I think I made a BIGGGG mistake

[SkyEmtRN]

Ok, so its been day 2 with NC with my situation...and I am struggling through it.

 

Last night and today I made a huge mistake....

 

I created a fake facebook account and sent her a letter pretending to be one of my friends. I wrote the letter in the perspective of a girl and used a lot of He said this and He feels that etc.

 

I don't know what I was thinking...I paniced and acted without thinking it through. I'm just so scared that I'm losing her for good and its messing up my thoughts and focus.

 

I did have an escape route for the letter if she confronts me about it. My escape route is that I was taking a test (which she knew I had a test today) at the same time the letter was sent.

 

I regret doing it but I hope it does get her to think about us....but I don't know I really don't know. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together and not contact her.

 

I just really wish I knew what she was doing...

[SkyEmtRN]

You don’t know me but I am a very close friend of Danny. No, he did not tell me to talk to you or say anything to you. I chose to do this and I am going behind his back to talk to you. He’ll definitely be mad if he finds out who I am and what I said so if you can keep this message to yourself that will be great. I’m doing this because he’s a great friend and want to get you to see things from a different perspective. Please keep on reading.

 

I’ve known Danny for a long time. He’s always talking to me about you and I know everything that basically happened in the relationship. He told me about all his mistakes, what he did and what he said. And I understand why you feel the way you feel. I understand both sides but I must favor Danny’s side more.

 

Yes, his mistakes were stupid and he taking you for granted was his fault. But the truth is, there was never one day when he and I talked that he did not say “I love that girl”. He knows he was wrong to do the things he did but he always told me how he was trying to do things better. The last thing he kept telling me was how he was so excited to take you to go ice skating in the city. All he wanted to do was to be able to hold your hand and say “I love you”. He always wanted to make those three words special and not just a repetitive saying. He told me every day how he wanted to make things right and how he regrets his mistakes and that he will never do them again. I believe him because I know he never made the same mistake twice and he always learned from his mistakes. My eyes even tear up hearing how he wanted to take you out like that because I wish I had someone that would be willing to do such a thing for me and I wish I had someone that loved me the way he does to you.

 

His friends tell him to give up on you, to just forget about you and move on, to never talk to you again, to find some nursing student to be with. But he doesn’t listen, he’s just way to stubborn. In his eyes he knows you’re the right one for him. I see other girls try to talk to him but he’s always turning them down and tells me how he compares them to you. He’ll tell me how one girl that talked to him never blew her nose or how one girl wouldn’t put their pointer finger on their nose. I don’t know what he meant by that.

 

He told me that you ran out of patience and said that you lost the spark. He told me he felt the same thing at one point a while back. But I kept on telling him to wake up because that’s not how he really felt. And he did wake up and look how much he’s showing he loves you. Yet you want to give that up because you’re saying you lost the spark and because you’re angry for the way he treated you. Did he ever once treat you like dirt? Did he ever hit you? Degrade you as a person? Told you what you could or couldn’t do? Force you to do anything? Cheat on you? Or did he always support your every decision, was always there to talk to you and listen to you problems. Yes he did put school first but he told me it was to give you that great future and something about an orange bathroom. He’s a nursing student cut him some slack, why? In the end isn’t he the one that always messaged you first thing in the morning and at night. He told me about your good morning text and good night texts, I never had that with any other guy and I think that is very cute of you to.

 

Hate to sound mean but wake up. Danny is pouring his heart to you doing everything he can think of to show you how much he loves you and your just going to walk away. If you walk away, you’re going to lose a guy that really loves you. And when you see him with someone else, then you’ll realize how much you do care about him. How do I know? I been in the same situation where I gave up the guy I loved because it felt as if I didn’t have any feelings. But when I saw him with another girl, I cried and I cried and I even begged for him to come back but it was too late. Every day when we didn’t talk and when I was alone laying in bed, he was always on my mind and I always cried wishing he would come back. But he didn’t, he moved on and I’m still trying to get over it.

 

Danny loves you, and he doesn’t see himself with anybody else but you. He has this fantasy of you waiting at his car after work crying and saying that you do love him or you showing up at his doorstep on Christmas day crying. And for his sake, I hope his fantasy comes true.

 

He tells me every Friday he goes to the beach, spends an hour there and writes both of your names in the sand. He told me that he hopes that you will show up at the beach to say how much you do love him but he says he knows you won’t.

 

If you want to get rid of him because of your anger when you know he never once hurt you or treat you like garbage compared to other dirt bags out there then you’re going to make the biggest mistake. When you know you can’t stop thinking about him at night, or wish he would text you when you know he’s not going to. Deep down you still love him but you rather hold onto that anger and lose that guy that loves you to death. But if you want to give that up for some guy that looks at you for as a sex object, or that won’t show you he loves you the way Danny is doing now… then have fun getting hurt and enduring the regret I am dealing with. Danny truly respects and cares for you, if that isn’t love and if that isn’t what you want then you truly are confused. He told me that you said the overall relationship was great. Then why are you giving that up? Hanging onto anger and leaving the one guy that was always there for you…you’re going to regret it. Since the last fight or almost break up he told me about, did he ever treat you like he did before or was he doing things better?

 

I hope you do see how much Danny is changing for you and how much he loves you. You guys make a cute couple and you two do deserve each other even after all this. I would love to have someone like Danny but he’s too much of a great person to be ruined by a relationship…I’m sure you can understand what I mean by that.

 

As I said above, writing this to you was my own action. He didn’t tell me to do this and I don’t think he would have wanted me to do this but it felt as if I had to. I hope by writing this that it doesn’t mess anything up but to make you think of what you’re throwing away. Don’t do the same mistake I did….Please keep this message to yourself it will avoid further conflict. If you wake up and see that you love him, go get him before it’s too late, but only get him if you finally woke up and realized your feelings.

 

If you wish to talk to me to continuing hearing from one of his friends then you can reply. I will keep this between you and me until I feel the time is right to tell him. He told me that he’s not going to send you a message because he wants you to either call him or see him in person so I’m guessing he’s not going to respond to any of your messages. But if you want to know what he is up to or if you want me to tell him anything then I’m your only option.

[Cmac]

Yeah maybe not the wisest thing to do. But panic and emotional distress can make us do things we usually wouldn't. I'd stop the charade now though, do you really want to manipulate this girl back into a relationship with you like this?

[Cmac]

Plus after reading the letter I think it could definitely arouse some suspicions in her that it's not genuine. It seems too personal to me to have come from a friend.

[SkyEmtRN]

I know...i feel so out of it and its not like me....I can't believe I did that....

I really hope I didn't burn the bridge for her

[BoredAgain]

Yeaaaahhh...

 

Don't worry about her confronting you because you should avoid talking to her at all costs. Clearly it isn't doing you any good. Go NC completely, and maybe in a year or two you'll be laughing about this.

[chados]

do you know whats most stupid here, that you tell her "i agree more with danny". first you say, i understand both sides but i agree more with danny. of course i wouldnt suggest this letter from the beginning but here's the deal. if i would dump someone, its personally not going to be something im gonna enjoy doing at all. and if here friends would contact me, especially someone i dont know. i would sense that something was wrong, why would a person i've never heard of talk to me about my ex? i would think , why didnt my girlfriend tell me about her?

 

and this is not even the most disturbing part. lets say i believe she's real. i would understand that even if my ex did tell her to talk with me or not, i know she's talked to her friend, and the only reason her friend would contact me, well its because my ex feels miserable and hurt. not only would this in most cases push them further away. but this would personally make me feel like the worst person ever. of course i want to see a reaction that she cared about me if i break up with her, people are selfish after a breakup. but you dont want them to suffer.

 

you are now pushing her further away, because she knows your suffering, else why would her friend contact her if your standing strong?.

[SkyEmtRN]

Yeaaaahhh...

 

Don't worry about her confronting you because you should avoid talking to her at all costs. Clearly it isn't doing you any good. Go NC completely, and maybe in a year or two you'll be laughing about this.

 

 

I do have an escapre route so I think I am ok. I am kicking myself in the ass for doing that.

 

I know I should avoid her but I would just send her a quick message saying "I'm sorry for who ever sent you that letter. I'm trying to give you space here lol. I know you don't want to be with anyone atm and I don't want to do anything to pressure you anymore and sure as hell wouldn't manipulate you like that lol. Sorry once again hope you had a good day"

[SkyEmtRN]

do you know whats most stupid here, that you tell her "i agree more with danny". first you say, i understand both sides but i agree more with danny. of course i wouldnt suggest this letter from the beginning but here's the deal. if i would dump someone, its personally not going to be something im gonna enjoy doing at all. and if here friends would contact me, especially someone i dont know. i would sense that something was wrong, why would a person i've never heard of talk to me about my ex? i would think , why didnt my girlfriend tell me about her?

 

and this is not even the most disturbing part. lets say i believe she's real. i would understand that even if my ex did tell her to talk with me or not, i know she's talked to her friend, and the only reason her friend would contact me, well its because my ex feels miserable and hurt. not only would this in most cases push them further away. but this would personally make me feel like the worst person ever. of course i want to see a reaction that she cared about me if i break up with her, people are selfish after a breakup. but you dont want them to suffer.

 

you are now pushing her further away, because she knows your suffering, else why would her friend contact her if your standing strong?.

 

 

I know I know I realized that after I sent it....man i feel so stupid!!!!

[chados]

I know I know I realized that after I sent it....man i feel so stupid!!!!

 

let me ask you, why did you break up?

[SkyEmtRN]

let me ask you, why did you break up?

 

 

She broke up cuz she felt as if the spark wasnt there anymore...

[BoredAgain]

I do have an escapre route so I think I am ok. I am kicking myself in the ass for doing that.

 

I know I should avoid her but I would just send her a quick message saying "I'm sorry for who ever sent you that letter. I'm trying to give you space here lol. I know you don't want to be with anyone atm and I don't want to do anything to pressure you anymore and sure as hell wouldn't manipulate you like that lol. Sorry once again hope you had a good day"

 

No, no, no, no. Stop!!!!

 

You're going to dig yourself an even deeper hole. Forget about the "escape route." Forget about fixing this. You need to STOP making excuses to contact her.

[chados]

She broke up cuz she felt as if the spark wasnt there anymore...

 

 

 

this is me guessing, you started to become insecure, clingy/needy, and she started to control the relationship?, for example, she ask you what youre going to do, and you tell her that she can decide? im asking this, because even though i strongly believe to work on things rather then to throw it away, this is why most girls breaks up with their guy. there nothing wrong with being nice, but you have to show that your needs is just as important as her's.

[SkyEmtRN]

No, no, no, no. Stop!!!!

 

You're going to dig yourself an even deeper hole. Forget about the "escape route." Forget about fixing this. You need to STOP making excuses to contact her.

 

 

Damn...I just at the point where I really don't know what to do. I losing control over myself. But if I ignore her, then she'll deffinatley think I did it. I can't believe myself now...I really can't....I hope that I can get around this obstacle....

[SkyEmtRN]

this is me guessing, you started to become insecure, clingy/needy, and she started to control the relationship?, for example, she ask you what youre going to do, and you tell her that she can decide? im asking this, because even though i strongly believe to work on things rather then to throw it away, this is why most girls breaks up with their guy. there nothing wrong with being nice, but you have to show that your needs is just as important as her's.

 

 

No I wasn't needy or controlling not at all. I just wouldn't spend much time with her cuz I was buisy with school...It was hard for me to do so...

[CaliBabe]

I hate to say this, but it sounds pretty obvious its you... I think you really need to cut ties and put some distance between you two for this to blow over. I understand heartbreak can make us do some wacky things, but try your best to leave with your diginity in tact. It's all you have left.

[chados]

No I wasn't needy or controlling not at all. I just wouldn't spend much time with her cuz I was buisy with school...It was hard for me to do so...

 

i dont mean you was controlling, i mean that she was. she wants to spend time with you. and you should focus on school of course. but you need to show her that it makes you happy to see her when you do. its really hard to maintain a relationship. if you would skip school to be with her, she would probably dump you. if youre focusing to much on school its the same thing. everyone wants to feel loved. believe me your not the first one who's been doing something like this. just learn from your mistakes.

 

i both agree and disagree with the above posts. she knows your miserable right now, because your "friend" told her. i actually think the that the vice thing would be to show her in some way that youre not miserable. and that it wasnt a great idea that your friend contacted her. this means youre not okey with the breakup. dont ever say that you want to change. because thats just words. no one will ever buy that stuff. because it feels like youre going to change because your ex told you to.

[smokey bear]

No I wasn't needy or controlling not at all. I just wouldn't spend much time with her cuz I was buisy with school...It was hard for me to do so...

 

 

If i was her, id be pissed off at how much personal details you told this person.

 

Do not try to fix this, if she contacts you about it just politely say you dont have a clue about it. Just hope she doesnt contact you about it and go nc and she'll forget about it in a month or two

 

THE BEST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN DO

 

Is go nc and get control of yourself. nc is the only way you'll get control back.

 

Stop worrying that she'll move on, im at 5 months break up and still in contact with my ex, after a period of nc.

 

Feelings dont just vanish, they can disappear for a while.

 

The best possible way to get back with a ex is to let go of the old relationship, have time apart to heal like 3 months+ and then try again.

 

Stop panicing, its not the end of the world, its not like she'll fall of the world you will be able to talk to her and possibly have her in your life in the future, but only if you can get control of yourself.

 

Come on, im rooting for you, get yourself back

[SkyEmtRN]

If i was her, id be pissed off at how much personal details you told this person.

 

Do not try to fix this, if she contacts you about it just politely say you dont have a clue about it. Just hope she doesnt contact you about it and go nc and she'll forget about it in a month or two

 

THE BEST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN DO

 

Is go nc and get control of yourself. nc is the only way you'll get control back.

 

Stop worrying that she'll move on, im at 5 months break up and still in contact with my ex, after a period of nc.

 

Feelings dont just vanish, they can disappear for a while.

 

The best possible way to get back with a ex is to let go of the old relationship, have time apart to heal like 3 months+ and then try again.

 

Stop panicing, its not the end of the world, its not like she'll fall of the world you will be able to talk to her and possibly have her in your life in the future, but only if you can get control of yourself.

 

Come on, im rooting for you, get yourself back

 

Thank you, I'm sure it will blow over....itll fix...gotta think positive...

[SkyEmtRN]

i dont mean you was controlling, i mean that she was. she wants to spend time with you. and you should focus on school of course. but you need to show her that it makes you happy to see her when you do. its really hard to maintain a relationship. if you would skip school to be with her, she would probably dump you. if youre focusing to much on school its the same thing. everyone wants to feel loved. believe me your not the first one who's been doing something like this. just learn from your mistakes.

 

i both agree and disagree with the above posts. she knows your miserable right now, because your "friend" told her. i actually think the that the vice thing would be to show her in some way that youre not miserable. and that it wasnt a great idea that your friend contacted her. this means youre not okey with the breakup. dont ever say that you want to change. because thats just words. no one will ever buy that stuff. because it feels like youre going to change because your ex told you to.

 

Yea I get what your saying. I know I should do nc if she asks me about this. but if i go nc then she'll deffinately know its me. I have to play it off as if I'm calm and cool about the break if she asks me about this.

[chados]

If i was her, id be pissed off at how much personal details you told this person.

 

Do not try to fix this, if she contacts you about it just politely say you dont have a clue about it. Just hope she doesnt contact you about it and go nc and she'll forget about it in a month or two

 

THE BEST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN DO

 

Is go nc and get control of yourself. nc is the only way you'll get control back.

 

Stop worrying that she'll move on, im at 5 months break up and still in contact with my ex, after a period of nc.

 

Feelings dont just vanish, they can disappear for a while.

 

 

 

your absolutely right, forget about the old relationship and create a new. never act like you need someone, just show them that you want them. 5 months is a long time. i really hope youre managing to heal while in contact. and if possible get together again, because i believe thats what you want.

[SkyEmtRN]

If i was her, id be pissed off at how much personal details you told this person.

 

Do not try to fix this, if she contacts you about it just politely say you dont have a clue about it. Just hope she doesnt contact you about it and go nc and she'll forget about it in a month or two

 

THE BEST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN DO

 

Is go nc and get control of yourself. nc is the only way you'll get control back.

 

Stop worrying that she'll move on, im at 5 months break up and still in contact with my ex, after a period of nc.

 

Feelings dont just vanish, they can disappear for a while.

 

 

 

your absolutely right, forget about the old relationship and create a new. never act like you need someone, just show them that you want them. 5 months is a long time. i really hope youre managing to heal while in contact. and if possible get together again, because i believe thats what you want.

 

 

True, but damn I'm pissed at myself that I did such a thing. I lost sooo much control and I would never do that if I was my normal self.

[Standard-Fare]

The letter was definitely a big mistake and if she's a smart girl she'll see right through it. A "very close friend" of yours that she's never met appears out of nowhere and gives all sorts of personal insights about the relationship? It just doesn't make sense. Think about whether any of your friends would actually do something like that in real life -- the answer is no, right?

 

Like someone else said, you gotta let go of both the "escape route" idea and the additional message. You will only bury yourself deeper with more lies and make yourself seem more unhinged and untrustworthy.

 

If the letter does come up, you should admit to it and be like "I'm really ashamed. I've been completely out of my head. I guess that was my messed up way of trying to communicate my feelings to you."

[chados]

 

 

True, but damn I'm pissed at myself that I did such a thing. I lost sooo much control and I would never do that if I was my normal self.

 

 

 

hey, hopefully you did make the facebookprofile private, is it possible to see how many friends there is?. because if it says 1 friend. well you could figure out the rest yourself. on the other hand you could always tell her that some friend made a fake profile. and you didnt know about it. i dont think theres to much harm with that, but just make sure your honest, because everything will come back and bite you later.

[SkyEmtRN]

 

 

 

hey, hopefully you did make the facebookprofile private, is it possible to see how many friends there is?. because if it says 1 friend. well you could figure out the rest yourself. on the other hand you could always tell her that some friend made a fake profile. and you didnt know about it. i dont think theres to much harm with that, but just make sure your honest, because everything will come back and bite you later.

 

 

Well yea I made it so that it was completely fake as if someone just made it. So I'm forced to go with the "I'm sure they just made it" There's no friends on it at all. It's just a fresh page with no information to it as if it was made just to send the message