Please HELP!my ex-husband is driving me crazy!

[debra]

Hi!

 

I am having problems dealing with my ex-husband..I met him at a party in 1981 when I was 22 and he was 34. I was on vacation in Ny from Ca. I know this was stupid, But within 20 minutes of meeting him, we left the party and within 3 days he was moving to Ca with me. What I didn't know at the time was that he was running from a wife of 11 years and a TEEN-AGE lover!We stayed together for 13 years and then I found him halfway across country in her bed.We divorced. He pressured her for marriage and she broke up with him. He married wife#3 in 1998 and within 16 months was back with the girl! Wife #3 is now sitting in jail for trying to shoot the girl and the girl thinks it's funny all the pain she has caused us. Big problem is that our 18yr old daughter thinks the girl is the greatest! They had a pagan marriage because he is getting divorced and this time SHE could'nt wait, and they included my kid in it!I am constantly hearing about how cool the girl is and how much the girl loves my ex, and how he has always loved her only, but society kept them apart. YUCK! Someone help! Wife #3 keeps calling me from jail to cry and I feel sorry for her but I don't know what to do. Wife #1 says stay out of it,he wants the girl, he alway has, and we can't do anything about it. But I know that this whole thing is wrong! He kisses her ass, gives her everything she want's and it's sickening to see a 53yr old man fall all over a girl like that. She is 34 now and has been married once, she say's now just to piss my ex off and hurt him for leaving with me. He accepts any kind of treatment she deals him, and I don't like my daughter to see that. What can I do? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Debra

[Tony T]

All calls from jail are collect and you don't need to accept them.

 

Your ex is your ex and you are no longer obligated to care about him, his life, or his antics. Your daughter is 18 and while it would be nice for her to behave as you would like, she is no longer in your control and is free to think and do what she wants. Give it up.

 

All of the people in your entire scenario are out of your life completely, except for your daughter. She will learn in due time on her own just how crazy all this is. In the meantime and at her age, the more you protest her behavior, the more she is going to do to piss you off.

 

Stop caring about these people, ignore your daughter's behavior and find new ways of relating her that are apart from her father or this lady in jail and move on with your life.

 

Unless you enjoy all this garbage, you have the choice of shutting it out of your life today. Move forward, press the delete button in your head, and empty your life of this burden which you have created for yourself. Yes, you have the choice of participating in this drama...and you can drop it here and now.

 

It's tragic that your daughter is getting into this so much but I'm sure you raised her properly and she's going through a growing phase that will eventually take her to a better place.

 

You have no excuse. You are a grown woman with a free will and all you have to do is will all this crap and all these people out of your life RIGHT NOW!!!

 

Your ex husband does not have the power to drive you crazy, only you have that power by allowing him to do so. Forget he exists and simplify your life.

[stephanie]

Debra do you not have anything better in you life to do than worry about your ex husband? So he used you, get over it. That was years ago... You stated that he moved to CA with you after only 3 days?!. That will tell anyone with half a mind that it was doomed. It was only a matter of time. As for these calls from jail from wife #3 it sounds like she is just plain loco. She is calling wife #2 and crying on your shoulder and you are stupid enough to accept the calls. If she was arrested for trying to kill the longtime girlfriend then she got what she deserves. You just need to get your head out of your ex husbands ass and let him live his life and you live yours. Learn to mind your own business.

All calls from jail are collect and you don't need to accept them. Your ex is your ex and you are no longer obligated to care about him, his life, or his antics. Your daughter is 18 and while it would be nice for her to behave as you would like, she is no longer in your control and is free to think and do what she wants. Give it up. All of the people in your entire scenario are out of your life completely, except for your daughter. She will learn in due time on her own just how crazy all this is. In the meantime and at her age, the more you protest her behavior, the more she is going to do to piss you off. Stop caring about these people, ignore your daughter's behavior and find new ways of relating her that are apart from her father or this lady in jail and move on with your life. Unless you enjoy all this garbage, you have the choice of shutting it out of your life today. Move forward, press the delete button in your head, and empty your life of this burden which you have created for yourself. Yes, you have the choice of participating in this drama...and you can drop it here and now. It's tragic that your daughter is getting into this so much but I'm sure you raised her properly and she's going through a growing phase that will eventually take her to a better place.

 

You have no excuse. You are a grown woman with a free will and all you have to do is will all this crap and all these people out of your life RIGHT NOW!!! Your ex husband does not have the power to drive you crazy, only you have that power by allowing him to do so. Forget he exists and simplify your life.