1 Month NC Coping & Venting

[bbronco]

Well I’ve made it past the 1 month point of NC and I’m not sure where my feelings stand at this point anymore…such a hodge podge of anger and sadness. The quick recap for my break up is: were together 2 years, I dumped him back in July, decided that was the wrong decision, begged him back continuously for 4 months and had 2 dinners to “talk” in between.

 

Some days I feel angry, like why meet me for dinner, tell me that your presence at dinner should mean something when I call you out for being so selfish, then you cry, tell me you miss me and think about me constantly, say you want to get back together but not because you should feel guilty that I’m hurting, that we should subsequently do more dinners, tell me thanks and that you’ll talk to me soon – then let a month go by so you can just continue to avoid me. Why give me SO much damn hope!? Then during this month of NC, 3 of my friends have separate conversations with him via FB chat and 2 at the club and his responses are pretty much: “I feel awful that she’s hurting”, “I’m so miserable/stressed at work” (so that’s why you’re get **** faced every weekend and booty call your ex before me), and “I can’t deal with the pressure of everyone asking if we’re going to get back together”. I’m sorry but I can’t buy the woe is me card when I’ve done everything I can to show this man how much I love him and care and regret our breakup when he hasn’t taken a single action to show that I was/am important in his life.

 

But then there’s the stupid sad part of me that just wants to make another effort to let him know I care. As though he suddenly forgot the 30+ other efforts the past couple months. The part that mourns for him like I’m some widow and my ex was the best thing ever. The part that forgets why I dumped him and that’s willing to forgive him after all that he’s done during the breakup to make me feel like absolute ****.

 

I’ve been staying strong with NC because I can’t top myself with any other possible actions to take. The fact that he knows I’m hurting and can just feel bad and take no comforting actions while I feed his ego like he’s some Greek god drives me nuts. There was just honestly no point for him to string me a long like this when he doesn’t even take advantage of keeping me committed to him…like honestly, what’s your point? You find it so impossible to talk to me?

 

Sorry LS, I just had to vent. I def. feel a lot more improved than I did 2 weeks ago and it’s nice to remind myself how he obviously doesn’t give a damn so why should I…but that fact in and of itself still stings on certain days, like today!

[davesterr]

u know i kept in lc with my ex for the longest time simply because i was afraid she would forget me.

then one day before i turned to nc , i let it all out.

i didn't try to get her back , i didn't try to make her want me or play the game.

i simply came clean and let her know how much i loved her and how much hurt i was.

in the end i told her that i would go nc , but would never forget her and how much she means to me.

she understood me and said some really nice things back.

after that i no longer freak out on days when i think she has forgotten me.

or whether she thinks i might be over her and no longer care.

cuz i know she knows the truth.

i told her that and i let her know.

now i can finally try to move on.

maybe u should try the same if ur still having trouble with lc or nc and with feelings scaring u.

or if u dont want to break nc but still want to clean ur chest.

then just send a long email and not expect a reply back.

this is just for u and for no one else.

just so that u know he knows how u feel.

believe me , it gives you some kind of peace.

and any feeling that doesn't tear you up inside is worth creating.

 

ps: i don't know ur background story.

but reconciling comes from both ways.

you cant just want someone back after dumping him and then expect him to do everything.

you say you did everything you could and im sure he was a jerk even tho i dont know u guys.

did u try to get with him during that whole month that went by or did u expect him to make a move?

either way a real relationship comes from both sides.

i dunno what ur effort has been in this one but it seems like u guys aren't the best couple with him hitting the clubs etc.

then again i don't blame him for hitting the club or booty calling his ex if he is at the time single though.

Edited December 9, 2011 by davesterr

[bbronco]

Oh davesterr...believe me, I've put in an oscar worthy effort to get him back! We went on a 1 week break before we broke up where I came to the conclusion that I couldn't deal with him anymore. Less than 24 hrs later, I told him I acted out of frustration when I said we should break up but that I didn't want this.

 

We weren't even broken up for a day...and he's resisted coming back ever since. I've shed the tears for him, sent him the texts, written him the heartfelt card, sent the email, had 2 closure talks over dinner (1 dinner I paid for everything, the 2nd dinner I slaved away making everything from scratch at my place), and I'm not sure ultimately if all my hurt has freaked him out.

 

He shouldn't have to be convinced or pressured to get back together, but I think I've proven to him consistently for 4 months how sorry I am. I've def. purged all my feelings and he is very well aware...I just felt like what he said last time we spoke vs. what he's doing (lack of what he's doing lol) are 2 very extreme opposite things.

 

I'll stay strong with NC though I guess...

[davesterr]

I know what you mean by breaking up out of frustration.

My girlfriend dumped me back in 2010 and then wanted me back again.

As happy as i was , i felt like she wasn't putting in as much effort into the relationship as i was.

So due to all the stress and responsibility for me to make this relationship work on my side alone , i couldn't handle it.

Also the fear of her leaving me again was killing me.

So i ''broke up'' with her even though i never wanted to.

 

A few days after that i realised that the fear of her leaving me was a million times less worse than actually not being with her.

So i tried everything at the time to get her back.

Yet she changed completely witin that short period of time.

For some reason after that she acted completely cold to me no matter what i did.

Just like your ex bf.

 

Yet i wasn't planning on giving up.

I flew back to America , stayed there for 6 months.

Gave up my entire life and met her and did everything in the world possible.

Yet i couldn't get her back.

I was devastated.

 

Atleast my last trip wasn't a complete failure even though it was 6 months of hell and living on ramen noodles because i was completely broke.

And even though i didn't get my ex back which was the reason i went there.

Atleast it gave me a final closure.

 

I guess all i can say is: Just keep doing what you have to do.

I know it hurts.

But don't blame yourself.

If you weren't under so much pressure to begin with then you wouldn't have been forced to break up with him.

And if he really did love you then he would've worked something out instead of going in the complete oposite way.

All you can do now is focus on yourself as much as this sucks.

It's all you got.

Sorry you're in this position.

Edited December 9, 2011 by davesterr

[bbronco]

Thanks for your kind words...I retract my original statement about the oscar - YOU sir, deserve the oscar! 6 months out of the country surviving off ramen noodles...as a fellow follower of the persistance doctrine haha, my hats off to you!

 

Glad to know I'm not the only crazy begger. Obviously no reciprocation from him didn't fuel my efforts to pursue and woo him back, but moreso the fact that I broke up with him. I wouldn't expect him to chase me so I took his coldness and avoidance and kept sticking to my efforts towards damage control and sincere apologies and promises for the future.

 

I couldn't feel more rejected and neglected. But I couldn't feel more accepting that I've done everything I can do - and that is a good healing feeling.