I keep blaming myself. Was it my fault he left?

[Gypsie]

My ex boyfriend and I had really great chemistry and got along really well. Even one of our mutual friends said she thought things were going great with him and I at the start.

 

He ends up ending it with me because he had little time for me because of work and study. At times he would cancel on me as well and I was getting a little frustrated because I was not seeing him as much as I would like. We had a talk about it and I tried to talk him around seeing me at least one day a week and he still could not promise me that. I did not think I was asking for to much and did not have to see him everyday. I had my own friends and life as well. I could have lived with that. Still. He was pretty skeptical because I did sound a little bit upset in some of my texts I sent him when he cancelled. Wish I had not initiated texts as much. Maybe that might have made a difference and keep thinking if I had just backed off things might have been different.

 

I was then just willing to go with the flow again and then he tells me he is not ready for something serious either. He had gotten out of a serious '****ty relationship' he called it last year and was not in the right frame of mind to start something new.

 

He said he still would like to remain friends though. He admitted to still liking me and gave me a compliment on my new hair cut and even went on about catching up again.

 

It has now been a month and a half since we broke up. I have not heard from him at all. I did no contact but did cave a few times and sent like 3 texts over that period of time. Every couple of weeks.

 

The last one was very short and was only one sentence. This was after I had deleted him off Facebook. I replied back to it and got no response. Got really annoyed by the fact he did not seem to want anything to do with me and ended up deleting his number. Realising he reacted this way with the last two as well. But when I wished him Happy Birthday on the one before hand. He did tell me to have fun in Queensland. Remembering I was going away that weekend. He was less friendlier in the last one and that kind of hurt.

 

Backing off now though. Hence deleting the numbers and stuff. Just do not understand why he is being so cold to me when he was the one that dumped me and wanted to be friends in the first place. It hurt so much I ended up deleting him off Facebook.

 

I keep blaming myself. Thinking if only I had done things a different way. I feel like I pressured him and scared him off without really meaning to.

 

Now we don't talk or hang out at all. I can't believe that something so little would turn him off like that.

 

It sux cause I still have feelings for him. Think about him every day wondering if I had reacted differently with things, if that would have made a difference...

 

Was I really that bad??

[sao2]

I honestly think this type of break up is one of the hardest to get over. Your ex didn't want to be in a relationship with you but didn't want to be the bad guy either so he saddles you with this guilt by pulling away. Sometimes they even do want to be in a relationship in some sense but they only make time for you on their terms. It is so hard to convince yourself but you have to remember, when someone really wants to be in a relationship they make time for you. When you feel you have found the right person, you want it to be serious.

 

I spent a long time in a relationship where she was acting very similarly. She only had time for me when she started getting worried that I was slipping away. I tried to be patient and even accepted only hearing from her once a month for a while. Eventually I told her that the relationship was going to start being real or I was leaving it.The point of sharing my story is this;

 

I am sure, like me, that you did push him away, What exactly did you push away though? A relationship where he couldn't even see you once a week. A relationship where he would often cancel the few plans he did make with you. A friendship with someone whom you were still in love with. None of those situations would have been healthy.

 

I understand where you are coming from because like you, the time my ex and I spent together was brilliant, when we were actually together. But making time for your partner is part of how they treat you and if he was unable to make even a little bit of time for you then I'm sorry to say this but he wasn't treating you well. This is something that wouldn't get better over time. I have heard the phrase "there is no sex after marriage", the point is that such issues only get worse, not better, as the relationship progresses.

 

Sure, if you behaved differently you two might still be together, but trust me when I tell you that you would still be incredibly frustrated with whatever approximation of a relationship you two would have. Your frustration was an inevitable consequence of the way he was treating you.

[Popehappycat]

What's the alternative? If his busy schedule was going to change sometime soon, that's one thing. If this was going to carry on for quite a while, then what's the point? A relationship is more than saying, "Oh, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend", if you weren't getting what you wanted, why bother. Of course, he could have been full of it anyways and was making excuses, so again, why bother?

[Sugarkane]

What is he studying? If it is something full on like nursing, I could understand as you don't get much of a life at first. But If you were really important to him, wouldn't he really make time for you no matter what?