in touch because everyone went to different places and in my last year of college the few friends I had made there turned out not to be the people I thought they were...yeah, that's a whole other story. Seriously, if a guy is going to walk away just because you won't have sex with him, he's definitely not worth it. For some reason the decent guys tend to hide...it took me a really long time to find a guy I could trust and one who helped me feel better about who I am but in the end it was all worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 It is possible for men to be platonic friends with women. It is possible for men to be friends with a woman he has sex with, but not want anything more. I know, because I have a friend with benefits and it suits us both fine. We can talk about anything and everything and we don't have to worry about the sexual tension. But I also have women friends that I don't have sex with and have no interest in having sex wih. Then there are a few others I'd jump in a minute if given the opportunity, but I keep this too myself. Don't blame men if we are sexually attracted to you because you are attractive. This is the way we are wired. Nature made us this way for a reason. We are *supposed* to want to have sex with you. I have to tell you that there is no worse feeling in the world than to want a woman so badly you have trouble sleeping and she tells you she only wants you as a friend. You may want her as a friend too; You may really, really *like* her and you can't help that she gives you a case of the throbs. Often you will be the best friend you can possibly be in the hope whe will come to see what a nice, kind, understanding and compassionate guy you are and decide that you are who she really wants. Isn't this the way we are all told it's supposed to be? Isn't this what we men hear women say all the time? "Let's be friends first and see where it goes?" Ok. We're doing it your way. So don't complain if your male friends have the hots for you. If all they want form you is sex, then you have cause to complain, but if they are trying to be your friend, pay attention. One of them may be the guy you're meant to grow old with. Link to post Share on other sites
what2do Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Hey i feel ya! i have always had a lot more male friends than gals. and there has been way too many who eventually have to try and have sex with me. but i find that even if i only have a handful of girlfriends that is alright, because they are the best girlfriends i do believe i can find. its all about quality not quanity when it comes to friends. and as for guy friends, there are plenty out there who are really in it for the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 I'd say 9 times out of 10, if one or both parties involved are single, the male platonic friend WILL want more than platonic friendship, but will never say anything about it unless he's drunk or thinks he has a chance. I've seen and heard of it happening many many times. Link to post Share on other sites
aJoy Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Ultragsm ... if a guy is your "real" friend.. he will want to be your friend regardless of whether you will have sex with them or not. I know that every single one of my male friends would "boink" me if they had the chance and almost all of them has gone through a phase of wanting to get with me and not being able to but then, eventually getting over it. Mostly because I beat it into their heads that it's not gonna happen. If you know you're not interested, and they're interested in having sex or whatever with you, be very clear about it. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I have serveral women friends who I'd jump in a heartbeat were they to give me the green light. But it's a boundry that we don't cross. I've had some women friends who have told me that they'd like to do me, too, but didn't want to take the risk of queering our friendship. Sex often does change things if both partners don't go into a sexual friendship with the right mindset. I don't think most people are capable of doing this very well until they are older. There seems to be some confusion among women about why their male friends secretely or openly want to do them. I've been around and have known a lot of women, and with a few notable exceptions, none them really had a clue about how powerful the sex drive is in men. Testosterone is the hormone that drives the libido in both sexes. It is an incredibly powerful hormone. Ladies, think about how horny you get sometimes. Now consider that a male has 30 times the amount of testosterone hitting his brain as you do. This isn't to say that men shouldn't be expected to control themselves, but it does explain that even the best of us don't behave as well as we should when we're in the rut. Never say never, Ultragsm. I've known several women who have moved from "I *never* have sex with friends" to "I *only* have sex with friends." After all, there is less of a chance that a friend is going to nail you and vaporize like so many of the horn dogs will. Link to post Share on other sites
simplybrill Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I know what ya mean, girl - Ive had girls who were just friends with me to try to score guys who were attracted to me, I call it "guy-bait" Ive also had the problem with being friends with a guy, only to find out he was just friends with me for alterior motives...that sucks too. Im finding it increasingly hard to find genuine girls to be friends with who werent just friends to compete with me for guys/attention...not that im an active participant, im just exsisting over here, its not my fault if they feel the need to compete with me...its an odd situation, lemme tell ya. Ever catch a girlfriend of yours giving you that critique-ing up-down look out of the corner of your eye? Its dissapointing to say the least. Anyways, more on topic here - yea one of my best guy friends wants to be with me romantically but I wouldnt go there with him, because it would destroy the great relationship we have as friends! Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 simplybrill, *****Anyways, more on topic here - yea one of my best guy friends wants to be with me romantically but I wouldnt go there with him, because it would destroy the great relationship we have as friends! ***** Let me ask you this: Does your best guy friend want a relationship with you or just sex? If he wants a relationship with you, why do you think it would destroy the great relationship you already have??? It seems that people put up a block when dealing with a romantic relationship with a close friend. Why do people seem to think that by having that type of relationship (close friendship first), it will always lead to destruction? Shouldn't people be good friends with each other before romantically becoming involved with each other? I have several female friend that always start up relationships with guys without some sort of friendship, only to be miserable in the end. When I try to tell them to get together with one of their best male friends, they say that they would hate to destroy a great friendship. I understand that to a certain extent but it could mean two things. Either the woman is not attracted to the guy and uses it as an excuse not to start the romantic relationship, or she truly feels that trying to change the relationship from a platonic one to a romantic one is too risky. Guys (some not all) will notice this and want to get into a woman's pants simply because if he doesn't get in now, he will never get in. He does this because he feels friendship will not lead to romance--he comes to this conclusion based on a woman saying that she doesn't want to risk the friendship. -Fundamental fundamentally sound Link to post Share on other sites
simplybrill Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Fundamental: I think my guy friend would want a relationship and sex, haha. The truth is, that I honestly wouldnt want to mess anything up between us, because dating someone and dealing with everything that comes with them and having to accept all of that because you Love them, is different from being their friend, and being able to back off and take some space and do your own thing when they're being odd, or when they're in a strange mood. Things tend to dig deep when you're in a relationship, everything gets taken super personally- and if I were to back off from him and we were involved, there would be an issue. I dont really want to be in a relationship now anyways. (This is not to say that im running around speed dating either!) When it comes to me and him, I dont think either of us are in a place in our lives where we're ready for something like that. He's got some bad habits I dont really like but I really care about him, and value him as a person, its great going through our 20s together as friends without the relationship drama!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Indie Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 How old are you? Most guys in the younger age brackets ONLY want sex. If they pretend to befriend you, it is secretly in hopes that it will lead to sex. Yet on the other hand, some guys think a woman that wants their "frienship" but not their bodies as well, think they are being USED as an esteem-enhancer on the part of the woman..teased in other words...and are insulted by your desire for frienship without a relationship. And many women do just that. Having been around awhile...LOL...I can honestly say that in a MATURE male-female frienship, which is rare...I have never had one where there wasn't physical intimacy such as hugs, kisses etc such as you'd find dating even there we had an understanding that sex was really a dangerous thing for the friendship. I really don't see how someone can have a deep friendship with someone of the opposite sex without there being natural physical desires that are followed through on...to a certain extent. To summarize. Someone who has lots of "friends" [no sex] is more likely using these "friends" [more accurately ACQUAINTANCES, not friends] in a selfish manner, whether they realize it or not. A true friendship has no "hangups." The guys have a valid reason to feel used if they are being taken towards a certain emotional depth past the bounds of acquaintances, and yet are denied the natural easiness of true friendship such as kissing and hugs......[iNTERCOURSE is another story!!! SEX IS NOT REQUIRED AND DITCH THE ONES WHO DEMAND IT] ~~Indie~~ Link to post Share on other sites
mrs.sarah Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 I have always gotten along better with guys than I do girls. Girls tend to have jelousy problems, and just about every girl I have ever been friends with has ended up stabbing me in the back. A lot of the guys I have been friends with have tried to get into my pants at one time or another. I have a guy friend from high school that I have always been able to talk to and have a ton of fun with and there's no sexual tension whatsoever. We have been friends for a long time and he's one of those people that I will always keep in touch with. He happens to be gay, and that's why there has never been any sexual tension. But it's great to have a friend to go shopping with and check out guys with! Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Originally posted by mrs.sarah I have always gotten along better with guys than I do girls. Girls tend to have jelousy problems, and just about every girl I have ever been friends with has ended up stabbing me in the back. I can't tell you how many women I have heard say this same thing. You women can be vicious to one another. You eat your own. Men may compete with one another, but we'd never even think of treating one another the way you women do. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny3715 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I have always thought that girls and guys could be friends, even when there is no chance of something happening. Maybe naive of me? I dunno. I too have more male friends than female friends. In high school that wasn't the case... but after we all graduated and went to different colleges it became more difficult to stay in touch. I recently learned the hard way that maybe guys dont put in that much effort to be friends if that is all they hope to get out of it. I know a lot of people have responded with "the friend isn't worth it then." But that really sucks. It sucks to lose a friend whom you really value purely because he doesn't have a chance of being more. A guy friend of mine and I were talking about this recently. And he told me that if a guy is willing to put in the effort to be friends then he would also be willing to sleep with you. He might not be purely trying to get you into bed but that given the chance he would do it. He also said that more ofteh than not, there has to be some physical attraction there for him to want to be friends in the first plalce. I pondered these thoughts for a few days and can say that I have found this to be true more ofthen than not. What do you guys think??? Link to post Share on other sites
blue17 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I kind of agree about having friends that I find attractive in the first place. I don't know why this is, but the girl friends I have, almost all of them happen to be good looking. I guess its maybe the fact that men are drawn to hang out with attractive people, and out of that develop friendships and other relationships. It's just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny3715 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Yeah I was pretty surprised to find this out. I know that sounda pretty dumb considering I am 25 and maybe should have realized that a long time ago. I just thought all my guy friends never even considered me in a sexual way. I guess that was naive! But I am one of those people who feel the best of relationships begin with a good friendship.... so I guess finding this out isnt necessarily a bad thing. Link to post Share on other sites
kikitei Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Ultragsm, If you would like to develop more female relationships, do it in an environment with solely or mainly women around. For example, take a sewing class, a women's aerobic class, or pursue a hobby that is practiced by mainly women. The other women there won't be trying to impress the guys or competing for their attention, so you can have a more "neutral" territory to start from. If you are single, enlist their help in finding the right guy, that way they feel they don't have to worry about you eyeing their man, they can point you in another direction. It will also make them feel sympathetic and sisterly towards you. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I agree with you, Sunny. Why is it a problem for a man friend to have the hots for you? There is no reason whatsoever that having sex with a friend should ruin a friendship, unless you have a really wrong idea about sex and intimacy in the first place. Isn't your husband or boyfriend also your friend? He should be your *best* friend. So ladies, if you learn that a male friend has the shivers for you, maybe you ought to give it a go. You never know, you may find that you've met the man you were supposed to be with. In any event, it has to be better that the standard dating/mating ritual, where you don't necessarily know what you are getting into until it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Starting Again: You couldn't have said it better! fundamental fundamentally sound Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny3715 Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Very, Very well said "StartingAgain" Link to post Share on other sites
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