Securing that first date after meeting someone online

[vanek26]

Without a doubt, you've all heard the endless complaints about online dating. Certainly, it has its ups and downs. I've been on Ok Cupid and Plenty of Fish for almost two years now, and my success has been very minimal. I've only had sex with 3 or 4 women from those sites, and never met someone who I actually formed a relationship with. Getting girls to respond is annoying, and keeping their attention is even more difficult.

 

I find lately that I'm wasting more and more time talking to girls who will never amount to anything. It's funny... many girls are more than willing to send me a naked picture of themselves, but for the life of them will not ever agree to meet me. And I think that this is the biggest problem. Simply meeting a girl doesn't guarantee anything, but it dramatically improves your chances to hook up with a girl for obvious reasons.

 

So that is what I want to focus on: how to meet a girl in person after you catch her interest online. I have well over 100 contacts in my phone who i've never actually met in person and likely never will. I know that for some girls, they're just messing around and they never plan on meeting anyone. But I still need to make sure I am maximizing my chances.

 

It breaks down to two things:

 

1. How long should I talk to a girl before asking her to meet up?

 

I have met girls on the same day I sent them the first message, but most are not open to that at all. On the other side, I've talked to some girls for over a month and they still refused to see me. The problem is, girls never seem to blow you off directly, but they instead make up excuses (homework, sick, busy, etc). When is the best time to ask a girl to meet? After a few days? A week? What are your experiences?

 

2. Where should we plan our first meeting?

 

I usually suggest going out for coffee, because it's brief and low-pressure. Other options include going out for drinks (which girls are sensitive to because they don't want you getting them drunk), going out for dinner (potential to be awkward, girls will work harder to avoid this), or meeting up at someone's house (yeah, right).

 

The coffee thing is super cliche, but I can't seem to think of a better idea. The goal is to find a location that maximizes the chance that the girl accepts your invitation and doesn't flake.

 

Another thought: do you plan the date a few days in advance or is it a 'what are you doing tonight' type of thing. Giving a girl a few days to think of an excuse is dangerous, but if you ask a girl to go out that day you may alienate her and scare her away.

 

Any feedback is appreciated!

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well judging from the impression you are giving off in this question and just projecting your overall demeanor, do you think it's possible you are giving off a desperate vibe?

 

If you can't keep a woman around, especially after sleeping with her then there's something you aren't doing right. Assuming they aren't just trying to sleep with you/have fun.

 

So even if you were to meet another girl, how are you planning on having her stick around? or are you just looking for that magic match?

 

Therefore I think your focus should be set on you, not other women.

 

How are you acting on these dates?

 

How do these women respond to you? are you paying attention to their demeanor and their needs?

 

How are you handling yourself and interacting with women? What kind of impression do you think you give off?

 

Otherwise I think asking a girl out depends on the connection/chemistry you might have together. I mean you should at least try building a rapport with a woman instead of just pressuring her into meeting you...all things should come naturally and it sounds like to me you're coming off as the typical guy who is expecting and wanting special attention.

 

Ease your way into things, don't rush it and don't come off too strong. See where the conversation leads and then at the right moment then make a move, ask her out. If she doesn't want to meet you then move on.

 

If you're in a hurry or have a reasonable deadline...let's say talk to a girl for a week or so and she still doesn't want to meet and she tells you because of an excuse, then I'd either drop her or back off. If she interested though likely she will want to meet you fairly quickly.

 

I'm not a serial dater, but it sounds like any place reasonable is fine...coffee, dinner, anywhere close to them or reasonable without being extravagant or too much for a first date/meeting.

[Pizzaman81]

In the past few years of on and off of OK Cupid... I have maybe met 15 - 20 women in person. Charming, nice. Obviously some of them were not compatible. But I have NEVER had any of them send me naked pictures or just to have sex.

 

You sir need to take out that filter in your search that reads "SLUT"

[ditzchic]

It's really all individual to the girl. That's why you have to build a rapport with them and try and guage what kind of girl they are. Personally, I'm a busy a lady. I need to plan. I have lots of friends that prefer being asked out on a whim.

 

I suggest you try and understand these girls on a more than naked picture level and the answers will reveal themselves.

[Eddie Edirol]

Vanek, theres no way to "trick" a woman into going out with you. You already know that women have hundreds of guys messaging them (the good looking ones do anyway) they mostly look at pictures. So if youre average, theres no way youre keeping their attention online. They always go for the next shiny new thing. And when they have some success, they dont lower their standards.

 

So if you ask one of them out, and they make the first excuse, theyre not interested. Anything that isnt a yes, is a no. They make excuses so that they dont have to get hate mail from frustrated guys online. You just have to keep trying, when they are interested in you, they will make it happen, dont wory about doing anything special, and dont take it personally.

[KathyM]

I would suggest sending an Email showing interest, and if the girl responds favorably to that, then suggest meeting the next day, possibly for a walk in the park, for lunch, or some place that you decifer she might like from her profile. For example, if she likes bike riding, suggest you go for a bike ride. If she likes to dance, suggest taking her dancing. Don't get into the habit of just Emailing for a long time before meeting up. Don't waste your time on girls who won't agree to meet in person after Emailing for a reasonable period of time. And how is it that you're getting naked pictures of women, but they're not interested in meeting you? Weird.

[Miss Clavel]

Perhaps the woman sending you the naked pictures is not really the woman in the pictures.

 

If you catch my drift.

 

Or.

 

They want to see the meat before the meet?

 

Plenty of Fish is a known troll site.

[DonJuanInc]

In my experience the best way is to get her number with your 3rd message.

 

#1: message expressing interest

 

her reply

 

#2: your reply

 

her reply

 

#3: "blah blah, i gotta run out and do a few things - but how about i give you a call in like... 5 min?"

 

her number

 

Get the same fun, flirty vibe going on the phone as you had in text so it reassures her that you're congruent. If you can recreate it on the phone quickly you'll likely not be awkward in real life, so use the opportunity to lock down a date sometime in the next few days (same day if she seems open to it).