Its over...finding a new mate in NY.

[capitald]

Me and my girlfriend are officially over. I guess it had to end. She had too many fears. She was unrealistic. I think I was really a good match for her. Some people don't see things until its hindsight and thats a fact. Oh well, I think I really grew up over these past months. I think I am going to do something crazy tommorrow, do something I have never done before. Maybe that will make me feel better. Its hard to meet people. Does anybody know a good way that not many people know? If so, I would love to hear your secret. I could use some help.

 

I don't feel that I should have to go without someone in my life. Life is too short. I want to make things happen. I want to take a more proactive stance than I have before. I don't want to wait to get on with my life. I want to get back in the action. I have rested enough I want to get off the bench and play.

 

Anyway, I need to find someone with more interests like my own. I don't think my ex was that interested in intellectual people or intellectual things, she had only a passing interest or an interest in the aesthetic and not such an interest in going deeply into things (albeit she did occassionally just not most of the time). She found me boring and I definitely don't think I am a boring person, so it may come down to a compatability issue. She likes the flakey hipster social climber type. I guess thats what she is. I am more deep and mature then who she normally goes after.

 

Although, on the surface of things, I also think that I can do better as far as looks. Maybe my ex didn't keep in shape as much as she could have or she wasn't as beautiful as I would have liked. Attraction is important, especially when it comes to sex and love to a certain degree. I mean who wants to make love with someone that they are not that attracted to. I was attracted to her, I just think I can do better. I think she felt she wasn't good enough for me as well. Maybe she wasn't good enough for me in any way.

 

Anyway, if anybody has ideas I would appreciate it. I am thinking about Match. I am not good with meeting people in stores and general places people go for other reason than to meet lovers. I just think it is rude. I also don't like bars because I don't find the type of girl I am looking for there. Anyway, if there are any girls on here that live in NY and want to meet or chat send me a pm. I am surprisingly open-minded, deep thinking and although I know I have my detractors, I am generally a very good, warm hearted person.

[sportsloving]

Good luck with your search.

[Kalieris]

Best of luck finding someone new. Breakups are always difficult.

 

Some advice, though - don't bitch about your ex while you're looking, and don't put her down. We are all potential exes, and the way you talk about her now will give women you meet the impression that you will be talking about *them* like that someday. It also makes you look bad if it was "all her fault," and you contributed nothing. That's almost never true, and it makes you look as though you are not self-aware enough to look at your own contributions honestly.

 

I know it's fresh, and it still hurts, but try to put your breakup in the most neutral light possible, and be as positive as you can about your ex. Based on what you said, the two of you didn't have a lot of interests in common, and it eventually came between you. No need to explain that you think you are better than your ex because you are "more mature" and she is shallow. Her interests are just as valid as yours, as are the interests of every girl you talk to.

 

Being positive will also help you heal a bit more quickly, and make it easier to fully participate in your next relationship without being defensive or angry.

[capitald]

Probably won't put down my ex, but for wholy different reasons than you wrote. In any case, thanks for the advice.