What should the other woman do?

[Mr Spock]

s some know, I'm quite outspoken and opinionated when it comes to the topic of affairs -- I will never understand people who can enter into these kinds of deceitful, disloyal, hurtful situations.

 

I believe very strongly in marriage, but I also believe that if you're married and you feel strongly in your heart that you no longer love your spouse and you've done all you can to work on the marriage but to no avail...THEN LEAVE. Get a divorce. Nobody expects anyone to remain in a miserable, unfulfilling relationship. But be honest....be a decent human being and be truthful and honorable....don't go screwing around and having an affair.

 

Now to WhistleWitch....your post brings up another point that always gets me. You say your MM was married for 19 yrs but was unhappy for 16 yrs but stayed for the children, and that only because his wife's family was visiting did she move back into the bedroom "for appearances." Ladies, ladies ladies.......be smart, don't be foolish. Does it make any sense that someone is going to stay in a miserable marriage for 16 yrs? It doesn't make sense to me. And to the countless OW who profess that their MM hasn't slept with his wife in years/she's frigid/she's unaffectionate/they don't sleep in the same room, etc.....WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. A guy isn't truly going to remain under a roof where he's not getting laid, at least not for very long. Of COURSE he tells you this, amongst all the other BS.....to make you feel less uncomfortable and guilty about the affair........and above all, to make you feel like you're his "only girl".......that you're the "only one" he's intimate with. Don't be so naive.

 

There's a million lame excuses MM give their mistress as to why they haven't "yet" left their wife, despite a supposed hellish and unfulfilling marriage....let's see now......they stay for the kids, they stay because she'll take him to the cleaners financially if he leaves, she's "unstable" and he doesn't want to hurt her, bla bla bla.

 

Why are the OW so quick to believe all this BS? I just don't get that.

 

And to the OW who are so sure their MM, should he leave his wife and marry them, will NEVER cheat on her (the OW), think again. Why on earth would you delude yourself into thinking that he's not going to cheat on you? Don't you think when he was standing at the altar, exchanging vows with his wife, he promised that he'd always be true to her and that he'd forsake all others and stick by her side, for better or worse? Don't you think she's heard it all? And if they have children together, that's a very strong bond with a great deal of emotional history behind it...........yet you think you can waltz into his life and make him a changed man?

 

The reason that 99.9% MM don't leave their wives is because they have the best of both worlds. The have the security and stability of the girl they married, who in many cases bore his children.......they have someone who's familiar and comfortable, who's shared the good times and the bad.........and then they have the excitement of having you on the side.........the adrenaline rush, the sexual high, of having someone to share only the "good" parts of life with (after all, as the OW+MM, you don't have to deal with the regular stressors of life such as: paying the bills, maintaining the home, disagreements with the children, squabbles over money, etc).

 

Countless MM even go so far as to moving out........leading their OW to believe he's serious this time, and that he'll definitely be divorcing his wife......but based on all I've read and from friend's experiences, it almost always never goes as planned.........and though he puts up a good front, and puts on a good act, it isn't long before he misses his wife and the history they share.....and he's back with her. If he doesn't go back, and he does remain with the OW, he's inevitably got a lot of baggage and issues and guilt that eventually surfaces.........and he's never truly available to the OW, as she needs him to be.

 

What I find sad is.........if there were no women WILLING to be the "OW", then the cheating, deceitful MM out there would have to either p*ss or get off the pot. They'd have to make some tough decisions...about whether to stay in their marriage, or divorce and move on with their life. But so many women are willing to be the OW......and all they do is ENABLE MM to have their cake and eat it too.

 

If more women would become STRONG WOMEN.......and have enough self respect and self love and integrity.......and set the boundaries very early on by telling the guy, "Look, you're married. You're not available to me, and I'm not available to you. If your marriage is truly as bad/chaotic/empty/unfulfilling/sexless/one-sided as you claim it is, then be a MAN and make some tough decisions and choices........and get your house in order..........and divorce. And until such times as you can show me your signed divorce decree, I don't want anything to do with you."

 

Why can't women be stronger? All you OW do is become the biggest HUGEST Ego Boost to these conniving MM. Man, what a stud he must feel like........he's got a wife, and a mistress. Where's the incentive to p*ss or get off the pot?

 

Frankly, I would be ultimately and immensely insulted if a MM thought he could get something going with me.............I would think, "god, this guy must think so little of me, that he thinks he's so great that I'd be willing to be "second place" with him"

 

I can't stand to see weak women. It goes so far against everything we've fought for over the years.

 

This is some great advice Befuddled-it really is-but what if you you really lked this person? I was attracted to him before I'd even met him. Just on sight. I can't defend against that.....

 

I don't think I'm weak. Just stupid.

[helpless here]

Befuddled11 - For one thing you must understand when two people marry not only do they share vows and commitments but they promise things to one another !!! My point is this - If she (the wife being cheated on) was keeping her husband happy then he wouldn't astray to find happiness in other areas. I understand both sides, I've seen myself push my husband in the direction (if he wanted)to another woman's arms at times - I don't believe he has ever had an affair but I understand where other people would. Because I have! I know that is not a liable excuse to have an affair for anyone but the fact remains were all human and that is the number one cause for affairs! Unhappiness with their spouse! Maybe she no longer tends to his needs so therefore he will find another aspect to where he feels appreciated and loved! Maybe only for a moment - but we as humans live for "Just Moments".

 

Mr. Spock - I too understand what your going through I called things off between me and my MM man - and I have feelings of regret because now I know the relationship actually meant more to me than sexual pleasures! I tried fooling myself into thinking it was all sexual - again a trick we play on ourselves! But now I know there was more and i was just trying to protect myself! I see my MM all the times at functions with his family and actually speak to his wife often at these functions because all our kids interact together - and it is hard - but as the advice as kiababy gave - she is correct - just smile and act as your happy and in control of your life! It will drive him insane along with you and he doesn't even have to know about it! Men love mystery so give him just that! Him come through if that is just what you want! But remember also like others said you are number 2 here! So have a few number 1's in your path to keep you occupied and not consuming over MM all the time! Good luck to you!

[moimeme]

!!! My point is this - If she (the wife being cheated on) was keeping her husband happy then he wouldn't astray to find happiness in other areas.

 

Utter crap. If he's got any cojones at all, then he says to her 'I'm unhappy here and we need to get to a counsellor'. He doesn't go out and sneak around behind her back. Or, if he does, he's a worm.

 

that is the number one cause for affairs! Unhappiness with their spouse! Maybe she no longer tends to his needs so therefore he will find another aspect to where he feels appreciated and loved!

 

Again, if he is any sort of man, and if he has the guts to follow through on his marriage promises, he tries to find a solution. He doesn't just run to somebody else.

 

Maybe only for a moment - but we as humans live for "Just Moments".

 

No. Some humans do. Others live by values.

[Debster]

Wow, is this ever the OW enabler thread!

 

Clearly the OW who got so pissed at Befuddled and others who were trying to talk some sense into them are so messed up that nothing will set them straight except a good ol' kick to the heart.

 

When the day comes (and it will) that you realize that you have become a semen-receptacle that actually helps makes their marriage palatable and your heart is ripped to bits and your self esteem is in the gutter, that all these OW will be there to hold your hand and tell you 'there, there'.

 

What a lovely future you have to look forward to.

[kiababy]

Spock - yeah, I feel stupid too. Escpecially since my MM tells me all the time how much he loves his wife....the only thing 'wrong' is that the sex is no good. We had this long discussion where he said he wants to have two women in his life - his wife...and me.

 

Yes he has the best of both worlds, but I can't explain what he gives me in return - he validates my feelings constantly with praise, and expressions of how much he 'cares' about me and appreciates me and of the 'feelings' he's developed, how he feels badly that he can't do more for me. He says 'you give me so much and don't ask for anything....you're amazing....I'm the LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE to have you" But he has never said the 'L' word, not yet anyway.....

 

We had the discussion about whether he would ever leave his wife - he broached the subject, not me - and he said that he would never leave her for someone else. If things became 'that bad' then he would leave for that reason, because he would never want to have the argument with the next woman "I f***ed up my life for you!"

 

And by the way, that's how he always puts it - that if he and his wife split up he would have 'f***ed up' his life. Ladies, I think all MM feel that way, think carefully about that.

 

And to Whistlewitch - I didn't read the post that Spock refers to where apparently your MM says he only sleeps with his wife for 'appearances'??? Honey - even if the sex is bad make no mistake - he IS having sex with her!!!!

 

Helpless - I understand how you feel - some OW are in it just for the sex, but for some of us there is a lot more.....see my comments above, second paragraph.

 

Again I ask those of you who are putting us down: if it's so easy to leave.....why aren't we leaving????? We can all do much better, we all deserve better...the issues are much deeper. And by the way, regarding getting help - I tried that when I was on MM #2. Guess it didn't work.

 

Speaking of MM#2 - the grass is not always greener - I've written about this before elsewhere.....I'm not proud that this is my third MM, but MM#2 is currently going through a divorce - NOT BECAUSE OF ME so don't even go there, they had much deeper, more troubling issues......well now that I can date him legitimately.....he's does not seem so great anymore. Why? Well, now I have to hear about what was really going on in his marriage, have to listen to him talk about his ex, lawyers, custody battles, being forced to sell his house.... sadly, he said he realized that the timing is all wrong for us right now - amen to that - but he hopes I'll still be around when the dust settles.

 

reality is a bitch.

[cowgirl]

Mr Spock!!

 

I really hope you wake up to this situation one day. No good can or will come from it as long as he's married. Even if the day does come that he isnt married I don't think it can make it any better for the both of you.

If he left his wife whether it be for you or that he just doesn't love his wife anymore could you trust him not to do it to you. If they've got away with it once than why not do it again.

 

I was the ow for just over a year and I finally shafted him a couple of months ago. You say you love him and that he's never mentioned the "L"word to you. My mm said the "L"word in the first week I met him but once his baby girl came along 2 months later that soon changed. Contact got less and less until he got bored again. I went through a terrible time once the bub came wondering what was going to happen next.

 

It all started again however we lived 4 hours apart. I moved back to the same town because all my family is there and we started to see each other again. Once he came to see me, for the 1st time in a long time it didn't upset me to see him go. When we did see each other I found we didn't really have alot to talk about anymore. We'd just do the usual and he'd go home or back to work.

 

It is a difficult situation to be in as the ow, BUT - eventually you have to look at the reality of it all. Put yourself in his wife's position... How would you feel if you were in her shoes?? DEVASTATED!!

I remember how I loved my x-fiance and if Id ever found out that he was having an affair while we were together I couldn't have coped. It took me 2 years to deal with us breaking up just because we'd grown apart so I can't imagine how it must feel to have someone betray you when your that commited to them & children are involved. Unfortunately, my new boyfriend after the x-fiance did play up on me eventually so in a sense Ive experienced that betrayal and that hurt pretty bad.

 

It's easy for people to judge the ow for thier actions but until they've been in the situation themselves I don't think they should be so quick to judge. I always said also like others on this thread that Id never look sideways at somebody who's married but to my surprise it happened. These things happen. Once feelings come into play it's sooo much harder to get out and just walk away. Life's full of mistakes and for some people unfortunately this is the mistake they make. Ive learnt from mine and I know now that Id never do it again. I know what I want now and a mm can't give me any of it.

 

It sounds like to me that your mm doesnt want to leave his wife and he never will. Why leave when you can have the best of both worlds and get away with it. He has no respect for YOU or his WIFE let alone himself. He's lying to his wife, you and as well as himself thinking he can go on like this forever. If hé loved you he would tell you, he wouldn't stand you up, he'd make time to see you and he'd sort his head out. If he cared about you in any way he shouldn't expect you to be there waiting wondering when you'll get another call. He should be man enough to sort himself out. If there's problems in his marriage than fix it!!! If he can't fix something that's broken than for god sake's GET OUT and stop playing with other peoples lives.

 

I really hope you can get this man out of your life and move on. It is easily done once you realise that all they care about is getting a quick fix and as long as you keep giving them that than your only feeding his ego even more. Get out, meet someone more available to you. I seem to have finally met a man that IS SINGLE, my age and wants to do things with me and take me places, all the things I want. I look out for me now and that's all.

I know what I want from a man now and Im damn well gonna get it. Its a good feeling to finally know what I want. I have found also with this site that its been really helpful to have peoples opinions good or bad. Its good to read an opinion from a wife who has been betrayed like this by her husband and realise what damage an affair can do.

 

Cheers.

[Mr Spock]

Just an update-he replied to my msg stating he hadn't received the first angry message. Wether he did or not I'm not sure. So, we're talking to each other-but I will not initiate sexual contact with him again. I'm not saying I'd say no-but I won't mention it in any correspondance until he brings it up. It will be hard for me, I'm used to being flirtatious with him but I'm going to try and stick to it. Hard, as I am just really REALLY attracted him. But out of sight, out of mind. I guess the thing that bothers me is why SHOULD he have his cake and eat it too? If he's never going to leave his life for me, shouldn't he TRY and fix what's wrong in his marriage? Should I tell him that? I may, when I finally break it off.

[kiababy]

You handled that perfectly - whether he got your first email or not, leave it alone, don't let him know he had any power over your emotions.

 

You can still be flirtatious - be yourself - but If he wants to initiate another encounter.....I'm in no position to tell you what to do either way, just please keep the ball in your court. He stood you up last time right? Are you strong enough at this point to say (if he asks when you can get together), that you'll be 'pretty busy' for the next little while, but you'll get back to him.....and then don't get back to him?

 

 

Why should you give this man advice about his marriage? It's not your issue. You need to take care of YOU. If you feel ready to make the break - you go girl!

 

 

Give yourself a little more time, a little more space.

[Mr Spock]

LOL I probably wouldn't say no-I'm saying it will be hard for me not to initiate sexual contact-like email or call him for sex-sent sexual emails etc. I'll let him do that. Hopefully I'll be able to hold out.

[Mr Spock]

And I'd like to say that I do try to meet single guys. There's just a shortage of attractive ones up here:-)

[kiababy]

LOL - well obviously I can't say know so I know how you feel, but if you can, let him do the asking.

 

As for the attractive single men - if you're in Canada - I agree! Where did they all go????

[kiababy]

You WAIT. I've waited as long as 3 weeks before I heard from him. Then they realize how much they miss you and want to talk/see you, whatever. In the meantime meet new people...it's a great distraction and there's always the possibility that you'll even meet someone interesting enough to take your mind off him. And you'll also have time to think clearly. I wish I could tell you to move on but I won't tell you to do what I can't do myself. Besides, there are lots and lots of women on here that will tell you to do that anyway....as if we don't already know we should do that!

[otherwomen]

Just because you can't see the other side to the story.

There are many different sides.

 

What kind of wife were you that made your husband stray?

That is why men and women do that.

Some men and women fall out of love with their spouse, so its no big deal that they stray.

 

What happened to you?

 

And if a MM was in love with his wife, he shouldn't be sending anyone love emails, and a picture of his &ock...I bet his wife would like to see that.

[kiababy]

Actually ladies...why are we attacking each other at all? Why can't women be more supportive of each other, even when they make huge, or stupid mistakes? That's what men do....they listen to all of their buddies' stupid stuff and manage to remain friends. Women are always cutting each other down. And you wonder why I don't have any women friends.

[Debster]

I come to this forum to provide advice and another opinion. While some may not like to read what I have to write, I have the right to read and respond to whatever post I want.

 

I don't believe I bash OW. I try to keep telling OW that they deserve better and that they should find someone who wants only them. How is that deserving of being insulted? Is it because I have an opposing view? Granted sometimes I get very frustrated and my words might appear harsh because I find that even though some OW believe that they deserve better - they feel hopeless and powerless to do something about it. I wish they had the strength and confidence in themself to get out of a situation that causes them unhappiness.

 

What kind of wife were you that made your husband stray?

That is why men and women do that.

Some men and women fall out of love with their spouse, so its no big deal that they stray.

 

What happened to you?

 

Actually, I have not been married and I have not been the OW. I am engaged and getting married this summer. I agree, some men and women fall out of love with their spouse, but I don't agree that it then means it is ok to stray. That is my belief and my morals. Something that defines who I am.

 

And if a MM was in love with his wife, he shouldn't be sending anyone love emails, and a picture of his &ock...I bet his wife would like to see that.

 

Not necessarily. A MM can still be in love with his wife and want to stay with her but be a horndog and want to take what is so willingly offered to him.

 

It is wrong for him to send love emails and pictures, etc. I agree.

 

However - that does not excuse or condone your behaviour.

[Maria46]

How can you trust someone who cheats on their spouse? Do you believe all the horrible stories they tell about their relationships? They lie to you and they lie to their spouse. If by chance they do end up ending their marriage, and marry you, do you think they will be any more honest in the new relationship? Doubt it.

 

I had a friend that got involved with a MM. He finally divorced his wife after 4 years. They got married, adopted a child and he was back at it cheating with someone else. In my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

I think all OW & OM need to sit back for a bit and see what is really happening.

 

Think about this for a while.

[otherwomen]

Your right.

 

No one knows what it is like from both sides I guess until they are actually there. Know what I mean?

 

I just know how I feel and what I was told for 3+ years.

And it hurts really bad.

"I'm comfortable" I hate that word, and never want to hear it again.

 

Sometimes I wish his wife knew about his other one night stand at his work place. She wouldn't believe it anyways, he has her so brainwashed. I can only imagine what he told her just so she wouldn't leave. Some sappy lines I'm sure. Told me one thing then her another.

 

Now that I think about it, I think he is a pervert. (but I still love him and probably always will, I think only because of the child we had together).

How many men do you know that want the women to do them up the butt???

He used to go to porn rooms and masturbate online so the other person could see him.

Masturbating in front of HS schools as he drove by them is sick.

 

Maybe he is a sex addict?

I know for sure he is not getting hot sex at home.

She is a real prude.

And I hate to say this, but she looks like a man...its sad, he used to tell her to ask me to help her look more like a women... Wow huh?

 

She's been betrayed twice, her husband and her ex-fiance, and that is all she has been with.

[Maria46]

You know he isn't gettting anything at home???

 

You know she is a prude?

 

Or is this what you are told by your MM?

[FolderWife]

No personal attacks allowed!

 

I don't agree or disagree with either side. If my husband would cheat on me, it wouldn't be my fault at all. He's the unhappy one, who didn't have the balls to tell me what was wrong, so we could fix it.

 

Now given, I can fully understand why someone would cheat. MY husband is hard on me sometimes, and it would be SO EASY to seek comfort in another man's arms. I don't do it, because deep down, I don't want to destroy my marriage.

 

See, I can easily cheat on my husband when we aren't getting along. When he starts acting wonderful again, however, there's no WAY that I would leave him and my life. So the other man would definately end up feeling scared and neglected, and rightly so.

 

So I, as a married woman, would be devistated if my husband cheated.

 

I as a married woman who gets hurt sometimes, can fully understand why someone would cheat.

 

I as a past other woman, can fully understand the reasoning in being the other woman.

 

There's no sides to this! We all get roped in by our own stupidity. I was stupid enough to think my guy would leave his girlfriend for me.....they were breaking up when we hooked up, so I thought surley he'd leave! Once they made up, and started getting along again, however, he didn't want to lose me, but he wasn't going to leave her. So it was up to me to decide if I wanted to be the other woman forever, or if I wanted to find someone who'd be MINE ALL MINE. I chose the latter...it was a tough decision though.

 

What we have to remember, is people are good at fooling themselves. I got with my guy, because he said he was leaving his girlfriend. Spock got with her guy, because it was a good way to get a screw, without committment. She didn't expect to fall in love with him, and want him for herself. While it's illogical to think this way, we are HUMANS, WHO DO AND THINK DUMB THINGS! Spock's MM probably fully intended to leave his wife at the time they hooked up. I fully intended to leave my husband two weeks ago. His wife (like my husband) probably got over her PMS, and started acting like the woman he fell in love with, so he fell in love with her all over again, and added to his home, kids, and life, he decided to stay in the marriage and try.

 

But now, he's got this beautiful friendship/relationship with Spock, and he doesn't want to lose that either. He's not bad. He was down and lonely, and depressed about leaving his wife, and Spock was there to make him feel better. When things got better, he couldn't just ditch Spock, because now he cares about her. However, the only relationship they have is sexual, so in order to keep a relationship with her, he has to cheat on his wife.

 

His wife probably went through a rough time. She got over her issues, and now she and her husband are getting along again.

 

NONE OF THIS IS ANYONE'S FAULT!!! Everyone in this situation made bad decisions. Spock decided to have a relationship with a man who was SUPPOSED to leave his wife. Spock decided to have a relationship that was only sex, and nothing more, but her heart took over, and she fell in love.

 

Married Man decided that it was ok to start a relationship with Spock, because he was getting divorced any way. MM decided that he needed a pick me up, and a beautiful young woman was just the thing. MM thought things were not repairable in his marriage. MM decided to work on his marriage, but he cares about Spock, so now he's in a mess.

 

Wife decided to take her frustrations out on MM. Wife pushed MM so far away, that he sought comfort in Spock's arms. Wife woke up, and decided to quit pushing MM away.

 

So now, based on all the bad decisions, we have a mess.

 

I don't see how this mess is anyone's fault. Just all of you learn from the mistakes of these bad decisions, and live the rest of your life with the extra knowlege.

 

No need for any personal attacks on here...that isn't going to make anything better.

[otherwomen]

Actually when we were all friends she confided in me and told me.

 

 

 

Originally posted by Maria46

You know he isn't gettting anything at home???

 

You know she is a prude?

 

Or is this what you are told by your MM?

[Debster]

I believe I already posted why I read these forums - but to elaborate.

 

I think it is good for OW to get another side of the story that they might not normally get - especially if (as you would like) only OW/OM read this forum.

 

Contrary to a lot of posters, I want to encourage OW to think of what is best for them - insead of what is best for their MM.

 

I admit, I am lucky. My fiance and I have very strong views on marriage and we both come from families where there are no divorce and no infidelity (at least as far as we know). While the marriages in my family and his are by no means perfect, I realize that this might make me naieve to a lot of the troubles / issues other marriages face. I find that by reading this forum it helps me realize that not all marriages are good and it gives me some insight into why some marriages fail and why some people feel the need to cheat. I hope that being aware of the areas where marriages fail it will help me create a marriage that can conquer these issues - if and when (hopefully not) they occur.

[Maria46]

And you love this man who you say is probably a pervert. Masturbating infront of a high school?? He sounds like someone that will be picked up by the police and tossed in jail.

 

Are you serious?

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by otherwomen

Your right.

 

No one knows what it is like from both sides I guess until they are actually there. Know what I mean?

 

I just know how I feel and what I was told for 3+ years.

And it hurts really bad.

"I'm comfortable" I hate that word, and never want to hear it again.

 

Sometimes I wish his wife knew about his other one night stand at his work place. She wouldn't believe it anyways, he has her so brainwashed. I can only imagine what he told her just so she wouldn't leave. Some sappy lines I'm sure. Told me one thing then her another.

 

Now that I think about it, I think he is a pervert. (but I still love him and probably always will, I think only because of the child we had together).

How many men do you know that want the women to do them up the butt???

He used to go to porn rooms and masturbate online so the other person could see him.

Masturbating in front of HS schools as he drove by them is sick.

 

Maybe he is a sex addict?

I know for sure he is not getting hot sex at home.

She is a real prude.

And I hate to say this, but she looks like a man...its sad, he used to tell her to ask me to help her look more like a women... Wow huh?

 

She's been betrayed twice, her husband and her ex-fiance, and that is all she has been with.

 

He may not have been a pervert or a sex addict. Maybe he was lonely, and depressed, and he cheated to feel better. Then, he started to care about his OW. Then, his wife started acting like a good wife again. So now, he's in love with his wife, AND in love with his OW. Now, he wants a relationship with both.

 

Or maybe he's a sex addict

 

It just sounds to me like these men get down and low, so they cheat. Then, they make up with their wives. However, men that they are, they end up loving both women, and can't bear to give either of them up.

 

Think about it. If they remained in that low place, they probably would just leave their wives. We have to remember, it's not just their wives they are leaving, but their entire life that they worked to build.

 

Divorce is not just losing a marriage.

[kiababy]

That driving by the HS thing is a little scary. I hope it doesn't escalate into anything worse! And if it did - I guess he admits all of his dirty deeds to you, just like mine does to me - would you be able to turn him in?

 

It's funny, I often think my MM has a sex addition too. He does watch porn all the time - his wife knows and understandably hates it. He also says I'm his favorite 'porn star' because of the stuff we do together. But there's more....we do a lot of role play, and a couple of times it involved him pretending he kidnapped me....o.k. he didn't hurt me in anyway, but he really got off on the pretend power and control he had for those moments. Yes I know it sounds really really sick, but it's just a tiny part of what we do together, and we've only done it twice in 10 months of being together.

 

He wanted me to take pictures of him nude, at my house, and of the two of us together involved in different acts. But the pictures are stored safely on my hard drive as I took them on my digital camera.

 

When we talk on the phone he loves to hear about the pictures again, asks me to describe them in detail; and he relives his favorite encounters with me over and over. He's almost obsessed with it and remembers the tiniest of details, stuff even I forgot about.

 

I think a lot about this and I wonder if an unsatisfactory sex life leads some men to have this exaggerated sex drive, to make them think they need constant stimulation and arousal because they feel they're not getting enough at home. Maybe if they got laid more, it wouldn't be an issue.

 

Just some thoughts I had - don't jump all over me girls!!!!! And please read what I wrote carefully - I did NOT put the wives down in any way.

[Debster]

That driving by the HS thing is a little scary.

 

I agree. I find it disturbing.

 

Kiababy,

 

Actually, I think you might have something there. It could be just that in the case of your MM, he has a much higher, kinkier sex drive than his wife. He doesn't want to tell her his dirtiest thoughts, but he feels he can confide and trust them with you. But that would then lead me to believe that your relationship with him is mostly sexual and only a little bit emotional. Are you ok with this? Are you getting your needs met (besides physically?)