Is it ok to break NC if...

[RonChalant]

is it ok to break NC if you aren't trying to talk them into coming back but you just genuinely miss talking to them? For those who don't know my situation, my ex and I of 7 years broke up about a month ago, been NC for 2 weeks on Wednesday, which also happens to be my birthday. Anyway while I still and always will love the girl, I realize that we both need time apart to evaluate our lives as induvidules. We've been together since senior year in high school and we are both now 24(me, as of Wednesday) and 25; we are all each other knows really. She broke it off with me out of GIGS as well as like I said out of the fact that the 2 of us do need a bit of time apart. I have been pretty good about not contacting her, but today I really want to just call and talk to her. Not about getting back together, not about what's she's been doing, but just to talk to her an hear her voice for a few. While I still have feelings for her I have come to the conclusion that I need to let her have her space, but I just miss her so damn badly and want to hear from her. I have a feeling she will contact me on my bday even if it is just to say happy birthday...then again she may not...I don't know. So I'm thinking that at the very least I should at least wait to se if she contacts me on my bday in 2 days and then go from there, but at the same time I don't know. I've been telling myself that I need to give her 3 months minimum before I try to contact her but like I said, I just want to talkto her in general so that I can get this nagging feeling to call/text out of me...bu I feel that will set me on a backward path at the same time, even if it isn't me calling to try and convince her to come back. I know for a fact I will never love another person to the extint that I love this girl ever...

 

What should I do?

[davesterr]

if you feel like ur healed and can be friends again then sure why not talk to her?

but if ur still dealing with all the pain and trying to move then i don't think it would be a smart decission.

then again it's up to you tho.

u decide whether you want to sacrifice healing over talking to her.

and if you choose to pretend you're ok with just being friends then u can do that.

i did it for 7 months and even though it was comforting talking to my ex , every end of the convo left me missing her more.

i couldn't heal.

im just glad she didn't tell me bout all the stuff she did with her boyfriend or who knows how badly i would've ended up.

in the end it's your decission though.

sounds like your kidding yourself when you act like you just wanna hear her voice.

sure you won't try to get her back , but you sure want her to.

i think you are scared she's moving on and that she will not care about you as much strongly anymore and won't even call you on your birthday.

though that's just what i get from reading it , only you know what u want most.

[Philosoraptor]

No it is not ok. Let me be your guide. You can not heal if you contact her. You can not rely on her as any reliance on her will just bring you false hope. You will read deeply into everything you talk about with her and end up hurt worse in the end. You will find someone you will love more, it doesn't feel that way now, but you will. As I've told you before. I was with my ex for 5 years, we lived together for 3+, and owned a house together. I felt that way too.

 

I realized that was just cowards talk and I am not a coward. You will love the person you end up marrying or spending your many years with much more than you loved this girl. I don't care how high on the pedestal you have her on right now... she's not perfect, nor is she perfect for you. Just like my ex, if she truly loved you for everything about you (like your forever partner will) she would still be there and you would be happy.

 

You are much like myself. You were young when you met her and this is probably your only real relationship. I was the same way. You know nothing else of the world so you cling to what you know as it is always easier to face a known and familiar pain then to start stepping forward into the unknown. I was 19 when I met her, turned 25 Tuesday (a happy birthday to you by the way). I was scared to move on and clung deeply. I then reliazed that I am young and the world is out there. Instead of moping anymore I made a bucket list and started living my dreams. Life isn't miserable anymore, it's quite exciting. Sure she was my first love and will always have a little spot in my heart, but someone is going to come along and take my heart again and I will life happily ever after. This isn't just a hope, I know that I am a wonderful person and things will work out for me in the end. Just like yourself I was scared, but I took that first step and haven't looked back since.

 

The unknown is scary but the known was miserable. Could it really get worse than pining and crying all the time? Not really, so go for it. Make life about you now, she is irrelevant. Easier said than done, I know. But I am living proof it can be done. I had a ring on her finger, wedding plans in the works, and we had outlined when we would start a family and everything related to that forever life. I can have that happy ever after with someone else that I will love more and will love me more. You can do it too.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Philosoraptor