Soo scared to go through it again.. :(

[MissVegas]

To make a long story short, I was with a guy for over 4 years I started dating him when I was 18 when we broke up *i dumped him* last NYE because of him being immature, choosing drinking and friends over me time and time again, trust issues, disrespect, basically he just didn't care etc* anyways we stayed broken up for 4 months Jan-end of April and honestly I have never experienced such hell and pain in my life as those 4 months. I missed him so much, I hated myself, I was so lonely, I was full of anger and took it out on my parents, I just was a MESS. Like I woke up unhappy went to be unhappy. I got super healthy and lost a lot of weight through working out like crazy to try and make myself feel better but that lead to me to almost developing an eating disorder *still dealing with it*.

 

Anyways we got back together in April and went on a Vacation and honestly things got better WAY better. He was trying, respecting me, making a ton of efforts and we were super happy. Like if it stayed like that I would be SOOO happy and secure!! However I found out in August that the profile he said he deleted on POF *from when we were broken up* was still indeed active and he was messaging girls asking to take them out and calling them sexy and stuff. He deleted it, promised it would never happen again and we went to a counseling session but the lady was really unhelpful and fake so we didn't go back. Anyways about 3 weeks ago I found out he had a POF profile again. Said looking for friends but status said single and I was cropped out of the photo with him. He said he's lonely and likes the attention. But I give him SO much attention I adore him and he KNOWS it.

 

We've been in limbo since. He deleted the profile immediately. He's been stressed with work so we did not work through anything or make any decisions he knows it wrong but has not provided me with the reassurance or support that I need. Anyways last night he went out and got really drunk and he went out with his friend who I KNOW/HAVE SEEN actively cheat on his girlfriend/bring girls home from the bar. I called it off today because I cannot believe he'd put himself in a situation like that after everything.

 

Basically I'm so scared to go through the pain and hell again. I'm scared to go back down the deep dark lonely hole since I never saw the light before. Especially at Christmas. What can I do?? How do I prevent the sadness and pain? I almost just want to stay so I don't have to go through the hurt again

[broken-and-lost]

Hi

 

I'm really sorry your going through so much pain, but in your heart you know this guy isn't right for you, there is no easy answer here you have to put yourself first and try to cope with the feelings for a while it does get better in time but time really is the only thing that will make it better.

 

Your young and have your whole life in front of you feeling this way is temporary but you have to go full NO contact with the guy which will be very hard you already did most of the work before so it's a shame you've let him back in your life to make you unhappy again he is messing with your self confidence and image you need to focus on you, it might not be as hard this time around and it's not a step backwards post here when your feeling down or just need to vent

 

hugs and good luck

[Sugarkane]

I totally agree with Broken, you should cut this jerk right off. If you really love someone you don't continue having a dating profile. What an Ahole. It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.

[smudge21]

Right now, this jerk has all the power - he's controlling your life and you're letting him. You need to take all that power back and get back in the drivers seat and you do that by realising you're worth more than this. You're better than him and the way he's treating you. There are better guys out there just waiting for someone who they can love and care for, but you won't meet them whilst you'll still feeling this way. It will be hard to end it all, but by doing so you'll start to gain some power back. Yeah, NC will hurt, it does for us all, but what's the alternative. It's clear he doesn't respect or care for you - well screw him, he's just one guy out of 3 billion.

[davesterr]

i don't know your full story but if you dumped him then how can you expect him not to have any trust issues and expect him to stay loyal?

in his eyes theres a big chance you will dump him again.

so i can see why he is still acting like hes single just incase he gets dumped again.

 

however i don't know ur story or whether he was a jerk or not.

just giving my thoughts since im the only guy responding on this topic.

and women seem to always back eachother up regardless of facts.

[broken-and-lost]

i don't know your full story but if you dumped him then how can you expect him not to have any trust issues and expect him to stay loyal?

in his eyes theres a big chance you will dump him again.

so i can see why he is still acting like hes single just incase he gets dumped again.

 

however i don't know ur story or whether he was a jerk or not.

just giving my thoughts since im the only guy responding on this topic.

and women seem to always back eachother up regardless of facts.

 

LOL both me and smudge21 are both guys well last time i checked myself i was despite my ex girlfriends efforts to ruin that.

 

I think the guy was a jerk to start with m8 and has destroyed the girls confidence and lead to her having issues with weight loss

[davesterr]

LOL both me and smudge21 are both guys well last time i checked myself i was despite my ex girlfriends efforts to ruin that.

 

I think the guy was a jerk to start with m8 and has destroyed the girls confidence and lead to her having issues with weight loss

 

lol my bad man.

i guess i should've clicked on your profiles before i made that statement.

for some reason it just felt like women backing eachother up.

also nice joke about ur ex trying to change u into a woman xD

 

anyways my apologies for saying that without checking first.

and like i said: i don't know the whole story and ofcourse want nothing more than this girl to live a happy and healthier life.

but i just wanted to point out that it's hard to trust again once you got dumped in general.

whether her ex deserved it or not.

Edited December 11, 2011 by davesterr

[broken-and-lost]

lol my bad man.

i guess i should've clicked on your profiles before i made that statement.

for some reason it just felt like women backing eachother up.

also nice joke about ur ex trying to change u into a woman xD

 

anyways my apologies for saying that without checking first.

and like i said: i don't know the whole story and ofcourse want nothing more than this girl to live a happy and healthier life.

but i just wanted to point out that it's hard to trust again once you got dumped in general.

whether her ex deserved it or not.

 

All good fella lol and valid points two sides to every story and i'm sure our ex's might paint not so nice pictures of ourselves but we are not here to judge in my humble option, just to support and try and get people regardless of right or wrong to try and be happy again because everyone deserve a good and happy life regardless of mistakes or mistreatment

 

Edited December 11, 2011 by broken-and-lost

[MissVegas]

Honestly a guys opinion would be amazing! I dumped him because leading up to the end he had constantly ditched me for drinking and his friends, not just having a few drinks but getting BLACKOUT crazy drunk (I was never ever ever invited). As well he had called me names before and I had also caught him sending shirtless pics to girls on his phone but what did it in was new years eve... I started my job as a nurse on NYE *first shift in my position nothing I could do* and had to work 3-11 and asked him way earlier *beg of december* if he would spend it with me regardless of me working till 11 because I wanted to be with him and everyone else was going out of town. He agreed and the day before NYE he told me he was going out of town with friends and I'd be alone and there was nothing I could do about it. Anyways that night *NYE* he got so drunk he was shirtless all night in the club, and peed on the dancefloor and doesnt remember anything *so who knows what could have happened* while I sat at home by myself after my first shift as a grad nurse crying alone. Then I dumped him.

 

Girlfriend wise I loved him and adored him and would have been there for him through anything. I was the girlfriend doing thoughtful things for his family, paying for dates frequently, bringing treats like coffees and stuff he liked all the time, throwing him birthdays, dropping everything if he needed me, always there for family functions *funerals, weddings, birthdays etc* supporting him. Backrubbed him to sleep whenever we slept together. He knew I loved him and I think he knew he wasn't treating me right...I was never unfaithful to him. My downfall I would say would be getting upset when he'd go out with friends because I was so sensitive to him getting drunk and ditching me that anytime he went out with them I'd get upset. But when we got back together I basically let him do whatever he wanted and gave him the freedom having realized this during the breakup.

 

So what do you GUYS say?

[davesterr]

I think you're better off without him.

It sounds like this guy is more into the socializing single life with his buddies rather than staying loyal to a comitful relationship.

[broken-and-lost]

I stick by my original statement hun, he's not treating you right you deserve better