Outrageous-X Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color] Hi. This is my first most on this site, since I just started membership. I have this one problem that I can't get over and it's ruining my relationship. You see, I have this obsession with my boyfriend's ex. The broke up in Sept. of last year and he and I started dating in January. They were before we even met and they were only together for a month. She moved out of state last summer and was supposed to come back after summer was over so they could be together. She ended up having family problems and wasn't able to move back, so they broke up in Sept. which is the same month that he and I met. didn't begin dating until January, and I had always known that they still kept in touch over the phone and by e-mail. I told my boyfriend that it made me uncomfortable for him to talk to her, so he told her that they couldn't speak anymore and cut off all contact. I still didn't believe that he had stopped talking to her, so I got her AOL screen name and started sending her messages as a different person. We began talking about the relationship she used to have with my boyfriend. She told me most of what I already knew and then she said that they stopped talking months ago when he told her that his new girlfriend didn't want him talking to her. I was pretty satisfied with what she told me since it proved that my boyfriend had been telling me the truth. But I could stop myself. Last night, I messaged her again. She told me that she my boyfriend called her and told her that he had broken up with me because he was tired of not being trusted. Then she said that he had hinted about wanting to get back together. I called my boyfriend and confessed that I had been talking to her and asked if what she had told me was true. He said no and that what had really happened was she sent him a text message about a girl stalking her and that she suspected it was me. He said he didn't respond and never spoke to her. I really don't know what to believe. Everyone I talk to says that she's crazy and obsessed with him and is only lying to cause trouble. But she lives 1000 miles away, so what reason would she have to lie? My boyfriend and I always fight because I bring her up constantly and am so insecure about it. He says that she had strong feeling for him and even though he had feelings for her too, they weren't as strong as hers. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for not trusting him. He really is the sweetest guy in the world and i know he loves me so much. I am the girl he lost his virginity to and he says that he wants to marry me. We live together and he's never lied to me about anything before. I know I have no reason not to trust him, but I can't help feeling like this girl is telling me the truth and they have plans of getting back together. I' m so confused. I just don't see why she would lie to me about it. Should I believe her? Or him? I always think about her and they're relationship. I can't help but feel like he' s going to leave me for her. He's done everything to assure me that he doesn't speak to her. He blocked her e-mail address and eventually got a new e-mail account altogether, he deleted her number from his phone a long time ago. He never talks about her. So why am I so insecure? I really wish I could get over this. Please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 I really wish I could get over this. Please give me some advice. Get over it. Seriously though, what can he do to convince you that there is nothing going on? Because by the way you've described things here it sounds to me like there isn't very much that he can do. She told me that she my boyfriend called her and told her that he had broken up with me because he was tired of not being trusted. Then she said that he had hinted about wanting to get back together. But he didn't break up with you did he? So she is lying to you isn't she? Why are you selectively choosing to believe one thing she says & then discounting her lies? Why is she more trustworthy that the man whom you say you so dearly love? And if she is 1,000 miles away what exactly is it that you are so afraid of? You need to step back for a moment, forget about her & your boyfriend & concentrate on why you are so insecure & jealous. If you really do love him so much then maybe you should try trusting him. If you can't trust him then let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 She told me that she my boyfriend called her and told her that he had broken up with me because he was tired of not being trusted. Then she said that he had hinted about wanting to get back together. If this can help, I'd have done the same thing in her place. She probably guessed it was you messaging her and she got pissed off. It is just the reaction of an annoyed person. She probably guessed/thought it possible it was you the first time you messaged her (and she was nice). You should have avoided messaging her the second time or at least you should have told her it was you. If I were her, I'd be fuming. Don't worry about your boyfriend, from your posts he sounds like a nice, okay guy. Believe him. Link to post Share on other sites
cherished Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 He said no and that what had really happened was she sent him a text message about a girl stalking her and that she suspected it was me. Sounds 2 me like u are stalking her. You need to leave the poor girl alone, she probably got tired of you IMing her and annoying her about a relationship she was in for ONE month so she probably told you that to make you mad! I say back off, chill and try and have a positive relationship with your BF you are the one insecure you are trying to make everyone miserable around you when you should be happy because he is with you and quit talking to her for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Outrageous-X Posted May 30, 2004 Author Share Posted May 30, 2004 I really appreciate your honesty. i know i'm being extremely stupid and insecure. i don't know what makes me this way sometimes. i'm ridiculous. but thank you so much for your advice. if you have anything else to say, feel free! it really helps when i hear real responses from people outside my social circle. i don't know why but a stranger's opinion always seems to help me more than the opinion of some of my closest friends. Link to post Share on other sites
cherished Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Sometimes when our closet friends give us their opinion we don't take it as seriously because a part of us know deep down that they may be saying what we want to hear more than what we need to hear. I didn't mean to come across sounding mean when I said to leave her alone but you will be much happier if you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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