My update after my Biggg mistake

[chados]

That was a contact to get her to stop contacting me lol

 

the worst thing is that she said, why arent you answering?. i mean to me that sounds desperate in some way. it wasnt the worst message you could give her. but still tell her that this is for the best and you dont feel its a good idea talking right now. and whatever she says after that. dont answer

[chados]

I thought that was a way of starting NC....I wasn't going to message her when she sent her most recent text and was gonna continue there.

 

I'm affraid to give her a last text b/c I still want her in my life or atleast for her to come back in the future....if situations allow it to work agian.

 

 

 

you dont understand this. you havent finished it. she has.. you want to show that youre not going to wait for her. reversed psychology.. begging never works. and after you blocking her just looks desperate. because you gave her a message just before you did.

Edited December 13, 2011 by chados

[SkyEmtRN]

you dont understand this. you havent finished it. she has.. you want to show that youre not going to wait for her. reversed psychology.. begging never works. and after you blocking her just looks desperate. because you gave her a message just before you did.

 

 

Ok your right, I get what you mean now. Exactly how should I say it b/c knowing me I'll end up adding like when u get ur feelings back you can come back and we can talk. But I know I shouldnt say that!

[chados]

Ok your right, I get what you mean now. Exactly how should I say it b/c knowing me I'll end up adding like when u get ur feelings back you can come back and we can talk. But I know I shouldnt say that!

 

no you should not say that. something like this. hi ive got some thinking, and i understand why we broke up. i realize this was actually the best for us both. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day.

 

this is you making distance. and youre not lying. because this is the best for the two of you. when she broke up with you. she said i dont want you anymore, and i dont need you, because thats what a breakup means. she's dating another guy, shes mushing it into your face.

 

shes telling you everything about him, and how great he is. she's simply telling you that he's better then you. even though im not sure she's actually dating, it could be a test from her side. but this is how you should do. and if she beg you to talk to her, dont do it. if she says she wants you back. then login to loveshack and ask for some advice

[SkyEmtRN]

no you should not say that. something like this. hi ive got some thinking, and i understand why we broke up. i realize this was actually the best for us both. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day.

 

this is you making distance. and youre not lying. because this is the best for the two of you. when she broke up with you. she said i dont want you anymore, and i dont need you, because thats what a breakup means. she's dating another guy, shes mushing it into your face.

 

shes telling you everything about him, and how great he is. she's simply telling you that he's better then you. even though im not sure she's actually dating, it could be a test from her side. but this is how you should do. and if she beg you to talk to her, dont do it. if she says she wants you back. then login to loveshack and ask for some advice

 

 

True, but I would be lying if I said to be friends some day. I don't want to be friends and I want to avoid saying that becuase I want her as my girlfriend...not friend. Is there a way we can work around that F word? And I don't think it was the best for the both of us.....

Edited December 13, 2011 by SkyEmtRN

[chados]

True, but I would be lying if I said to be friends some day. I don't want to be friends and I want to avoid saying that becuase I want her as my girlfriend...not friend. Is there a way we can work around that F word? And I don't think it was the best for the both of us.....

 

 

 

thats not a lie. youre saying maybe. and even you dont know that right now, it could be 10 years from now, who knows?.

 

it was the best for the both of you!. youre saying i belive it was the best for us both. that doesnt tell anything. it just shows youre accepting that its over and that youre mature about her wishes. and if she doesnt love you, it really is the best for the both of you. this is not a bad thing.

 

theres always other ways, but this is the best way. i rest my case

[SkyEmtRN]

thats not a lie. youre saying maybe. and even you dont know that right now, it could be 10 years from now, who knows?.

 

it was the best for the both of you!. youre saying i belive it was the best for us both. that doesnt tell anything. it just shows youre accepting that its over and that youre mature about her wishes. and if she doesnt love you, it really is the best for the both of you. this is not a bad thing.

 

theres always other ways, but this is the best way. i rest my case

 

Understood just wanted to clear that up. Trying to think and get advice before speaking this time lol.

 

So message will read:

Hey, I've been thinking...I told you I understand why we broke up but I think its the best thing for the both of us right now. I don't think its a good idea contacting eachother for now, and maybe one day we can be friends.

 

Hows that? Its a slight variation of what you said

 

Will it be possible that this will send her into panic mode when she's trying to keep me in her life?

[chados]

Understood just wanted to clear that up. Trying to think and get advice before speaking this time lol.

 

So message will read:

Hey, I've been thinking...I told you I understand why we broke up but I think its the best thing for the both of us right now. I don't think its a good idea contacting eachother for now, and maybe one day we can be friends.

 

Hows that? Its a slight variation of what you said

 

Will it be possible that this will send her into panic mode when she's trying to keep me in her life?

 

 

 

 

 

no, that sounds like youre miserable. im not saying you cant do what you want, but me personally really do think you should write just like i did. if you believe youre doing the right thing, go for it. or ask someone else for their opinion of which message to choose.

 

you asked. Will it be possible that this will send her into panic mode when she's trying to keep me in her life? theres no guarantee. but it will increase your chances a lot. you dont even know if shes testing you. well now youre testing her.

[SkyEmtRN]

[quote=chados;3770740

no, that sounds like youre miserable. im not saying you cant do what you want, but me personally really do think you should write just like i did. if you believe youre doing the right thing, go for it. or ask someone else for their opinion of which message to choose.

 

you asked. Will it be possible that this will send her into panic mode when she's trying to keep me in her life? theres no guarantee. but it will increase your chances a lot. you dont even know if shes testing you. well now youre testing her.

 

Good point which is why I asked for. So I'll just say

"hi ive got some thinking, and i understand why we broke up. i realize this was actually the best for us both. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day"

 

Now, I'm 80% possitive she is with her friends. I think it's a good idea to hold off on saying it and wait until I know she's home to herself so she can think of it all night rather than having her friends say "oh you don't need him" etc.

 

And knowing her I feel like there will be a 78% chance she will go into panic mode since she the one thats mostly trying to reach out to me despite the fact there's another guy around.

[chados]

Good point which is why I asked for. So I'll just say

"hi ive got some thinking, and i understand why we broke up. i realize this was actually the best for us both. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day"

 

Now, I'm 80% possitive she is with her friends. I think it's a good idea to hold off on saying it and wait until I know she's home to herself so she can think of it all night rather than having her friends say "oh you don't need him" etc.

 

And knowing her I feel like there will be a 78% chance she will go into panic mode since she the one thats mostly trying to reach out to me despite the fact there's another guy around.

 

 

 

yes you should wait until she gets home. but on the other hand, she will talk to her friends. trust me, if she loves you her friends will have a hard time holding her back. its not unusual the dumper will contact you, especially when youre not the one initiate contact. never believe that just because they contact you, theres a reason for them wanting you back

 

this would actually be even better.

 

 

hi ive been giving a lot of thought into this, and i understand why we broke up. i realize this was actually the best for us both. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day"

Edited December 14, 2011 by chados

[SkyEmtRN]

yes you should wait until she gets home. but on the other hand, she will talk to her friends. trust me, if she loves you her friends will have a hard time holding her back. its not unusual the dumper will contact you, especially when youre not the one initiate contact. never believe that just because they contact you, theres a reason for them wanting you back

 

this would actually be even better.

 

 

hi ive been giving a lot of thought into this, and i understand why we broke up. i realize this was actually the best for us both. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day"

 

Yea, but the friend she with is the driving instructor that has a gf. That's who she's usually with on tuesdays. I know when she's home becuase she usually signs on AIM just to talk to me or see my presence.

 

And I'll say just that. I'm not expecting her to come crawling back any time soon but maybe one day she will and that's when I'll be back on here. I'm sure she will texts me throughout the days to feed me breadcrumbs. And I'm sure she will text me on the holidays.

 

I do plan on sending her family a christmas card becuase they are nice people. But it will be adressed as "to the xxx family" nothing more nothing less.

[chados]

Yea, but the friend she with is the driving instructor that has a gf. That's who she's usually with on tuesdays. I know when she's home becuase she usually signs on AIM just to talk to me or see my presence.

 

And I'll say just that. I'm not expecting her to come crawling back any time soon but maybe one day she will and that's when I'll be back on here. I'm sure she will texts me throughout the days to feed me breadcrumbs. And I'm sure she will text me on the holidays.

 

I do plan on sending her family a christmas card becuase they are nice people. But it will be adressed as "to the xxx family" nothing more nothing less.

 

you should move one, move away from the past and start from scratch. if she comes back you'll take it from there. but i think you should keep the door open for other girls. dating is innocent as long as you keep it that way. and neither would this make her run away, as long as your not in a relationship, and to be honest, even that might not scare all people if they love you. but if you fall inlove with another girl its great.

 

 

this is just a way to remove the past, and the pressure between the two of you. it will increase your chance of getting back together, and at the same time give you the opportunity to move on.

[SkyEmtRN]

you should move one, move away from the past and start from scratch. if she comes back you'll take it from there. but i think you should keep the door open for other girls. dating is innocent as long as you keep it that way. and neither would this make her run away, as long as your not in a relationship, and to be honest, even that might not scare all people if they love you. but if you fall inlove with another girl its great.

 

 

this is just a way to remove the past, and the pressure between the two of you. it will increase your chance of getting back together, and at the same time give you the opportunity to move on.

 

 

I understand what your saying. And I appreciate your help. I know I'm a little stubborn...ok maybe a lot stubborn. But to be honost. With the nursing program, I don't have time to start up a whole new relationship. Its too much trouble and extra stress.

 

I'll spend time with other girls but to start a new relationship its not a great idea. I would rather work on what I had or just let time slip by for now. But thanks again for your help.

 

I'll be posting up a response from her shortly. She is home now so I'll let it marrinate before I message her.

[chados]

I understand what your saying. And I appreciate your help. I know I'm a little stubborn...ok maybe a lot stubborn. But to be honost. With the nursing program, I don't have time to start up a whole new relationship. Its too much trouble and extra stress.

 

I'll spend time with other girls but to start a new relationship its not a great idea. I would rather work on what I had or just let time slip by for now. But thanks again for your help.

 

I'll be posting up a response from her shortly. She is home now so I'll let it marrinate before I message her.

 

dont get me wrong, jumping into a new relationship is never a good idea. because you will get feelings easily when youre feeling like this, and it will be hard to know if youre inlove or not. and you dont wanna hurt the new girl. meeting other girls is just a great way to get over the past. dating is one thing, starting a new relationship is another.

[SkyEmtRN]

So here's how it went down Chados

 

She messaged me on aim first saying

"Lol r u gonna have an aim stand off?"

No response from me

Her: "or ull just not talk. ok. Idk what u want me to do so can u just say? not yelling"

Me: hang on

Her: pssh, bet u just saying that to rub it in my face that ur not my bf nemore. i understand

 

Few messages later talking about my dog

 

Her: did you get my text

Me: yupp

Her: ok

Me: yea it got me thinking

Her: yea about?

Me:i been giving a lot of thought to this and i understand why we broke up. i realize it was actually the best for the both of us. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day

Her: do u understsand?

Her: um ok. ttyl

Her: wait, i awnt to know what ur undtanding is so ur not thinking nething bad

Her: really

Her: Fine

Then she signed off...I have a feeling she'll be back on sooner or later

 

I have not said anything since. What ya think? her starting her panic mode??!!??

Edited December 14, 2011 by SkyEmtRN

[chados]

So here's how it went down Chados

 

She messaged me on aim first saying

"Lol r u gonna have an aim stand off?"

No response from me

Her: "or ull just not talk. ok. Idk what u want me to do so can u just say? not yelling"

Me: hang on

Her: pssh, bet u just saying that to rub it in my face that ur not my bf nemore. i understand

 

Few messages later talking about my dog

 

Her: did you get my text

Me: yupp

Her: ok

Me: yea it got me thinking

Her: yea about?

Me:i been giving a lot of thought to this and i understand why we broke up. i realize it was actually the best for the both of us. i dont think its a good idea having contact right now. but maybe we could be friends some day

Her: do u understsand?

Her: um ok. ttyl

Her: wait, i awnt to know what ur undtanding is so ur not thinking nething bad

Her: really

 

 

I have not said anything since. What ya think? her starting her panic mode??!!??

 

 

 

 

maybe, but it got her to think believe that. know what my ex did after i emailed her? a few minutes later i got a text. how are you?. i said that im good:) how are you?, she said, yes im good. she wasnt.. she was just totally confused that i first where miserable and then 2-3 days after looked happy that. then she texted me about once a week, asking about everything new in my life.

 

do you see what she's doing? i mean you know her? whats your own reaction. my personal view on this is that she's getting mixed signals, and thats she worried. just do what youre doing. let me ask you, how old is this girl?

[SkyEmtRN]

maybe, but it got her to think believe that. know what my ex did after i emailed her? a few minutes later i got a text. how are you?. i said that im good:) how are you?, she said, yes im good. she wasnt.. she was just totally confused that i first where miserable and then 2-3 days after looked happy that. then she texted me about once a week, asking about everything new in my life.

 

do you see what she's doing? i mean you know her? whats your own reaction. my personal view on this is that she's getting mixed signals, and thats she worried. just do what youre doing. let me ask you, how old is this girl?

 

 

Yea I see exactly what's going on. She's 24 and I'm really the closest guy she has. She's proabaly pissed off lol but I'm laughing becuase this got to her and I feel better that I did this. It feels as if I really turned the table around on her.

I bet she was expecting me to pour my heart out after she wanted me to explain my understanding. Don't get me wrong, I was really close to doing it...but I controlled myself.

 

It was a good thing I worked out before I said all this to relieve my stress of the day lol.

 

And as I said...she signed back onto Aim. saying

I would like to knwo what your understanding is. Please

 

Not gonna respond

[chados]

Yea I see exactly what's going on. She's 24 and I'm really the closest guy she has. She's proabaly pissed off lol but I'm laughing becuase this got to her and I feel better that I did this. It feels as if I really turned the table around on her.

I bet she was expecting me to pour my heart out after she wanted me to explain my understanding. Don't get me wrong, I was really close to doing it...but I controlled myself.

 

It was a good thing I worked out before I said all this to relieve my stress of the day lol.

 

And as I said...she signed back onto Aim. saying

I would like to knwo what your understanding is. Please

 

Not gonna respond

 

 

it does feel good, it makes you remove the pressure. and it makes you finish it of in a good way. you havent been a jerk, youve just said you asked for this, and now youre getting it. she cant both have the cake and eat it to.

[SkyEmtRN]

it does feel good, it makes you remove the pressure. and it makes you finish it of in a good way. you havent been a jerk, youve just said you asked for this, and now youre getting it. she cant both have the cake and eat it to.

 

Damn right!

 

She continues to send me more messages:

Her: r u just being stubborn

Her: were u even going to tell me what you told me unless i asked?

 

Sounds like Panic mode to me. And I guess this is the point where reality kicks her in the face and snaps her out of the "oh he'll have no problem being my friend" phase.

[chados]

Damn right!

 

She continues to send me more messages:

Her: r u just being stubborn

Her: were u even going to tell me what you told me unless i asked?

 

Sounds like Panic mode to me. And I guess this is the point where reality kicks her in the face and snaps her out of the "oh he'll have no problem being my friend" phase.

 

yes for whatever reason that is, she's in panic. the best thing she could do is to not type back. but she doesnt understand that. most people dont.

[SkyEmtRN]

yes for whatever reason that is, she's in panic. the best thing she could do is to not type back. but she doesnt understand that. most people dont.

 

So after she wrote the sad face....she then said

 

"So have a good life" and signed off 2 minutes later

 

Yeap she panicking alright, no doubt about that. It'll be funny to see if she signs on Aim again.

[chados]

So after she wrote the sad face....she then said

 

"So have a good life" and signed off 2 minutes later

 

Yeap she panicking alright, no doubt about that. It'll be funny to see if she signs on Aim again.

 

 

 

it will be interesting yes. one thing i feel i have to tell you. if you see eachother . do not ignore her, with that said. just treat her like a friend. if she asks about what you meant by saying all this, tell her that you just had some time to think and you understand why it didnt work out. and you shouldnt lie about this, and dont blame her or yourself. just act confident and happy.

[SkyEmtRN]

it will be interesting yes. one thing i feel i have to tell you. if you see eachother . do not ignore her, with that said. just treat her like a friend. if she asks about what you meant by saying all this, tell her that you just had some time to think and you understand why it didnt work out. and you shouldnt lie about this, and dont blame her or yourself. just act confident and happy.

 

Yea, that I understand. Right now I'm fighting the urge to text her back because I feel her pain but I'm not gonna text back. Idk if I'll see her again but who knows and I sure will act normal and she'll be shocked about my new image lol.

[chados]

Yea, that I understand. Right now I'm fighting the urge to text her back because I feel her pain but I'm not gonna text back. Idk if I'll see her again but who knows and I sure will act normal and she'll be shocked about my new image lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

its hard i know, but its easier to not text her now then it was before right?. youre going forward already. when youre started this tread you almost had a heartattack just get this one into your head. she asked for this, breakups are selfish. youre not doing anything wrong, and youre feeling worse then her. you didnt say , im never gonna talk to you again. you said that, right now this is the best way to heal. and healing is something a dumper never gonna take away from you.

[SkyEmtRN]

its hard i know, but its easier to not text her now then it was before right?. youre going forward already. when youre started this tread you almost had a heartattack just get this one into your head. she asked for this, breakups are selfish. youre not doing anything wrong, and youre feeling worse then her. you didnt say , im never gonna talk to you again. you said that, right now this is the best way to heal. and healing is something a dumper never gonna take away from you.

 

 

Yea your right about that lol. She never signed on again and part of me is hoping that she will but as of now I dont think she is and thats going to nag me a little. She's making it sound like I'm never going to talk to her again lol. But I guess thats good for me to make her go into panic mode. I just hoping she doesn't rush over to the other guy ya know. I know she has a long busy day with school and work tomorrow so I should be fine with her not spending time with another person the entire day. It is easier for me not to text her now compared to when I first started this thread. I guess I am healing and looks like she got a taste of reality that she cuased.