kiababy Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 By the way - why does he deserve to know that you love him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 well I wasn't planning on telling him-I want to find out exactly how he feels about me, and I want to do it face to bloody face so he has to look at me when he tells me he is not in love with me. Then I can end it. Only then will I BELIEVE it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 It's just so HARD to put yourself out there like that...it makes me extremely vulnerable. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 That totally makes sense, but if that's what you think he's going to say, why put yourself through the added hurt? Of course that's just my avoid-dealing-with-issues opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 Yeah I know. YOu know why really? Because A. I believe what I said....I need to stop this because the obsession is unhealthy and B.Part of me down deep fosters hope that the feelings will be returned. This is the part that will hurt. But I need this. I NEED it. And it's starting to make me sound a little needy in my emails but so what? He hasn't told me to shut up, or to stop it, and I he's the kind of guy that would let me know if I cross the line. He won't tell me things just because I want to hear it. He apologizes for not emailing me when I get pissed at him-I NEVER expected to hear from him again after our one night stand but he called my house and left a message on my machine the very next day. And had to look up the number too. I need to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Mr Spock I am not the one to give you advice but if you want to hear one, Walk away and do not look back. Think ahead and think about yourself and not him. It is hard to do so when you love someone but "when there is a will there is a way". You have read my story and I have decided to walk away from my MM and I did. Though the sex was great but I cannot be the one damaging his life. He can do so on his own or with someone else's help but it will not be on my conscious. What I found out last night would make your hair stand up. His wife is 7 months pregnant. Aside than that he had made the assumption that we will together for years to come though he said previously that he will step aside and let me have a normal relationship whenever I meet someone but hey what do you make out of a married man who has a bout of jealousy because some guy hugged her???????????? I had walked into it knowing that it will not be long but I was not thinking in terms of years. Though it might be hard but you will feel much better later on. Just don't think about it. Easier said than done but I have been there though not with a MM. I know this is your thread but if you want to hear the other story I will gladly post it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 No no!! Post away please, I only have mentioned it when people started a dung flinging festival on my thread and when another woman started in with her morality and herpes question-both of which I feel were WAAAY off topic to my original post. I just wish I wasn't so crazy over this!! How do I get my independance and my groove back!! I need to find a new fling, with a SINGLE guy. Oh, how I wish some of my other "projects" had turned out. I wouldn't be in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Originally posted by kiababy Spock, I hope you get the answer you need, whatever that may be. And if he hurts your feelings, don't give him the satisfaction of having 'one for the road'!!!! I feel your sadness babe Otherwomen - when you said you kept in touch via email I had no idea he was sending you mean messsages!!!! He's a bigger a**hole that I thought! What types of things does he say? And why do you write back? If someone was writing mean things to me I would either come up with a zinger to shut his a** up once and for all; example: "it's a good thing you like being butt*****d so much, cuz if you send me one more email like that, I'm gonna leave the police a tip that you flash in front of high schools and your a** is gonna end up in jail"!!!!)........or just ignore him, don't accept his mean words. Ha ha Kiababy, You made me laugh, thank you.....I needed a good laugh. He just puts me down sometimes, or my children, like my son, who is in 9th grade, and he plays all sports. He wants to hopefully win a scholarship from sports, he is good, but darryl loser (thats his name) said "he is not that good" I could go on about his kids, but I would never do that. He sent me an email today, I just saw it, I have been gone all day, and it said Happy Anniversary 4 years Haley Day. It was the day that we conceived her 4 years ago. I mean does he have to remind me? That was the best day ever being with him. I will never forget that day, and he has to bring it up so I can cry. He has never cried jerk off. I sent him an email late last night and told him that we cannot email each other anymore because it hurts me too much and I am sick of fighting with you, and you should go off and be with your wife. Leave me and haley alone. And I said Good bye. I have to stick with it, no matter what. I got 3 from him today. Just stupid ones about golfing with my H....which my H doesn't really want to do this year. I didn't email him back. Thank you for making me laugh!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Originally posted by leilab Otherwoman, WOW -- You are a rock. The one reason I did not go through with my pregnancy with my ex-MM was the fact that I don't think I could have looked at my child every day knowing he was from my MM and this person was not in my life. It would have reminded me every day and would have completely prevented me from EVER moving on. I have a lot of respect for the fact that you had the courage I did not. -Oh, it is very very very hard. When we were together for the 1st 2 years of her life, it was fine. He saw her all the time. Because his wife and my H were all friends. We even went on two vacations to FL with them. Now that his wife knows, and he doesn't see her anymore, it is hard. I look at her and see him. When I kiss her at night, I always give an extra from him. Don't ask me why. He doesn't deserve anything. This will be with me for the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs.sarah Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 otherwomen - does your husband know that this is not his kid? Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by mrs.sarah otherwomen - does your husband know that this is not his kid? [font=courier new][/font][color=darkred][/color] Hi Mrs.Sarah, No my H does not know that she is not his child. I will never tell him, it would break his heart. He loves her so much. And she loves him so much... Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 [color=darkred][/color] hi Leilab, What did he say when you didn't go through with the pregnancy? Did he want you to? Do you feel okay with it now? It's very hard I know. I look at her and think about all the great times and laughs we shared together. Then of course I get all sad. I will run into the MM and his Wife next week at their daughter's 5th grade graduation. My nephew is going to be graduating too, and with a small school, like 60 kids in his class, I will see the MM and his wife. He will see his BIO then. It will be hard and weird. I will have to see his wife. I'm sure that I will get lots of dirty looks esp. if MM parents will be there, I have never like his mom. She is strange and very mean, doesn't have that loving affection in her heart. I will have to post next week and tell you how the graduation went... [color=red][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
mrs.sarah Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Wow. That's pretty sad. You're going to let your daughter grow up thinking that he is her father when he's not just because you don't want to hurt him? You're a very selfish person. Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Mrs. Sarah, before you put me down, tell me have you been in this situation? I am not a selfish person. How is love being selfish? They both love each other. Don't judge me until you have been in my spot baby. And don't say you never will, because my sweetie I have said that before too.......... Originally posted by mrs.sarah Wow. That's pretty sad. You're going to let your daughter grow up thinking that he is her father when he's not just because you don't want to hurt him? You're a very selfish person. [color=red][/color][color=orange][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 I am going through a terrible time. Otherwoman if it was that bad at home he would have left her. My uncle did, took him 22 years and he left her. And not for an OW either I think MM will stop by the house today. He asked me "are you super mad?" and STILL threw in a sexual reference. What game is this man playing, he's scared his wife will find out and he's feeling guilty because things are going so well but he still "can't think when I'm on my knees?" WTF Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 O.K. so the ball is back in your court!!!!!!! What are you going to do with it? You've got the upper hand again. You can either use the opportunity to say what you've had on your mind.....or get sucked in (nooooo pun intended) again. Do NOT give him any clues as to what you're thinking or he'll chicken out and won't come over. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs.sarah Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 That's fine. You are the one living the lie. Your poor daughter though. I don't see how you can lie to her her whole life. I know that some day it will catch up to you. No I have not been cheated on. And yes I will say that I will never knowingly be in your situation. I was dating a man about 6 years ago. After a couple of months seeing him I started to get suspicious as to why I could only get ahold of him during the day, and why he wouldn't give me his home # etc. Well, come to find out, he was married. Once I found that out I broke it off with him. No one has the right to screw up a family like that. If you are dating a man and are well aware that he is married, the right thing to do is break it off, no matter what your feelings are for him. If it was ment to be than he will eventually leave his wife and you two will spend the rest of your lives together. This is a public forum where people express their personal opinion. And that is what I am doing just like you. So we dissagree. Big deal. That's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 I'd like to add that HE ended it because HE was feeling guilty-I could feel it coming inthe air, which was the thing driving me crazy-now I'm relieved, but also hurt. He was feeling guilty and scared of being caught but yet he STILL throws in sexual references in his emails. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Stop emailing him and block his email. You can't move on when there is still contact. It is obviously just making it harder for you to accept the fact that it is over. If you don't do this, it will be a long time before you can get past this. Why waste your time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 Closure I guess Debster. And to set terms of engagement. I live in a small town and I will run into him, we have mutual friends. And to let him know that I hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I disagree. I believe you already have closure, I think what you want is to keep hanging on and hoping that he will change his mind. As for the terms of engagement, avoid each other. You knew about this going in - so now you have to deal with it. Granted it won't be fun - but it is a consequence of your actions. Try to make the best out of it. If you can't due to an event/situation where you will both be in the same place - be polite - but that is it. Do not socialize together. Period. As for letting him know that you hurt? Why? You're kidding yourself if you think he doesn't already know that you hurt. The thing is, I doubt he cares. Right now he is too busy trying to cover his butt - that you are a distant thought in his mind. Unless of course, he is horny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 Those are true words. I just want to let him know Debster. I've wanted to for a while and now I have absolutely nothing to lose!! No losing face, no hanging on-nothing!! I am FREE to say whatever I want, and I relish that opportunity. I can be mad, I can be sad and he has to listen because I hold all the cards now. I don't even care social situations in the future!!! If it's uncomfortable it is NOT my problem anymore!! It will be up to him to avoid ME, he who has to worry. I am doing mental handsprings right now. I'm feeling angry, sad and hurt-but reading your post is oddly soothing to me. It doesn't make me mad, it makes me feel FREE. I feel liberated. Of course small parts of me would love for him to hang on but I need to outpour these feelings because I am the kind of person that heals by talking. I mean to EVERYONE.....to my family, close friends and total strangers on this board. Sometimes I'm panicky. Sometimes I'm serene. But at least Iknow where I stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 And Debster, what I think will happen is that this will confirm on his part that it was only sex. Regardless of how I feel about him. Which would definetly remove all doubts from my heart (because my mind is pretty sure). I have nothing to lose (or to gain) by it. Any tips on expressing myself without crying or anger? I need some kind of calming mantra Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock I am going through a terrible time. Otherwoman if it was that bad at home he would have left her. My uncle did, took him 22 years and he left her. And not for an OW either I think MM will stop by the house today. He asked me "are you super mad?" and STILL threw in a sexual reference. What game is this man playing, he's scared his wife will find out and he's feeling guilty because things are going so well but he still "can't think when I'm on my knees?" WTF Hi, I know what you mean about the bad thing at home. He was comfortable and didn't like change. He wanted his cake and ate it as well. GROSS! I always hated the fact that he was sleeping with her still. And It would bother me when they did. It would gross me out so much if he did her and me on the same day. YUCK. He would never tell me though. Some princess and dream girl I was. His wife is so ugly. Not to be mean, but she looks like a man, a dyke. Hope your doing okay. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by otherwomen you have no idea what I am like or what I look like. ... We are normal people who fall in love just like other MM do. It happens all the time. Both the women that my ex-husband had affairs with were married, college graduates, active in PTA, one taught Sunday School - very active and concerned mothers. They were lousy adults though. Their fatal flaw? They were selfish enough to fall in love with my husband and cheat on their husbands. One actually ended her marriage as a result. Falling in love doesn't make it right and it makes it seem like you have no free will or self-control that you couldn't end your own marriage first and persuade the MM to end his and then start your relationship when both of you were unattached. Link to post Share on other sites
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