Thought it was a date, and it wasn't! BOO!

[Fixyou]

Boo! Yep, I thought we were going to go out and have a nice time and he would kiss me at the end of the evening.

 

I know him from work and he's delightful. (He's somewhat of a client on a short term project). He's funny and he brings out a side of me that I really enjoy. He appreciates my jokes and my witty comebacks and I find myself being able to be more free with him than I can with others.

 

He will come to my place of work and he would talk to me for about 20 - 30 minutes when the norm is that people will come to pick something up and then go. He's also called me as well only to have the conversation last longer than needed. The longest one was 40 minutes. 40 minutes at work? Who does that? I always tried to remind myself that even though we would have these long talks, most of them were initiated by a work question. There was even one time, on one of our shorter talks, when he said he needs to go, says "Ohhhh my name" in a sexual overtone that really seemed to move the change of the talk. I change my voice, but since people can hear me AND I'm at work, I tell him, "I thought you said you had to go."

 

I would tell him I hanged out with some people and he mentioned he wish he was there so I started inviting him along. But since he always turned me down, I told him I was going to stop inviting him to places. A girl can only do so much and it gets a little pathetic asking people out when they just can't.

 

However, a friend of mine, who heard about him calling me two days in a row, gave me good tickets to a sports game making me ask him. I ask if he wants to come, under the guise I'm making an exception on asking him out and accepts. The day of the "date" comes and he comes to pick me up at work even though I had suggested we could meet somewhere else (DATE). While we're walking to the restaurant, he picks up a call from a friend (FRIENDS), but then continues our conversation when he's finished. He tells me what he has going on that week and says he is going out with a lady friend (just friends, just friends). Although I realize that I can be so awesome and raise the bar so high that girl on will have a lot of work to do to reach it. (Challenge)

 

We get to the restaurant and he pays (DATE) and even picks up our order and gets all the additional things. What's awesome, is that while we're eating, a good friend walks by and comes in and gives me a hug, introduces himself to my date and continues on his way. Awesome to show date that people do love me. We take our sweet ol' time at dinner that we are almost late for the game. (am I going to win the challenge?)

 

We get to the game and since he gave me a little too much of the beer from our shared picture, he directs us to our seats. A man taking charge, love it. During the half, he gets us more drinks and talks to me about the rules of the game "without being a jerk" (his words). He eventually tells me that he hooked up with one of the girls we know from our group project. This girl drove me crazy although everyone else found her entertaining. Boo! Can't believe it, but it seemed that it was a one time, nothing too it, hock up and just making out, no sex. But he goes on and talks about other girls even saying he was waiting for one of my best friends to be available cause she's hot. WHAT?!? Why would a guy do that? So obnoxious. After talking about him for a while he asks about me and I turn to watch the game and say, "Oh, no way we're talking about me." He was talking about his stuff so cheapily, that I didn't want to do the same. Plus, what was I to say, "Even though you want my best friend, and you made out with annoying girl I want you?" BLAH! But our shoulder are touching the entire time and I'm not sure if it's because of me or because of him. When I try to pull away, I notice our shoulders are touching later. (Date, but with all his stupid stuff he said, do I even want to continue the challenge?)

 

We leave the game and we walk to a convenient place for both us of. He obviously checks out a girl and has no problems letting me know a hot girl just walked by (no good guy friend would ever do that). He asks me what I want from life (date, but who cares now), but then a friend from work, who he doesn't know, runs into me and walks with us. Awesome cause she's a big fan of mine so shows him that someone else thinks I'm awesome (Seriously ,didn't plan this) but stinks since I was enjoying just talking to him (what's wrong with me). She departs and we walk a little. Notice that his walking with him took him out of his way rather than helping him out, but he seemed to want to just walk with me. No kiss, but I don't really give him an opportunity to do so.

 

The next day he thanks me for the night and I'm not able to respond since we have a big work event that he'll be attending. He comes and he seems happy to see me, but I'm working and keep it professional. I'm standing next to him at one point, but since my best friend is there and I told her about him wanting to be with her, I can feel her scolding me to not be with someone like that, and I walk away to someone else. See him on Friday night with a group of people where my best friend is and another girl who has the body shape that he's interested in (they are athletic, slim, no boobs and while I'm athletic - a few marathons, tris, centuries - I'm curvy and I have boobs). He's talking to her the entire time, barely says hi to me while he asks her as their introduction question, "So what did your boss say?" proving they have been communicating. They even leave together and when a bus goes by, he turns to his other friends, behind her back, and says "I planned it that way."

 

So annoying that I take him to the game and his shallowness has him talking to this other girl. See him the next day in another work event and I give him the cold shoulder as best as I can while still being professional. Just so over him! He can have his body type while I continue to find a guy who will love my curves and boobs. He probably wouldn't know what to do with them.

 

But at least by writing this, I really do see him for the pig that he is. Blah. Don't even know if I want to be friends with him. Was upset when he was talking to the other girl, but now I'm over it (or at least I hope so). He might be funny and entertaining and a little kind and generous, but he's not really good at the emotional kindness and that's what really matters at the end of the day. And even though I have enough love for all my friends, I would rather send that sort of love who will make me feel good about myself rather than showing me all the other girls who are hotter than me. Boo, what a jerk.

 

So thanks forum for this format!

[carhill]

I see future posts about this guy. He is annoying but he's also attractive. Attractive usually wins, short-term anyway. After a period of silence to balance the books, the cycle will start over again. The mind will say xxxx but the loins will say yyyy. Your last thread from February had you pursuing another man (I presume) so that is apparently your style. Nothing wrong with that. However, did you learn any tips from watching your best friend and him get together which could help you in the future?

 

Go quiet and watch to see if this current guy ramps up pursuit and flirtation, just as an experiment. The holidays are always a fun time to experiment

[KathyM]

It's possible he's just interested in being friends. I think he's made that clear to you by noticing, talking about, and flirting with other women in front of you. If he were romantically interested in you, I doubt he'd be doing that. Just write him off. You may have misinterpreted his friendliness as flirting, or he may just act that way with lots of women. When you invited him to a sporting event, it's pretty hard for a guy to turn that down, especially since you were paying for it. Or he may think that by befriending you, that's a way he can get in with the girl he really wants, which is your hot friend. In any case, you said he turned you down a few times prior to that when you invited him to hang out. And now he appeared totally not interested in you romantically when out on a date. I think it's safe to assume he's not interested, so don't bother with him.

[carhill]

In support of KathyM's analysis, that the man would pay for dinner and some drinks at the venue is supportive of the equal friendship thing, since you paid for the venue tickets. He was proactive about that so I rate that a plus for him as a man.

 

I'd call the experience a pleasant no-go and psychologically move on. What happens in the future is unknown. If he continues to interact with you at work, keep the conversations brief and work-focused. Set a firm boundary about that. If he wants to date you, he'll ask you on a date. It's entirely possible that such could happen, but it's unknown and unknowns aren't worth investing in. Does that make sense?

[PlumPrincess]

Reading the posts here confirms my new rule - never ask a guy out. If he doesn't ask you out, it means he's not interested or doesn't have enough guts.

[Feelin Frisky]

The dude is an immature social gadfly. The bottom line is there's nothing there for you even though it seems like he invested a lot of time in you. He doesn't seem to sense other's feelings and just entertains his own. My advice is to stay over him.

[GildedLily]

Not to nit pick but "a fan of yours?" seriously? Unless you are a public figure this statement is pretty narcissistic.

 

This guy sounds like he's doing The Game on you.