Spice things up!

[Kimber]

Any ideas on how to spice things up in a relationship. I feel like my SO and I always eat at the same restaurants and do the same things. I want some variety.

 

We've been together a long time and I just want to know how to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. Is that possible? Physically as well.

 

Any sugg.'s???

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Kimber :-)

[Tony T]

It is absolutely possible to spice things up, but a bit of a danger nice that it needs to be done. Relationships are ongoing and, hopefully, very long term. If you have to "spice them up", this implies an absence of the contentment, stability, and companionate loving landscape that is the hallmark of a forever situation.

 

You sort of answered your own question. You just have to start doing things at different times and at different places. Take the bull by the horns and switch things around for yourself.

 

I don't think people get bored in relationships that are meant to be. But I am very possibly wrong. Even when bored, it would not be a sign of needing to "spice things up" but rather of the bored party singularly finding things to do apart from the relationship that interest them. I don't think relationships are every boring, people are...and people who get bored are, well, boring.

 

Spicing up a relationship requires the cooperation of both people:

 

1. Be unpredictable. Do the same things in different ways. Change the schedule of when things are done together and how they are done.

 

2. Meet new friends, do new things, find new hobbies.

 

3. Plan weekend trips away. You don't need to spend a lot of money. There are interesting places that need exploring within a few hours of most people. If not, take a train trip...or a plane trip...to an interesting town you've never been to before...even if it's only 45 minute trip away.

 

4. Explore new restaurants, in nearby towns; take walks in parts of your area you've never been.

 

5. Go to workshops and seminars together on subjects you may both may be interested in or that you would like to become more familiar with. Take some college courses together to learn more about something. Attend plays, concerts and lectures at a nearby campus. Take evening walks in the moonlight within the campus.

 

6. Rent some videos related so sex and watch them together. Make a game of replicating some of the scenes in your own bedroom. Check out books, tapes, etc. that could help with this.

 

7. Become more of a challenge to each other. Don't spend so much time together. Get things going on your own. Become comfortable doing things by yourself, not being so dependent on your partner for entertainment or to pass your time. Leaning on a partner to keep you from becoming bored is a heavy and unfair burden to place on them.

 

8. Every night, write a "secret" word on a piece of paper and place it in a jar. The next day, if the opposite partner says that secret word, you let them know and have sex at the absolute next convenient spot.

 

9. Turn the television off, pick a subject, and talk about it...twice a week. Leave the TV off all night. When the conversation wears out, sit in the same room and read a book or just meditate. But be there together, for each other.

 

There are many books in bookstores that outline hundreds of things you can do to spice up a relationship. But each needs to work on himself as a person. People who are happy and fulfilled with themselves personally do not get bored with others. Having to look outside of oneself to fill a void or to make oneself happy is a dangerous sign.

 

I would be frightened out of my wits at the thought of being with a partner who I thought could become bored with our relationship, though it does happen and it is humnan. But exciting, happy people never ever get bored, even when they are doing absolutely nothing for long periods of time.

[Kimber]

Thanks for the ideas, Tony.

 

I don't remember ever stating that I was bored though. I just thought it would be nice to try some new things and I wanted to know how to bring them up. Nothing major. Just interested in trying something new.

 

Kimber :-)

[Tony T]

Didn't mean to imply that you were bored. I may have lost sight of the fact that I was replying to your specific post while I was trying to answer the general question of relationship boredom for a more broad Internet audience.

 

The problem of boredom in relationships is fairly common and I wanted to address that.

 

I do understand that your only wish was to get some specific ideas on things to do to spice up your own situation. I hope you get more ideas from others...not very many people around here on football Sunday.

 

I applaud you for thinking ahead and desiring to bring more variety and spice into your life.

 

Good luck.

[Kimber]

Thanks Tony.

 

You're right. Some people will most likely benefit from your wisdom.

 

Kimber :-)