One year of NC and I sent this message:

[69ways]

closing up to the year also but as holidays are coming i am feeling really down.

 

We have contact every now and then but I try to avoid it.....

[fucpcg]

Dave - after reading your last post you are the kind of guy that I get and relate to. I'll do anything for someone I love. But after that I do agree with people in here, if that didn't work, stop it and move on. If a total apology, for example, didn't work the first time it prolly won't work the second time.

 

Jon I didn't know your story, but keeping up with this thread I do now, and it is close to mine and the other posters sharing. We went from one of our most amazing weekends together, to her refusal to speak with me and me being the absolute worst man on the planet. It left my head toally spinning. After reading her last nasty email to me where she declared never to speak to me again, I did some soul searching and do see that I got a lot wrong with her in out last two months. I also know I got a lot right as well. She never spoke about the bad with me, till breaking up. Then she blasted me with everything I got wrong from day 1 thru our entire year together. My jaw hit the floor as I never heard her discuss any of these issues with me, ever.

 

I'm in a small town where practically everywhere I go and anything I do, it was something I shared with her. Constant reminders everyday, all day. I always want to reach out to my ex, but I don't. I made two full apologies, totally bled my heart, with no response. I slip up every here and there and shoot her a text, and no response ever. Like you its after a couple beers and in an environment that reminds me... and I screw up. The next day I don't punish myself, its just another reminder that this is not the girl I want to be with. When she was awful with me our first two months, I broke up with her. When I did, I was never nasty, I didn't deny her a chance to talk about things, I never spoke bad about her to other people, and we did talk our way thru all the terrible things she did to me in the start. When I f'd up, look what I got in return.

 

Your text didn't go thru, no foul. If you slip up again, remember, you can use as a reminder why this girl is not for you, instead of punishing yourself.

[Sugarkane]

Jon you deserve so much better than this fickle ex. I always wanted to send: I had to dump someone, but I wasn't a complete Ahole about it. I wonder if we will hear from these people, if someone ever screws them over.

[0hpenelope]

It's probably that time of year too, J0N. The Holiday season does that. Stinks that it's almost like clockwork, too. I felt the same way and while I'm not angry at him, I'm remembering that he's said and has shown exactly how I "mean" to him now (re: nothing). So I remind myself by coming back here and reading my past journal logs: "I will not force myself on someone who doesn't want me." That's the most insulting, disrespectful thing I can do to myself, first of all. Secondary to that is, doing so is disrespectful to his wants and since I did love him, if he doesn't want to be with me, I can't do much about it.

 

For the ones who were broken up with, fought tooth and nail to establish contact again for a reconciliation and actually got it, that's great that it's worked for them. But not for me. There are several of them and one was a recent LS poster here who got his ex-gf back, didn't he? Was it LostAndFound? All the best to him. Gotta go with what we think is right for our situation but for the most part, contact is a bad idea.

 

Good thing she didn't get your text. And I'm seeing through your posts that you're kind to yourself in spite of acting on your urge. Just a few months ago, you were so angry and sad and upset (which are all normal) and there's progress from the J0N you shared w/ us back then.