how do i change to make me feel like im not pushing him away?

[Haylo22]

[color=blue][font=courier new] I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months now. We have been best friends for 2 years. I love him more than any word ever created.

But I've been hurt so much in my past realtionships that its kind of stuck to me. Meaning I always have this erge to think hes cheating on me when i know he isnt. I dont really like him talking to other girls even if they are friends.

I feel a little obsessed because when he goes to work, which happens to be the only time i can see him outside of school (the weekends) i dont do anything. I just sit at home. It seems like everytime I really need him hes working. I'm starting to feel like im pushing him away.

What should i do?[/font][/color]

[SD_Sniper]

First of all, it depends on how you want to change, and how far your current relationship has gone. I could use more info...

 

Plus your fear seems both logical, and irrational at the same time. I understand you not wanting to be hurt, but here you have the origin of "Love is blind".

 

The relationship I have with my own GF is one of trust. If she told me she was going to a movie with some guy she met somewhere, I'd tell her to have a good time. I've danced with other girls and the like, and she understands where my love is.

 

If it is any help, not all men cheat. Every man-unless gay-will at some point check out another girl, we just cannot help it. But that doesn't in the least mean that we are being untrue, or thinking about cheating on our "other". By the way, if the relationship is really one of love, physical appearances may not have anything to do with it.

 

If he really loves you, it'll take more then some unintended "pushing away" to harm the relationship.

[moimeme]

You need to understand it from his point of view. How would you feel if, despite your being trustworthy, he suspected you of being unfaithful all the time? Would you feel loved if you didn't feel trusted? No. That's the way you're making him feel with your distrust. Perhaps that is a good enough reason to stop what you're doing.

[Haylo22]

but its not that i dont trust him or anything like that. It seems like he's so busy do really have time to be with me you know? like you dad got a heart transplant and hes not doing very good and i really needed him to talk to, but he had to work.

And i know he really felt bad about being there. And he missed my championship soccer game because he had to work. Its like i know he wants to be there but he isnt. It really hurts. And i know he feels bad. It also seems like he doesnt call that much either. I always get mad at him when he cant be there or when he doesnt call me. I feel like man i dont even know.

 

What should i do?

 

 

 

 

p.s heres a little about our realtionship: We've been best friends for 2 years, since we met 2 years ago we both had a thing for each other but were to affaird to say anything. He broke up with his girlfriend he was with for me. But he had a "trust" problem so i really didnt talk to him for awhile. Then i realized he changed after his father past away 2 days after christmas. He knew i was there and had been in the same boat. (my ex boyfriend died on christmas eve). We were both there for each other. I love him so much and i know he loves me 2. it just seems like since he got this job he been to busy for me. I just feel like im just always around you know?

[SD_Sniper]

Here is what I'm getting so far: What you want to change is the fact you get mad at him for these trifle things?

 

And Personally, I don't think you are pushing him away, I think after your previous relationship (very sorry to hear that, I wish you well) you perhaps are just a little desparate for love again. That could also be the reason you don't want him to talk to other girls, you simply don't want to lose another for any reason at all.

 

The only suggestion I have right now is to tell him your feelings the next time you communicate with each other. Above all else be honest with him, and hope he does the same.

[Haylo22]

tell him my feelings about what?

[SD_Sniper]

For example:

 

 

I feel a little obsessed because when he goes to work, which happens to be the only time i can see him outside of school (the weekends) i dont do anything. I just sit at home. It seems like everytime I really need him hes working. I'm starting to feel like im pushing him away.

 

Tell stuff like this, he can't help you if he doesn't know the problem. (I'm sure he'd want to help)

[Haylo22]

but thats the point i have told him this...but it just doesnt work...he still has to work on the days i need him or he is busy. like this weekend is our 3 month anniversary and hes going to football camp.