What should the other woman do?

[goodpoint]

Originally posted by brashgal

Falling in love doesn't make it right and it makes it seem like you have no free will or self-control that you couldn't end your own marriage first and persuade the MM to end his and then start your relationship when both of you were unattached.

 

Great point brashgal. Most of you are trying to make yourself look like it's okay to do what you're doing. You try to justify it by saying you're in love, or you can't help that that's the way the cards were delt. I say that's Bull.

 

You keep saying "you're not in my situation so you wouldn't know."

Well....Put yourself in the wives shoes. How would you feel if your husband was doing this to you?

[leilab]

Other Woman,

Took me a while to respond back to you but here is my song: (could be the 12 days of Christmas)

 

Thursday we found out that I was pregnant, he loved me & wanted the baby

Friday he told his wife he wanted a divorce and be with

Monday he became very ill

Tuesday he could not think clearly or support me in my pregnancy

A week later he did not want us to be together just because of the baby

2 weeks later he was struggling with his feelings for his wife, me and his son

2 1/2 he knew he did not want to have another child

3 weeks later he could not handle taking me for an abortion

3 days before the abortion, he could not do "this" anymore and it had to stop.

 

I went for the abortion

He did not call - he did not find out if I went through with it.

 

It has been 3 months since we broke up.

I had always told him "until death do us part"

 

He was not there for me in life, and he was not there for me in death.

I grieve for my loss and his lack as a human being.

Even my enemies would have shown compassion for me.

[THERRESA KENNEDY]

Hello friends,

 

I just want to say, from personal experience, (having contended with a couple of truly horrible and narcissistic women who attempted and failed to destroy my marriage) that women and young girls who are looking for a relationship with a married man, are in most circumstances looking to "master"or in some way "resolve" a failed or non-existent relationship with their fathers. There is generally a very real element of "baby" wanting to steal "daddy" from "mommy".

 

When there are children involved it is the absolute pinnacle of selfishness and self-delusion to pursue or allow a married man to pursue you! One can simply say no. One does not always have to succumb to temptation, thinking with their genitals. The rationalizations can become quite creative but when there are children involved, or not for that matter, there is no excuse, other than the "other woman" is only able to think of her needs and her wants and to make no other moral considerations.

 

It is always a mistake to ever think you will be successful in having a good relationship with a married man. First of all, married men rarely leave their wives. Why? Because wives know them best, wives can be extremely tolerant, wives with children are also often in situations that they cannot leave, and will be easy to deceive. Wives many times learn to make endless concessions in an effort to make the marriage work, including turning a blind eye when they suspect infidelity on the part of their husbands. Women who are allowing themselves to become entangled and ultimately used by married men are in many respects, much like the men, incapable of truly contending with or inviting real intimacy into their lives.

 

Accepting a "relationship" which is based on infidelity, an affair with a married man, is an immature and childish attempt to exist in an exciting "honeymoon" phase of a relationship where everything is all wine and roses. Well, that is not what real intimacy means. Real intimancy is quite different and far more complex. Women who become obsesssed with splitting up a married couple need to reexamine their childhoods, and their perceptions and relationships with both their parents. There is nearly always a repressed anger at one or the other parent and this is what motivates much desire on the part of the "other woman" to engage in immoral relationships with married men.

 

When women who wear the title "other woman" say, they "deserve better" what they are really saying is "i don't know how to be honest and intimate with a man" when these same women succeed in getting a man to leave his wife and suddenly they find the man, boring and uninteresting, it is not hard to figure out is it? It is because the "mother" figure, the wife is no longer present, no longer a threat, and so the "excitement" is no longer there, they tend to move on don't they?

 

I truly pity women who are so naive and ignorant as to get involved with married men. They usually end up losing in the end, and they also have the capscity to cause a great deal of suffering and pain for innocent wives and children. And why should a wife who is living her life and minding her own business be the target for any "other womans" hatred? Wives who have loving yet unfaithful husbands and children to boot, should be left alone to work out their marriages. There is such a thing as private territory, and no wife should be punished because she made the mistake of marrying a man and attempting to have a life! Yes all these "other women" do have a great deal of very negative and potentially poisonous power to do such evil and harm to others. Who would want that kind of power? I know i certainly would not! Because when we trespass on others we cannot escape the consequences that find us! Karma is not just a concept, it is real. What comes around goes around! Good luck to you girls who think you can ruin marriages and then go off happily into the sunset with mister "used to be married guy" you have much to learn.

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by THERRESA KENNEDY

Hello friends,

 

I just want to say, from personal experience, (having contended with a couple of truly horrible and narcissistic women who attempted and failed to destroy my marriage) that women and young girls who are looking for a relationship with a married man, are in most circumstances looking to "master"or in some way "resolve" a failed or non-existent relationship with their fathers. There is generally a very real element of "baby" wanting to steal "daddy" from "mommy".

 

When there are children involved it is the absolute pinnacle of selfishness and self-delusion to pursue or allow a married man to pursue you! One can simply say no. One does not always have to succumb to temptation, thinking with their genitals. The rationalizations can become quite creative but when there are children involved, or not for that matter, there is no excuse, other than the "other woman" is only able to think of her needs and her wants and to make no other moral considerations.

 

It is always a mistake to ever think you will be successful in having a good relationship with a married man. First of all, married men rarely leave their wives. Why? Because wives know them best, wives can be extremely tolerant, wives with children are also often in situations that they cannot leave, and will be easy to deceive. Wives many times learn to make endless concessions in an effort to make the marriage work, including turning a blind eye when they suspect infidelity on the part of their husbands. Women who are allowing themselves to become entangled and ultimately used by married men are in many respects, much like the men, incapable of truly contending with or inviting real intimacy into their lives.

 

Accepting a "relationship" which is based on infidelity, an affair with a married man, is an immature and childish attempt to exist in an exciting "honeymoon" phase of a relationship where everything is all wine and roses. Well, that is not what real intimacy means. Real intimancy is quite different and far more complex. Women who become obsesssed with splitting up a married couple need to reexamine their childhoods, and their perceptions and relationships with both their parents. There is nearly always a repressed anger at one or the other parent and this is what motivates much desire on the part of the "other woman" to engage in immoral relationships with married men.

 

When women who wear the title "other woman" say, they "deserve better" what they are really saying is "i don't know how to be honest and intimate with a man" when these same women succeed in getting a man to leave his wife and suddenly they find the man, boring and uninteresting, it is not hard to figure out is it? It is because the "mother" figure, the wife is no longer present, no longer a threat, and so the "excitement" is no longer there, they tend to move on don't they?

 

I truly pity women who are so naive and ignorant as to get involved with married men. They usually end up losing in the end, and they also have the capscity to cause a great deal of suffering and pain for innocent wives and children. And why should a wife who is living her life and minding her own business be the target for any "other womans" hatred? Wives who have loving yet unfaithful husbands and children to boot, should be left alone to work out their marriages. There is such a thing as private territory, and no wife should be punished because she made the mistake of marrying a man and attempting to have a life! Yes all these "other women" do have a great deal of very negative and potentially poisonous power to do such evil and harm to others. Who would want that kind of power? I know i certainly would not! Because when we trespass on others we cannot escape the consequences that find us! Karma is not just a concept, it is real. What comes around goes around! Good luck to you girls who think you can ruin marriages and then go off happily into the sunset with mister "used to be married guy" you have much to learn.

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

 

 

 

 

I was not looking at all.

We knew each other from school, but haven't been in touch for over 15 years.

Nothing was planned at all.

You don't know anything about my situation or what happened with us.

Judge me please when you wear my shoes.

I did not ruin a marriage and did not plan on it.

Everytime we wanted to stop and be the best friends we were, we couldn't do it.

 

I will never be with a married man again.

 

But I love our child we had together.

I send him pics, he doesn't want to ruin my life and marriage.

And I don't want to ruin his anymore.

We live in the same town so he will be able to see her grow up.

I moved back to the old town I grew up in just so he could see her grow up.

I moved from another state with my family.

 

I don't care what you think about that my husband does not know about the child.

All that matters is that she is very very very much loved.

And that's all that counts to me.

 

Regards

[Mr Spock]

Well said Theresa. It seems to me though that you're misplacing the blame in the situation. What of your husband? Unless they held him at gunpoint of course, and said "Take off your clothes, I hate your wife!!"

 

 

I don't buy the anger at my parents line however. My own home life was fantastic, and as far as I'm aware of there was no infidelity. I definetly am not looking for "daddy"

 

You paint a very depressing picture of marriage. Is that what is out there for women Theresa? Popping out kids and turning a blind eye? Is that what you did? If you did, you're just as bad as any of the OW on this forum. It makes you an enabler, and if you DO stand for it, or have stood for it, you're on no higher moral ground than those horrible narcissistic women you speak of. Think of your own children-do you want them raised in a household where daddy gets to hump outside the home? If you know, they eventually will.

 

Do not think by my rebuttal to your post I am excusing my behaviour . I am in no way doing that. I just think your psychology is BS.

[JustBreathe]

spock, i did not interpret T. Kennedy's post to imply that a wife should turn a bind eye time and time again to infidelity. i think she meant that no woman wants to believe her husband is the type of man who would go out and sleep around. when a wife suspects her husband is unfaithful, she will often deny it in her mind, ignore the obvious signs,and tell herself it isn't happening. does this make her an enabler or just a woman who loves her husband, loves her family life and their kids, and doesn't want to believe he's cheating on her? it is a terrible truth to face. but one that always surfaces despite her best efforts to turn a blind eye to it.

 

i do agree with you spock that the cheating man is as much to blame as the OW when an affair occurs. in fact, in my opinion, he probably is MORE to blame. all women want to feel loved. want to be wanted. want to be attractive and sexy. most of us are die-hard romantics. that's why women have affairs. they often fall in love with the MM and are deeply hurt when he moves on.

 

cheating men only want to have sex. some of them even have more than one OW. they want the ego pump. the rush which comes from having hunted and conquered their prey. the women they hurt, the children who wait for them at home, are far from their minds and their hearts when they are exercising their right to be "one of the boys". the lies they tell the OW and the wife, and even themselves, they feel little guilt over. until someone is hurt. oh then! the pain! the angst begins! the agony over their selfishness and infantile behavior. as wives, we try to forgive and move on. but we never forget. at least the OW can get on with her life without the MM. we have him always and, now and then, he does or says something that reminds us that he is capable of these gross actions, but we stay with him because we love him. it's not enabling his behavior. it's giving him what he has asked for with all his heart - another chance. a chance to improve himself and be a better husband and father. and it is damn hard.

 

faced with another affair, i know that i could not endure this again. this is his one chance. and even so, it may be too late and i may decide to move on once my kids are grown. i do not see myself as an enabler.

 

it is my opinion that most (and probably all) married men get around to cheating eventually. it's actually encouraged by our society - the things we see on t.v., the songs on the radio, movies..., etc. i think a man who has never cheated on his wife is rare, whether they are caught in the act or not. some learn a terrible lesson from it, suffer guilt forever from it. some never learn a darn thing except how to be a better liar. while my children grow, i am waiting to see which kind of man my husband proves himself to be. if i suspect he is cheating, i will not ignore my feelings again. if he cheats again. its over. period.

 

learning of his infidelity has made me stronger and smarter. i wonder sometimes whether it had the same effect on the woman he used to work with, the one he had the emotional and physical affair with. or has she simply learned how to be a better liar.

 

now, i have to ask a question, but i will use a seperate thread.

[otherwomen]

I wish I never had the emotional part of being with my best friend (MM). But we did, and very so much in love. I knew he would never leave his wife, he was scared about what would happen to his kids, house, $$, etc. plus he didn't want to hurt her. OKAY, then leave me alone. Everytime I tried to leave he would say "please don't leave me" or "we will always be together forever".

 

It so emotionally hurt.

I wish the pain would disappear but it won't.

We live in a small town, know all the same people.

Kids are together in school.

We will bump into each other, esp. this wed. at 5th grade graduation.

I don't know how I will handle that.

 

He emails me and we fight.

 

If he was so unhappy at home he should of just left.

And not tell me how I was his princess and dream girl and the one that got away. He was the 1st to tell me he loved me. I didn't for a few months.

 

Yes, I have a baby with him.

It's very emotionally hard because of that.

He actually helped me have a baby, because I lost one due to birth defects and I was afraid to have another one with my husband. I don't regret it either, shes beautiful. Going to start modeling soon, she is 3.

 

 

I will not be with another mm that's for sure.

I would have never said those things to him the first night.

Oh well, I trusted him, and its my fault, I did it to myself. And now I am paying for it with all the pain I have.

[otherwomen]

Oh yeah, and my ex MM was with someone else at his workplace for a one nighter and that was for SEX. His wife does not know about that one. Just me. He never told her.

 

 

The thing that makes me sad is that he was my best friend too.

But I am learning alot about him lately, that he never told me he did. It's gross.

[Pisces23]

to the otherwoman,

 

I'll call myself Pisces 23. I know how you feel. I am in love with a married man myself. We grew up together in the south. I have always had feelings for him and like wise for him. I knew to tell him how I felt until 3 years ago. I did wait too long to tell him. I feel very guilty, ashamed, hurt and confused. I know how you feel. I'm not going to judge you like other people that are reading this. I'm looking for a friend that I can confide in. Maybe if I had someone who understood how I felt than it might ease some of my pain. He secretly married her about maybe 3 years ago. he has been cheating since the very beginning basically. I don't want to put the whole story down here. But send me a reply.

[Therresa Kennedy]

Hello People,

 

I want to make a direct reply to the woman who addresses herself as "Mister Spock". I read your reply to my very first post on this wonderfully informative and creative web-site. I would have responded sooner but I am very busy, being a junior at my university here in town AND a double major. First of all, you are more than entitled to disagree with my idealogy if you so desire. However, your recent post calling my "psychology" BS is indicative of polemic thinking, or at least muddled, reactionary thinking processes, in [MY] opinion that is. Also, I do not hide behind a nickname but am willing to use my real birth name, I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. More people should do so.

 

You have been very honest about how the married man you are currently having a sexual relationship with does not treat you well, does not seem to express much interest, if any at all, in making any kind of a commitment to you and also, that you are a terrific lay. I have heard many such stories by women who wish desperately to adopt the role of the glam-girl other woman persona, while at the same time bitterly complaining of how they have virtually no real emotional or intellectual connection with their married beau. Women who claim to be such hot lays are usually NO better sexually than any wife of many years is. This tiresome misconception that sex with wives is boring, unexciting and unimaginative, and that sex with Other Women is SOOOO much better, is not only completely incorrect it is also a nauseating example of just what popular culture, through the media, can do to warp and brain wash minds.

 

You have admitted that you are unhappy with the man you are currently seeing, that he does not give you what you feel you need or want in a relationship. Then why are you with him? Is this what you feel you deserve? Obviously it IS if you continue to stay with him and accept such sad unrewarding circumstances. Actions speak louder than words, as YOU and many others well know. If you had a truly high opinion of yourself you would find a man who is willing to (openly) give you what you feel you need and deserve. Part of that is simply, sex at various times, not just once a week, going out in the daytime, not skulking around like a couple of criminals. When I spoke of [unconscious] motives for engaging in extramarital relationships, I was speaking of just that, [unconscious motivations], that for many people, means they are not even consciously aware of what they are experiencing. You may not [think] you have resentment at one or the other parent, but I guarantee it is more than likely part of your psychological processing without you even being aware of it on an intellectual level.

 

You have also said that (I) could be just as "bad" as any other [Other Woman] out there, and that I am NOT on any higher moral ground than women like yourself. Well, I must respectfully disagree. To compare a, in most cases, single woman with no children to a married woman with a child or children, (in my case one single 12 year-old-daughter) is ludicrous! There is not one person who knows me, either my many family members or personal friends who could possibly see the reason or logic in such an absurd comparison.

 

Was I a "bad" person because I forgave my husband for giving in to temptation when he was practically assaulted by a very willing, virtual stalker? No! I was not "bad", I was a good person and a good wife. (for better or for worse), remember? Does that mean anything to you, or are you just too obtuse to see the significance of it? I understood that men are always going to be intrinsically weaker than are women when faced with a sure thing. Any woman of any maturity, (I am 38) knows that men are always less able to say no to an attractive woman who throws herself at them. Did my husband have an affair because he was unhappy with me? No, he did not, our family life in general AND our sex life was always, (AND IS) intimate, sincere, spontaneous and exciting. He had an affair because he found himself in a bad situation, more than once, with women who had been "after" him for several weeks. He gave in to temptation because like a lot of men, he knew he could get away with it and he wanted to sample a little "strange". Did that mean I was lousey in the sack? Hell no! It meant he made a mistake. Each "affair" lasted tops three months and he had no intention of ever leaving me for the two jealous, controlling, Other Women stalkers whom he had become involved with.

 

From your post Miss Spock, it sounds like you have a great deal of anger, and to blame a blameless wife, (for I certainly was one and proudly wear the title) a woman who gave her marriage and her one child everything, as I did, is just plain foolish. As I said, (and I realize my first post may have come across as self-rightous and perhaps a little high and mighty), I will reiterate my original statement that women who look for married men, or who just happen to end up with them time after time, (I know, its never THEIR fault, the men come on to them!), are incapable of honestly facing intimacy in its truest and most practical forms. This means comforting your man when he's constipated, giving him antibiotics when he has the flu and waking up every morning to his bad breath. Yes, girls the Honeymoon does NOT last forever, that doesn't mean the sex has to suffer though! It never has in MY case! My husbands instances of infidelity ended over eight years ago, and now he is at 44, loyal, loving and still the best friend and without a dougt the BEST lover I have EVER had!

 

From MY experience, Other Women do not generally want to engage in honest communication, they usually suffer from some long repressed, long forgotten conflict that seems to force them to constantly feel compelled to focus on the "unresolveable" complications of a sexual relationship with a married man. In many instances they had distant, unloving fathers who rejected them and as a result they simply do not know HOW to be correctly or honestly intimate with a man. They (repeat) the same kind of cold, rejecting, sporadic repore they had with their fathers or mothers for that matter.

 

Why am I so convinced of the correctness of my own stance? Because my first major is criminal justice and I know how many love triangles end in murder, mayhem and lost lives! The children that are left orphans, the murdered Other Woman, or Other Man! For your information Miss Spock, 2,600 women are murdered each year in this country by their husbands or boyfriends and INFIDELITY is the cause of most or many of those deaths.

 

There will always be women who justify their need to have a married man, some women would have it no other way. They say there is no comparison to the "excitement" the feeling of "danger" and "illicitness" that is so seductive and pusle pounding. But these same women will more than likely end up alone, unmarried, and in many instanes childless with no one. Let them learn the hard way, they WILL and in many instances willl end up the bitter hateful heavily made up hag on the bus or train who glares at young happy couples just starting out in life. I pity all of them and I pity you too, Mister Spock. Good luck to you, you are going to need it!

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

[Therresa Kennedy]

Hello Just Breathe,

 

I want to thank you for the wonderful contribution you made to this forum, attempting to explain what I was trying to say with my first posting. You made so many good points that have such common sense and intelligence to them. I applaud your wise and couragous honesty!! It is true, wives should not be punished for attempting to forgive a man who made a mistake and wants to redeem himself. They should not be targeted by women who delude themselves into thinking they have a chance or are even [entitled] to do what they are doing, which is essentially allowing themselves to be used like cheap tarts for sex and nothing but cheap sex. Married men who are distant, who don't day "I love you" have no real emotional investment in the woman they are using.

 

That is precisely what I did in my marriage, gave my husband a chance, and why should I lose him to some bed hopping, stalker, mental case? He was a wonderful lover and father and I wanted him for myself. Is that such a crime, to be a wife, have a man and try to have a life together? And having had experience with the worst possible kind of OTHER WOMAN imaginable, is it any wonder why I have such strong feelings and intellectual perceptions regarding this kind of difficult dynamic? This is to say nothing of my knowledge of Criminal Justice realities in this country!

 

In the end I really do pity the naive OTHER WOMEN type, who are so narrow minded as to think they have a right or justification for indulging in infidelity. Thank you dear woman for your understanding and intelligence, we need more women like you on this forum.

 

Sincerely, Therresa kennedy

[MsOutdoors]

For the love of BS..look Theresa..I have a Bachelors Degree in Criminal justice, so I smirked when I read your comment about it. Big deal. I also dont buy your theory of some conflict with mommy or daddy, or whatever. I didnt have any conflict like that. If you are so into pysch and everything you should know you cant put EVERYBODY in one category. Just because there may be SOME folks who do exhibit a mommy/daddy or whatever conflict, does NOT mean that EVERY OW or OM has that issue. That is just plain ignorant to make a statement like that.

 

Now, from what I've read on here, most folks admit they have made wrong choices. I certainly have. But, just like any other person with an issue, be it drugs, alcohol, whatever, sometimes working through what we have done is NOT pretty. the things we admit to having done..the things we admit to having felt..its not pretty. But, we admit that.

 

Now, If you want to pat yourself on the back because you stayed with a man that stuck his wanger wherever he felt, so be it. AND GIVE ME A BREAK about saying how these women THREW themselves at him. The poor thing! Why, he just simply could not do anything about it, could he?? No, he couldnt just say NO..like you say the OW should have said. No..YOU make excuses for him..saying men are WEAK..and more prone to temptation. Well, you know what?? Those HORRID OW did not make a commitment to you, as you say. They did NOT promise YOU they would love, respect, and cherish you. YOUR HUSBAND DID. So I dont care if some hot babe slithered up to your poor "weak" husband and "came on" to him. HE should have said NO!

 

So, you can blame the OW all you want. We cant do ANYTHING if the MM is not willing. What a bunch of BS and a cop out. Your husband is a pig. Plain and simple. Not once..not twice..what THREE times? Now, honey, you wanna give your self awards because you forgave him, thats your choice. But stop acting like its not what it is; your husband was and probally will again be a cheating pig. Its got nothing to do with his being a good father, or whether he is good to you. He is a CHEATER, and likely to do it again, as history shows. The fact that he stays with you means nothing. Why would he leave?? You have allowed him to get away with it. SEVERAL times. He has his cake, and will probably eat it again. And you chose to accept it. And you want to say that OW have no respect for themselves? Huh..dont be so quick to point fingers.

 

Its great you kept your family together for your kid..but dont act like all is roses. Because you may find yourself AGAIN having to fight off some "horrid" OW that your poor WEAK husband could not say no to.

[mrs.sarah]

But you women pursue a man and are well aware that he is married? No mater what your feelings are for that person, you should know where to draw the line.

[MsOutdoors]

Sarah..uh..here we go jumping to conclusions again. I DIDNT PURSUE HIM, HE PURSUED ME. Now, does THIS fact make me ANY less guilty?? Nope. Not one bit. So, lets not get on this idea that ALL MM are just stalked, hogtied, and FORCED to get into a relationship just because of Theresa situation with her "weak" hubby. I work in criminal justice, and as GOD is my ultimate witness, most of the MM I see are out there DOING the pursuing. AGAIN..does this make the OW who eventually agrees to it ANY less guilty? No. Not at all. Im just sick of OW taking ALL the blame in these things. It should be SHARED. BOTH parties are WRONG..and I feel the Married person is even MORESO wrong, as he/she is the one that took the vows to their spouse.

 

I cant BEGIN to tell you all the opportunities ive had to get involved with a MM. THIS was my first experience..and im paying for it. But, look at ALL the guys who came on to ME..who were married. I never took them up on it, except this time. But, its all the womens fault, eh? Partly, but certainly not ALL.

[therresa kennedy]

Ms Outdoors,

 

Wow, I certainly hit a nerve didn't I? You couldn't seem to get it right the first time, but had to post multiple responces before you felt you got it all out of your system, all directed to me, thank you very much! I'm flattered. You have a degree in criminal justice? I don't need to, as you say, "come off" as intelligent because I AM intelligent! I don't need approval from YOU certainly or anyone else for that matter. I have quite a lot of faith in my own intellectual power and ability to understand and dissect various simplistic situations. It's not a matter of "coming off" as intelligent, I have what it takes, plain and simple.

 

It is quite true that one cannot make gigantic generalizations about ALL people, and that is not what I am doing, but since we all contend with nearly identical psychological processing and conflicts(family dynamics world wide are not that diverse) it is fair to say that most individuals face identical struggles of various sorts with parents and personal identity being formed by parental influence. As to you "smirking" when you read about my criminal justice knowledge, I can only smirk myself from the smoking, emotional manner of your discourse on this forum. You come across as extremely defensive, angry, unhappy, and very bitter about other peoples happiness. Seems to me you just want to hear a lot of OW saying, "oh honey, its all those bitchy wives faults, if they could only kept their man happy. You're really a good person, just hang in there, maybe he really WILL abandon his wife and children for you". Many women are going to be repulsed by women like you and you just need to prepare yourself for the truth, when you announce yourself as just another tiresome other woman sleeping with a MM.

 

If you choose to believe my husband was just as guilty as the two women who pursued him almost ten years ago, that he was just as bad as they were, you are certainly entitled to think what you wish, irrespective of how completely inaccurate your uninformed opinion may be. Calling my husband, a man you don't even know, a "pig", then a "cheating pig" is indicative of the huge amount of anger and rage you have brewing and eating you up inside. May I state the obvious darling? YOU DON"T KNOW MY HUSBAND. You know nothing about him, (and you never will) but ask yourself this. If he was lucky enough to be with a woman as higly intelligent and dynamic as I like to think I am, how could he be a "pig" in any way? He is a wonderful man, loving, funny, a volunteer for his community and has the biggest most sympathetic heart of nearly anyone I know. He's also exceedingly handsome. His very postive qualities were also one of the reasons he got involved with two women, both of whom fed him various sob stories about their pathetic lives.

 

Two women who eventually became obsessed to the point that they both, harrassed me via the phone, U.S. mail systems, threating my life, and stalking us so that we had to take one of them to court and with the other one we had to repeatedly contact her parents, keeping them informed as to the level of criminal harassment being directed at us. We had to move both times and this was many months AFTER the end of any relations. Both situations happened within three years of each other. The desire of these two women appeared so focused on WINNING him and GETTING him that it became apparent to me that it was really ME they wanted to truimph over. There were so many times it seemed to me the harrassment was less about HIM, than it was about making ME as miserable as possible, making ME the target, hurting ME etc. etc. These were women I didn't even know, their hatred was mind boggling and thoroughly mystifying, so don't tell me there is no Father-Mother element to this kind of thing.

 

Who now is making huge uninformed generalizations? You will learn eventually that you are being shamelessly and stupidly used and perhaps you'll even learn the meaning of the old saying, (fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on ME.) Your comments to "Sarah" about how "YOU" didn't pursue him, "HE" pursued "YOU" are absolutely classic, they will sustain you won't they? and give you the license you need to continue with a dead, cold, and unsatisfying liasion with a man who won't give you what you claim you need.

 

Can men who have cheated twice go on to live lovingly and faithfully with their wives? Yes, they can, call me crazy but I believe it can be done. If you claim to have a degree in criminal justice then you know that a man convicted of man 2 who has served his time CAN go on to lead a faultless, honest and moral life. I believe the same is true for a man who has made the mistake of straying only to regret it later. Infidelity is NOT a lethal disease that CAN"T be tackled. Just because a man has cheated does not mean that that act will define him for a lifetime.

 

Will my husband cheat on me again? Since he is disabled and housebound, but still a darling and incomparable lover, and since I know where he is all the time, I am not even worried about it. He has been faithful to me for almost ten years now, and what he learned from both of those disturbed and vengeful women will stay with him for the remainder of his life. As I said before in this post, you Ms, outdoorsy girl, seem extremely unhappy, very angry and extraordinarily defensive. Eventually the guy you are toying with will (choose) and it probably won't be YOU. Will you be able to handle that without hiring a hitman to do him and his wife in or at the very least calling her and inserting your self-pitying poison into her life? I wonder, and obviously for the guys wife, I can only hope that you wise up and get yourself a real man, one you can openly share a life with, or is that something that frightens you too much? I maintain it probably does! I'm glad I'm not in your careworn shoes!

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

[amerikajin]

You all are trying to justify behavior that can't be justified. Just because you're not marriage material doesn't give you the right to ruin the lives of those who are.

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by mrs.sarah

But you women pursue a man and are well aware that he is married? No mater what your feelings are for that person, you should know where to draw the line.

 

Pursue?

What about the MM?

We both pursued each other.

It was just bad timing, it had been years ago, we would have been together. We will always have a special bond between each other.

I will always love him, and vise versa.

[otherwomen]

 

 

WELL SAID!

Thank you!

[istilllovehim]

I was the other woman. I have regrets. I am sorry for the wife because even though she cheated on xMM, it did not justify our relationship. Remorse is possible. Even though his wife and I have been enemies since our high school days, I have told her how sorry I am and I hope that someday she truly forgives me. She said that she has been in my shoes and she understands. Life as the other woman is a painful life. I choose not to live it anymore and I choose not to do it again, so I wont.

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by mrs.sarah

But you women pursue a man and are well aware that he is married? No mater what your feelings are for that person, you should know where to draw the line.

 

 

And what if we OW are married and the MM pursues us?

What does that say about him?

Or is it just the OW that is a tramp.....

What if the OW tried to break it off to be best friends like always, and the MM kept telling her "no, we are forever, I love you, its not the best situation we are in, but I don't ever want to lose you"

 

Some of us are all married.

[therresa kennedy]

Hello Mister Spock,

 

You are here to "heal and learn" is it? I certainly hope so, and I hope you don't end up endangered, or put in harms way because of what you are doing. Are you still having sex with this guy? Because as you know, that's ALL its about, SEX and nothing more, at least to (him). There is very little else there, just the sex. Studies have shown, (and yes I know people can poop-pooh the significance of studies here) but the reality is that studies have shown that when married men sleep with OW it is only because they want more sex. Rarely do they leave their wives for the secretary or whomever it is they are doing at the time. It does happen occasionally and congrats to you girls who have pulled it off, I'm certain the feelling of victory makes you feel quite formidable and omnipotent. It doesn't happen often though. However, there is invariably very little love, if any present in the repore, because the relationship exists purely on the basis of SEX. The sad reality is that sometimes the other woman gets it in the back by some crazy wife who has been pushed over the edge. Sometimes they get it in the back by THE HUSBAND too, don't ignore that obvious fact, it does happen. I've read about some very sad stories, and if you have a degree in criminal justice, I am certain you have too.

 

If you are still doing this guy, you should really consider the fact that your entire "relationship" is BASED on him USING YOU for sex and that is why he continues to see you. You have already stated that he doesn't make you feel cared for by saying he loves you, and that he only talks about himself, his work, sports etc. You are being used as a sounding board and a sex doll. Doesn't that make you angry? I think eventually you will wise up, because OW tend to, when faced with sometimes years of the same lame excuses and the lack of a truly fulfilling relationship they wake up as if from a trance and say, "you know what? I really DO deserve better!" I hope that happens for you, but if you continue to have such a low opinion of yourself, accepting such low standards for yourself, thinking you don't deserve better than to be used as a sounding board and a sex doll it may be awhile in coming. I honestly hope you are able to find a real relationship where you feel fulfilled, from the sounds of it, you do come across as miserable and unhappy. Good luck to you and I mean that.

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

[mrs.sarah]

Like I said before, the MM and the OW are both wrong. He pursues you, & he's married, still you're both wrong. It doesn't matter who makes the first move. Even if he does, that doesn't make it okay. Ever heard of the word NO?

[istilllovehim]

Originally posted by therresa kennedy

Because as you know, that's ALL its about, SEX and nothing more, at least to (him). There is very little else there, just the sex. Studies have shown, (and yes I know people can poop-pooh the significance of studies here) but the reality is that studies have shown that when married men sleep with OW it is only because they want more sex. Rarely do they leave their wives for the secretary or whomever it is they are doing at the time. It does happen occasionally and congrats to you girls who have pulled it off, I'm certain the feelling of victory makes you feel quite formidable and omnipotent.

 

 

Why do you congratulate the OW for their victory? Do you honestly think that all extra marital affairs are based solely on sex? Do you think that there is no possibility of love existing between a MM/MW and their OW/OM?

[therresa kennedy]

To miss "I still love him"

 

My comments in that recent bit, my "congratulating" other women who succeed in getting the MM away from wifey was meant as a sarcastic aside, I certainly did not mean that as a literal statement. If you reread the posting in its entirety you will see it is meant as an aside, not a serious statement of literal fact.

 

And yes, sometimes affairs with married men can transform into yet another marriage, and yes, they can sometimes involve real love and regard. But I continue to maintain that nine out of ten of these unhealthy relationships are indeed based solely on sex and little more. NINE OUT OF TEN! The women who allow themselves to be used in these fiascos usually always get the short end of the stick.

 

I also maintain that these kinds of "relationships" lead to not only disasterous results but also can lead to horribly tragic fates for many of the individuals who naively allow themselves to be used in such a manner. Perhaps your situation is different, maybe YOU will be quite lucky and maintain a decades long commitment to being the secret in the closet, second fiddle to his blameles wifey and his faithful puppy waiting in the wings for his short weekly 35-60 minute visits. If you are comfortable with that, then I quess that really IS all you deserve. If you felt you deserved better you would move on and find a real man, in other words a single man. Try not to tremble in fear, I know for a great many of you a "single man" is the least "exciting" idea in the world.

 

But I honestly doubt that is what most OW actually want, they tend to be cases of "arrested development" with serious issues involving intimacy and control. These kinds of affairs tend to have a short lifespan however, the OW usually gets impatient, wants to hurt the wife, [that is such a common element] the OW is often someone the wife doesn't even know for that matter, and then the "spiritual" love some of these OW delude themselves into thinking they are a part with their married man somehow fizzles and dies a quick and graceless death, once the threats begin and old hubbie decides that the bit of extra nooky he is getting isn't worth the hassle, stress and threats to his (REAL) life.

 

So, yes, I do believe that these relationships are based on sex nearly in all cases and very little else. OW can be extremely naive when it comes to this, believing that the MM really loves them. Many times when the OW blows the whistle to the MM's wife, the MM will steadfastly maintain to his wife, "she meant NOTHING to me, it was only about sex, I (love) only YOU!"

 

I am certain you, like all the others, will do what (pleases you) most, humans are motivated by self-interest in life and it is a lifelong struggle to fight that impulse and engage in moral, ethical behavior. The need for sexual pleasure is a great one, so I don't anticipate many OW doing the right thing, breaking off the relationships etc. They tend to be selfish and self-pitying women who would sooner lash out and destroy a family than be left alone to pick up the pieces of a life they created all on their own, as soon as they ALLOWED themselves to be taken advantage of in such a manner. I hope that you are able to see the hopelessness of most of these situations and finally think enough of yourself to say, "you know what mister MM, I deserve better, a man of my own, a real relationship and not to be second fiddle."

 

Another sad reality is that for a great many of these Other Women, they absolutely MUST have a MM, because the wife is such an integral part of the triangle, she COMPLETES it. The wife provides the "erotic edge" that element of illicitness that is so pulse pounding for so many of these women who cannot become aroused by the idea of (actual) and real intimacy which stems from honesty and not deceit or skulking duplicity. The illicitness, the "danger" becomes like an addictive drug for these emotionally damaged women and they lose all touch with what used to be their former moral selves, their old selves of the past.

 

Then also I maintain that OW like this are indeed lashing out at the ghostly memory of their mothers, or fathers. These motivations are huge and simply cannot be discounted. In any event, until OW learn to love themselves in a real, healthy and genuine manner and not just in a narcissistic fashion they will continue to justify sexual affairs with married men, continue to accept poor conditions, continue to be second fiddle to innocent, unknowing wives, continuing to hate blameless wives who do NOT in any circumstance DESERVE to be targeted by vengeful OW, in many circumstances women they don't even know, and they will continue to do evil against other women and destroy families in the process of trying to tilltilate their genitalia. SAD, SAD, SAD! It's all about choices girls, don't let yours be the wrong one.

 

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

 

 

Sincerely, Therresa Kennedy

[shortbus74]

My question to anyone here.................Why would you even let yourself become a "third party" to a two way relationship in the first place?

 

Sorry, I would NEVER cheat on my future hubby and he would never cheat on me.. I know this with all my heart... Cheating is right up there with lying and stealing in my book...

 

Kennedy brings up some good points in her posts....

 

But it does annoy me when the "third party" tries to justify a relationship that they should have stayed away from in the beginning...

 

 

Please think about how the cheating of the person you married would make YOU feel. Would you accept it? Would you move on?

When trust is broken it is very hard to get back.........