Is "seeing what else is out there" a healthy way to cope?

[EyeAlone]

Almost 2 years ago when I broke up with my ex 3.5 years, I found that going to dating websites helped me cope. I didn't go on any dates with any of the people until 4 months after the breakup. But until then, it just made me feel better seeing that yes, there are other smart, funny, kind, and attractive single people out there.

 

My most recent relationship ended almost a week ago and I've returned to the dating websites just to see what else is out there, which is different this time around because I live in a smaller city than I did 2 years ago. Omg. There's nothing. The quantity in my selection pool is only a fraction of what it was in my former city even though I'm using the same selection criteria. Of those, the only attractive ones are those that have not been on the dating site recently.

 

I think this made me feel worse. I operate under the philosophy that the best way to get over someone is to meet someone new. Now I'm terrified that I won't be able to in this city. Unfortunately I'm stuck here for job reasons for the next 4 years. Of course I understand that there are single people out there that aren't on the dating websites but I feel like it's a decent representation of what is out there.

 

Should I avoid looking? I mean, I guess the damage is already done because I already have a good idea that the selection here sucks.

[davesterr]

well i know you only need to find 1 person to become happy.

so whether the majority doesn't go on dating websites.

or whether the majority is all ugly.

shouldn't really discourage you all together.

 

i agree finding someone is mostly about location and timing.

and a little bit of who you are and how you represent yourself.

but even brad pitt won't find someone in the desert.

simply because there aren't any women out there.

 

anyways you can't always change the situation.

but i don't think you should give up all together.

like i said it only takes 1 person.

and who knows when or where you will find that person.

 

if you are really bummed.

i guess you can look for out of town on the internet.

i flirt with alot of girls who live across the other side of the world.

and even though i have no means of a serious ldr right now.

it's still nice and makes my self esteem go up.

and maybe when i go on vacation i can actually meet some of them.

then again maybe not , but that's the good thing about nothing serious.

 

i can't tell you where to look or where to go.

but if i were you i would just look around town and check out places.

sometimes even an oasis can be found amongs miles of endless desert.

you just need to know where to look and get a little lucky.

[ScienceGal]

I just looked at an online dating site! I was scrolling through the pictures and profiles. I saw a few guys I wouldn't mind chatting with. Then I closed it out and came back on here. It made me smile though, just to see there are men out there that are looking to date someone like me. But yeah, there were only a few.

 

I would prefer to meet someone out and about. So, I'll hold off before resorting to online dating. But, never stop looking. Stay positive! If it's only been a week since your break up, give yourself time to recuperate.

[radiodarcy]

dating websites can definitely help give you a different perspective on what else is out there after a break up. they did for me. but only until i was ready to see it.

 

i was so crazy in love with my ex it took months before i decided to try again. there aren't that many eligible men in my dating pool either. and yes - - the ones i am interested in either aren't interested in me or haven't been active for weeks.

 

overall, i try not to get too wrapped up in looking at those sites. otherwise i get frustrated and depressed for the reasons above. but once i stop looking and start focusing on myself and my interests; i start to feel better again. and am less preoccupied with looking for a mate.