Who are "the keepers"?

[fistandantulus]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201108/who-are-the-keepers-the-behaviors-successful-long-term-partners

 

Great article for self-discovery. There is a test at the end. I scored 56. See if you can keep up If you are one of these "chosen" people, then people should feel lucky to have you around. Never underestimate your value.

 

Cheers

[davesterr]

it's a nice test but i think it doesn't add how self value has not much meaning in a relationship when the person you're dating doesn't see it.

what good will it be when you score a 100 yet get dumped?

you can say well , his or her loss but really in the end it's your loss because you wanted to stay with that person.

then again if you're bored then you can do the test for fun sure.

[fistandantulus]

I think you missed the point here my friend. It is not about others failure to appreciate the values you embody, but rather about you, yourself, realizing it. When a person leaves you saying that they don't love you anymore, it is their loss of love in themselves. You still have it inside you, so it is not your loss. Unless you see that you have values that can't be find on the street or in a bar, you will never stop blaming yourself for what happened and you won't let it go. I miss what is gone too, but I didn't lose it. Besides, from a philosophical stance, what is gone was no more what I loved in the first place. So, I didn't want to stay with what my ex became, I wanted to stay with the person who cared for me and appreciated my value.

[davesterr]

i know this is about knowing your self worth.

but if you can say , oh im so amazing yet i get dumped everytime but it doesn't hurt me because it's their loss and im amazing.

then ok , i will give you that.

 

but if ur like everyone else on here , who would do anything they could to be with their ex then you know how much pain it causes.

sure ur self worth is important in getting urself back together.

but it is really you who loses something you love.

 

you say you only wanna be with the ex that cared about u.

and not with the ex who no longer cares about u.

but isn't that what everyone wants?

in the end it's the same person you love , you simply just don't get the feeling in return.

 

like i said if you think your self worth is everything , and u are untouched when you get dumped because you don't care about the ex because the ex no longer likes u , then so be it.

but for me , i will always love my ex despite of who she is dating.

i think what you confuse is selfishness of wanting to be appreciated with true love.

true love is putting the others happiness above yours.

and not just saying , owell i got dumped so screw the bitch im awesome.

it doesn't work like that.

what you've been pointing out is that you are not in love but simply like the feeling of being liked.

but anyways if this works for you then good for u.

 

the whole ''it's not your loss'' is wrong.

because no matter how much self worth.

if you love someone and they're gone , it hurts like hell.

not just in love with ex's.

but also bout losing family members ,

or pets you were really close to.

like i said , you're really way off here but then again who am i to tell who is right or wrong?

 

also when somene leaves u , it is not still there inside you.

its gone.

sure your self worth is still inside you.

but the love , closeness and bond u had with the person you loved is gone.

again , your mixing things up.

Edited December 10, 2011 by davesterr

[fistandantulus]

You don't get it, do you? You take my words as if I am braggart who thinks that he is awesome. Just to clarify, I am not. But I know who I am and what I deserve after all I have done for my ex, after the pure love I gave her. For me, true love is the one you give and not ask in return, and believe me pal, I did it. But, I chose to give it to the wrong person, who failed to reciprocate my feelings and hurt me at the end. Did I do my best? Yes. Did I put all the effort in the world to it? Yes, I did. I deserved lot more than a simple email telling me that she doesn't want to do it anymore. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. But, you know what, someday will come and I will give the true love to somebody deserving it, because it is IN ME. You do your part in a relationship and love the other person, if they don't do their part and fail to love you despite who you are and what you did, then there is no point in loving them further more. Love is not something between people, it is in the people. They share it. I shared mine, but she couldn't, because she didn't have love in her. That is what I think and I respect your position too. But, please spare me the judgement.

[Sugarkane]

I get what you mean Davesterr. The problem is they don't see it as their loss.

[fistandantulus]

Well, their not being able to see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just means they don't have the right mind-set to perceive it. That is what I am trying to convey here. When I say "loss" I am not referring to the person gone, but referring to the thing that is missing inside them, namely love. At least, that is the case for my emotionally unstable ex.

[carhill]

As life experience has improved the score, I find the sense of being harder to keep, IOW far more particular about who gets to enjoy that score and its embodiment. Right now that is a very small group of close friends who stuck with me through the hell of the past few years. As with nearly everything in life, the constant is change. Thanks for the article. Nice read. Route 66.

[davesterr]

Well like i said , your self worth and ability to love again is still in u.

But the bond u had with ur ex is gone.

She is gone.

No matter what you will find further on in life.

You will have lost her and the bond u had with her.

And about not wanting to be with her when she acts all cold.

Well ofcourse not , who would want that?

But that's why we want our ex back , so it can be the way it once was.

Not as of how things are now.

Because otherwise why would anyone stick to nc if they like the way their ex are acting towards them?

 

Will she regret ever leaving you?

Prolly not.

Does it really matter?

Most likely not either since if that day ever happens you will both be in a different place in life and have moved on.

Will it ever be her loss?

Well what do you see as her loss?

Are you the most amazing guy in the world?

Can you be everything she wants in life?

Or will she most likely just find someone else she will be even happier with?

 

I know that girls don't see what is in front of them.

And you know maybe you are the best your ex could ever get.

In that case it may be her loss.

But if not then i don't think she would care as much as you'd think when she will find someone else and live happily ever after with.

 

You can lose a 1000 dollars.

But then you can find a million dollars in return.

Sure with every decission comes sacrifice.

And with every sacrifice you lose something.

That's why every positive has a negative.

But in the end it matters what outweighs the negative.

 

I'm not saying you weren't good for your ex.

I don't know you.

And im not saying she won't miss out on some stuff that you guys shared.

But unless you were the love of her life and the best guy ever but she simply didnt see it.

Then i don't think she will consider ''her loss'' that much.

Because most likely she will be dating someone else and not even think of you.

 

Anyways im sorry you broke up.

I'm not here to pick fights or whatsoever.

We all are hurt and if you still have the ability to love again with all ur heart.

Then good for you.

All you need now is to find someone that will love you back the same way.

 

However i just simply replied because of the way you put it or the way i read it.

How ''their loss'' is overrated and really doesn't hurt your healing process.

Because like sugarcane said: They don't see it as their loss.

While us dumpees feel the loss more than anything.

And when the dumper doesn't realise it.

It will go like the old saying:

What doesn't know doesn't hurt.

 

And im sure she will lose out on things you had together.

Whether your love and effection or gifts or whatever you guys did.

But unfortunately the next guy she dates will give the same.

And even if he can't and you really were the best guy for her.

Well it doesn't matter anymore because she doesn't see it and you are now no longer together.

 

And about the judgement thing , i am simply stating my opinion.

That''s why i added: Who am i to tell you who's wrong or right.

So don't feel judged by me or anything whatsever.

Obviously we have different opinions about this topic.

Then again that's what makes humans unique.

So try not to take any offense in what i said.

It's nothing personal.

 

Ps: you probably broke up with your ex on bad terms and that's why you no longer love her.

Well i broke up with mine on good terms.

And even though we no longer share the same closeness we once had.

I will always love her for who she is and for what we had.

Love doesn't neccessarily have to be in the form of mutual romance.

It can also be because you truely care about the other person.

Putting their happiness above yours.

Like you said: Love is to give and not ask in return.

I feel that i am able to love my ex despite not receiving anything back.

Because it all comes back to giving without asking or even receiving.

I will always remember the memories , and i will always love her for who she is.

Even if i can't be with her.

But if you broke up on bad terms , then i understand that you feel different about the situation.

I guess that's were we misunderstood eachother because you mentioned that your ex changed.

And thus no longer had any desire to be with her for who she became.

Where as mine simply fell out of love but still was the same girl i always loved who never did anything wrong.

Anyways that's why it's good to have a reply button to fix these misunderstandings over simple opinions.

Edited December 11, 2011 by davesterr