narcissistic people can they change?

[NicoleM]

I have several narcissistic people in my life including an on/off again boyfriend who is very narcissistic and only thinks about himself and could give two hoots about me or my feelings. I also have a co-worker who is all me,me,me 24/7 and whines when things aren't going her way at work. Do narcissistic people ever change or do they always put their feelings before any others?

[Feelin Frisky]

"Narcissistic people" are not a demographic which all play from the same book. So it's impossible to say if "they" change. Can an individual change--point the finger at themselves, take responsibility for heart-ache they bring to other people and themselves? Yes. But more often than not they don't. There are a lot of flavors of psycho-social issues that people generalize as narcissism but often the one thing that is true of these problematic folks is that the last thing they want to do is accept that they cause misery. They want to blame anyone or any thing rather than say, "hey, maybe I'm not handling things very well and I could use some help and objective criticism". I recommend not worrying about the bulk of them and doing what you can to deal with the one or two that make your particular life more of a struggle than it need be.

[Tony T]

I have several narcissistic people in my life including an on/off again boyfriend who is very narcissistic and only thinks about himself and could give two hoots about me or my feelings. I also have a co-worker who is all me,me,me 24/7 and whines when things aren't going her way at work. Do narcissistic people ever change or do they always put their feelings before any others?

 

Narcissistic people seldom, if ever, change. I recommend two things: do some serious research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That will be to determine if he's a true narcissist or just a very self centered person. There is a difference. The second thing, if you find him to be a genuine narcissist GET AWAY FROM HIM AS FAST AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

[oldguy]

I have several narcissistic people in my life including an on/off again boyfriend who is very narcissistic and only thinks about himself and could give two hoots about me or my feelings. I also have a co-worker who is all me,me,me 24/7 and whines when things aren't going her way at work. Do narcissistic people ever change or do they always put their feelings before any others?

 

If a narcissist is going to change it will usually happen prior to 30... or over 80

 

I agree with Tony T in that; they are not worth the aggravation if it is true narcissism

Edited December 12, 2011 by oldguy

[Forever Learning]

I have several narcissistic people in my life including an on/off again boyfriend who is very narcissistic and only thinks about himself and could give two hoots about me or my feelings. I also have a co-worker who is all me,me,me 24/7 and whines when things aren't going her way at work. Do narcissistic people ever change or do they always put their feelings before any others?

 

I spent 16 years of my life trying to live with a Narcissist (age 26 - age 42). I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is misery.

 

Flee now while you are young.

 

They don't change, they can't. They are self-centered to the core of their being. They become who they are at a very young age, so it is permanent, and that is the opinion of those in the medical and psychology fields, not just my opinion. You can learn more here:

 

http://www.lisaescott.com/

 

They will misrepresent and distort the truth along with outright pathological lying to therapists, family members, neighbors, co-workers, and everyone else in their world as they see fit. Manipulation and deceit is the name of the game. It's a miserable existence living with them. You don't thrive, - you barely survive at best. Add alcoholism or drug addiction to the mix and you've got a real douche of a person in your world. It will take a toll on your physical and mental health. Don't do it. So much easier to find someone who is mentally healthy to be in a relationship with, than trying to change someone who isn't. Read up and learn. Good luck.

Edited December 12, 2011 by Forever Learning

[NicoleM]

My boyfriend wasn't like that in the beginning and slowly he became more and more me,me,me and never you,you,you. He picks fingers at me saying you aren't doing this correct what about me? He never asked how my day was it was always him,him,him. Like he would text me complaining about how terrible I didn't cook his food just right of all the months we dated and I could of at least tried. I am thinking to myself what?? I am working and suddenly he is bringing up old things like you never bothered cooking things just right for me and then I said I tried and tried and you always said it was good and now you are telling me right now it was never good? He said you know I like my food a certain why you know this but of course you never care. Always complaining and bringing up old stuff not just food but stuff like you never dressed pretty enough for me. I guess he will never change! I guess it is a good thing he is my off again boyfriend.

[Eve]

I am not used to hearing the term narcissist used in a non mental health or criminological setting. The points shared to me sound like that of people who are simply not very nice, not narcissistic. That is a really serious thing to say!

 

Take care,

Eve x

[NicoleM]

I admit my BF is a certified jerk but he is also self-centered. Very seldom in the months we have dated has he ever asked me how I am doing or how is work,etc. It is always spotlight on him:rolleyes: He has a stomache he will whine about it and let everyone know who miserable he is and whine and whine. Attention has to go from everyone else to him which to me is self-centered. It is always him,him and never gee maybe Nicole needs to be happy too it is just turned back to him.