loveburden Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 i don't know if i posted this under the right forum but i really need some advice! okay so my boyfriend is really angry all the time, over little things. at first i didn't think much of it but now it has gotten to the point that i am depressed and i don't know what to do anymore. he gets angry if i text him, he gets angry if i put on makeup or look nice, he gets angry if i get upset over the way he is treating me. a few days ago i was in the bathroom putting on makeup and he came in and told me to not put it on because he said that i looked better without it. i said no, that i want to wear it. then he got upset and called me a bitch and said that i treat him badly and he does not deserve to be ignored. the other day i wanted to check out the beach, i asked if he wanted to come and he said no so i said i would go on my own, he got really angry and said that i was being a bitch because i was not listening to him. he told me not to go if i loved him so i didn't. this morning though is what really set him off though. i texted him asking him how he was and if i could see him this arvo. after an hour i tried calling him but he did not answer, he instead msged me and called me a moody bitch and that he was busy. i then replied that i had news to tell him and it would only take a few mins. he then yelled and told me not to contact him untill this arvo. i know he is working, but why yell at me like that? he said that he can't handle my mood swings and that he deserves better and that if i continue to act like this then he is going to break up with me. when we are in public he likes to touch me, its like he is claiming that i am his. when ever i tell him to not touch me like that, in my private area he gets really angry and says that i am being mean by not letting him touch me. when we are having sex once we start, im not allowed to stop. he gets really upset if i pull out before he is ready to finish. he guilts me alot to keep going. i am so confused, i just don't get it. he has no reason to get angry. i mean its a horrible feeling. i mean when i saw him on saturday he was sweet and kind and was all over me. i was not scared then about my period being late but now i am terrifired. so scared. i have no one to talk to, this is breaking me apart inside. sometimes i spend hours doing myself up for him and he can't even say i look nice. other guys tell me i am beautiful and don't no why i am with my boyfriend. but i truly do love him. when we are good we are great. its those moments of happiness and laughter that i am hanging onto. writing this really makes me angry and upset. how can the guy i love so much treat me like this? i have been crying all day. i love him so much. i just don't get why he treats me like this but then is all lovey dovey when he sees me? i am a bit worried, my period is two days, im scared. is it all in my head like he says?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveburden Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 i got my atar results today and i asked him to come to dinner with me to celebrate. he told me to **** off and that he will talk to me later. i said what gives you the right to talk to me like that and he said because i annoy the **** out of him and that i don't listen to him. i was going to stay here next year to be with him, but i think im going to move.. im scared to death about it but he is destroying who i am. the essence of who i was is gone. i am so alone. i feel even more alone when i am with him. i feel trapped and dependant on him. he has always had power over me. its now gotten to the point that i am scared to even contact him over fear that i will get yelled at. my period is two days late, i don't know what to do. i don't know if its because i took the morning after pill two weeks ago. i have no one to talk to. i can't have his baby, but it would be my baby aswell. mine.. i created it.. but i am young, too young.with university next year.. someone help me! please! Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Hey loveburden What you're experiencing is known as intermittent abuse-- periods of treating you poorly, or abusively, interspersed with periods of treating you well. The effect of that kind of push-pull treatment is to keep you knocked off center, walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around HIS moods. Please, please, take some time and read about the dynamics of abusive relationships--how to recognize it, and how to get out of an abusive situation. The longer you stay in a situation like that, the more it's going to damage your self-esteem.............. If you had a girlfriend, or a sister in a situation like you're in, what advice would you give her? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I'm sorry that I didn't see this sooner. And I'm very sorry for what you are going through. To put it simply you are being abused mentally and you need to get away from this toxic relationship. You are not an object to be used or controlled. No amount of good can make up for moments like this. I know it might hurt a lot but you need to get away from this. You will find better things in life and you will find true happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 What you feel for him sounds more like dependency than love. You have to learn to love yourself first and in order to do that you have to create boundaries. Boundaries tell people what is acceptable and unacceptable. It should be unacceptable for him to be mean to you, call you bitches, curse you , touch you inappropriately etc. I suggest you get away from this guy because all he does is devalue you and tear you down. Change your numbers and cut all contact with this abusive crazy, psychotic person. He is what's called a "crazy maker". Don't let him do anything else to hurt you. You have a responsibility to yourself first and foremost to keep people like him out of your life. You sound like a sweet young lady and you deserve someone that will adore and cherish you. Read up on abusive relationships as much as you can. It will really help you. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Update, please? Link to post Share on other sites
GaDGpet Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 In it something is. Clearly, thanks for an explanation. I apologize for flooding, just curious services Tap his Cell Undetected - Listen to all room conversations or any taking around the phone now! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Hi Loveburden, How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 You should read the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". (Can't remember the author offhand, but you should be able to find it based on the title alone). Those types of people, the abusers, feel very insure with themselves, so they have to keep you in a position of feeling "one down" from them in order for them to feel OK with themselves. That is why he is constantly berating you. The intimate touching in public is also a form of abuse, because it is not meant for sexual satisfaction, it is meant to embarrass and humiliate you in public. Let this guy go. He is not going to get over this type of behavior without extensive counseling, and you will be constantly walking on eggshells with him, never knowing what little thing will set him off. He has an emotional need to berate you in order to feel OK with himself. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. He's not going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 ^^^ The book Kathy M mentioned is written by Patricia Evans. I've not read it entirely, but I have read another book by her, "Controlling People". She's a very insightful author--there's a lot of good stuff on how to recognize that type of abuse, as well as how to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 ^^^ The book Kathy M mentioned is written by Patricia Evans. I've not read it entirely, but I have read another book by her, "Controlling People". She's a very insightful author--there's a lot of good stuff on how to recognize that type of abuse, as well as how to deal with it. Controlling People- that sounds like something I needed. Maybe I would have gotten out of my hurtful relationship sooner. Thanks for the info. Link to post Share on other sites
Marchio Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I read that book too, it's very informative - also recommended is "The Jealousy Game" which describes loads of signs to spot a controlling partner and also "Miss Sharpe Takes Control" which is a bio of someone who walked away from a bad relationship realising he was never going to change. http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Jealousy-Game-ebook/dp/B004RYVFS6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329210101&sr=8-1 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-Sharpe-Takes-Control-ebook/dp/B0072IBIAO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329210115&sr=8-1 The thing about jealous, angry partners is that it is inbuilt into their psyche, no matter how you behave and bend over backwards to appease them they will always find something to torment you for. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Yeah. The therapist told me not to take my ex's actions personally...it was ingrained in him before I even met him. Some people are just like that. If my ex thinks he can find someone to put up with all of his lies, all of his selfishness, and his controlling behavior...good for him. So far, he has not been able to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
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